My travel date is fast approaching. For some reason, I begin to worry and fret. I start postponing everything I’m doing or I need to do till I return. It’s as if the world stops because I’m travelling in a few weeks.
The funny thing is that I don’t have a fear of flying. Travelling to Paris on a writing course will be exciting, fun and rejuvenating. It’s more like a journey of self-discovery than a holiday and its something that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ll be alone for a month without family, friends or the worries of work that I’m glad to leave behind.
What is it that makes me so anxious and worried about my impending travel date? Is it my deep-rooted fear of getting out of my comfort zone? Or perhaps my fear of uncertainty, which allows my mind to wander about the future and picture different scenarios and situations?
It’s probably both of which drive my monkey mind into overload and lets my thoughts go to my memories where I judge my previous actions and reactions or project forward, analyzing what kind of mishaps and problems await me.
The identification with our thoughts is a tiring process and the more we complicate our lives and busy our minds, the more restless we become. To make matters worse, we become aware of our thinking and overanalyzing, and this makes it even more exhausting.
We need to remind ourselves that we are not our thoughts, which can often appear from thin air and disappear almost as quick. The best way to stop going back to the past, or project to the future is by focusing on the present–Practice Mindfulness.
This is when we zero in on the present thing that we are doing, such as watching a sunset, playing with our children or writing poetry where we lose ourselves completely and every minute becomes joyful and soul nourishing. Time just stops and nothing else matters. There is a stillness and a certain form of inner peace engulfs us. We stop talking to the outside world and more importantly we stop listening to our incessant inner voice.
According to Thich Nhat Hanh “Mindfulness begins with an awareness of the simplest action: breathing in, knowing that you are breathing in; breathing out, know that you are breathing out.”
These are the things I do that have helped me become more in the now:
1) Meditation
I’m no Meditation expert, but my practice has helped make me more peaceful, less stressful and much more mindful. I use the breath technique, which is not too complicated. I sit still for twenty minutes first thing in the morning.
I’m not always successful as thoughts do wander in but completing my practice every day is a discipline that sets my day on the right track and becomes the support for the rest of my conscious, mindful acts during the day.
2) Mindful moments
I’ve consciously set out to have more presence in my day-to-day life, where I try to lose myself in sporadic moments throughout my day. This not only makes me feel good immediately but also has a compounding effect on the way my mind learns not to jump from one thought to another.
For example:
I set my alarm for three different times in the day where I stop whatever I’m doing and take ten deep conscious breaths.
Whenever I see the birds flying above, I stop and take a few moments watching them fly in absolute awe.
If I’m lucky enough to be in a city with a lovely sunset, I make sure I witness its splendor.
Every time I drink an espresso (3-4 times a day), I don’t do anything or think of anything. I inhale the aroma of the coffee, I sip it slowly and I savour every moment of this.
3) Doing one task at a time
“Just focus on the next hour, the next thing, the next task. Do it will all your heart and do it until the end.”
This little trick has been advocated since time immemorial from Benjamin Franklin to Warren Buffet. It simply means don’t multitask and start by doing the most difficult task first and only when finished with the first task, should you move to the next one. I do this till I finish all my designated tasks for the day and I try to keep my tasks as few as possible so as not to exceed three per day.
4) Reading Fiction or Poetry
“Reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another’s skin, another’s voice, another’s soul.” -Joyce Carol Oates
I love reading fiction, especially the epic novels like Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, and Moby Dick by Herman Melville. I also love the works of: Tolstoy, Murakami and Hemingway. No matter how stressed I am in my life, it all just slips away when I lose myself in a great story where I’m transported to other realms I never knew existed.
Reading poetry by Rumi or Gibran especially at night before I sleep or any of the sacred texts like the Bhagavad Gita allows me to connect deep into my being, compelling me towards my inner hidden truths. This puts me in such peace that I wake up with my mind completely serene.
5) Strategically schedule emails, Internet use and social media
Getting notifications of email, instant messages and social media on our phones is not the ideal way to calm our swaying thoughts. They add fuel to the fire and keep us hooked into the never-ending information loop which gets us addicted to our phones or computers making us anxious and edgy.
We need to be disciplined and smart in how we control technology rather than allowing it to control us. It’s not easy, but the best way I’ve found to take control is by scheduling my use. I check emails, social media and use the Internet only twice a day; late in the morning and late in the afternoon for a limited time of 30-45 minutes.
Our state of being is intimately connected with our minds. We can’t stop the triggering of unhappy memories, self-critical thoughts and judgemental ways of thinking, but we can stop what happens next.
The more we put ourselves in that present moment, the better chance we have of calming our minds and relieving the anxiety and worry that surrounds us.
‘Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.’ – Thich Nhat Hanh
I’m not a Buddhist Monk or a meditation expert, but I can tell you that Meditation has helped me in my life and is slowly but surely guiding me in my self-discovery journey.
Meditation has given me an inner peace that acts as a hidden support, which until now, I didn’t appreciate. That’s probably because meditation’s effectiveness is hard to measure as its results are not immediate and not very apparent like something you see with diets or exercise.
But then again, the mind is far more complex than the body.
Meditation has been the focus of many books, articles, and research studies. There have been many successful scientific experiments proving how gray matter in the area of self-awareness grew ten-fold and how it reduces stress by some percentage. These are all clear proof that it works.
However there are many skeptics out there and rightly so, as meditation is often highjacked by new age gurus glorifying it as something sacred and difficult to achieve unless you achieve some Godly purity. And usually this purity can only be reached through them and for a hefty fee.
My definition of meditation and how it works in my life is very simple and is more relatable to most people than that of many Gurus out there.
Meditation is all about quieting your inner voice (the one that doesn’t shut up) or the monkey mind for approximately 20-30 minutes a day. And it’s exercising the mind so that you reduce your stress levels and get into a more relaxed state, as opposed to the fight-or-flight response mode of our minds.
How to Meditate?
# Sit Comfortably
Sit comfortably either in a normal seating position with your bare feet on the ground or sit on a cushion with your legs crossed and hips higher than your knees. Then, center yourself with your back always straight and upright. And then take a minute just to relax and get comfortable.
# Breathe in and out
Start to focus and follow your breath through your nostrils/mouth as you breath in for a few seconds and then out for a few seconds more.
#Leave thoughts behind
Many thoughts will arise but gently bring your attention back to the breathing leaving any thoughts behind.
# Don’t judge yourself
Don’t judge yourself for having thoughts but continue going back to your breath. Some meditations would be better than others depending on your state of mind.
E.g., Most times, I can go for 30 seconds without a thought and on one occasion I spent a full five minutes without a single thought entering my mind.
This gap in thoughts without the mind wandering off is what is deemed to be that mysterious concept known as meditation.
Myths of Meditation
You don’t have to wear an orange robe and be this peaceful spiritual person before meditation is effective. Just remove the mystery surrounding it and make meditation a habit, one that can be cultivated so that you can reap its benefits.
Having thoughts during meditation doesn’t mean you have to start all over again. Suppressing thoughts is also not the way but rather going back to your breathing naturally when thoughts arise and then leaving the thoughts behind.
If you don’t have time to meditate and can’t manage 5-20 minutes of your time to sit alone and meditate, then maybe it’s not meditation you seek but rather a Life.
Meditation will not change your life and make you this enlightened Guru, who never has pain, sadness or tough times. It’s only a practice that helps alleviate stress and put you in a more relaxed state of mind.
You don’t need a special place to Meditate. It would be nice to meditate on a quiet beach watching the sunrise, but it’s not necessary. It can be anywhere and in any place, as long as your back is straight and you are relaxed.
Mediation doesn’t mean you become passive and get trodden upon in the big bad world out there. It means you rather become a person who has control over his emotions, and one who can respond rather than react to an adverse situation.
How Meditation has helped me?
1) Calmness
Meditation helps to expand your perception, allowing you to see the value in every experience and every relationship. I have seen myself reach new capacities of calmness I never thought I was capable of.
E.g., I handled a 4-hour traffic jam very well, when in the past I would have flipped and left the car in the middle of the road. (Okay, I’m starting from a very steep point of impatience)
2) Inner Peace
Before I started to meditate, the only happiness I experienced was directly connected to external factors like relationships, money and achievements. Now I’m still happy even though some of those external factors are failing. I have this inner peace within me that has given me the strength to handle challenging situations.
I have a less of a need to control people, places or situations. I have tapped into the infinite source of inner happiness-present moment awareness. I now feel the party is wherever I am at, and I have lost that feeling of missing out.
3) Sleep/Dream better
The quality of my sleep is better as I feel rested and can accomplish much more with fewer hours slept. Also as a bonus I remember my dreams much more vividly than I used to do before I committed to my meditation practice.
4) Focus better
I have noticed now that I can focus better as I am much more aware of the chattering mind in me and use my breathing to get rid of the noise and refocus very quickly.
I now, last longer in my writing sessions without any breaks. I used start getting fidgety after 20-30 minutes, but now I can focus for 45-60 minutes quite easily per sitting.
5) Catch myself quicker when I’m thinking the wrong way
As I deepen my meditation practice, I’m becoming more aware that I am a witness to my thoughts, and that I need not identify with them as readily as I used to. As soon as I’m reacting badly to a situation I catch myself and then remind myself that I’m not that thought.
I’m a long way from perfect, and I often identify with a bad thought and ruminate for a few minutes.However, I cool down quickly and then find myself laughing for being such a fool and believing my deceiving mind. 6) Faith and Trust in life
Regular meditation slowly negates the deprecating self-talk you get involved in continually. You start to act more from your heart as the fears spurred by your mind slowly fade away, and you clearly hear the pure messages coming from your heart.
You start making better decisions and gain confidence in your being. And you start trusting the universe much more making it more enjoyable to live life, and you start awakening to your purpose.
My commitment to meditation in the last two years has been the main reason I have recently awoken to my spiritual path.
And even though it’s only for 20 minutes a day, its effect on me has been transformational as my highs have become more meaningful lasting longer and my lows though not gone have become manageable.
