“Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.”-Napoleon Hill
She was late for dinner. Immediately, my thoughts spiralled out of control and my “thinking mind” was playing havoc with me from calling her irresponsible to downright untrustworthy. She then arrived, all smiles, kissed me and gave me a big hug. Suddenly she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. All my negative thoughts faded and were replaced with pleasing thoughts.
What makes our thoughts so sharply bipolar? How can she go from being untrustworthy to the love of my life in mere seconds?
Thoughts are neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that are released by the brain to allow it to communicate with parts of itself and the nervous system. Thoughts control all our body’s functions and our emotions which in turn affect our behaviour and results.
Scientific research has confirmed the power of thoughts and how they affect our behaviour. However, the most telling thing about how our mind works is that almost 90% of those electrical signals being formed are done so without our conscious consent or to be exact, they occur at the sub-conscious level.
We have two separate minds:
The Conscious mind which represents 5% of our mind is the thinking mind, where we think freely and can accept or reject any idea. It gets information from our five senses and is rooted in the present. E.g. When crossing the road, we hear a car approaching, and we immediately stop.
The Subconscious mind is like a super computer stored with a database of programmed behaviours, most of which we acquired between birth and the age of six. Almost 95% of our thoughts, decisions, emotions, and actions are influenced from the programming in our subconscious mind.
In the example above, my thoughts went astray as our relationship was still new and I was insecure. The programming in my subconscious from a previous relationship which broke down on the grounds of mistrust came into play.
The subconscious is basically running our lives and most of the time we are unaware of our behaviour, and if not addressed quickly enough, our thoughts crystallize into core beliefs which become almost impossible to shift.
However, science has shown that though it’s difficult, we can reprogram the subconscious mind by using some of the techniques below.
1.Stillness of the conscious mind
Our conscious mind is often so noisy that we can’t hear the whispers and murmurs that emanate from the subconscious. Meditation and mindfulness give us the calm and inner peace we often need so that our mind becomes clear enough to open communication between the two minds.
2. Notice Our Environment
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”-Jim Rohn.
Often we find that there are certain people around us, who are well-intentioned but create so much noise around our being that we can’t have the peace and quiet we need.
We can’t leave our conscious minds open to toxic people and negative situations. It’s not easy trying to quit smoking when all our friends smoke. Conversely, it’s much easier to develop a good eating habit when those around you eat well.
I often escape to the beach alone or sit in a quiet place surrounded by birds, trees and the wind where I can purify my conscious mind and so that it can be clear and efficient in affecting the subconscious.
3) Reflection and observation
We need to look at our behaviours so that we are aware of the results in our lives. In this way, we can start catching ourselves when we are in the midst of a tantrum, or during an eating binge that opposes the actions we want. The more we reflect on our results, the more we know where we are headed.
As soon as I find myself getting frustrated or angry, I stop immediately, retreat and take three deep breaths. This action alone has saved me countless moments of rage, anger and going the wrong way.
4) Creating Habits
“In every area of life — from your education to your work to your health — it is your amount of grit, mental toughness, and perseverance predicts your level of success more than any other factor we can find.”-James Clear
Repetition is key to reprogramming the subconscious mind, and so it’s important that we persist in whatever we are trying to impress onto the subconscious mind.
Whether it’s creating new positive behaviours or replacing old negative ones, then the best way to do so is by incorporating habits into our lives.
It’s smarter to split habits into smaller wins so that we make sure we can remain consistent with our actions.
For example, I have created a habit of writing for 30 minutes each day, something that is not so difficult but after six consecutive months, I’ve started reaping the benefits as my writing has improved tremendously, and I’m getting published regularly.
5) Visualisation
The mind doesn’t know if we are doing something or not and the more we visualize or imagine the desired outcome than the more neural pathways in our brain that we altar and as such we are rewiring our brains.
Michael Phelps, American swimmer and the most decorated Olympian of all time visualized his races in detail, and usually many times a day. He would “play the movie” over and over so that all of the little things could be done as perfectly as possible, and with as little conscious thought as possible.
6) Taking action
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
If visualization has been proved by science, to rewire our brains, then taking action is likely to have an even larger impact. There is nothing like taking the plunge and getting out of our comfort zone for us to yield the best results in change.
I committed to run four times a week and for four weeks and after a month I had cultivated the habit of running.
We have the power to change our behaviours only when we recognize that we need to address the subconscious, emotional mind through our conscious thinking mind.
We can’t control our past programming, but we can from this moment on, start to create new behaviours by consistently marking the subconscious mind with the actions and results that we want in our lives.
“Knowledge comes from learning.Wisdom comes from living.”-A.D.Williams
I had a dream where I was walking comfortably up Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I was wearing leather sandals, a dhoti cotton cloth wrapped around me, carrying a small wooden stick and looked like Gandhi in his late years.
It was a pleasant day; the sun was out, and no sign of snow, blizzards or dead mountaineers. The scenery, the surroundings, and the feeling were as if I was living in Shambala, the lost heavenly city of Tibetan Buddhism. However and more importantly, it was my birthday–My 500-year-old birthday, and all the cameras were there to witness the first ever recorded 500-year-old.
This dream was inspired by what I watched the night before, where a top Google executive, Bill Maris, said on Bloomberg that humans would live to be 500-years-old, and the company was investing millions of dollars in life sciences to ensure this vision became a reality. It had hired scientists as partners in order to identify start-ups that could cure cancer and make chemotherapy “seem primitive” within 20 years. Maris added that, “If you ask me today, is it possible to live to be 500? The answer is yes.”
My dream and the thought of living to be five hundred got me thinking. I mean why not? There have been stranger happenings in our history; the abominable snowman or Yeti, UFO sightings and many unexplained phenomena. As advancements in technology keep changing our lives and diseases are being cured, the life expectancy keeps rising. It has now doubled from forty to eighty in the last hundred years.
There have been many mythical murmurs and mysterious stories that people have lived very long-LP Suwang, a Buddhist, died in 1995 was rumoured to be 444 years old.
How would we live if we knew we were going to reach 500? How would that impact our thinking and attitude, in living if we knew we had so much time? If we remove our greatest fear, that of death, how would we live?
As we grow older, we mature and become wiser and have richer experiences to recall that guide us in making the right decisions, and as such we understand ourselves and how to live better. And knowing that we have all that time, would mean many changes in the way we lived our lives.
Live in the moment
Imagine living our lives, not at the frenetic speed we do now but in slow motion where every moment is slowed down and lived fully. When we know we have so much time, the pressure on us is reduced and living in the moment will take on a completely new meaning.
After 150 years or so of living, we would understand that the past is gone and can only provide memories while the future holds no fears as we’ve got another 350 years to go.
We would want to stay in the present and want our lives to be richer and all-knowing. From every kind of bird that lives, their migratory details and how their navigation system works, to every tree’s name and history– The tall oak trees in Boston, Harry Potter’s weeping willow trees of Northern China and the Bodhi Tree of Bodh Gaya, in India.
We would want to enrich our experiences and so watch every sunset from every ocean view and watch every new moon with its supporting cast of stars from every sky view.
2) Be compassionate
By now, we’ve seen many people die and know the suffering that people go through. We’ve seen many on their deathbeds full of regrets, in pain and not having lived a fulfilled life.
The need to serve and help becomes not just something we aim for but part of our being, and we would want to offer a word, a touch and a hug every time we can. We can’t but be compassionate, as most people are much younger than us.
We would feel around others, the way we feel around 4-year-olds now. We would laugh at their transgressions; our heart would beam when they are smiling, and we would cry when they are in pain because we know of their helplessness. We recognise that what humans long for most, is love and compassion.
3) Goals transcend to Dharma
Goals that take months or even years (less than 10) become trivial and as such we look at long-term objectives that define our ways of beings. The goal now takes on more importance and becomes our dharma-the reason we came into being and life.
Excellence is achieved in 20-30 years spans and not anything shorter and as such we now have the time to become great in any field that piques our interest. Losing 20 pounds in weight is a good goal, but if we have hundreds of years to live then, it’s better we change our whole approach to eating, exercising and sleeping. After all, we are going to need our bodies for hundreds of years.
All our goals now transcend to meaning and purpose–how can we grow and how can we serve mankind become our only questions. Nothing else matters as material wants and achievements slowly lose their shine.
4) Environmentally Friendly
Similarly, as we cared for our bodies, we would want to care for the environment, and every time a rain forest gets destroyed because of greed, we lose a part of us forever. The loss of many species of the animal, plant and other kingdoms, is akin to us losing one of our family members.
We would want to take over where other environmentalists stopped and try to convince everyone of the need for us to take more care and understand that the environment is just a bigger part of what we are all connected to. What happens in the skyline of Guangzhou will affect all of us whether we live in, the clay mud huts of the African sub-Sahara or an exclusive penthouse apartment in New York.
5) Detachment and letting go
With so many years under our belt, we’ve lost so many loved ones, friends, and people that we’ve known and so detachment becomes essential rather than a spiritual practice. We’ve learnt the hard way that attachment is suffering, and detachment means freedom. This doesn’t make us less compassionate but rather we see the bigger picture of life, death, and the afterlife.
We now realise that attachment is linked to the ego, and we understand why our earlier years were marked by anxiety and despair as we craved visible results, instead of focusing on the actual actions or the practice that leads to our inner joy.
The action of writing, rather than getting the book on the bestseller list becomes our objective, and we now appreciate that results don’t matter so much as it’s all about the candle that is lit in our hearts every time we practice what we love.
Our fear of death is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to live with freedom.
If we live, knowing that we can live till 500, then we can banish those deep-seated fears we carry with us from one generation to another, and maybe finally we can live the “Good life” our spiritual masters keep preaching to us.
The world keeps changing. It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and the ways which got you where you are, are seldom those that keep you there. — Charles Handy
As I review my year and my life, I keep asking the same question over and over again. What am I committed to this year and for the next several years that will make me want to wake up every morning with a gusto of energy and a smile that allows me to discover my aliveness?
I’ve found that for us to be energised, we need to constantly re-invent ourselves as well as our lives. We need to take on new challenges and differing roles in our life. We need to shift focus to something new or renew something old as soon as we feel our energy supplies dwindling.
I’m not preaching that we should live hedonistically chasing every whim of sensual pleasure that we feel and abandon projects, people and hobbies when we get bored or uncomfortable. Rather I’m saying that we should be aware of the plateaus that are present in our lives and notice the stage when we become stagnant and stop growing.
We live out our lives in stages, and if we don’t adapt to our feelings, environment and results, then we will end up moving away from our true self and what we were meant to be and do. Accordingly, as we get older, we will become bitter and frustrated.
All things in life occur in cycles, and as nature always shows us best, most things don’t grow linearly but rather cyclically-the light from the day contrasts from the darkness of night.
“Change like seasons is inevitable.
No season is permanent.
Opportunities and needs, like seasons, wane as a new one begins.
We can be purposeful, anticipating change and navigate the differing phases of our lives.
Or ignore it allowing circumstances to impose its change on us.
We live our lives in seasons.”
The need to re-invent ourselves is championed by the concept of “The Sigmoid Curve,” written about by Charles Handy in “The Age of the Paradox,” in 1994.”
The Sigmoid curve is a mathematical concept developed by Handy, and it confirms the cyclical nature of everything we do in life from our relationships, careers, business lives to our personal growth.
Sigmoid Curve: Illustration of the stretched out “S” lying on its side with the 3 phases
A)The Learning Phase
This is at the bottom of the S, and it rises slowly, often dipping before starting to grow. It’s the initial phase of learning; the first few months of a business start-up, the first few months of a new career, or just after the honeymoon period is over, in a marriage.
At this stage, there is a lot of hard work, and no initial wins to appreciate and little sign of growth. It’s here where we need the persistence and belief to push through the hard times.
Typically, this is seen in a business start-up, with founders working 100-hour weeks in the basements or garages of their homes for months on end. They are driven by the belief that they are onto the next “New” thing in the Technology world, living off hot coffee and cold pizza, with no income in sight.
B)The Growth Phase
There is a sharp rise in the S shape, and now things are moving quickly, the start-up is growing fast, career promotions are coming through quickly. Or we start to enjoy our relationship as it matures, and we understand each other much more.
The start-up is now buzzing, with many people on board and it’s now recognized and appreciated by many people around silicon valley. Suddenly many venture capitalists want to invest; talented people are ready to work with them, and the press wants to report their success. There is real growth and maturation in this phase.
C)The Decline Phase
Here the line drops as the S shape begins to fall. Things start to get mundane, uninteresting and what was effortless becomes hard work. Energy level drops as we lose the excitement of the initial stage, and we then lose focus. Things have stalled and need freshening up, and this decline can occur within a business, our careers or in our marriages.
In the start-up example, expenses shoot up, while revenues drop as the novelty of the start-up’s products have worn out, and competition has caught up, what was once an inspiring environment to work in becomes like any other place. The start-up reaches its crossroads, and now everything is questioned.
The trick is to negotiate the phases at the right time and avoid the decline phase. As the picture below illustrates, we need to jump off the first curve before it hits its peak and start on something new at the start of a new curve.
However, this is no easy task as history has proved. From the decline of the Roman Empire, the fall from grace of Tiger Woods and the disappearance of Kodak, have all shown us that the biggest risers can fall quickly and never be able to recover.
We can’t rest on our laurels for too long at the first stage as we often don’t have the energy or know-how to change direction when we arrive at the final decline phase. Our momentum stalls and what made us great at the initial stage no longer works and needs to shift drastically.
We didn’t invest enough time, resources and energy in thinking about the future and preparing ourselves to jump onto the next stage. There is often ambivalence, doubts, and fear of doing so and as such we find ourselves stuck in that initial stage afraid to leave our comfort zone and of taking the next new step.
However, when looking at most successful people and businesses, it is precisely that courageous move that keeps them at the top. It is their willingness to push their comfort zones, aim higher and have the self-belief required to jump at the right time.
The successful people are ready to reinvent themselves and adapt to the ever-changing environment always following their excitement and being strong enough to kill off what doesn’t serve them anymore.
It’s the first day of the year. It’s a day I like to spend alone and reflect on myself, my actions towards the goals of last year and to see if I have changed or, at least, created some momentum to change.
After all, we are goal-setting machines, and our growth is served not only by achieving goals but in who we become when we proceed faithfully towards them.And so it’s imperative that we reflect on what worked and what didn’t in the past year.
Almost six out of ten resolutions fail in the first week alone, and approximately 48% of corporate goals are abandoned after only three months. So the point is not if we fail, but when we fail.
Why is it that many of us don’t stay true to our goals and fail to make any lasting change? Why do we not lose the 20 pounds we promised ourselves we would? Why don’t we put that extra money in a savings account as we intended to?
It’s true that self-discipline is key and without it, most goals are unachievable, but there are also several other reasons why our goals don’t last, but only for a few weeks.
1) The word “Goal” is loaded and overwhelming
I’ve found that the word “Goal” in itself is heavy and is ladened with so many expectations that it represents a universal concept that is tired which adds so much stress to us when mentioned. It implies that in not achieving it then you are a failure.
Recently, I’ve started to use the word “Intention” as it allows me to think that even if I create some momentum towards it without achieving it, then I’m still successful.
I set an intention to write an e-book for last year, and I couldn’t do it. However, I’ve made meaningful progress towards writing it and learned a few things on the way to be able to get it done this year and so I don’t feel like a failure just because I didn’t finish the book.
2) Our reflections are not deep enough
When reflecting on the past year, then it’s important that we scrutinise both successes and failures. We must understand the reasons why we failed in achieving our intentions and appreciate that it could well be something that we were not yet ready for.
We must be weary of our ego pushing us to do something, and that in the greater scheme of things it wasn’t the right time or the right match for us. I had set a Goal to run the New York marathon, but my body hadn’t recovered from the previous year’s injuries I suffered in running too much too quickly.As such, every time I completed a long run, then I would completely break down causing me much pain and disappointment.
If i had been honest with my reflection, and knowing the conditions of my knees, then I wouldn’t have set sucah an intention.It doesnt mean I have given up on my dream to run a marathon, but I must first rehabilitate my knees.
3) Are our Goals/Intentions relevant to us?
Our culture has become one which is inundated with achievement, success and the spoils of it all. We often set intentions for the sake of it, and bucket lists have become a way to compare how we rate our happiness and contentment in life as compared to the next person as if that was true.
We can reduce the stress we put on ourselves, by choosing what is relevant to us rather than what is in vogue.What’s the point of climbing Kilimanjaro if it means nothing to us? Why take up Yoga, only because all of California is doing so?
When we ask ourselves why we are pursuing our goal or intention, and it still makes us all giddy and excited to do so, then it means we are on the right track.And when we view our life as an eighty-year project rather than a short-sighted view of twelve months, we start to choose fewer and more meaningful things to do or achieve per year.
I set several intentions in 2015 to learn Tai Chi, Pilates and run a marathon in 2015 and I ended up doing none. Instead, I should have asked myself why I truly wanted all of them and if I still wanted them, then set only one of them per year and leave the others for the following years.
4) We don’t set enough Spiritual Goals/Intentions
Spiritual goals or intentions are things like, I want to control my anger outbursts, or I will wake up every day and put a smile on at least one person. Gabrielle Reece, the famous former Model/Volleyball professional stated in an interview that she had set an intention long ago to “Go First,” meaning she would greet, smile and approach anyone she came across before they did.
These intentions are more difficult and often hard to gauge, but they nourish the soul and as such lead to a lasting change.They improve our attitudes, mindsets and the way we interact with the world. They make us better people and so we find achieving all our other intentions much easier to do.
Last year I decided that I wanted to have more peace and solitude in my life. I started rising earlier by an hour every day to have some time on my own, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and that alone helped me achieve many of the other intentions I set.
5)We don’t define and plan the actions needed towards an intention
The whole point of setting goals or intentions is to get into action and without a clearly defined action plan and a schedule set for actually doing them than we are doomed to fail.The intentions are the 1% inspiration we need while the actions are 99% perspiration we have to do.
It’s important to block out specific time in the calendar for doing the actions required towards our set intentions. I’ve marked my calendar with three sessions of writing per week each lasting three hours, and I know if I remain true to those actions, then I will not only achieve my desired outcomes but will also increase the amount contentment in my life.
Whether we call them Goals, Intentions, or New year’s Resolutions, it’s important to have some clarity on how we will spend the next minute, the next day and the next year.
We can simplify this process, or complicate it but the bottom line is that we have an inner need to effect lasting change within ourselves and grow every minute, every day and every year.
I couldn’t take it anymore. My inner voice was screaming as my outer self was holding it back. It was like a dam waiting to burst. I went into my office, locked my door and took a few deep breaths. I tried to meditate but just couldn’t. I completely broke down and started crying.
I knew I had reached my limit; my cup was full, and there was nothing I could do about this sense of overwhelm I was feeling. None of my habit strategies could work, as I had used up every ounce of discipline that was in me.
It had been a hectic few months as I was juggling so many things in my life. From fighting grief after the loss of my mother, trying to save a foundation that I had set up a few years ago, and watching my company struggle in the worst macroeconomic conditions I’ve ever experienced.
And if that wasn’t enough, I took on several other challenges such as preparing to run a marathon, hosting a large speaking event and attempting to write a book.
I had fallen back into my old ways, where I would do one million things rather than face the pain. I would take on many projects so that I wouldn’t have time to reflect and think about my difficulties.
Fortunately, I’m much more aware than I used to be, and I now listen very carefully to my body. The first signs came when I pulled my calf muscle and couldn’t train anymore and had to sit out running for a month and as such missed the marathon date.
The final sign was my breakdown at the office. I left work and drove to a nearby spot that overlooked the sea and stared at the greenish blue waters for what seemed like an eternity.
We all go through times when we get overwhelmed. As in my case where I wanted to close off my heart for fear of getting hurt, so I put on a shield and took on task after task.
Other times, we are afraid of missing out and say yes to everything that comes our way, forgetting that a day consists of only 24 hours.
“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
― E.E. Cummings
Overwhelm leads to frustration, and that leads to stress, which in turn leads to health problems (headaches, muscle aches, high blood pressure, heart disease). It also starts us towards destructive behavior (overeating, drugs, etc.), which can cause full-blown depression.
These are 5 ways that you can overcome overwhelm and stop it manifesting into something much worse than mere frustration:
1. Awareness
The first step is to be aware that we are in “overwhelm” mode, and this is usually easier said done particularly when we are in the thick of things.
However everyone develops certain signs when they know they are heading into an overwhelming high alert mode. I feel them as soon as my breathing becomes wayward and when my frustrated thoughts won’t go away during my meditation practice.
2. Step back
After awareness, we need to take a step back, take a break and rejuvenate ourselves while we re-evaluate where we are in the grand scheme of things. I usually take an afternoon off work and go to the beach (I’m lucky as it’s only 20 minutes away) or just listen to music/watch a movie for an afternoon.
3. Does what we’re doing seem right for our vision?
Now look at the projects, or tasks that we’ve taken on and ask why are we doing them. Do these move us towards our vision? Why should I spend time and energy on projects like writing a book, or running a marathon when it’s not part of my personal vision? We need to be careful not to do things for the sake of filling our bucket lists.
Ernest Hemingway said: “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” He meant that there was no need to add many flowery words to your sentence. And don’t be afraid of removing a sentence that you love if it doesn’t add real value to your final piece.
4.Think small and slow things down
Life is a marathon and not a race so whatever you have in your hand, think of it as a long-term project rather than something you have to finish within a week. This way of thinking has helped me so much as I’ve slowed things down where I now think of 5-7 years per goal and plan my goals as if I’ll live till I’m a hundred years old.
I’ve also set a maximum of doing three major tasks/activities a day, and I’ll start with task one till I finish it before I move on to the next one and so on. I’ve found this number to be my right balance.
5.Detachment of results
We often place a heavy burden on ourselves by setting high expectations on projects/goals we take on. I do believe that measurable goals are important to track our progress, but we must let go of the need for results. As we let go of that need and just focus on the process, then the results will work themselves out and surprise us.
I’ve started using time sessions per task instead of tracking results.
E.g., I will write for an hour every other day, rather than saying I’ll write three articles a week. I will exercise 45 minutes for four days a week, rather than stressing on how many miles I will run, or what muscles I’ll work today.
“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.”
-Lao-Tzu
We need to treat this feeling of overwhelm as if it’s our emotional indicator that tells us to take a step back, slow down and ask ourselves again what matters most to us.
It’s a gift from the universe like an internal thermostat, and all we have to do is remove all the fear surrounding us and adhere to it.
And the best thing is that, no matter how bad yesterday was, every morning is a new beginning and an opportunity to live without overwhelm and stress.
A few days after writing an article on the dangers of the smartphone and how we delude ourselves into thinking we can do two tasks at same time. I caught a reflection of myself texting instead of enjoying what was our last family dinner in a sumptuous restaurant.
I was ashamed and angry with myself, feeling hypocritical for preaching on the dangers of the smartphone and yet here I was allowing the smartphone to master my mind and take control of my actions.
Has the Phone become an extension of my ego, standing in the way of my true self ? Was I addicted to it and the pleasures it gives me? Did I, now need to enroll into a rehab centre as a Phoneaholic?
As I reflected on this for a few days, I realised that I had become a victim of my bad habits. I needed to change the way I used my phone and Internet time, so I could re-wire the way my mind and actions were following the old programmed pattern.
I had to accept that I was addicted to the smartphone and was also addicted to the information overload that enters through the internet. I would jump from an email to a link, then to a website and a new idea within seconds.
“Whoever controls the media, controls the mind” ― Jim Morrison
I needed to slow things down and especially to limit the information that I’m allowing into my mind. I needed to make some changes and after much trying and testing. I’ve found several ways to reclaim my authority over the smartphone and the internet.
1. Airplane mode is heaven-sent.
Airplane mode is when your phone is technically in a coma and can’t receive or send any information. I now use it very frequently during the day as it’s much easier than putting your phone off and it comes on within seconds.
During those times I’m in airplane mode I know I have to focus and concentrate on whatever I’m doing. The airplane mode gives me the flexibility to keep my phone with me in case of an emergency but at the same time it’s not with me.
2. De-activate all notifications
I have deactivated all notifications from instant messaging, emails and all the various applications I have. I have also grouped all social media in one folder and called it “Social Fun-Time.”I now consciously go the application rather than they come to me.
3. My morning routine without Phone/Internet
I believe that our mornings set the tone of our days.And now the first thing I do when I wake up is to set my phone on airplane mode. I then get into my meditation practice, journal and read.I then look at my current goals and the tasks for the day, drink my coffee and I’m ready to kick-start my day. After Breakfast and only when in my car some 2-3 hours later(depending on my exercise routine) do I check on any messages, emails that I need to respond to urgently before setting off.
4. Mindfulness breaks.
I drink my espresso coffee without any distractions (TV,phone and Internet)for about five minutes. And use it as a time where I just think of nothing and just focus on the skyline, the birds flying above, etc. I usually have three such breaks a day.
I have also set an alarm for every few hours where I take one moment off from whatever I’m doing and just remind myself of my wholeness and that I’m a spiritual being.
Depending on which country I’m in, I will often go for short walks with my phone on airplane mode admiring the sight and sounds around me.
5. Single-Tasking
I set myself only three big tasks every day and I try to get the hardest one done first and do that early before I even look at my phone or check my emails. I switch my phone to airplane mode and focus on my task at hand for 45 minutes before taking a 15 minute break. I keep doing that till I finish my three tasks. I have found these short bursts of concentration have improved the quality of my work.
6. Setting deliberate time for the Internet, emails, etc
I will not look at my email or browse the internet until I’m done with my morning routine and then after I’ve finished one big task at least. This usually occurs at mid-morning, and I give myself thirty minutes where I respond to my emails and do some small tasks that require less time. I usually save all the interesting articles I’ve received to read later on in the day.
Then after lunch I will spend another thirty minutes to browse the internet for news, sports and to read the saved articles from my favorite bloggers, writers and webzines. I also check my emails again.I finally do a final check on my emails in the early evening and read up on anything interesting on the web for another thirty minutes.
7. Batching and splitting tasks
I’ve also found that batching my tasks together is very helpful. Here I group all similar tasks and do them in one focused period. For example, I will return all my calls and emails separate to a time where I browse the net looking for information. Also, I try to set all my meetings in the afternoon as that way I’ve done most of my work, and I’m in a different thinking mode.
8. Getting things done.
Dave Allen created the GTD method, and it works beautifully with the way I think. In his world renowned productivity system, you turn every vague thought into an action, by writing it down either on paper or using an application to do so. This act frees you from the guilt you have on not acting immediately on a thought. And you feel relaxed about focusing on your task at hand rather than surfing the internet to research your idea, or calling a friend that popped into your mind.
9. Digital free time
I’ve set a few half-days a week where I just leave my phone somewhere and just go outside and have fun, whether it’s for a walk, to the beach or playing a fun activity. Sometimes I spend whole mornings writing while I hide my phone far away. My next goal is to have a full 24-hour day without a phone or a computer.
Some may feel that when you total the amount I spend on the Phone and Internet, then it seems a lot but at least now I’m deliberate, and I’m in control. And I still get to enjoy the benefits of technology as I can’t say enough good things about how accessible information has helped me in my writing.
Others might feel my concerns over the phone are over the top, and there is no harm in texting while waiting in the line, or checking your Instagram account quickly before your next meeting.
However, my point is to slow down my life and try to reduce the noise around me. I want to get closer to my higher self and not feel disempowered by the burden of too much information coming into my mind while at the same time using technology to take me forward.
Wayne Dyer was speaking at an “I Can Do It” Conference when he brought out an orange and asked a bright twelve-year-old, what was inside the orange. The boy insisted it could only be orange juice and not apple or grapefruit juice. When pushed to explain why, the boy said: “Well, it’s an orange, and that’s what’s inside.”
Wayne Dyer nodded and said:
“Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that’s what’s inside.”
And he went on to say that:
“It’s one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it’s because that’s what’s inside. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing — your mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don’t like, what comes out of you is what’s inside. And what’s inside is up to you, it’s your choice.”
“When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly functioning life.”
As I watched his talk, I reflected on myself and saw that not everything that’s inside me is as pure as I want it to be. When I overreact and insult a taxi driver, who ignores all kinds of driving rules and cuts me off. It’s the frustration bottled up in me that’s coming out and not what the taxi driver did. Also, when I belittle someone for making a mistake then it’s all the fears inside of me which I haven’t addressed that are coming out.
Most of our negative reactions are not about the people who irritate us but more about what is troubling us from the core.
Whenever we overreact, then it’s an opportunity for us to step back and ask ourselves what’s really inside of us? What have we allowed to get inside of us and what can we do to remove all the negative things that we don’t want in our life and replace them with love?
As Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
I’m not a Buddhist Monk or a meditation expert, but I can tell you that Meditation has helped me in my life and is slowly but surely guiding me in my self-discovery journey.
Meditation has given me an inner peace that acts as a hidden support, which until now, I didn’t appreciate. That’s probably because meditation’s effectiveness is hard to measure as its results are not immediate and not very apparent like something you see with diets or exercise.
But then again, the mind is far more complex than the body.
Meditation has been the focus of many books, articles, and research studies. There have been many successful scientific experiments proving how gray matter in the area of self-awareness grew ten-fold and how it reduces stress by some percentage. These are all clear proof that it works.
However there are many skeptics out there and rightly so, as meditation is often highjacked by new age gurus glorifying it as something sacred and difficult to achieve unless you achieve some Godly purity. And usually this purity can only be reached through them and for a hefty fee.
My definition of meditation and how it works in my life is very simple and is more relatable to most people than that of many Gurus out there.
Meditation is all about quieting your inner voice (the one that doesn’t shut up) or the monkey mind for approximately 20-30 minutes a day. And it’s exercising the mind so that you reduce your stress levels and get into a more relaxed state, as opposed to the fight-or-flight response mode of our minds.
How to Meditate?
# Sit Comfortably
Sit comfortably either in a normal seating position with your bare feet on the ground or sit on a cushion with your legs crossed and hips higher than your knees. Then, center yourself with your back always straight and upright. And then take a minute just to relax and get comfortable.
# Breathe in and out
Start to focus and follow your breath through your nostrils/mouth as you breath in for a few seconds and then out for a few seconds more.
#Leave thoughts behind
Many thoughts will arise but gently bring your attention back to the breathing leaving any thoughts behind.
# Don’t judge yourself
Don’t judge yourself for having thoughts but continue going back to your breath. Some meditations would be better than others depending on your state of mind.
E.g., Most times, I can go for 30 seconds without a thought and on one occasion I spent a full five minutes without a single thought entering my mind.
This gap in thoughts without the mind wandering off is what is deemed to be that mysterious concept known as meditation.
Myths of Meditation
You don’t have to wear an orange robe and be this peaceful spiritual person before meditation is effective. Just remove the mystery surrounding it and make meditation a habit, one that can be cultivated so that you can reap its benefits.
Having thoughts during meditation doesn’t mean you have to start all over again. Suppressing thoughts is also not the way but rather going back to your breathing naturally when thoughts arise and then leaving the thoughts behind.
If you don’t have time to meditate and can’t manage 5-20 minutes of your time to sit alone and meditate, then maybe it’s not meditation you seek but rather a Life.
Meditation will not change your life and make you this enlightened Guru, who never has pain, sadness or tough times. It’s only a practice that helps alleviate stress and put you in a more relaxed state of mind.
You don’t need a special place to Meditate. It would be nice to meditate on a quiet beach watching the sunrise, but it’s not necessary. It can be anywhere and in any place, as long as your back is straight and you are relaxed.
Mediation doesn’t mean you become passive and get trodden upon in the big bad world out there. It means you rather become a person who has control over his emotions, and one who can respond rather than react to an adverse situation.
How Meditation has helped me?
1) Calmness
Meditation helps to expand your perception, allowing you to see the value in every experience and every relationship. I have seen myself reach new capacities of calmness I never thought I was capable of.
E.g., I handled a 4-hour traffic jam very well, when in the past I would have flipped and left the car in the middle of the road. (Okay, I’m starting from a very steep point of impatience)
2) Inner Peace
Before I started to meditate, the only happiness I experienced was directly connected to external factors like relationships, money and achievements. Now I’m still happy even though some of those external factors are failing. I have this inner peace within me that has given me the strength to handle challenging situations.
I have a less of a need to control people, places or situations. I have tapped into the infinite source of inner happiness-present moment awareness. I now feel the party is wherever I am at, and I have lost that feeling of missing out.
3) Sleep/Dream better
The quality of my sleep is better as I feel rested and can accomplish much more with fewer hours slept. Also as a bonus I remember my dreams much more vividly than I used to do before I committed to my meditation practice.
4) Focus better
I have noticed now that I can focus better as I am much more aware of the chattering mind in me and use my breathing to get rid of the noise and refocus very quickly.
I now, last longer in my writing sessions without any breaks. I used start getting fidgety after 20-30 minutes, but now I can focus for 45-60 minutes quite easily per sitting.
5) Catch myself quicker when I’m thinking the wrong way
As I deepen my meditation practice, I’m becoming more aware that I am a witness to my thoughts, and that I need not identify with them as readily as I used to. As soon as I’m reacting badly to a situation I catch myself and then remind myself that I’m not that thought.
I’m a long way from perfect, and I often identify with a bad thought and ruminate for a few minutes.However, I cool down quickly and then find myself laughing for being such a fool and believing my deceiving mind. 6) Faith and Trust in life
Regular meditation slowly negates the deprecating self-talk you get involved in continually. You start to act more from your heart as the fears spurred by your mind slowly fade away, and you clearly hear the pure messages coming from your heart.
You start making better decisions and gain confidence in your being. And you start trusting the universe much more making it more enjoyable to live life, and you start awakening to your purpose.
My commitment to meditation in the last two years has been the main reason I have recently awoken to my spiritual path.
And even though it’s only for 20 minutes a day, its effect on me has been transformational as my highs have become more meaningful lasting longer and my lows though not gone have become manageable.
Action is the language of the universe and I’ve written many times on the power of action, not least for getting us out of our comfort zone.
Sometimes we can begin an action without a plan and keep moving forward, adjusting towards the goal. The actual doing now becomes the teacher and the guide. There is no need to set ourselves up, get motivated and as Nike always tell us to go out and “Just Do it.”
We should look at nature and see how action and movement work for it. Any living organism in nature either moves forward or dies. There is no room for anything else.
Rain falls; mountainside gets muddy
Birth of a stream, maybe more
Its waters barely moving
Thick in texture, murky in nature
With every descent, the purer it gets
Obstacles emerge; paths blocked
Part can’t meander; slow down to a stand-still
Growing stagnant, looking repugnant.
Imprisoned forever, designated as a pond.
Part do meander; moving fast and around
Keep moving, becoming clearer.
The river approaches, freedom beckons.
Or maybe, even the Sea.
Ultimately, we are what we do and how we move. Let’s not get fooled by all those grand dreams that we have imagined. Goals work, and so does imagination but they only set a direction, a compass to follow but setting alone doesn’t do the task for us.
Let’s not fall into the perfectionist trap as we can never do anything perfectly, nobody can. We can’t always be on the sides thinking and planning, ruminating and getting ready as we miss the chance to learn, grow and respond to life.
The Master of action and decisiveness was Alexander the Great. He was once, presented with a challenge—to untie this huge Gordian knot. He took one look, and couldn’t find the ends of the knot, so he took his sword out and sliced it in half. Problem solved and onwards he moved.
Once we move and we’re in the game, we can learn. And getting in action does cure fear, as the longer we hesitate, our fears then become magnified.
In 2008, at a time when I was going through some challenges, and I was a bit lost and confused. I impetuously went to a tattooist and got one done on my shoulder—it was a beautiful angel with wings and the line at the top read: Born to be free.
I knew I wanted a tattoo, but I was afraid of the whole process and the stigma it could create. I started procrastinating, until I summoned enough nerve and took a cab straight to the tattooist without an appointment.
Within thirty minutes, I had agreed on a design and the words “Born to be Free” just came to me without any previous thoughts. The tattoo and the words were the birth of my self-discovery and my spiritual rebirth.
Here my action preceded my planning, guided by an inner voice or some subconscious thought. It’s like I’m half-aware of what I want, and then the action leads me to the full awakening.
Actions often leads us to our search and purpose and not the other way around.
Sometimes we judge people too harshly because doing so from our perspective makes others look stupid and weak while at the same time that judgment makes us feel so much more superior. However, when we do judge people, we are defining our limitations and ourselves. We are showing no empathy for their plight, or a listening to their stories.
And the more you judge, the more you close the door to love, as love and can’t co-exist with judgment.
We all sin differently, we all have skeletons in our closet, and we all have different journeys to embark upon. And who decides what is right and what is wrong.
I know I’m not saying something new here. And I know I’m not saying something that is easy to do, but what I’m trying to state is that we should have this knowing inside of us as an ideal to aim for.
I dislike it, when people leave you with an impression, that you need to be like Mother Theresa, or a Buddhist Monk to be able to practice non-judgement and goodness in this world.
Sometimes people are going the wrong way, opposite to the direction of their soul, and we watch them, pity them and probably judge them. I’m not saying that you can switch that thought immediately. We will continue to judge them but at least start by understanding them and try to be an inspiration to them so that they could walk towards their rightful path.
There are different levels of judgement as some would bully or impose their opinions on others when judging them. Others would watch and smirk quietly to themselves validating their good behavior and so feel superior. Others would say they are not judging but would switch their thoughts away from those judged and claim not to judge and just discard their existence saying they don’t fit into their lives so why bother ourselves.
The reality is we are all judging all the time, and if anyone looks at my life with all my skeletons, then I’m sure he can judge me all day and all night.
However, what I’m saying is that I would like anyone who judges me to understand me. And if they believe they can make me understand where I’m going wrong then make an effort to do so instead of just sending me away into that “trash bin” of wasted thoughts.
