11 Quotes By Kahlil Gibran That Are Indelibly Stamped In My Heart.

prophet

Published by Elephant Journal

There is one book I carry with me wherever I go-The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

Every time I read a few pages, I start to feel an inner tingling in my heart, and my soul starts chirping like the nightingale he so lyrically describes. It’s true that I cling to his words harder than the average person, because we both come from Lebanon. However, his great fame and works both as a poet and an artist has had a profound effect on many people around the world.

Gibran wrote in both Arabic and English, and his best work was produced in the era of the roaring twenties in New York, USA. He was influenced by the free thought and exuberance of that time, and he was regularly associated with W.B. Yeats, Carl Jung and August Rodin. His seminal book The Prophet is amongst the best-selling books of all time after the Bible and Shakespeare’s collections.

Though his books were initially ignored by critics, they have influenced world leaders like J.F.Kennedy, The Beatles and many millions around the globe.There is both simplicity and beauty to his writings that reach far and wide. They offer spiritual and philosophical musings on God, love, family, work, death and many other threads that unite humanity.

Below are 11 quotes from Gibran that I read regularly, and that are indelibly stamped in my heart:

1) “Your daily life is your temple and your religion.”
2)“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”
3)“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
4)“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
5)“Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
6)“You give but little when you give of your possessions.It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”
7)“I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.”
8)“No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”
9)“When you love you should not think you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”
10)“Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘ I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.”
11)“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy”

My Rules of Engagement

My Rules of Engagement
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
My Liberty means:
  • Not infringing on my right to choose, from which country to live in, to which ice-cream flavor I like.
  • Not pushing me to second-guess my decisions, even though I wasn’t certain the first time round.
  • Not forcing me to justify my actions, over and over again.
My Freedom means:
  • Allowing me to make decisions that are right for my soul, even though they could be wrong for your EGO.
  • Recognizing not to compromise my values, interests, and principles.
  • Respecting my carefully drawn out boundaries.
  • Not impugning on my time, no matter how futile you think I spend it and no matter how little I give it.
My Intentions are:
  • I will be present and mindful rather than succumb to my thoughts.
  • I will enjoy what I’m doing and not focus only on achieving.
  • I will rather get challenged than be comfortable.
  • I will rather get engaged than oblivious.
  • I will use my imagination to create rather than become creatively impotent.
  • I will praise ten times to every one time I criticise.
  • I will not judge anyone but be willing to accept.
  • I will work towards Compassion rather than indifference.
  • I will follow my true path and not the path of others.
  • I will learn like a scavenger looking for learnings everywhere I can.
  • I will commit to growth as if it’s my sole intention for living.
  • I will serve mankind as if every single one is part of my family.
  • I will care for the environment as if it was the home I built with my own two hands.

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old
Photo Credit: Vinoth Chandar

“Knowledge comes from learning.Wisdom comes from living.”-A.D.Williams

I had a dream where I was walking comfortably up Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I was wearing leather sandals, a dhoti cotton cloth wrapped around me, carrying a small wooden stick and looked like Gandhi in his late years.

It was a pleasant day; the sun was out, and no sign of snow, blizzards or dead mountaineers. The scenery, the surroundings, and the feeling were as if I was living in Shambala, the lost heavenly city of Tibetan Buddhism. However and more importantly, it was my birthday–My 500-year-old birthday, and all the cameras were there to witness the first ever recorded 500-year-old.

This dream was inspired by what I watched the night before, where a top Google executive, Bill Maris, said on Bloomberg that humans would live to be 500-years-old, and the company was investing millions of dollars in life sciences to ensure this vision became a reality. It had hired scientists as partners in order to identify start-ups that could cure cancer and make chemotherapy “seem primitive” within 20 years. Maris added that, “If you ask me today, is it possible to live to be 500? The answer is yes.”

My dream and the thought of living to be five hundred got me thinking. I mean why not? There have been stranger happenings in our history; the abominable snowman or Yeti, UFO sightings and many unexplained phenomena. As advancements in technology keep changing our lives and diseases are being cured, the life expectancy keeps rising. It has now doubled from forty to eighty in the last hundred years.

There have been many mythical murmurs and mysterious stories that people have lived very long-LP Suwang, a Buddhist, died in 1995 was rumoured to be 444 years old.

How would we live if we knew we were going to reach 500? How would that impact our thinking and attitude, in living if we knew we had so much time? If we remove our greatest fear, that of death, how would we live?

As we grow older, we mature and become wiser and have richer experiences to recall that guide us in making the right decisions, and as such we understand ourselves and how to live better. And knowing that we have all that time, would mean many changes in the way we lived our lives.

  1. Live in the moment

Imagine living our lives, not at the frenetic speed we do now but in slow motion where every moment is slowed down and lived fully. When we know we have so much time, the pressure on us is reduced and living in the moment will take on a completely new meaning.

After 150 years or so of living, we would understand that the past is gone and can only provide memories while the future holds no fears as we’ve got another 350 years to go.

We would want to stay in the present and want our lives to be richer and all-knowing. From every kind of bird that lives, their migratory details and how their navigation system works, to every tree’s name and history– The tall oak trees in Boston, Harry Potter’s weeping willow trees of Northern China and the Bodhi Tree of Bodh Gaya, in India.

We would want to enrich our experiences and so watch every sunset from every ocean view and watch every new moon with its supporting cast of stars from every sky view.

2) Be compassionate

By now, we’ve seen many people die and know the suffering that people go through. We’ve seen many on their deathbeds full of regrets, in pain and not having lived a fulfilled life.

The need to serve and help becomes not just something we aim for but part of our being, and we would want to offer a word, a touch and a hug every time we can. We can’t but be compassionate, as most people are much younger than us.

We would feel around others, the way we feel around 4-year-olds now. We would laugh at their transgressions; our heart would beam when they are smiling, and we would cry when they are in pain because we know of their helplessness. We recognise that what humans long for most, is love and compassion.

3) Goals transcend to Dharma

Goals that take months or even years (less than 10) become trivial and as such we look at long-term objectives that define our ways of beings. The goal now takes on more importance and becomes our dharma-the reason we came into being and life.

Excellence is achieved in 20-30 years spans and not anything shorter and as such we now have the time to become great in any field that piques our interest. Losing 20 pounds in weight is a good goal, but if we have hundreds of years to live then, it’s better we change our whole approach to eating, exercising and sleeping. After all, we are going to need our bodies for hundreds of years.

All our goals now transcend to meaning and purpose–how can we grow and how can we serve mankind become our only questions. Nothing else matters as material wants and achievements slowly lose their shine.

4) Environmentally Friendly

Similarly, as we cared for our bodies, we would want to care for the environment, and every time a rain forest gets destroyed because of greed, we lose a part of us forever. The loss of many species of the animal, plant and other kingdoms, is akin to us losing one of our family members.

We would want to take over where other environmentalists stopped and try to convince everyone of the need for us to take more care and understand that the environment is just a bigger part of what we are all connected to. What happens in the skyline of Guangzhou will affect all of us whether we live in, the clay mud huts of the African sub-Sahara or an exclusive penthouse apartment in New York.

5) Detachment and letting go

With so many years under our belt, we’ve lost so many loved ones, friends, and people that we’ve known and so detachment becomes essential rather than a spiritual practice. We’ve learnt the hard way that attachment is suffering, and detachment means freedom. This doesn’t make us less compassionate but rather we see the bigger picture of life, death, and the afterlife.

We now realise that attachment is linked to the ego, and we understand why our earlier years were marked by anxiety and despair as we craved visible results, instead of focusing on the actual actions or the practice that leads to our inner joy.

The action of writing, rather than getting the book on the bestseller list becomes our objective, and we now appreciate that results don’t matter so much as it’s all about the candle that is lit in our hearts every time we practice what we love.

Our fear of death is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to live with freedom.

If we live, knowing that we can live till 500, then we can banish those deep-seated fears we carry with us from one generation to another, and maybe finally we can live the “Good life” our spiritual masters keep preaching to us.

Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Determine Our Lives

mindset
Photo Credit: srednja.hr

I advised my friend not to praise her daughter for being smart or special but rather for the effort she puts and the endeavour she shows. She snapped back, saying her daughter was smart and exceptional.

My friend was offended by my words, thinking I was putting down her child, but I was just trying to offer some advice on parenting, something I’ve learned never to do again.

I thought that I had just discovered the elixir of parenting and wanted to share that wisdom with my friends. I had just re-read Carol Dweck, remarkably insightful book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success — an inquiry into the power of our beliefs, and how changing our most simplistic beliefs can have a profound impact on our lives.

In Dweck’s research, she found how we view our personality and how we live it out, at a very young age, determines our attitude to almost everything in life. And that we fall, depending on our beliefs, in one of two camps:

A)Fixed Mindset

Those with a “Fixed Mindset” believe that our character, intelligence and creative ability are traits we are born with and no matter what we do, they can’t be changed in any meaningful way–so we either have it or we don’t.

The ramifications of this is immense: Thinking that our intelligence can’t be improved, we’re always trying not to look dumb. It leads to focusing on easy stuff and avoiding the challenges that stretch our comfort zone. We become the ultimate big fish in the small pond.

The “Fixed mindset” people are always seeking approval and for people to affirm their opinions and ways. They crave being special and so find shortcuts to be seen as smart, rather than putting in the effort to do so.

And as soon as failure arrives as it surely must, they are devastated and find it hard to recover from the setback of losing a job, a promotion or getting unexpected low SAT scores

A kid who is smart in grade 3 and knows it, as everyone including his parents keep telling him so, will start resting on their laurels and slowly close their minds to new learnings. And even worse, they would equate their effort with something that smart kids don’t do and so doing extra work is an act that is beneath their original selves.

“Their only goal is to look good.”

B) Growth Mindset

Those with a “Growth mindset,” believe that, with effort, they can change their character, intelligence and enhance their creativity. They thrive on challenge and see failure not as being unintelligent but rather a stepping stone that is needed to grow and change.

They are open-minded, humble and are always willing to work on the beliefs that are holding them back to be able to learn and grow. They develop a passion for learning that serves them for the rest of their lives.

Here, the “Growth mindset” people don’t deny that there are others who are born with a natural talent or that some people are ahead of them in the game, but they know that through learning and effort, anything and everything is possible.

“Their only goal is growth.”

The Mindsets presented graphically:
taschen_informationgraphics10
Photo Credit: Nigel Holmes

Dweck quotes one seventh-grade girl, who captured the difference beautifully:

“I think intelligence is something you have to work for … it isn’t just given to you.… Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence. “

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

Published by Elephant Journal

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”― Jim Rohn

I was very irritable, had little tolerance and was getting frustrated very easily.My meditation was not as smooth as usual, and I was struggling to recall any of my dreams. This had been going on for a few days, and I didn’t know why.

Then it hit me; I had been spending a lot of time with an old-time friend, who was staying with me for a while. He was negative, cynical and sapped all my good energy. His attitude had slowly permeated my being and had triggered remnants of my old cynical self, and that didn’t bode well with my new being and hence the frustration and irritability.

As social creatures, we tend to adopt the characteristics of the groups we are part of and start to behave in the same way. We influence and get influenced by the people we spend the most time with, and we pick up both good and bad behaviours from each other

“If you are a human, then the biggest influence on your personality is your peer group. Choose your peers. If you want to be better at math, surround yourself with mathematicians. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people…”-Mudos Ponens

Quantum physics says we are made up of energy, and when we collide with another body of energy that is in sync then the result is constructive but when an we collide with another that is not in sync then the opposite happens, and results are usually destructive.

I have found that the below five kinds of people are the ones I would like to surround myself with:

1)The Relentless Over-Achiever

It’s good to be around this kind of people as they are always upping the ante and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are constantly asking questions and are never satisfied.

They are not motivated by doing good and helping us but only by pushing themselves and as such their hunger and relentlessness is contagious and they will end up pushing us hard.

I used to be an average tennis player when I was 12, till I met Brad, who was relentless and would keep pushing his limits. I was his practice partner in summer camp and his enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I came back after the summer a much better player and managed to reach the final of our school’s tournament.

2)The Natural Born Optimist

These are the ones who are always smiling, happy and often drive us nuts by the simplicity of the way they look at things and to them, everything has a silver lining. They celebrate small wins like winning the lottery and quietly dismiss the negative things out of their lives.

They are often a breath of fresh air and being around them just lifts all the gloom and doom that our minds are busy creating. They brush off disasters quickly and readjust their lives without much fuss with an attitude that is pure gold.

3)The Unconditional Giver of Love

These would typically include family and close friends.They offer us unconditional love similar to that of a mother’s, allowing us to be ourselves all the time. They tap into and constantly fill our tanks of self-esteem.

They don’t necessarily push us or get us out of our comfort zone but they are always there and offer pure, unadulterated love. And life has shown me that we can’t be or do anything when we are lacking love.

My family and the close friends provide this kind of support and love that I constantly go back to time and time again.Their mere presence makes me feel good, rejuvenates me so that I’m ready for my battles ahead.

4) Virtual Teachers

These are people who become our teachers and heroes through books, blogs, movies, podcasts and stories. They offer us great wisdom and knowledge that help us grow and widen our horizons as we see, and feel their different experiences.

For me, they are as real as the real people who are in our lives.I have spent hours and days reading Hemingway and he’s had more of an effect on me than some people I see everyday.

The teachings of the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Herman Hesse’s Siddartha and Leo Tolstoy’s Ivan Illich have also left a profound effect on me and were the reason I managed to crawl slowly out of my box.

5) Our Higher Self

There is no greater feeling than that of connecting with our higher self. It’s that feeling of total inner peace and tranquility that can’t be matched in the outside world.

Solitude and spending time alone give us a chance to get to know our higher self much better. It’s often difficult in our world of fast and furious to be alone and to be able to connect but if we want to up the average, then our higher self must be part of the five people.

Using meditation, writing and mindful moments like watching a sunset, I connect well with my higher self, even if fleetingly.However, the insights that I gain and the peace that I reach stays with me long enough to guide my lower self to its rightful path.

I don’t think we are exactly the average of the five people we spend time with, but we need to be aware and understand how different kinds of people can affect us.We must remain proactive in surrounding ourselves with the right people.

And That also includes people who we must avoid, like friends or family who have become toxic by constantly bringing us down through nagging,putting us down and through taking so much out of us.

The 4 Freedoms That Have Set Me Free

 

“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.” ― Bob Marley

I entered the Tattoo shop without knowing exactly why, and I left with a huge tattoo on my right shoulder. It took the tattooist only a few minutes to extricate out of me, the hidden message that lay in my unconscious mind.

And after three hours of heavy metal music bombarding my being, and the tattooist working his magic, I came out with an image of a winged angel holding a banner that said: “Born to be free.”

My soul was screaming for attention and recognition. It had managed to escape the prison that was my ego, long enough to conceive the idea of the tattoo.These four words marked on my body for life would inadvertently kick-start the spiritual journey my soul had so yearned for.

I wanted to be born again. I wanted to free myself from all the old beliefs that were holding me back. I wanted a better life, one where I was totally free.

As I pursued more freedom in my life, I found that the four freedoms below were the most important ones to start with:

A) Freedom of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs

“A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.” ― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

The life of a thought starts when a single thought keeps buzzing away in our minds like an annoying fly trying to get noticed. This thought grows into more thoughts, consuming our minds and devouring all our time and energy.Then this collection of thoughts that we are now living and breathing grow into a belief, that then becomes set in stone and so difficult to reverse.

We have almost 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of them should be dumped in a trashcan. We are not our thoughts or our thinking. We need to view thoughts as coming at us on a conveyor belt, where we pick and choose the thought that serves us best.

The people who are content and living full lives have put their focus on the positive thoughts that empower them, freeing themselves from the adverse effects of focusing on the many different negative thoughts that arise.

B) Freedom of to be ourselves rather than to keep up with Society

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”-E.E. Cummings

We need to ask ourselves what matters most to us in any given decision. In Steven Covey’s words, let’s always “begin with the end in mind” in any situation using fulfillment, and meaning as the goal rather than achievement.

Do we need to go to that social function? Do we need to buy the Armani suit? Why do we agree to fulfill certain traditions, even though we don’t care much for them?

If the situation adds value to our lives, then it’s right to go for it but if our decision is based on a fear of missing out, then we are making a wrong decision.

Many of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives. We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

Unfortunately when we succumb to this innate fear we have, we start living other people’s lives, and we follow the principles that don’t matter to us.

C) Freedom of attachment to results

“Let not the fruit of action be your motive to action. Your Business is with action alone, not with the fruit of action.”- The Bhagavad Gita

When we free ourselves from attachment to results, then we magically enjoy the process much more and paradoxically our results improve. When we free ourselves from the comparison that attachment to results inadvertently brings us then, we become more content and satisfied with our lives.

And when we set an intention that we are committed to a certain action rather than its results, we free ourselves from the doubts, fears, and anxiety that results instill in us.

Also, when set an intention not to attach to outcomes, we become open-minded and so much more ready to embrace new ideas.

D) Financial Freedom

To be financially free doesn’t necessarily mean to make millions, own many properties, become famous, or own a huge business employing thousands of people. It could be so, and there are many, who embody that image, but not all of them are as free as we think.

Are they free of the power that money has over them? Are they living free of the desires that money brings with it?

For me, to be financially free means, to be able to spend less than you earn and save something for a rainy day. It means that we don’t have that inner need to make more so that we can spend more.

It means reducing the desire and greed that consumerism has instilled in our DNA. It means not buying a new car when you have many; it means not owning a property that you are not using. It means not having a wardrobe that is full of clothes that you don’t wear.

Why do we continually put ourselves under pressure for fleeting moments of happiness that the Chanel bags or the Porsche car provides us with? Won’t we be happier and more content without the bag or car and the inevitable bill that is waiting to be paid?

I’m not promoting communism or socialism, and I’m all for buying beautiful things but only if we use them, and they become a constant source of contentment in our lives.

For example, I Built a pool in my house at a huge cost, but looking back after three years of use, I would say it’s been the best money I’ve spent for a while. It’s been the source of an immeasurable amount of contentment and joy to me.
Freeing our souls, allows us to follow our hearts in a world that is so dominated by our minds. It allows us to accept our life and appreciate the good things we already have in our life.

There is nothing more important in our lives to pursue than the freedoms we need to live a wholehearted life that is full of joy, meaning, and inner peace.

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Happiness is a dangerous idea. It’s as elusive as perfection. It lulls us into believing that life is always fun, full of smiles and slowly guides us towards comfort.

It doesn’t lead to growth, meaning or inner peace.

It compels us to compare our lives and our moments with others using only what we see from the outside. And what we usually see is only the happy moments.

Do we see anyone share a picture on social media when they have failed? Do we see anyone advertise his or her sadness? Rather it’s the smiles and the parties. It’s the achievements without the hard efforts that are shown.

What we always see is one side of the coin and for us to say we want to be happy is naive and simplistic. And if we are not careful, and our only goal is to be happy, and then we may find ourselves empty and lost.

It’s rather more truthful to pursue a life that is full of meaning, growth and wholeness.

And it’s rather pain and discomfort that leads us to change, growth and ultimately to more meaning. It’s the pain that pushes us into getting out of our comfort zones so that we can venture out and try new experiences or ways that we daren’t do before.

I’m not saying that we should walk around depressed, sad and feeling sorry for ourselves. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be happy.

I’m saying we shouldn’t raise our hopes so high as to expect only happiness in life, and when the first setback hits us, we become paralyzed and unable to fight back.

We need to understand that pain, setbacks and sadness are inevitable in our lives, and we need to be realistic enough to accept them as part of our journey.

And pain is not just any part but an important one, as it becomes this great teacher that we learn from rather than simply something we need to endure.

Also, I’m saying that we need pain as much as we need happiness in our lives and if we can get a good balance of both then that will ultimately lead to a more satisfying life that is full of meaningful experiences.

We need happiness to celebrate our growth and our wins.

We need happiness to keep us optimistic and engaged in life.

However, instead of saying we want to be happy, let’s say we want to be whole and are committed to embracing every aspect of our being, and that will include both happiness and pain.

“Isn’t the beauty of life that it’s like a titillating movie,
that comes with scenes of painful tears and happy smiles.
And only when we dig deeper into the crevasses of our pain
we clear the mounds of anguish blocking the path to our joy.

As we come face to face with the darkness, we are forced
to be with it, to befriend it and to know everything about it.
It is only then that we can clearly see a tiny glow of light,
a ray of hope that leads to how bright our light can shine.

Lo and behold! Those who suppress and evade the pain,
as they turn their backs on the valuable lessons that come with it.
They missed their chance to feel it and let it go when it was small,
as it will come back stronger and much bigger in form.

Life is not all about the smiles and tears that arrive by chance,
But rather by living with a freedom that allows your soul to dance.”

 

Instead of having a goal for the pursuit of happiness, then rather let’s have one for the happiness of pursuit. Because it’s in the pursuit that you become whole.

It’s in the means that you get to an end. It’s the process that matters in life and not the actual goal.I’m saying I would rather live a life that makes me grow even if sadness is etched in my heart, rather than a life where I cease to grow, and I’m simply happy.

I’m saying I would rather live with an open heart marked with wounds than one that is closed and has no wounds at all.

I’m saying I want to be someone who is more than just happy in life.

“I’d rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.”
-Emiliano Zapata

5 Reasons To Think Hard Before Setting Goals

Mo.Issa

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at”.-Bruce Lee

I’m getting tired of the effect of goals and precisely how my fixation on their outcomes is affecting my life. I’ve found myself getting overwhelmed by my elaborate goal-setting plans that often lead me to abandon the goal altogether.

I’ve lived most of my life on the principle that we as humans are goal-setting machines, and I went about my life by setting goals, achieving them and then setting new ones.

I’ve grown so much from the structure and the drive that goal setting has instilled in me to achieve more and be more. And I find myself afraid of living without goals as that would make me complacent, and so I won’t do enough and when I’m not doing then I’m not growing.

“Not all who wander are lost.”- J.R.R Tolkien

However, I’ve started being more agreeable to the growing view that setting goals and achieving them doesn’t necessarily lead to a life of contentment.

Rather, I’ve found that committing to a strict regimen of doing rather than measuring my progress against goals has made it easier for me to continue and enjoy the process.

Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United Football manager, when asked what his strategy was and the goals he set for winning 49 trophies and becoming the most successful Football manager ever, just said:

“My only goal was to win every game and every action I did was towards that.”

These are five reasons to be careful when setting goals:

1) We forget our love of the activity

We get so caught up with the actual goal and enamored by the hype surrounding it that we forget why we got into doing the activity in the first place. We forget how much we love the process itself and instead start to focus on the results.

I was training for the Florence Marathon a year ago. I read, analyzed and created a scientific plan so that I could run faster and harder. I started adding new training techniques and was regularly recording my times and pace. Suddenly, I stopped enjoying my running and became fixated on seeing myself cross the line at 4h 10mins. Six weeks into the training plan, I got injured and could never recover to run the marathon.

2) Goals, sub-goals, and tasks add stress

First we set our goals, and then our sub-goals and the actions that align with them. Then we review our tasks daily, weekly and track our progress towards the goals. All this extra activity and decisions adds stress to our lives. Now instead of focusing our energy on the actual process that we love, we waste it on creating lists and then checking them off.

Last week I joined NaNoWriMo, which is an annual online creative writing project that takes place only in November and it challenges participants to write 50,000 words for a novel. It gets people writing and motivated throughout the month. It’s a great event and has helped many write best sellers.

However, it completely stressed me out, as I felt I was under so much pressure. I now had a big goal of writing a novel with a sub-goal of writing so many words per day. I devised a plan of how many words to write per day, what time to write, and what to write.

I met my target for the first few days but I wasn’t enjoying my writing anymore, and what was meant to be fun and a way to free myself from the stress of life became the stress itself. I quickly deleted my account on the third day and made a simple commitment to write for two days a week at three-hour stretches.

3) Goal-setting is often simply running away

We sometimes, jump from goal to goal and after achieving them, then just abandon the interest. We just wanted to add excitement and activity to our lives, and not necessarily meaning.

We inadvertently use goals so that we don’t have to stop and reflect on our lives. We start following new fads and new things to do just for the sake of doing them. We keep running, as we don’t want to sit alone with our thoughts and our truths.

We never ask why we are setting the goal and what it means to achieve it. Why do we want to write a book? Is it to gain prestige and recognition or do we feel that people need to hear our message?

4) Kaizen is a better way than goal setting

Kaizen is Japanese term that has become famous in the west. It means continuous improvement through small incremental changes that accumulate over time. It’s used in the corporate world for developing systems and practices. It’s one of the core principles that Toyota used to become the No.1 Car producer in the world.

We always associate change with some large, visible result like a before and after picture of someone who has lost weight in a few months. However, in reality the greatest changes occur when we make daily small incremental changes. This way we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves and overload our capacity.

It’s no coincidence that 99% of New Year resolutions are abandoned in the first week. We overwhelm ourselves with too many goals and often the goals are just too unrealistic.

5) Goals can be limiting

When we fix goals, we close ourselves to many opportunities that could open up for us. We focus only on a particular action towards the goal we set. We become oblivious to reality and find it harder to change and adapt to our fast-changing environment.

For Example, Google doesn’t set annual corporate goals (except for SEC requirements) as it feels goals reduce its agility and how they could respond to the market.

I still feel I need a general direction to push me into doing the things I love in a more consistent way. I want to remain focused and committed to the processes that I enjoy.

I’m not going to abandon goal-setting altogether, but I will look at them with more scrutiny always asking if the particular goal gives me contentment, lessens stress and helps me grow before I commit to it.

But, I definitely don’t want an elaborate goal-setting plan that would make me feel like I’m not enough when I don’t achieve some of it’s goals.

 

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life (2)Published By Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard

If I had to choose one practice that was the catalyst for my transformation then it’s rising early at 5:30 a.m every day for the past five years. This single commitment has changed me from a grumpy, frustrated person who was always in a rush to get things done without much enjoyment to a much calmer person who has found more meaning and purpose in his life.

It was rising early that propelled me to add many other productive habits to my morning. It was rising early that kept me constant and consistent with the rituals that I needed to re-wire my brain.And it was rising early that gave me the thrust I needed to go further towards the path of my authenticity.

There is something special, almost magical when we wake up a few minutes before the sun comes out.It’s like we watch its birth and look at it in grateful awe.We feel it’s might, and it somehow reminds us of life’s beauty and the infinite possibilities we have to connect to its power.

There are three big areas in my life that rising early has helped me tremendously:

1. Inner peace

I learnt that to have peace throughout the day; I needed to start with solitude and connection to my soul. I needed to ignore the noise that constantly surrounds me and listen to the songs and lullabies that my soul whispers in my ears.

There is no better time to do so just before the sun would come out. The birds start chirping away, and the trees outside stand tall and ready for their day. And there is always a hint of freshness in the atmosphere.It’s like life is ready to dazzle me, and that gives me a feeling of inner peace and freedom that I find hard to put into words.

2. Creativity

As I become more consistent with my morning rituals, and without many distractions I found myself in that state of “Flow.”I connect with my soul and find that my creative juices are flowing, and my muse is always close by to help me create.

During this time, there are no questions to be answered ,no emails to respond to and no decisions to be made. I can easily focus on one thing and it’s usually my writing.

There are many examples of great people who rise early and allow this energy in the morning to help them create, such as Steve Jobs, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway and Richard Branson.

3.Feeling energized

What we do in the morning will set us up for the rest of our day.And when we remain consistent with getting up early and follow our daily rituals ,then we find ourselves with so much energy within us that we can achieve much more during the day.

I very often find that by afternoon ,I’ve done most of the big tasks I was meant to do and as such the rest of the day becomes a breeze. And that’s in stark contrast to the other days where I achieve much less when my mornings don’t go to plan.

How to wake up early?

  • You need to sleep earlier as any attempt in cutting down the amount of hours you need to sleep(7-8 hours) will result in you waking up more stressed and any benefit gained by waking up early will be duly lost.
  • Reduce the time you want to wake up gradually so that you don’t end up giving up the practice completely. For example, set your alarm earlier by 15 minutes every three days and so you will be up earlier by 30 minutes within a week and 2 hours within a month.
  •  Increase your exercise activity during this period when trying to wake up earlier so that you can sleep easier at night.
  • As soon as the alarm goes off, jump out of bed and don’t allow your lazy mind to lull you into staying in bed.
  • Prepare one thing that excites you to do in the morning, such as a Yoga move that stretches your back or reading from a book you enjoy.

My Morning Rituals(In the order I practice them)

  1.  Drinking water: I Drink a full glass of water so that I’m immediately energized and my body starts to function.
  2. Meditation: I meditate for 20 minutes, and even though I struggle for the first 15 minutes, I find that the last five minutes makes up for the initial struggle. Meditation not only instills this inner peace in me but clears my mind so that I’m ready for the day ahead. It also acts as a reminder of the discipline of mastering my mind throughout my life.
  3. Journaling: I journal for about 15 minutes where I bring out all my fears and insecurities in detail. The mere fact that I’m aware acts like a catharsis and I feel better immediately.
  4. Reading: I read for 30 minutes and find that it soothes my being and in the morning I’m more receptive to the different ideas and worlds that reading conjures up.
  5. Gratitude: I write out 3 things I’m grateful for and that just reminds me to focus on the things that are working in my life. Usually this could be for something small like the cheesecake I had yesterday, or achieving a goal I’ve been aiming towards for a while.
  6. Big To-Do’s: I write out in bold ink the 3 things that I want to achieve today.
  7. Exercise: I exercise whether it’s a run or a cross fit session in the outdoors depending on where I’m at with injuries, running races or I’m out of the country. The main thing is to move for about 45 minutes in the morning.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”-Brené Brown

I’m not saying that the only way to be peaceful and productive is to rise early but it worked very well for me, and this is coming from someone who used to claim he was not a morning person.

There are many days that I can’t get up early as an enforced late night or a bad night’s sleep will hinder my discipline.However, I find that if I stick to this regimen of early rise and practicing my rituals for about 80 percent of the time then I’m fine.

I have found that for me to be able to cultivate the authenticity within me, then it’s my morning rituals that have become the vehicle that drive me towards the nirvana of my true self.

Spiritual Manifesto

In our purest form, in the depths of our souls :
We know that we must tend toward what is right, blessed, sweet and noble in life.
We hunger and thirst for what makes our hearts purr.
We do not wish to fill our souls with bitterness.
We look on love as a goal and not as a means in itself to achieve something else.
We regard submission as elevation and reverence as a form of reward.
We see longing as a gift and a bounty in itself.
We don’t pray so that God spares us torment. We know it’s part of our lives, as we can’t do without that which infuses the soul with a sacred kiss. And we can’t do without that which brings us closer to our greater selves and reveals to us the power, mystery and wonder we have within us.
We see life and happiness in its purest manifestations. In the eyes of a baby smiling, we find all the hope and aspiration of humanity. And in a simple flower we see the glory and beauty of spring.
We don’t use what is near to reach what lies far ahead, and we don’t demand from God: “give us what we want or gives us nothing.”
We realize that what is right, blessed and permanent in life does not follow our wishes, but moves according to its own will. It does not stop in one place; it marches on with all its beauty like a procession encapsulating and bewildering everyone in its path.
We are ready to be part of life and to be used as one of its many translucent elements. What motive has a Robin when singing but to sing? What motive has the river got but to flow? What motive has a Royal Oak tree but to stand tall and majestic?
We know we are part of a myriad of souls who each have their own purpose and also a collective one in serving each other. We know that a lonely soul has no purpose at all.
We know that God has instilled a part of him in us, and all we need to do is to remove all the obstacles that stand in the way of us reaching that sacrosanct part.