I cry because I love life & I want to live forever.

I cry because I love life & I want to live forever.
Photo Credit: Milada Vigerova

Published by Rebelle Society

“When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.” ~ Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

Pain hit me hard in my stomach and I was suddenly getting wave after wave of feverish attacks, yet I knew these were not the usual fever symptoms.

It was a Saturday morning. I had just finished my 10k run, and was feeling on top of the world. I sat outside in the open air facing the pool; the trees were swaying, the birds were singing and I was just about to start my writing.

The pain got worse and it was like nothing I had felt before. Nausea, stomach upset, pounding heart, cold sweat, trembling body and feeling dizzy. Those were the physical symptoms, and hard as they were, I could handle them.

The mental symptoms were the ones that shattered me. I got a severe miserable feeling, which made me feel helpless, lifeless and surrounded me with nothingness.

This all-sinking feeling is very hard to describe but its like you are in a deep, dark abyss of a well. You can’t get out and you see no possibility of doing so whatsoever.

I just lay on the floor, curled up and felt worthless. The birds that were singing had left; the trees that were swaying now became stationary, life-less objects.

Even the sun, my reliable savior in so many bad days, had decided to hide behind all kinds of nimbus clouds.

This feeling lasted for eons and eons and not the real time of five minutes that it took. I just didn’t know what happened, and felt confused and paralyzed to do anything.

All I could think of was to jump off a cliff or a tall skyscraper building, but luckily the closest places were hundreds of miles away.

Then, whenever I summoned my mind to think, I would get an irritable feeling as if a fly were inside my mind buzzing away in every corner, and there were no windows that I could open to let it out.

My anxiety and thoughts were growing exponentially, and my initial fears of blacking out were now growing to a single thought that I was going to die right now.

The fear compounded with pain, and confusion was taking me to my darkest parts. I was now picturing how my teenage kids would survive without me.

I was angry at the Universe as I still had many things to do, many things to be.

I was also getting angry about why was I going to die now after all the good work I have done for myself, after all the ladders that I have climbed, after the sweet spot I found for myself following so many years of torment.

After all, I was Mr. Positive Psychology, I was espousing how to awaken your aliveness and how to follow your bliss, yet I was on the floor crying and feeling the lowest of lows that I could not wish on anyone.

I was the one who would regularly quote Victor Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

But here I was, helpless, and I couldn’t lift my head, let alone change my attitude. I felt sorry for myself and wanted a break. What is the Universe throwing at me today? What is the lesson?

I’m tired of playing this game of Snakes & Ladders.

I go up, up and up, and then that snake bites and I fall back down again.

I know, I know, I swear I know that…

… in life I need to go down and then I can go up, that I need to learn my lessons so as to grow.

Today I thought…

… let me climb for a bit longer.

Give me your longest ladder and I’m willing to climb it all.

Show me the snakes so I can cut them down like Genghis Khan.

I know, I know, I swear I know that…

… it’s not fun when you know, or how you cannot appreciate the ladders without the snakes, or that the lessons are in the snakes.

Today I said…
… let me be the judge of all that.
I said…
… I want a ladder only and no more fucking snakes, at least for today.

I just stayed on the floor and cried and prayed hard. I clung to a mantra that I often use: This too shall pass.

It’s not very sophisticated, but it usually works, and slowly a bit of hope started penetrating my mind.

Then, another gift from the Universe, as my teenage daughter rushed towards me and hugged me, out of the blue, not knowing anything about what I had been through.

I hugged her back, and suddenly hope broke through the mind-vaulted gates of my heart like a tidal wave crushing aside all doubts, fears and negative thoughts that had engulfed me before.

My shoulders, so hard and tense, started to soften as I slowly relaxed and felt the gaps in between my anxious and fearful thinking widen.

I got more intentional with my thoughts, put on some meditative music and started breathing in and breathing out. I followed that by chanting my mantra of This too shall pass for some minutes.

I got a hold of myself — my true self. My monkey mind ceased feeding me fear, anxiety and misery.

Finally, my soul spoke to me, now that my mind was still and my heart was open, and whispered: Relax, and This Too Shall Pass.

I locked my bedroom; I curled up in bed, cried for a few minutes and knew that everything would be okay.

I cried not because I was in pain or despair.

I cried because my faith in the Universe was restored.

I cried because I wasn’t afraid anymore.

I cried because I love life and I want to live forever.

The tears, the prayers and the mantra somehow got rid of the fly in my mind, and I thought clearly for the first time during this dark spell.

I was diagnosed with mild hypoglycemia a few years back, but I had regulated my diet and I thought I had reversed it. It suddenly hit me that I was having a severe hypoglycemia attack.

This is when there is not enough sugar in your bloodstream. The first area to be affected is the brain as it doesn’t store any glucose and is totally dependent on the amount of sugar in the bloodstream.

The brain, starved of energy, then starts reacting badly causing those severe symptoms.

As I read more about the symptoms, my confusion eased, and at least now I knew what was happening to me and I immediately felt better.

Sometimes, all we need is a hug of hope, a key to our heart to turn what seemed like certain despair into a moment of soulful relief.

Unfortunately, there is always a small detour of pain that we need to take, but always remember that This Too Shall Pass.

(Published earlier in my blog as “Hug of Hope” but Re-edited)

Gibran led me back to Lebanon

 

 

gibran
Photo Credit: Georgie Pauwels

Published by Elephant Journal

I drift back again to the wonderful summers I spent in Lebanon, and then I am suddenly nudged to leave the empty plane. I remember why I’m here – Gibran Khalil Gibran – and I smile.

The taxi driver complains that the political leaders are robbing the nation. “They’re all in on the game,” he says, adding that they’re cheating the people of their futures and livelihood. I know that many of the four million Lebanese suffer without jobs, without any kind of infrastructure, and that they live in daily fear, while five or six men rule by dividing the nation. I love to listen to taxi drivers because I feel a city’s vibes and secrets through them, as if they are the eyes and ears of that city. I think of what the driver says, and Gibran’s words come to mind:

Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,

and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.

Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,

yet submits in its awakening.

I decided on a whim to travel to Lebanon and visit Gibran’s Museum. I felt spiritually bankrupt, and a visit to Gibran’s museum and my family would be an ideal way to rejuvenate and awaken me.

However, the trip turned out to be not about rekindling my spirituality, as much as unravelling many hidden feelings inside of me. I reconnected with my country and its people in a way I hadn’t before. I empathized with their plight and felt my stomach tighten every time a taxi driver complained and cried about his misery.

I would get riled when I heard about a top bank manager earning as little as a janitor in any average American university, or when I heard that someone born into a specific religion, sect, or village could be ostracized, attacked or miss out on a job opportunity. It was clear that the Machiavellian so-called political barons were getting what they wanted. When they didn’t, they were ruthless in retribution.

But had the Lebanese given up on the fight, as they were too tired or too afraid to lose the few benefits they had received? Had they silently agreed to the terms of their devils, so that they didn’t have to suffer more pain?

Many questions start flashing up in my mind. Why had circumstances always conspired to keep me away from this country for so long? What about Lebanon and its people had led me to adopt other countries? Would I ever return here to live?

Again, Gibran described the duality of my thoughts perfectly:

You have your Lebanon and I have mine. You have your Lebanon with her problems, and I have my Lebanon with her beauty. You have your Lebanon with all her prejudices and struggles, and I have my Lebanon with all her dreams and securities. Your Lebanon is a political knot, a national dilemma, a place of conflict and deception. My Lebanon, is a place of beauty and dreams of enchanting valleys and splendid mountains. Your Lebanon is inhabited by functionaries, officers, politicians, committees, and factions. My Lebanon is for peasants, shepherds, young boys and girls, parents and poets. Your Lebanon is empty and fleeting, whereas My Lebanon will endure forever.

As I entered the museum, I began to understand the real Gibran and imagine how he was as a man. He wasn’t just a writer of beautiful words, or a painter of breathtaking pictures, but a messenger from some higher place who came to serve as a reminder, as an exemplar and a guide to we mere mortals. His message was simple: that we are beautiful souls having a human experience, and we are united in this experience called life. He communicated in a language that addressed our hearts, directly removing the need for our analytical minds.

His works will remain immortal. I reached his tomb and read his epitaph: “I am alive like you, and I now stand beside you. Close your eyes and look around you. You will see me in front of you.” I was overwhelmed, and tears rolled down my cheeks just like a summer thunderstorm that erupts without warning.

I was intoxicated with that “wine of life” Gibran kept referring to, and I felt something stir deep within me. I felt I had someone looking out for me. I felt my heart had expanded, as if I was all-knowing, and I felt absolute peace. Most of all, I felt totally loved. Finally, I felt I belonged to Lebanon.

I walked down to a spot where I saw some cedar trees and just sat in awe of them for a few minutes. I could swear they were talking to me, inviting me to come closer and to observe how simply they live.

I wondered if they were trying to tell me that we cedar trees know where we belong, in this mountain range, in this Lebanon. We go through tough times in winter, when it is cold and we face strong and abrasive winds. We shed our leaves and our seeds and stand naked, and yet we stand tall. We also go through the spring, where we grow our seeds and leaves, and we stand beautiful and tall. However, throughout the year, we stand together, grateful, joyful and accepting what comes our way.

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” ― Kahlil Gibran

The drive back was long, lonely and sad. The good energy had left me, replaced by a creeping self-doubt and despair. Soon these thoughts were like an invisible force with a will of its own, whispering and spreading rumours inside my mind, wiping away all the peace I had found earlier that day.

I had reached a crossroads in my life. I had to make some tough decisions.

Where will I live in five years? Who will I become in the next stage of my life?

I feel like I’m living a double life, caught between the spiritual and material worlds. I find it difficult to fuse both realms into one life and it makes me feel lost, confused and frustrated. This taps directly into my greatest fear – that I will live a mediocre life, far away from my country, my tribe and my true essence, and only realizing on my deathbed that I chose the easy way instead of the more authentic one for me.

Gibran was born with a talent, yet he endured much pain; he had to leave his native country early on his life. His mother, sister and brother all died within a year of each other. However, he found the strength to live alone in New York and sacrificed himself for the love of his work. He would often write or paint for hours, without eating or taking a break. He couldn’t even visit his beloved Lebanon, so that he could produce the masterpieces he did. However, he found his unique way and carved his own niche in the psyche of Lebanon.

The night before I travelled home, I read Gibran and stumbled upon these words:

Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘ I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

His words and my thoughts met for a timeless second and painted one single thought: Life is all about asking questions, and ultimately it’s about asking the right question that is particular to me. Only then can I start living the answers to my life.

9 Ways to Change your Physiology and Change your thinking

physiology
Photo Credit: Allef Vinicius

“Every man is enthusiastic at times. One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes, another man has it for thirty days. But it is the man who has it for thirty years who makes a success in life.”― Edward B. Butler

I have just finished four days of filling my energy tanks with the amazing Anthony Robbins. I have been to many self-development seminars and spiritual retreats, and I can say that this has been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.

He introduced himself by saying: “I don’t believe in positive psychology or spirituality but only in energy.” I thought that line alone captured the whole 4-day experience.

I, on the other hand, very much believe in positive psychology, and my definition of being spiritual–we are spirits having a human experience rather than being human and having a few spiritual experiences.

However, I found his seminar and his energy in the four days to be captivating and practical. As finally there was something that you could take home and put into down-to-earth use and better your life almost immediately.

I have always known that energy or aliveness is the elixir of life and everything that I have done to remodel my life in last seven years has been a pilgrimage to arrive at that feeling of aliveness.

I was also aware of the idea I can intentionally get myself into a positive state using my physiology as a trigger. However, I had never experienced it till this seminar. He managed to, not only teach me at a mental level but to also make me experience doing so with six thousand people around me. The amount of energy created that day would have lit up a whole city for days on end.

Here was a man not only talking the talk but also walking his talk as he managed to keep six thousand people engaged, aroused and able to have fun for four consecutive days. On one of the days, he even went non-stop for eight hours as we started at 10am, and we took a break at 6pm. He pumped us so much that we all walked on hot burning coal without feeling any pain or any one of us burning their feet. The walking on fire was clearly a metaphor to show us that we can put ourselves in any state we wanted and in so doing, achieve everything we wanted to.

I learnt simple techniques that could re-engineer your emotions and redirect your thoughts and so act as triggers for you to get into action.

Here are several ways to change your physiology and so change your thinking:

1. Breathing
Breathing for ten minutes every day, when you get up in the morning. You inhale for 4 seconds while pushing your stomach out, hold for 16 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds while pulling your stomach in. We need good breathing to allow a lot of oxygen in, to fuel our cells and to force carbon dioxide out.

2. Lymphasizing
The lymphatic system plays an important role in removing the toxins from the body. However, unlike with the blood system where the heart acts as the pump, the lymphatic system has no pump and so movement is essential to create an efficient detoxification process. Using a rebounder to jump up and down for 15minutes a day or simply doing 50 jumping jacks or even dancing energetically would do the trick.

3. Declaration/Incantation/Affirmation

These are words or a mantra that you could repeat to yourself for several minutes with great passion and gusto.

Say Yes to defying the odds,
Say Yes to having an outstanding day,
Say Yes to being Your Voice,
Say Yes to Leading and not following,
Say Yes to Believing, not doubting,
Say yes to Creating, not destroying,
Say yes to being the force in your life,
Say yes To Setting a new standard,
Say yes to Stepping up.
Step up.
Step up.
Step up.

4. Cold showers

As silly as this sounds, going under a cold shower shocks your nervous system, and you suddenly feel alive and awakened. You can do this first thing in the morning or before you want to get into action.

5. Exercise
A minimum of 4 days a week of walking or jogging for more than 30 minutes will usually suffice. I often add strength training for its added benefits to health and some stretching either Yoga or Pilates. There have been so many widespread studies and well-written books on the positive effects of exercise that there is little for me to add to this point. Just to say, that it remains a mystery to me why doesn’t everyone exercise.

6. Music
Listening to music that you like for some time during the day can lift your mood and put you in a great state. Also very often singing along with a song will create a stronger positive effect.

7. Regular Stretching
It’s especially important when you have a sedentary job, and you spend a lot of time sitting. Take regular breaks like every hour and stretch for a few minutes. Also, you can spend some time standing up or walking around instead of sitting.

8. Praise yourself
Whenever you accomplish a task or goal, or you feel you have done something great then pat yourself on the back. Studies have shown that the happiest people are those who regularly praise themselves.

9. Gratitude
Being grateful for all things in your life whether big or small can have a profound effect on your happiness and your state. It allows you to focus on what is working in your life and not on the things that are not. This way you don’t take your life for granted and appreciate it much more. It keeps you in an emotional state of wonder and hunger for life itself. It can be done daily when you choose three things to be grateful about and when describing them, then use the full range of emotions felt when you had that feeling of gratitude. Also when showing gratitude to another person, be heartfelt with your words to explain how you feel.

I recognise that the different ways to change your state that I’ve described will not change your life in any way when done alone without overcoming your limiting beliefs or without setting any goals in your life. However putting yourself in a positive state is a tool that you can use to kick-start any action you intend to take towards changing your life.

I’m not saying that you must do each and every technique but the more you put yourself in a positive state then, you are more likely to create that magic in your life.

As is often said that action is the language of the universe and what better way to start getting into action then by getting yourself in the right state.

11 Ways to Improve Willpower

Featured on Elephant Journal

“Strength doesn’t come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

Willpower is probably the most critical capacity we have within our powers. It is more important than intelligence, physical beauty, and even personality. People who control their emotions, their actions, and their focus are more likely to be happier, healthier and achieve more in their life.

will power
Photo Credit: Jamie King

As our Brain evolved, the new part—the prefrontal cortex, developed on top of the old limbic impulsive one. Within this prefrontal cortex lies our capacity of willpower, and there are three components here:

• “I will”-this is when you need to do something. E.g., I will get to run three times a week as part of my training program.
• “I won’t”-this is when it’s important to say NO. E.g., I won’t go out on Saturday before my Sunday long Run.
• “I want”-this is the self-awareness to remember your end goal or what you want. E.g., I have the big picture in mind that I am training for a marathon to be able to decide when I say I will and when I say won’t.

Here are several ways that we can improve our willpower:

1.Focus on one task at a time

“Concentrate all your thoughts on the task at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”-Alexander Graham Bell

Unfortunately, Willpower is not something that we have infinitely and as such we must use it effectively, or it loses its inherent power.
The constant distractions-the Internet, email, social media and the general speed of things that happen to us have hampered our ability to focus. Multitasking sounds great, but the most successful people and the best results are obtained by those who focus on one thing at a time.

2.Self-belief

“Three things are necessary, first, backbone; second, backbone; third, backbone.”- Charles Sumner

We need to believe in ourselves as powerful creators and remove all self-doubts within us that tell us we are not capable. This belief that we are enough and able to do what we aspire to do is crucial for us to maintain our willpower.

3.Persistence

“Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.”-Martin Seligman

Persistence is the most important trait to have when staying on the path to a goal. Rarely do things pan out as planned, and there will be many temporary failures on the way, but it’s the people who have grit and real belief in their end goals who usually achieve them.

4.Meditation
There is growing evidence in Neuroscience that people, who regularly meditate have stronger willpower than those who don’t. They are better at focusing their attention, impulse control, and self-awareness. Meditating builds our mental muscles, just like when we go to the gym and build our chest and bicep muscles.

5.Response-Mode
When a challenge or a critical moment arises, then take a few seconds to respond. Take a few long deep breaths and completely relax yourself. Look at the complete picture of things and react accordingly.
Here our prefrontal cortex will communicate the need for self-control to our lower brain regions that regulate our heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and other automatic functions.
In this mode, you have a better chance of making the right decision without being impulsive or getting emotional.
It’s the complete opposite of the “fight-or-flight” response which is helpful in certain situations when something or someone threatens our life.

6.Exercise

Exercise is the closest thing to a super drug that is readily available for everyone, and it’s free. Working out also relieves ordinary, everyday stress, acting like an antidepressant. It makes your brain bigger, faster, and more powerful. It will also make you healthier and so pave the way for you to focus better and longer on a given task.

7.Build willpower with Small exercises
We can commit to small consistent acts of self-control—not looking at our smart-phones for 60 minutes, walking with good posture and limiting our coffee intake to one cup a day.
These may seem inconsequential, but they improve overall willpower, and we get into the habit of being more mindful of our choices. We learn to pause and then choose the most difficult way rather than the easy one.

8.Stress-relief strategies
Choose the most effective stress-relief strategies that work for you. E.g., Running, Reading, Writing, Yoga, Painting, Prayer, Journalling

These strategies boost our moods enhancing brain chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin and so induce the healing relaxation response while shutting down the brain’s stress response.

These differ from the quick fix strategies like Internet, watching TV or alcohol, which release dopamine and usually gratify us instantly but leave us with a feeling of let down afterward.

9.Self-Compassion
Love thyself is the key to greater willpower. We are much better served by being kind and supportive to ourselves rather than indulging in self-pity and self-loathing acts especially in the face of stress and failure.
Forgiveness rather than guilt will help get us back on track and closer to our goals. Encouragement will strengthen our willpower and resolve the negative inner voices that drain our motivation.

10.Pre-Committing
Pre-commitment is when you leave yourself with little option to do something or not to do something. You make the conditions as convenient as possible so as not to fail in what you want to achieve. E.g., Brush your teeth right after dinner to avoid snacking late at night.
Or to make any negative behavior as inconvenient as possible E.g., many writers disable the Wi-Fi capability of a laptop when writing to avowing surfing the Internet.

In her famous book The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal gives us a brilliant example of how pre-commitment works. She explains how in 1519, Hernan Cortes conquered Mexico by ordering his men to “burn their ships.” He knew that when they faced their first battle, the crew would be tempted to retreat if they knew they had the option to sail away. So according to legend, this act of pre-commitment left his men with no choice but to go forward. After burning their ships, they had no safety net, no escape plan and the only way out was to win their battles.

11.Clear Boundaries
If we are clear about our expectations, then it becomes much easier to exercise our willpower. Set clear boundaries on how you want to use your self-control and on the outcomes that you want. Then focus your energies solely to stay within them.
E.g., I will save a thousand dollars every month towards my children’s education fund.
This example gives a clear boundary for us to use our willpower as against saying I will save some money towards my children’s education fund.

3 Steps to Live a Life of Inspiration

 

inspiration
Photo Credit: Matthew Cabret

 

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.-Zig Ziglar

In the past few months, I’ve been turned off rather than inspired by the seemingly endless onslaught from the “New Age” and “Self help” teachers that are everywhere. I feel their words of hope have been replaced by hype.

Labels and terms come and go, but little of the content that is being put out there is actually new or groundbreaking. Words like mission have become dharma, goals have become intentions and stories have replaced beliefs. Even the genre name of the industry is not fixed. Is it Self-Help, Self-Development, Self-Motivation, or Self-Reliance?

I have felt let down after getting excited and inspired by the promises that some seminars offered — when I get home, it’s as if I can physically see the energy seeping out of me. It’s the same with books — I turn the last page, and feel myself hitting a new low instead of feeling energized.

At the start of the year, I grew so disillusioned that I couldn’t stand seeing the latest sensation sitting next to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. So I gave up on the whole New Age scene and took some time out.

I grasped that the spiritual plateau that I seemed to be stuck on was less about the so-called teachers and more about me. I wanted a quick fix solution and to change instantly, I wanted my own satori moment. I had placed the self-help gurus on pedestals, comparing everything that came out of their mouths with Jesus addressing his disciples.

I was intrigued by how differently motivation and inspiration affect our long-term behavior and results.

Motivation means we have an idea and we are going to carry through on that idea. We work hard at it, and we are disciplined Inspiration is exactly the opposite. If motivation is when you get hold of an idea and carry it through to its conclusion, inspiration is the reverse. An idea gets hold of you and carries you where you are intended to go. — Wayne Dyer

For example, I started serious writing almost 18 months ago when I was motivated by a 30-day challenge. I was motivated enough to complete the challenge successfully, which led to a writing habit and, more importantly, it got me to a place where I got that “in spirit” feeling– like a Writer’s High. I set up my own blog and started posting on social media.

But after a while I stopped writing. I was besieged with problems in my business and I couldn’t focus, and I lost my alignment.

Then one day, out of the blue, I received a random email from someone I didn’t even know who said that they enjoyed my articles and posts and was wondering why I had stopped.

I suddenly remembered that I was writing to feel inspired, to share myself with our world, and to feel the divine within me.

I remembered that one of the reasons I wake up every day is to write.

In this process of cycling between enlivenment and disillusionment, I learned that there are 3 steps you need to move through before what you hear or read can then be implemented successfully into your life:

Get Motivated

Motivation is about being pushed to do something. Whether the motivation comes from the voices inside our own heads or from the people in our lives, we are encouraged to achieve a task or a goal. Being motivated is a process that speaks strictly, and directly, to your mind. It moves us from stagnation, procrastination and helps us create habits we need in our lives.

Here we often beat our chests, psych ourselves up, and we take action without engaging our feelings. We tick our tasks and enjoy a brief moment of elation, and when we don’t do the task, we can feel let down or enter the realm of fear. We are on duty here. There is a lot of measuring, and pressure put on us from external forces.

Be Inspired

Inspiration comes from the Latin word Inspirare, which, loosely translated, means “to be in spirit” or “have divine guidance.”

Inspiration is what pulls you to become everything you felt was possible during the last seminar you loved or the book that actually blew your mind. It speaks directly to your heart. You don’t have any hang-ups about why you are doing what you are doing, you just feel absolutely right about doing it.

Inspiration is a life force that enters into you and manifests into creative genius if you allow it to. It’s a deep knowing and you feel it in your bones: it tingles down your spine and it lights you up for days on end. In this step, our heart guides us naturally.

Realign

However, in the face of our day-to day-lives, we often lose our connection to that glimpse of magic, or that tingling feeling, or the deep knowing we had. They can seem to simply fade away.

Whenever you feel like you’re trying to fulfill a quota or expectation, it’s time to realign. Whenever you’re feeling that what you are doing has lost its value, it’s time to realign. Whenever you feel like you are not enjoying your life, it’s time to realign.

Realignment is actually very simple: all it involves is drawing inward and exploring what you really want. It’s remembering the feeling you had when you were inspired. It’s constantly seeking your “why” in life, and re-aligning your actions with that “why.”

Great teachers consistently practice the skill of realignment and are constantly in an inspired flow, so that they can become vessels to serving humanity.

So does self-help, self-motivation, self-development, etc., work? YES.

The teachers, the books, and the amazing weekend experiences can give you a glimpse of what is possible and can motivate you, by talking directly to your mind. They can help start a new habit, challenge our limiting beliefs and sometimes outright inspire us.

However, ultimately it’s all about us and how much are we ready to commit to apply that change we desperately want to see in our lives?

How driven are we to follow that feeling of bliss?

How intensely do we want to live in that feeling of constant inspiration?

Now when I listen to the words of a teacher, and if their words echo my feelings, I know I need to push myself at the start and that eventually it can become the effortless flow I seek and whenever I feel I’ve lost that feeling then I go back and ask why I did it in the first place.

Second Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

Second Thoughts on Valentine's DayWhen you See Love with All your heart you shall find its Echoes in the Universe-Rumi

 

I used to look at Valentine’s Day as a kind of false occasion, something created to sell cards, gifts and countless red roses by Hallmark. I hated the fuss about it, argued with everyone about its authenticity and completely removed it from my calendar to the annoyance of the women I dated.

History, Literature and Mythology have described love to us in many beautiful ways. However, I never understood the effect of love and always viewed it something separate to me like a kind of sickness that afflicts the weak. I picked up a book describing the love communiqué between Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin and couldn’t appreciate the beauty of their words.

I read about Richard Burton’s fiery relationship with Elizabeth Taylor, but I couldn’t understand why they would fight so much and then makeup, then fight and make up again. I was thinking Richard, man up. I read of Anthony dying because he thought Cleopatra was dead, and she then killed herself because he died, and I refused to believe that such a tough general would be brought down by love. After love struck, I got a rude awakening and found out that I wasn’t as tough as I imagined myself to be. Actually I wasn’t much stronger than Bambi. I went through the full motions: the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

I survived and changed the way I looked at many things so the things I looked at changed. I had now experienced love and knew all about love.

Love is much more than pure romantic love, but it’s in romantic love that our hearts are smashed wide open, and we start feeling rather than thinking our way towards life.

Love teaches you many lessons, which include compassion, forgiveness and connection. Love shows you unlimited possibilities on how you can become a greater, bigger person.

 

When I think of love,

I think of joy but also despair,

I think of laughs but also tears,

I think of open minds allowing open hearts,

I think of big open hearts with scars and wounds,

I think of those letters between Henry and Anais,

I think of Richard Burton and Liz Taylor gouging each other’s eyes out,

I think of Scheherazade’s story-telling to charm King Shahryar not to kill her.

I think of Penelope waiting and waiting for Odysseus

I think of Anthony dying for Cleopatra and she for him

I think of Qays (majnoun) going mad for Layla

Oh, what grand stories of love we have,

If you can’t find one,

If you can’t be in one,

Then stop living now.

Go die as a love-less soul,

or even worse go live a soul-less love.

 

Unfortunately we have compartmentalised this feeling of love as if it’s only for that moment with that person, or only meant at a certain period of your life.

In reality, it’s a doorway to your heart and an opportunity to live a wholehearted kind of life. It’s introducing us to the concept that love is for everyone, in every moment and with everyone and everything.

Love opens your heart but doesn’t guarantee you won’t get hurt anymore. On the contrary, when you walk around with an open heart, you might get hurt more. It’s like removing the safety net beneath you. It’s like when anaesthesia wears out, and you feel again. Yes, it hurts but at least you know what’s going on now. Your feelings become true, real and a guide to what your heart truly wants for you.

I now feel gentler, softer and feel my heart expanding from within. I truly understand what all the fuss is about, and I finally get it that love is the universal language. I know I’m bleeding openly for many to look at, and many will find me an easy target to ridicule, put down or even hurt. It may mean a few more tears, a few more wounds or even scars, but I’m ready to put my vulnerabilities on the table.

I feel real, I feel me, and I feel good.

I reread the letters between Henry Miller and Anaïs  Nin and know that it’s only love that can create such magical words. I understood all the turmoil that Richard Burton felt in his relationship with Liz Taylor and see him as one courageous soul as not many can stay alive when a tornado meets a volcano. I get it that no matter how powerful Mark Anthony was; he was also a human being in love. The beauty of love is that it makes us all equal.

I have a renewed respect for Valentine’s Day and now feel the real outpouring of love on this special day from everyone and everything around me. I know it’s not just about that one day, but it’s a symbol of what love could be all about. I look at it as a celebration of all those who are in love, all those who were in love and all those who will fall in love.

I know that this day was also meant to acknowledge all the true heroes of love; those who had their hearts broken yet refuse to close their hearts. Those who love unconditionally not caring to be loved back. Those who get disappointed on Valentine’s day, yet ready to do it all over again and again.

I wish all true lovers a Happy Valentine’s Day as they would rather live a day in love then a lifetime without.

 

9 Ways to Make your Goals Work

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ― Henry David Thoreau

It’s early in the year, and I’m sure that like me, you are frustrated by the amount of articles, posts, and voices that are pushing you to set our goals for the year.

The reality is that all living things have within them a goal-striving mechanism to help in achieving their goals. It is something intrinsic and a great gift given to us to do and be more.

Animals have one goal: to survive and live, and that often involves finding food, shelter, procreating, and overcoming hazards. The squirrel goes about its goal to store nuts during the fall for the upcoming winter without much procrastination. Birds navigate thousands of miles of flying without a GPS system to arrive at their destination.

On the other hand, with humans, the goal to live means more than just mere survival as we have emotional and spiritual needs that drive us to achieve greater goals–ultimately in living fuller lives.

We are co-creators and have within us creative imagination with an instinct for success in attaining the goals.This could mean writing poetry, creating the latest app, climbing Mount Everest, inventing a machine, or attaining inner peace.

Goals are not only necessary for us to survive and live, but also to blossom and live great lives. We tend to default to comfort and rarely want to leave that space and as such live average lives instead of extraordinary ones we were supposed to live.

In early January 2013, I broke my hand in kickboxing, and I couldn’t go to the gym for a while. I put on a few pounds and was getting hysterical, so I decided to start running. I had no training, and the last time I ran, I was in college. I immediately set a goal of running a half-marathon within 6 months. I did all my research, read all the books, and created a plan.

I followed the plan religiously, often getting up at 4am and I couldn’t sleep from the pain in my knees for many nights. I persevered and succeeded in completing the run in a decent time for my 45-year-old body.

However, what I gained from the whole experience was not only the thrill of completing my goal, but also the feeling it gave me as a changed man. It made me more confident, stronger willed and left me with a new healthier way of life with running at its core.

However, as with everything we do, we humans tend to overcomplicate matters, and goal-setting becomes a concept that takes too much time from the actual process of doing and engaging in life.

Here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts in setting goals:

# Do make your Goals Specific

This is to distinguish them from a mere wish.

E.g. I want to be rich is not a goal but a mere wish but I want to make two million dollars in three years at the stock market is a goal.

#Do make them measurable

This is to track your progress and see what adjustments you need to make.

E.g. I want to run 30km this week, and I have only done 20km and it’s the 5th day of the week. I have choices on what to do for the last two days.

#Do let them push you

Goals push us out of our comfort zones, helping us with new experiences and challenges that make us bigger people. However, you have to make them also attainable, so they don’t dishearten you.

E.g. If you make $100 k a year, then an attainable goal which would also push you, would be to make $300k a year, and not three million a year.

#Do make them relevant to you

We often get caught up with what society tells us, or what our friends & family are doing. We end up setting goals that are not for us just so that we belong to our group.

E.g. A few years back, I set myself a goal of trying Para-gliding as a lot of my friends were doing it. I did do it and spend so much time, and money in getting there and I hated it from the first second I got airborne until I landed dazed and confused.

#Do set a deadline

There is a kind of magic that happens when we see a looming date coming up. It starts a chain of thoughts and events that energize you towards the goal.

E.g. I will run The New York marathon on Sunday 1st November 2015, and not I want to run a marathon next year.

# Don’t Overcomplicate & Overwhelm

We often set too many goals, and as such, we get stressed and overwhelmed and give up not only on the goal, but also on the actual process.

E.g. Failing a strict diet would make you give up not only on the diet but on healthy eating.

#Don’t feel Guilty

We often feel very guilty and let down when we don’t achieve a goal and it somehow permeates into other areas of our lives and puts us in a bad state of mind.

E.g. I missed a long Sunday run a few months ago, and I spent the whole day crying about it until my young daughter screamed at me to get a grip of myself.

#Don’t forget that it’s the process that we really love

We lose sight of the why of our goal; we totally forget why we started the goal in the first place and what motivated us to do it. Goals become chores and lose their essence as we forget that we loved that process before setting the goal.

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ― Ernest Hemingway

#Don’t forget to celebrate

This is often overlooked but it’s important to celebrate your wins and recognize your achievements. It all fills your self-esteem container and reinforces your win into your psyche.

 At the end of the day, Goals are simply a way to ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

 

How Showing and Not Telling Can Transform Your Life

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.- Anton Chekhov

Published in Rebelle Society

“Show me that you fucking love me, show me that you fucking care but please stop telling it to me like a goddamn robot,” she screamed at me. I watched, mystified, as my girlfriend slammed the door and walked out on me. I replayed her comments over and over again–that I lacked connection in relationships, and real engagement in most of the situations in my life.

I knew that I wanted to understand her, to grow from the experience. But it remained a mystery. A few months later, I enrolled in a writing course and learnt the concept of “show, don’t tell.” I took it on board and started applying it to my writing.

Hot became dripping with sweat. Tired meant that he was rooted to the chair — his legs couldn’t move from yesterday’s shift on site. My characters woke up and were suddenly alive, and they were no longer merely happy or sad, but rather “jumping up and down,” or “crying for no good reason.” Writing this way allowed me to connect with my readers in a whole new way.

However, when not writing I remained aloof, oblivious to the fact that this concept could and also should be applied in my real life. I took the lesson as technical advice, only applicable to writing. As if it only described nouns, verbs and adjectives, and nothing else. But slowly, it started to dawn on me that maybe I could show more and tell less–in real time.

I realised that people respond better when we infuse our words with a more passionate showing. The more feelings we add to what we are saying, then the better the connection. The more engagement we add to our interactions, then the better we live.

Simply put: showing involves your heart and telling is all about the mind.

In losing her, I learned that this age-old writing adage could transform my life in 3 big ways:

1) Being Mindful

The “Show, don’t tell,” rule is at it’s core about writing in details, details and details. To be able to write with specific details, you must notice the trees, the birds, the people and the surroundings around you. Now compare the central lesson in mindfulness, which is to slow down as if in slow motion so that you can enjoy all those moments you live in.

On an existential level, we are here to experience, and there is no better way to do that then to get involved and get engaged in the details of your life. We were given five senses to experience life, and enjoy everything in our lives, and yet we barely have time to enjoy any of those precious moments.

How many of us eat standing up or watching a computer screen? We supposedly have no time to eat–everyone says that, I know. But recently I started eating slowly, mindfully. Food began to take a more important role in my life, and the more time I gave to my food, the better I knew how to eat, what to eat, and most importantly, what not to eat.

Even drinking my espresso coffee in the morning became a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip.

It’s not just food, though. Now, when I see seagulls flying above me, I instantly stop whatever I’m doing and just watch, them transfixed in absolute awe. I can’t explain what happens at that moment, for me, but time stops still as I gaze long and hard. I feel I’m connecting to something bigger than me. I feel overcome by inner peace and a joy that permeates in my body and finally breaks into a soft smile. Is this what stillness is all about?

All my noticing and engagement in details has miraculously quieted my mind, and I find the negative thoughts are slowly disappearing. I feel more at peace with myself than ever before.

2) Being Alive

Being more mindful magically leads you to engaging much more with your life. You are now in action and something inside of you starts ticking– you become alive. You feel you want to do more and you can’t stop and go back to your old ways of skating through life. You feel you have a sacred duty to be alive. You break through your inhibiting shackles and become more vulnerable. You understand that there is no perfect moment; there is only the now. You suddenly don’t want to miss a waking moment anymore.

You don’t want to just inform the world about your exploits, but you would rather show the world what you have done. You want to share yourself with your fellow mankind. This feeling of being alive transforms you, and whether you know it or not, you have started transforming the world. As Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3) Being Connected

You are now in action and much more alive and you learn that certain emotions in life, like love, fear, excitement and despair can’t simply be described. They must be demonstrated. They will only become real when we show them to others. This is the basis of connection, how human beings are able to live and inter-connect and be inter-dependent with one another. However the connection must be real, authentic. We are not showing for the sake of showing. We are not demonstrating emotions to others for our own personal gain or play-acting as if our Broadway career depended on it. I’m introverted by nature, and not at ease in showing my emotions. However I understand, through writing, that showing helped me connect to my readers, and it is now easier for me to connect to people around me.

I feel I am awakened. I have become more alive. I am connecting to everyone and everything.

To the new love that I will someday meet, I won’t say, “I love you.” I’ll say:

“I just can’t stop loving you when I see you laugh. I love you when I catch you watching me for no good reason. I love the way you allow me to become a better man for you.”

Learning to show and not tell, in my writing and in my life, has opened up doors I never knew existed–and I love life so much more for it.