5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals

5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals
Photo Credit: Greg Raines

As Published by Elephant Journal

It’s the first day of the year. It’s a day I like to spend alone and reflect on myself, my actions towards the goals of last year and to see if I have changed or, at least, created some momentum to change.

After all, we are goal-setting machines, and our growth is served not only by achieving goals but in who we become when we proceed faithfully towards them.And so it’s imperative that we reflect on what worked and what didn’t in the past year.

Almost six out of ten resolutions fail in the first week alone, and approximately 48% of corporate goals are abandoned after only three months. So the point is not if we fail, but when we fail.

Why is it that many of us don’t stay true to our goals and fail to make any lasting change? Why do we not lose the 20 pounds we promised ourselves we would? Why don’t we put that extra money in a savings account as we intended to?

It’s true that self-discipline is key and without it, most goals are unachievable, but there are also several other reasons why our goals don’t last, but only for a few weeks.

1) The word “Goal” is loaded and overwhelming

I’ve found that the word “Goal” in itself is heavy and is ladened with so many expectations that it represents a universal concept that is tired which adds so much stress to us when mentioned. It implies that in not achieving it then you are a failure.

Recently, I’ve started to use the word “Intention” as it allows me to think that even if I create some momentum towards it without achieving it, then I’m still successful.

I set an intention to write an e-book for last year, and I couldn’t do it. However, I’ve made meaningful progress towards writing it and learned a few things on the way to be able to get it done this year and so I don’t feel like a failure just because I didn’t finish the book.

2) Our reflections are not deep enough

When reflecting on the past year, then it’s important that we scrutinise both successes and failures. We must understand the reasons why we failed in achieving our intentions and appreciate that it could well be something that we were not yet ready for.

We must be weary of our ego pushing us to do something, and that in the greater scheme of things it wasn’t the right time or the right match for us. I had set a Goal to run the New York marathon, but my body hadn’t recovered from the previous year’s injuries I suffered in running too much too quickly.As such, every time I completed a long run, then I would completely break down causing me much pain and disappointment.

If i had been honest with my reflection, and knowing the conditions of my knees, then I wouldn’t have set sucah an intention.It doesnt mean I have given up on my dream to run a marathon, but I must first rehabilitate my knees.

3) Are our Goals/Intentions relevant to us?

Our culture has become one which is inundated with achievement, success and the spoils of it all. We often set intentions for the sake of it, and bucket lists have become a way to compare how we rate our happiness and contentment in life as compared to the next person as if that was true.

We can reduce the stress we put on ourselves, by choosing what is relevant to us rather than what is in vogue.What’s the point of climbing Kilimanjaro if it means nothing to us? Why take up Yoga, only because all of California is doing so?

When we ask ourselves why we are pursuing our goal or intention, and it still makes us all giddy and excited to do so, then it means we are on the right track.And when we view our life as an eighty-year project rather than a short-sighted view of twelve months, we start to choose fewer and more meaningful things to do or achieve per year.

I set several intentions in 2015 to learn Tai Chi, Pilates and run a marathon in 2015 and I ended up doing none. Instead, I should have asked myself why I truly wanted all of them and if I still wanted them, then set only one of them per year and leave the others for the following years.

4) We don’t set enough Spiritual Goals/Intentions

Spiritual goals or intentions are things like, I want to control my anger outbursts, or I will wake up every day and put a smile on at least one person. Gabrielle Reece, the famous former Model/Volleyball professional stated in an interview that she had set an intention long ago to “Go First,” meaning she would greet, smile and approach anyone she came across before they did.

These intentions are more difficult and often hard to gauge, but they nourish the soul and as such lead to a lasting change.They improve our attitudes, mindsets and the way we interact with the world. They make us better people and so we find achieving all our other intentions much easier to do.

Last year I decided that I wanted to have more peace and solitude in my life. I started rising earlier by an hour every day to have some time on my own, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and that alone helped me achieve many of the other intentions I set.

5)We don’t define and plan the actions needed towards an intention

The whole point of setting goals or intentions is to get into action and without a clearly defined action plan and a schedule set for actually doing them than we are doomed to fail.The intentions are the 1% inspiration we need while the actions are 99% perspiration we have to do.

It’s important to block out specific time in the calendar for doing the actions required towards our set intentions. I’ve marked my calendar with three sessions of writing per week each lasting three hours, and I know if I remain true to those actions, then I will not only achieve my desired outcomes but will also increase the amount contentment in my life.

Whether we call them Goals, Intentions, or New year’s Resolutions, it’s important to have some clarity on how we will spend the next minute, the next day and the next year.
We can simplify this process, or complicate it but the bottom line is that we have an inner need to effect lasting change within ourselves and grow every minute, every day and every year.

3 Ways to Infuse Presence into Productivity

moissapresence

Published by Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”-Annie Dillard

I’m sitting in the shade, facing the pool. The sky is cloudless, blue and the sun is scorching from hot.The warmth of the atmosphere coupled with a slight breeze that brushes my face and the back of my neck gives me the feeling of inner peace and contentment.

This feeling is one of almost perfection as suddenly the yellowness of the leaves, that are barely hanging from the tree, captivates me.I get lost in them, focusing on their deep colour, their shape, the different sizes and how they connect to the branches.I start imagining how they were a month ago and then what I see and had imagined blend as I lose myself in deep, focused thoughts.It feels like pure ecstasy.

This is being present in the moment. There is no rush to do something else or be somewhere else but just simply being in whatever the present moment provides. There is no portraying, striving or stressing. This moment is eternal, almost complete.

Then I catch a glimpse of my laptop; I remember that I’m supposed to write an article today. I have to write an article today.I have committed to posting once a week, and I have a few hours left before the day ends. And all of a sudden, all the ecstasy and joy encapsulated in that perfect moment dissipates from me and the sense of calm I had disappears. My shoulders tense up, my neck hardens, and I’m as stiff as the tree in front of me.

This is the challenge we face when presence meets productivity.Can we be both in life? Is it also possible to do both at the same time?

On the one hand, to be in the present is when we are most at peace and closest to our souls–the goal of living. But on the other hand, being present won’t pay the bills. And to live solely on our senses and to keep doing what feels good, or what feels comfortable very often leads to laziness, frustration, and disenchantment.

It’s rather being productive and taking action that can put food on the table and help us grow as human beings pushing us from being too soft, and directing us into having a more meaningful life.

However, when we are too productive and analytical, we are in danger of becoming too mechanical, joyless, and we get sucked into doing things just for the sake of doing them and so, do nothing meaningful that nourishes the soul.

We need to infuse presence into productivity so that we live a rich, happy life that also pushes us to grow. We need to find ways to cultivate practices that help us focus our presence on activities that we like, that are creative and that encourage us to express ourselves fully and as such connect to our souls and the rest of humanity.

“There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet.”-Annie Dillard

These are the three best ways to bring presence into productivity:

#1 Set systems and not goals

Let’s focus on creating a system where we do an activity regularly that will increase our state of contentment in the long run, regardless of the immediate results. Writing for a set time every day will ultimately lead to authoring a book, writing many articles, but this system won’t have the stress and pressure that a set goal would bring with it.

It’s true that we won’t know if the system works or not in the short run.And we won’t get the adrenaline rush of completing a goal, but at least, we are getting a predictable supply of happy moments and avoiding the disappointment of not achieving the goal.

For example, I enjoy writing, and whether it’s for my journal, blog or a published article, then it doesn’t matter as it’s the act of writing that I love and what gives me contentment. As opposed to the pressure and stress that setting a goal of writing an article a week would have on me without a daily writing routine to support me and especially when I find myself with a deadline looming with only a few hours left.

Setting a system allows us to become both present and productive as within the daily practice we get into the “flow”,and after so many hours tallied, there will be a substantial amount of work produced, and before we know it, we have so many articles ready. We are focusing on an action we can control, rather than some outcome in the future that we can’t.

#2 Take time and Focus on the details

We are always in a rush to finish things so that we go to our next task or next meeting, and we don’t give enough time to our tasks at hand or study the specific details that concern them. We don’t engage well and as such we can’t enjoy the activity at hand.

The more time and focus we spend on an activity, the better we become at it. And the better we become at it, the more joy we derive out of the practice, which then leads us back to spend more time on it.It’s like a recurring circle where focused time leads to loving it and then back to more focused time on it.

It’s also important to note that as we deepen our practice and get involved in the minutest of details, then we improve the quality of our work, and intensify the sense of meaning we derive from the practice.

#3 Avoid the distractions

The distractions are everywhere nowadays, from our phones, computers, and the myriad of sophisticated ways that marketers reach us. And to remain in the present requires us to protect our time as if our lives depended on it. And as such we need to be pro-active in reducing the distractions that come into our lives.

It’s important to do so as they take us away from being present, leaving us feeling frustrated, often disempowered preventing us from doing our planned practices, so we end up being neither productive nor being present.

When we do, set a regular system where we do become productive and at the same time find the presence of mind to be mindful of our time, and then we are indeed living a life of meaning and contentment.

Whether we are writing for three hours, presenting a new marketing concept idea that will rock our boss, or sitting in three-hour long traffic, then the current moment must always feel like the most important moment.

The Power of Solitude

solitude
Photo Credit: Pablo Basagoiti

As Published by Elephant Journal

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”-Henry David Thoreau

Solitude is a lost art in our fast and furious modern lifestyles where we are connected to the world instantly, have little time for ourselves and are busy tweeting our every thought and act.

I have recently embarked on a love affair with solitude; something I never knew I craved till I discovered it. Now, I feel I just can’t get enough of being solitary to the chagrin of my family and friends.

I don’t want to be a monk, a hermit or someone who is trying to run away from the vicissitudes of life, but I’ve found great solace in what Wordsworth called the ‘bliss of solitude’.

There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness as explained by Psychology Today:

“Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely—perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness. Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.”

Solitude does not include being alone while watching TV, reading books or surfing the internet. It strictly means being alone with ourselves and our thoughts or better still, being alone with no thoughts.

For me, solitude simply put, is a spiritual rendezvous between our souls and us. It’s when we get to meet and talk with our genuine true selves.And from those wonderful trysts, many benefits have come to me:

1) Calmness and Tranquility

The moments I have alone every morning, remove all the tension and stress that have built up over the previous days. This feeling of solitary bliss allows me to sit alone and be steadfast as thoughts and urges of what to do next come to me, as I try to let them quietly go.

There is no noise to distract me, there are no demands on me, and there are no expectations of me when I’m alone. I’m not under pressure to do or be and as such I have this feeling of relief that then permeates my whole being and as such I find myself calmer more times than not.

2) Contemplation and Reflection

“The quieter you become,the more you can hear”-Ram Dass

As we sit alone and listen to our thoughts, we begin to see them for what they are. When you want to get to know someone better, the first advice we get is to spend quality “alone” time with them and yet we ignore that when it comes to spending time with ourselves.

The more hours we spend alone contemplating, the better we get to know ourselves.We start seeing where we have gone wrong and what steps we need to take to correct our behaviours. We look at the grand scheme of things and become clear on what matters to us and not what matters to people and society.

3) Appreciation of Life

In solitude, I often find myself appreciating the people and things in my life as when I’m alone I truly see their worth. I often practice what the Stoics called “Negative Visualisation” which simply means to visualise our lives without the people we love, without the things we love to do and without the small things that we have in our lives.

I find this contemplation very positive as it makes me appreciate much more what and who I have in my life. I often call or connect to my loved ones very quickly after this practice.

4) Creativity

“You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”-Franz Kafka

Solitude and removing ourselves from the noisy activity of life is the bedrock of creativity, as we start hearing our thoughts, and reach deep into ourselves to find our true voice.

The deeper we reach, the more likely we are to meet our muse, and suddenly wonderful ideas and insights appear magically. The time we spend alone also helps us cultivate the ability to focus for longer periods and as such I find I do my best writing after long periods of solitude.

Einstein, Goethe, Kafka, Tesla are only a few of the many greats who changed our world and being alone played a big part in their creative process as great ideas would flow to them during solitude.

5) Isolation from other’s influences

No matter how we look at things, environment and people do affect us. We intend going for a short lunch and before we know it, plans change and friends want to do something else, and now we are under peer pressure to spend more time with them instead of the time we wanted to spend alone.

However, if we truly have started practicing solitude and start valuing our alone time, then we find ourselves strong enough to say no more times than we would have said yes.

It’s like we have to be alone and it becomes an inner need that must be fulfilled every day, and when we cultivate a friendship with our genuine true self, then we find that it is quite demanding and possessive of our time.

There are many ways in finding the time for solitude, and I’ve found it by rising early, and just before the sun comes out is a beautiful time to be truly alone.

I’ve also found long walks to be a great way to spend time alone, and whenever I’m in a big city where walking is easy and practical, then I would walk either through the big parks or discover the city itself.

Also being out and about in nature, whether living on a farm, beach, river, in the countryside or going on weekend retreats to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city is a great way to get solitude.

We need to enjoy our own company more as at the end of the day, and at the end of our lives, we would have spent the most time with ourselves.

We need to be proactive to schedule time with ourselves alone as the more we sit and get to know our souls better, the more purpose and alive we will feel.

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

Published by Elephant Journal

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”― Jim Rohn

I was very irritable, had little tolerance and was getting frustrated very easily.My meditation was not as smooth as usual, and I was struggling to recall any of my dreams. This had been going on for a few days, and I didn’t know why.

Then it hit me; I had been spending a lot of time with an old-time friend, who was staying with me for a while. He was negative, cynical and sapped all my good energy. His attitude had slowly permeated my being and had triggered remnants of my old cynical self, and that didn’t bode well with my new being and hence the frustration and irritability.

As social creatures, we tend to adopt the characteristics of the groups we are part of and start to behave in the same way. We influence and get influenced by the people we spend the most time with, and we pick up both good and bad behaviours from each other

“If you are a human, then the biggest influence on your personality is your peer group. Choose your peers. If you want to be better at math, surround yourself with mathematicians. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people…”-Mudos Ponens

Quantum physics says we are made up of energy, and when we collide with another body of energy that is in sync then the result is constructive but when an we collide with another that is not in sync then the opposite happens, and results are usually destructive.

I have found that the below five kinds of people are the ones I would like to surround myself with:

1)The Relentless Over-Achiever

It’s good to be around this kind of people as they are always upping the ante and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are constantly asking questions and are never satisfied.

They are not motivated by doing good and helping us but only by pushing themselves and as such their hunger and relentlessness is contagious and they will end up pushing us hard.

I used to be an average tennis player when I was 12, till I met Brad, who was relentless and would keep pushing his limits. I was his practice partner in summer camp and his enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I came back after the summer a much better player and managed to reach the final of our school’s tournament.

2)The Natural Born Optimist

These are the ones who are always smiling, happy and often drive us nuts by the simplicity of the way they look at things and to them, everything has a silver lining. They celebrate small wins like winning the lottery and quietly dismiss the negative things out of their lives.

They are often a breath of fresh air and being around them just lifts all the gloom and doom that our minds are busy creating. They brush off disasters quickly and readjust their lives without much fuss with an attitude that is pure gold.

3)The Unconditional Giver of Love

These would typically include family and close friends.They offer us unconditional love similar to that of a mother’s, allowing us to be ourselves all the time. They tap into and constantly fill our tanks of self-esteem.

They don’t necessarily push us or get us out of our comfort zone but they are always there and offer pure, unadulterated love. And life has shown me that we can’t be or do anything when we are lacking love.

My family and the close friends provide this kind of support and love that I constantly go back to time and time again.Their mere presence makes me feel good, rejuvenates me so that I’m ready for my battles ahead.

4) Virtual Teachers

These are people who become our teachers and heroes through books, blogs, movies, podcasts and stories. They offer us great wisdom and knowledge that help us grow and widen our horizons as we see, and feel their different experiences.

For me, they are as real as the real people who are in our lives.I have spent hours and days reading Hemingway and he’s had more of an effect on me than some people I see everyday.

The teachings of the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Herman Hesse’s Siddartha and Leo Tolstoy’s Ivan Illich have also left a profound effect on me and were the reason I managed to crawl slowly out of my box.

5) Our Higher Self

There is no greater feeling than that of connecting with our higher self. It’s that feeling of total inner peace and tranquility that can’t be matched in the outside world.

Solitude and spending time alone give us a chance to get to know our higher self much better. It’s often difficult in our world of fast and furious to be alone and to be able to connect but if we want to up the average, then our higher self must be part of the five people.

Using meditation, writing and mindful moments like watching a sunset, I connect well with my higher self, even if fleetingly.However, the insights that I gain and the peace that I reach stays with me long enough to guide my lower self to its rightful path.

I don’t think we are exactly the average of the five people we spend time with, but we need to be aware and understand how different kinds of people can affect us.We must remain proactive in surrounding ourselves with the right people.

And That also includes people who we must avoid, like friends or family who have become toxic by constantly bringing us down through nagging,putting us down and through taking so much out of us.

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Happiness is a dangerous idea. It’s as elusive as perfection. It lulls us into believing that life is always fun, full of smiles and slowly guides us towards comfort.

It doesn’t lead to growth, meaning or inner peace.

It compels us to compare our lives and our moments with others using only what we see from the outside. And what we usually see is only the happy moments.

Do we see anyone share a picture on social media when they have failed? Do we see anyone advertise his or her sadness? Rather it’s the smiles and the parties. It’s the achievements without the hard efforts that are shown.

What we always see is one side of the coin and for us to say we want to be happy is naive and simplistic. And if we are not careful, and our only goal is to be happy, and then we may find ourselves empty and lost.

It’s rather more truthful to pursue a life that is full of meaning, growth and wholeness.

And it’s rather pain and discomfort that leads us to change, growth and ultimately to more meaning. It’s the pain that pushes us into getting out of our comfort zones so that we can venture out and try new experiences or ways that we daren’t do before.

I’m not saying that we should walk around depressed, sad and feeling sorry for ourselves. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be happy.

I’m saying we shouldn’t raise our hopes so high as to expect only happiness in life, and when the first setback hits us, we become paralyzed and unable to fight back.

We need to understand that pain, setbacks and sadness are inevitable in our lives, and we need to be realistic enough to accept them as part of our journey.

And pain is not just any part but an important one, as it becomes this great teacher that we learn from rather than simply something we need to endure.

Also, I’m saying that we need pain as much as we need happiness in our lives and if we can get a good balance of both then that will ultimately lead to a more satisfying life that is full of meaningful experiences.

We need happiness to celebrate our growth and our wins.

We need happiness to keep us optimistic and engaged in life.

However, instead of saying we want to be happy, let’s say we want to be whole and are committed to embracing every aspect of our being, and that will include both happiness and pain.

“Isn’t the beauty of life that it’s like a titillating movie,
that comes with scenes of painful tears and happy smiles.
And only when we dig deeper into the crevasses of our pain
we clear the mounds of anguish blocking the path to our joy.

As we come face to face with the darkness, we are forced
to be with it, to befriend it and to know everything about it.
It is only then that we can clearly see a tiny glow of light,
a ray of hope that leads to how bright our light can shine.

Lo and behold! Those who suppress and evade the pain,
as they turn their backs on the valuable lessons that come with it.
They missed their chance to feel it and let it go when it was small,
as it will come back stronger and much bigger in form.

Life is not all about the smiles and tears that arrive by chance,
But rather by living with a freedom that allows your soul to dance.”

 

Instead of having a goal for the pursuit of happiness, then rather let’s have one for the happiness of pursuit. Because it’s in the pursuit that you become whole.

It’s in the means that you get to an end. It’s the process that matters in life and not the actual goal.I’m saying I would rather live a life that makes me grow even if sadness is etched in my heart, rather than a life where I cease to grow, and I’m simply happy.

I’m saying I would rather live with an open heart marked with wounds than one that is closed and has no wounds at all.

I’m saying I want to be someone who is more than just happy in life.

“I’d rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.”
-Emiliano Zapata

5 Reasons To Think Hard Before Setting Goals

Mo.Issa

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at”.-Bruce Lee

I’m getting tired of the effect of goals and precisely how my fixation on their outcomes is affecting my life. I’ve found myself getting overwhelmed by my elaborate goal-setting plans that often lead me to abandon the goal altogether.

I’ve lived most of my life on the principle that we as humans are goal-setting machines, and I went about my life by setting goals, achieving them and then setting new ones.

I’ve grown so much from the structure and the drive that goal setting has instilled in me to achieve more and be more. And I find myself afraid of living without goals as that would make me complacent, and so I won’t do enough and when I’m not doing then I’m not growing.

“Not all who wander are lost.”- J.R.R Tolkien

However, I’ve started being more agreeable to the growing view that setting goals and achieving them doesn’t necessarily lead to a life of contentment.

Rather, I’ve found that committing to a strict regimen of doing rather than measuring my progress against goals has made it easier for me to continue and enjoy the process.

Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United Football manager, when asked what his strategy was and the goals he set for winning 49 trophies and becoming the most successful Football manager ever, just said:

“My only goal was to win every game and every action I did was towards that.”

These are five reasons to be careful when setting goals:

1) We forget our love of the activity

We get so caught up with the actual goal and enamored by the hype surrounding it that we forget why we got into doing the activity in the first place. We forget how much we love the process itself and instead start to focus on the results.

I was training for the Florence Marathon a year ago. I read, analyzed and created a scientific plan so that I could run faster and harder. I started adding new training techniques and was regularly recording my times and pace. Suddenly, I stopped enjoying my running and became fixated on seeing myself cross the line at 4h 10mins. Six weeks into the training plan, I got injured and could never recover to run the marathon.

2) Goals, sub-goals, and tasks add stress

First we set our goals, and then our sub-goals and the actions that align with them. Then we review our tasks daily, weekly and track our progress towards the goals. All this extra activity and decisions adds stress to our lives. Now instead of focusing our energy on the actual process that we love, we waste it on creating lists and then checking them off.

Last week I joined NaNoWriMo, which is an annual online creative writing project that takes place only in November and it challenges participants to write 50,000 words for a novel. It gets people writing and motivated throughout the month. It’s a great event and has helped many write best sellers.

However, it completely stressed me out, as I felt I was under so much pressure. I now had a big goal of writing a novel with a sub-goal of writing so many words per day. I devised a plan of how many words to write per day, what time to write, and what to write.

I met my target for the first few days but I wasn’t enjoying my writing anymore, and what was meant to be fun and a way to free myself from the stress of life became the stress itself. I quickly deleted my account on the third day and made a simple commitment to write for two days a week at three-hour stretches.

3) Goal-setting is often simply running away

We sometimes, jump from goal to goal and after achieving them, then just abandon the interest. We just wanted to add excitement and activity to our lives, and not necessarily meaning.

We inadvertently use goals so that we don’t have to stop and reflect on our lives. We start following new fads and new things to do just for the sake of doing them. We keep running, as we don’t want to sit alone with our thoughts and our truths.

We never ask why we are setting the goal and what it means to achieve it. Why do we want to write a book? Is it to gain prestige and recognition or do we feel that people need to hear our message?

4) Kaizen is a better way than goal setting

Kaizen is Japanese term that has become famous in the west. It means continuous improvement through small incremental changes that accumulate over time. It’s used in the corporate world for developing systems and practices. It’s one of the core principles that Toyota used to become the No.1 Car producer in the world.

We always associate change with some large, visible result like a before and after picture of someone who has lost weight in a few months. However, in reality the greatest changes occur when we make daily small incremental changes. This way we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves and overload our capacity.

It’s no coincidence that 99% of New Year resolutions are abandoned in the first week. We overwhelm ourselves with too many goals and often the goals are just too unrealistic.

5) Goals can be limiting

When we fix goals, we close ourselves to many opportunities that could open up for us. We focus only on a particular action towards the goal we set. We become oblivious to reality and find it harder to change and adapt to our fast-changing environment.

For Example, Google doesn’t set annual corporate goals (except for SEC requirements) as it feels goals reduce its agility and how they could respond to the market.

I still feel I need a general direction to push me into doing the things I love in a more consistent way. I want to remain focused and committed to the processes that I enjoy.

I’m not going to abandon goal-setting altogether, but I will look at them with more scrutiny always asking if the particular goal gives me contentment, lessens stress and helps me grow before I commit to it.

But, I definitely don’t want an elaborate goal-setting plan that would make me feel like I’m not enough when I don’t achieve some of it’s goals.

 

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life (2)Published By Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard

If I had to choose one practice that was the catalyst for my transformation then it’s rising early at 5:30 a.m every day for the past five years. This single commitment has changed me from a grumpy, frustrated person who was always in a rush to get things done without much enjoyment to a much calmer person who has found more meaning and purpose in his life.

It was rising early that propelled me to add many other productive habits to my morning. It was rising early that kept me constant and consistent with the rituals that I needed to re-wire my brain.And it was rising early that gave me the thrust I needed to go further towards the path of my authenticity.

There is something special, almost magical when we wake up a few minutes before the sun comes out.It’s like we watch its birth and look at it in grateful awe.We feel it’s might, and it somehow reminds us of life’s beauty and the infinite possibilities we have to connect to its power.

There are three big areas in my life that rising early has helped me tremendously:

1. Inner peace

I learnt that to have peace throughout the day; I needed to start with solitude and connection to my soul. I needed to ignore the noise that constantly surrounds me and listen to the songs and lullabies that my soul whispers in my ears.

There is no better time to do so just before the sun would come out. The birds start chirping away, and the trees outside stand tall and ready for their day. And there is always a hint of freshness in the atmosphere.It’s like life is ready to dazzle me, and that gives me a feeling of inner peace and freedom that I find hard to put into words.

2. Creativity

As I become more consistent with my morning rituals, and without many distractions I found myself in that state of “Flow.”I connect with my soul and find that my creative juices are flowing, and my muse is always close by to help me create.

During this time, there are no questions to be answered ,no emails to respond to and no decisions to be made. I can easily focus on one thing and it’s usually my writing.

There are many examples of great people who rise early and allow this energy in the morning to help them create, such as Steve Jobs, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway and Richard Branson.

3.Feeling energized

What we do in the morning will set us up for the rest of our day.And when we remain consistent with getting up early and follow our daily rituals ,then we find ourselves with so much energy within us that we can achieve much more during the day.

I very often find that by afternoon ,I’ve done most of the big tasks I was meant to do and as such the rest of the day becomes a breeze. And that’s in stark contrast to the other days where I achieve much less when my mornings don’t go to plan.

How to wake up early?

  • You need to sleep earlier as any attempt in cutting down the amount of hours you need to sleep(7-8 hours) will result in you waking up more stressed and any benefit gained by waking up early will be duly lost.
  • Reduce the time you want to wake up gradually so that you don’t end up giving up the practice completely. For example, set your alarm earlier by 15 minutes every three days and so you will be up earlier by 30 minutes within a week and 2 hours within a month.
  •  Increase your exercise activity during this period when trying to wake up earlier so that you can sleep easier at night.
  • As soon as the alarm goes off, jump out of bed and don’t allow your lazy mind to lull you into staying in bed.
  • Prepare one thing that excites you to do in the morning, such as a Yoga move that stretches your back or reading from a book you enjoy.

My Morning Rituals(In the order I practice them)

  1.  Drinking water: I Drink a full glass of water so that I’m immediately energized and my body starts to function.
  2. Meditation: I meditate for 20 minutes, and even though I struggle for the first 15 minutes, I find that the last five minutes makes up for the initial struggle. Meditation not only instills this inner peace in me but clears my mind so that I’m ready for the day ahead. It also acts as a reminder of the discipline of mastering my mind throughout my life.
  3. Journaling: I journal for about 15 minutes where I bring out all my fears and insecurities in detail. The mere fact that I’m aware acts like a catharsis and I feel better immediately.
  4. Reading: I read for 30 minutes and find that it soothes my being and in the morning I’m more receptive to the different ideas and worlds that reading conjures up.
  5. Gratitude: I write out 3 things I’m grateful for and that just reminds me to focus on the things that are working in my life. Usually this could be for something small like the cheesecake I had yesterday, or achieving a goal I’ve been aiming towards for a while.
  6. Big To-Do’s: I write out in bold ink the 3 things that I want to achieve today.
  7. Exercise: I exercise whether it’s a run or a cross fit session in the outdoors depending on where I’m at with injuries, running races or I’m out of the country. The main thing is to move for about 45 minutes in the morning.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”-Brené Brown

I’m not saying that the only way to be peaceful and productive is to rise early but it worked very well for me, and this is coming from someone who used to claim he was not a morning person.

There are many days that I can’t get up early as an enforced late night or a bad night’s sleep will hinder my discipline.However, I find that if I stick to this regimen of early rise and practicing my rituals for about 80 percent of the time then I’m fine.

I have found that for me to be able to cultivate the authenticity within me, then it’s my morning rituals that have become the vehicle that drive me towards the nirvana of my true self.

3 Ways To Let Go of Perfection

3 Ways To Let Go of Perfection
Photo Credit: Luis Llerena

“Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien. (The perfect is the enemy of the good.)”-Voltaire

As Published by Elephant Journal

Almost forty minutes had passed, and I was still staring at a blank screen. And six months have sped by since I set that intention to write a book and still not a single page has come out. I’ve been trying to write my first book for a while now and every time I sit down to start, I get overwhelmed and think I’m not good enough.

I start comparing myself with all the other writers out there. It seems the day I decided to take up writing seriously; many people have done likewise and brought out their first books. The line that I’ve been selling myself is that if I’m to write a book then it needs to be perfect. It has to be the exact reflection of all the dreams I’ve had when I envisioned myself as a writer.

Do I think I’m Hemingway’s prodigal son or Steinbeck’s long lost disciple? No, the reality is that I’m using perfectionism as a way to hide behind my fears and insecurities. Since I was thirteen, I’ve had to fend for myself and put up shields to protect myself from failing. To fail was not only a sin but very often it lead to me feeling ashamed.

I saw vulnerability as weakness and perfection as strength, so I narrowed my scope and tried to be perfect in certain things while shutting many other doors to my growth and wholeness. I used Perfectionism to avoid criticism, rejection and failure, and it served me well at that time.

It helped me survive a new, different environment that was imposed on me when I left the warm comforts of the country I grew up in at an early age. However, I learnt only to float in my new surroundings and never allowed myself to soar. I became the ultimate big fish in the little pond.

“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.”-Brene Brown

After Studying Brene Brown’s ground-breaking work on Vulnerability, I came to understand many myths about Perfectionism:

  • Perfectionism is not self-improvement, but it rather stifles the greatness within you.
  • Vulnerability and not imperfection is the opposite of perfectionism.
  • Perfectionism is trying to earn approval and acceptance, whereas vulnerability is putting yourself out there.
  •  Perfectionism is self-destructive as there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.
  • Perfectionism is addictive as when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough.

Over the years I’ve changed a lot, dared greatly and have become more vulnerable, connecting with many people and not afraid to put myself out there.

However, perfection(or procrastination) remains a weakness, and when I’m taking on something big, I return to my thirteen-year-old thinking.

I’ve found three ways to overcome it:

1.Taking Action

“Action is the Language of God.”-Unknown

Procrastination and overthinking very often gets us stuck, and we end up going in circles. Planning is good, but it won’t get you anywhere unless you take that first step. Action can kill perfectionism immediately as you can turn a bad draft into a good one, but you can’t turn no draft into a good one.

It’s important to make your first steps small so that you can get wins under your belt that will then propel you to complete the goal you wanted to achieve.

For example, I will set myself up for action by establishing a small goal, to write one hundred words on a topic that’s currently interesting me. Before I know it, I’m in action and hundred words turn into a thousand plus.

2.Self-Compassion

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”-CHRISTOPHER K. GERMER

Rather than ignore our pain or start criticizing ourselves, we need to be understanding with ourselves when we fail, suffer or feel unworthy. We must remind ourselves that this suffering is something that happens to everyone and not just “me” alone.

Most successful people feel inadequate when they fail and yet they see it for what it is, a passing phase and an opportunity to correct their mistakes. They very often cut themselves some slack rather than criticize themselves.

3.Surrender and Letting go of the fruits of our actions

Letting go is often easier said done but when we truly start practicing this principle, then we find ourselves enjoying the ride and not just the destination. We often allow numbers, results and opinions of others to dictate the goals we set and how we are going to achieve them.

I fell into this trap when training for a marathon and would wear a watch that measured my pace, speed and distance. I kept looking at the watch every few minutes while running and then analyzed the results when I was finished. I completely forgot why I started running–the feeling of freedom and connection to the outdoors.

Needless to say, all the planning and my attachment to results invited more stress and tension and soon afterwards I got injured and had to stop my training. Contrast this with when I took up running and ran a half marathon without any planning. I was just simply running and enjoying it, and only set a general intention of running four times a week.

Perfection is something we must avoid if we are to live an engaging life. It paralyzes us, and we find ourselves afraid to make any move. We get comfortable with our surroundings and use the excuse of “when it’s perfect I’ll put out my work” to suppress the greatness that we can offer the world.

This idea of perfection is a myth, and the simple truth is that we are meant to be whole and not perfect. This includes both the joy of successes and the pain of failures. And the only way we learn and grow is through both differing experiences.

All great people have one thing in common; they are consistent in their actions producing work after work. They produce their work despite the same insecurities that we have. They know that out of many attempts, one will turn out to be great.

They have tossed this idea of perfectionism into the garbage, where it rightly belongs.

5 Ways To Overcome Overwhelm And Use It as Our Emotional Indicator

 

Photocredit: Chris Sardegna

“close some doors today. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere”― Paulo Coelho

As Published by Elephant Journal

I couldn’t take it anymore. My inner voice was screaming as my outer self was holding it back. It was like a dam waiting to burst. I went into my office, locked my door and took a few deep breaths. I tried to meditate but just couldn’t. I completely broke down and started crying.

I knew I had reached my limit; my cup was full, and there was nothing I could do about this sense of overwhelm I was feeling. None of my habit strategies could work, as I had used up every ounce of discipline that was in me.

It had been a hectic few months as I was juggling so many things in my life. From fighting grief after the loss of my mother, trying to save a foundation that I had set up a few years ago, and watching my company struggle in the worst macroeconomic conditions I’ve ever experienced.

And if that wasn’t enough, I took on several other challenges such as preparing to run a marathon, hosting a large speaking event and attempting to write a book.

I had fallen back into my old ways, where I would do one million things rather than face the pain. I would take on many projects so that I wouldn’t have time to reflect and think about my difficulties.

Fortunately, I’m much more aware than I used to be, and I now listen very carefully to my body. The first signs came when I pulled my calf muscle and couldn’t train anymore and had to sit out running for a month and as such missed the marathon date.

The final sign was my breakdown at the office. I left work and drove to a nearby spot that overlooked the sea and stared at the greenish blue waters for what seemed like an eternity.

We all go through times when we get overwhelmed. As in my case where I wanted to close off my heart for fear of getting hurt, so I put on a shield and took on task after task.

Other times, we are afraid of missing out and say yes to everything that comes our way, forgetting that a day consists of only 24 hours.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
― E.E. Cummings

Overwhelm leads to frustration, and that leads to stress, which in turn leads to health problems (headaches, muscle aches, high blood pressure, heart disease). It also starts us towards destructive behavior (overeating, drugs, etc.), which can cause full-blown depression.

These are 5 ways that you can overcome overwhelm and stop it manifesting into something much worse than mere frustration:

1. Awareness

The first step is to be aware that we are in “overwhelm” mode, and this is usually easier said done particularly when we are in the thick of things.

However everyone develops certain signs when they know they are heading into an overwhelming high alert mode. I feel them as soon as my breathing becomes wayward and when my frustrated thoughts won’t go away during my meditation practice.

2. Step back

After awareness, we need to take a step back, take a break and rejuvenate ourselves while we re-evaluate where we are in the grand scheme of things. I usually take an afternoon off work and go to the beach (I’m lucky as it’s only 20 minutes away) or just listen to music/watch a movie for an afternoon.

3. Does what we’re doing seem right for our vision?

Now look at the projects, or tasks that we’ve taken on and ask why are we doing them. Do these move us towards our vision? Why should I spend time and energy on projects like writing a book, or running a marathon when it’s not part of my personal vision? We need to be careful not to do things for the sake of filling our bucket lists.

Ernest Hemingway said: “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” He meant that there was no need to add many flowery words to your sentence. And don’t be afraid of removing a sentence that you love if it doesn’t add real value to your final piece.

4.Think small and slow things down

Life is a marathon and not a race so whatever you have in your hand, think of it as a long-term project rather than something you have to finish within a week. This way of thinking has helped me so much as I’ve slowed things down where I now think of 5-7 years per goal and plan my goals as if I’ll live till I’m a hundred years old.

I’ve also set a maximum of doing three major tasks/activities a day, and I’ll start with task one till I finish it before I move on to the next one and so on. I’ve found this number to be my right balance.

5.Detachment of results

We often place a heavy burden on ourselves by setting high expectations on projects/goals we take on. I do believe that measurable goals are important to track our progress, but we must let go of the need for results. As we let go of that need and just focus on the process, then the results will work themselves out and surprise us.

I’ve started using time sessions per task instead of tracking results.
E.g., I will write for an hour every other day, rather than saying I’ll write three articles a week. I will exercise 45 minutes for four days a week, rather than stressing on how many miles I will run, or what muscles I’ll work today.

“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.”
-Lao-Tzu

We need to treat this feeling of overwhelm as if it’s our emotional indicator that tells us to take a step back, slow down and ask ourselves again what matters most to us.
It’s a gift from the universe like an internal thermostat, and all we have to do is remove all the fear surrounding us and adhere to it.
And the best thing is that, no matter how bad yesterday was, every morning is a new beginning and an opportunity to live without overwhelm and stress.

Spiritual Manifesto

In our purest form, in the depths of our souls :
We know that we must tend toward what is right, blessed, sweet and noble in life.
We hunger and thirst for what makes our hearts purr.
We do not wish to fill our souls with bitterness.
We look on love as a goal and not as a means in itself to achieve something else.
We regard submission as elevation and reverence as a form of reward.
We see longing as a gift and a bounty in itself.
We don’t pray so that God spares us torment. We know it’s part of our lives, as we can’t do without that which infuses the soul with a sacred kiss. And we can’t do without that which brings us closer to our greater selves and reveals to us the power, mystery and wonder we have within us.
We see life and happiness in its purest manifestations. In the eyes of a baby smiling, we find all the hope and aspiration of humanity. And in a simple flower we see the glory and beauty of spring.
We don’t use what is near to reach what lies far ahead, and we don’t demand from God: “give us what we want or gives us nothing.”
We realize that what is right, blessed and permanent in life does not follow our wishes, but moves according to its own will. It does not stop in one place; it marches on with all its beauty like a procession encapsulating and bewildering everyone in its path.
We are ready to be part of life and to be used as one of its many translucent elements. What motive has a Robin when singing but to sing? What motive has the river got but to flow? What motive has a Royal Oak tree but to stand tall and majestic?
We know we are part of a myriad of souls who each have their own purpose and also a collective one in serving each other. We know that a lonely soul has no purpose at all.
We know that God has instilled a part of him in us, and all we need to do is to remove all the obstacles that stand in the way of us reaching that sacrosanct part.