“Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.”-Napoleon Hill
She was late for dinner. Immediately, my thoughts spiralled out of control and my “thinking mind” was playing havoc with me from calling her irresponsible to downright untrustworthy. She then arrived, all smiles, kissed me and gave me a big hug. Suddenly she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. All my negative thoughts faded and were replaced with pleasing thoughts.
What makes our thoughts so sharply bipolar? How can she go from being untrustworthy to the love of my life in mere seconds?
Thoughts are neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that are released by the brain to allow it to communicate with parts of itself and the nervous system. Thoughts control all our body’s functions and our emotions which in turn affect our behaviour and results.
Scientific research has confirmed the power of thoughts and how they affect our behaviour. However, the most telling thing about how our mind works is that almost 90% of those electrical signals being formed are done so without our conscious consent or to be exact, they occur at the sub-conscious level.
We have two separate minds:
The Conscious mind which represents 5% of our mind is the thinking mind, where we think freely and can accept or reject any idea. It gets information from our five senses and is rooted in the present. E.g. When crossing the road, we hear a car approaching, and we immediately stop.
The Subconscious mind is like a super computer stored with a database of programmed behaviours, most of which we acquired between birth and the age of six. Almost 95% of our thoughts, decisions, emotions, and actions are influenced from the programming in our subconscious mind.
In the example above, my thoughts went astray as our relationship was still new and I was insecure. The programming in my subconscious from a previous relationship which broke down on the grounds of mistrust came into play.
The subconscious is basically running our lives and most of the time we are unaware of our behaviour, and if not addressed quickly enough, our thoughts crystallize into core beliefs which become almost impossible to shift.
However, science has shown that though it’s difficult, we can reprogram the subconscious mind by using some of the techniques below.
1.Stillness of the conscious mind
Our conscious mind is often so noisy that we can’t hear the whispers and murmurs that emanate from the subconscious. Meditation and mindfulness give us the calm and inner peace we often need so that our mind becomes clear enough to open communication between the two minds.
2. Notice Our Environment
“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”-Jim Rohn.
Often we find that there are certain people around us, who are well-intentioned but create so much noise around our being that we can’t have the peace and quiet we need.
We can’t leave our conscious minds open to toxic people and negative situations. It’s not easy trying to quit smoking when all our friends smoke. Conversely, it’s much easier to develop a good eating habit when those around you eat well.
I often escape to the beach alone or sit in a quiet place surrounded by birds, trees and the wind where I can purify my conscious mind and so that it can be clear and efficient in affecting the subconscious.
3) Reflection and observation
We need to look at our behaviours so that we are aware of the results in our lives. In this way, we can start catching ourselves when we are in the midst of a tantrum, or during an eating binge that opposes the actions we want. The more we reflect on our results, the more we know where we are headed.
As soon as I find myself getting frustrated or angry, I stop immediately, retreat and take three deep breaths. This action alone has saved me countless moments of rage, anger and going the wrong way.
4) Creating Habits
“In every area of life — from your education to your work to your health — it is your amount of grit, mental toughness, and perseverance predicts your level of success more than any other factor we can find.”-James Clear
Repetition is key to reprogramming the subconscious mind, and so it’s important that we persist in whatever we are trying to impress onto the subconscious mind.
Whether it’s creating new positive behaviours or replacing old negative ones, then the best way to do so is by incorporating habits into our lives.
It’s smarter to split habits into smaller wins so that we make sure we can remain consistent with our actions.
For example, I have created a habit of writing for 30 minutes each day, something that is not so difficult but after six consecutive months, I’ve started reaping the benefits as my writing has improved tremendously, and I’m getting published regularly.
5) Visualisation
The mind doesn’t know if we are doing something or not and the more we visualize or imagine the desired outcome than the more neural pathways in our brain that we altar and as such we are rewiring our brains.
Michael Phelps, American swimmer and the most decorated Olympian of all time visualized his races in detail, and usually many times a day. He would “play the movie” over and over so that all of the little things could be done as perfectly as possible, and with as little conscious thought as possible.
6) Taking action
“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson
If visualization has been proved by science, to rewire our brains, then taking action is likely to have an even larger impact. There is nothing like taking the plunge and getting out of our comfort zone for us to yield the best results in change.
I committed to run four times a week and for four weeks and after a month I had cultivated the habit of running.
We have the power to change our behaviours only when we recognize that we need to address the subconscious, emotional mind through our conscious thinking mind.
We can’t control our past programming, but we can from this moment on, start to create new behaviours by consistently marking the subconscious mind with the actions and results that we want in our lives.
“Knowledge comes from learning.Wisdom comes from living.”-A.D.Williams
I had a dream where I was walking comfortably up Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I was wearing leather sandals, a dhoti cotton cloth wrapped around me, carrying a small wooden stick and looked like Gandhi in his late years.
It was a pleasant day; the sun was out, and no sign of snow, blizzards or dead mountaineers. The scenery, the surroundings, and the feeling were as if I was living in Shambala, the lost heavenly city of Tibetan Buddhism. However and more importantly, it was my birthday–My 500-year-old birthday, and all the cameras were there to witness the first ever recorded 500-year-old.
This dream was inspired by what I watched the night before, where a top Google executive, Bill Maris, said on Bloomberg that humans would live to be 500-years-old, and the company was investing millions of dollars in life sciences to ensure this vision became a reality. It had hired scientists as partners in order to identify start-ups that could cure cancer and make chemotherapy “seem primitive” within 20 years. Maris added that, “If you ask me today, is it possible to live to be 500? The answer is yes.”
My dream and the thought of living to be five hundred got me thinking. I mean why not? There have been stranger happenings in our history; the abominable snowman or Yeti, UFO sightings and many unexplained phenomena. As advancements in technology keep changing our lives and diseases are being cured, the life expectancy keeps rising. It has now doubled from forty to eighty in the last hundred years.
There have been many mythical murmurs and mysterious stories that people have lived very long-LP Suwang, a Buddhist, died in 1995 was rumoured to be 444 years old.
How would we live if we knew we were going to reach 500? How would that impact our thinking and attitude, in living if we knew we had so much time? If we remove our greatest fear, that of death, how would we live?
As we grow older, we mature and become wiser and have richer experiences to recall that guide us in making the right decisions, and as such we understand ourselves and how to live better. And knowing that we have all that time, would mean many changes in the way we lived our lives.
Live in the moment
Imagine living our lives, not at the frenetic speed we do now but in slow motion where every moment is slowed down and lived fully. When we know we have so much time, the pressure on us is reduced and living in the moment will take on a completely new meaning.
After 150 years or so of living, we would understand that the past is gone and can only provide memories while the future holds no fears as we’ve got another 350 years to go.
We would want to stay in the present and want our lives to be richer and all-knowing. From every kind of bird that lives, their migratory details and how their navigation system works, to every tree’s name and history– The tall oak trees in Boston, Harry Potter’s weeping willow trees of Northern China and the Bodhi Tree of Bodh Gaya, in India.
We would want to enrich our experiences and so watch every sunset from every ocean view and watch every new moon with its supporting cast of stars from every sky view.
2) Be compassionate
By now, we’ve seen many people die and know the suffering that people go through. We’ve seen many on their deathbeds full of regrets, in pain and not having lived a fulfilled life.
The need to serve and help becomes not just something we aim for but part of our being, and we would want to offer a word, a touch and a hug every time we can. We can’t but be compassionate, as most people are much younger than us.
We would feel around others, the way we feel around 4-year-olds now. We would laugh at their transgressions; our heart would beam when they are smiling, and we would cry when they are in pain because we know of their helplessness. We recognise that what humans long for most, is love and compassion.
3) Goals transcend to Dharma
Goals that take months or even years (less than 10) become trivial and as such we look at long-term objectives that define our ways of beings. The goal now takes on more importance and becomes our dharma-the reason we came into being and life.
Excellence is achieved in 20-30 years spans and not anything shorter and as such we now have the time to become great in any field that piques our interest. Losing 20 pounds in weight is a good goal, but if we have hundreds of years to live then, it’s better we change our whole approach to eating, exercising and sleeping. After all, we are going to need our bodies for hundreds of years.
All our goals now transcend to meaning and purpose–how can we grow and how can we serve mankind become our only questions. Nothing else matters as material wants and achievements slowly lose their shine.
4) Environmentally Friendly
Similarly, as we cared for our bodies, we would want to care for the environment, and every time a rain forest gets destroyed because of greed, we lose a part of us forever. The loss of many species of the animal, plant and other kingdoms, is akin to us losing one of our family members.
We would want to take over where other environmentalists stopped and try to convince everyone of the need for us to take more care and understand that the environment is just a bigger part of what we are all connected to. What happens in the skyline of Guangzhou will affect all of us whether we live in, the clay mud huts of the African sub-Sahara or an exclusive penthouse apartment in New York.
5) Detachment and letting go
With so many years under our belt, we’ve lost so many loved ones, friends, and people that we’ve known and so detachment becomes essential rather than a spiritual practice. We’ve learnt the hard way that attachment is suffering, and detachment means freedom. This doesn’t make us less compassionate but rather we see the bigger picture of life, death, and the afterlife.
We now realise that attachment is linked to the ego, and we understand why our earlier years were marked by anxiety and despair as we craved visible results, instead of focusing on the actual actions or the practice that leads to our inner joy.
The action of writing, rather than getting the book on the bestseller list becomes our objective, and we now appreciate that results don’t matter so much as it’s all about the candle that is lit in our hearts every time we practice what we love.
Our fear of death is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to live with freedom.
If we live, knowing that we can live till 500, then we can banish those deep-seated fears we carry with us from one generation to another, and maybe finally we can live the “Good life” our spiritual masters keep preaching to us.
It’s the first day of the year. It’s a day I like to spend alone and reflect on myself, my actions towards the goals of last year and to see if I have changed or, at least, created some momentum to change.
After all, we are goal-setting machines, and our growth is served not only by achieving goals but in who we become when we proceed faithfully towards them.And so it’s imperative that we reflect on what worked and what didn’t in the past year.
Almost six out of ten resolutions fail in the first week alone, and approximately 48% of corporate goals are abandoned after only three months. So the point is not if we fail, but when we fail.
Why is it that many of us don’t stay true to our goals and fail to make any lasting change? Why do we not lose the 20 pounds we promised ourselves we would? Why don’t we put that extra money in a savings account as we intended to?
It’s true that self-discipline is key and without it, most goals are unachievable, but there are also several other reasons why our goals don’t last, but only for a few weeks.
1) The word “Goal” is loaded and overwhelming
I’ve found that the word “Goal” in itself is heavy and is ladened with so many expectations that it represents a universal concept that is tired which adds so much stress to us when mentioned. It implies that in not achieving it then you are a failure.
Recently, I’ve started to use the word “Intention” as it allows me to think that even if I create some momentum towards it without achieving it, then I’m still successful.
I set an intention to write an e-book for last year, and I couldn’t do it. However, I’ve made meaningful progress towards writing it and learned a few things on the way to be able to get it done this year and so I don’t feel like a failure just because I didn’t finish the book.
2) Our reflections are not deep enough
When reflecting on the past year, then it’s important that we scrutinise both successes and failures. We must understand the reasons why we failed in achieving our intentions and appreciate that it could well be something that we were not yet ready for.
We must be weary of our ego pushing us to do something, and that in the greater scheme of things it wasn’t the right time or the right match for us. I had set a Goal to run the New York marathon, but my body hadn’t recovered from the previous year’s injuries I suffered in running too much too quickly.As such, every time I completed a long run, then I would completely break down causing me much pain and disappointment.
If i had been honest with my reflection, and knowing the conditions of my knees, then I wouldn’t have set sucah an intention.It doesnt mean I have given up on my dream to run a marathon, but I must first rehabilitate my knees.
3) Are our Goals/Intentions relevant to us?
Our culture has become one which is inundated with achievement, success and the spoils of it all. We often set intentions for the sake of it, and bucket lists have become a way to compare how we rate our happiness and contentment in life as compared to the next person as if that was true.
We can reduce the stress we put on ourselves, by choosing what is relevant to us rather than what is in vogue.What’s the point of climbing Kilimanjaro if it means nothing to us? Why take up Yoga, only because all of California is doing so?
When we ask ourselves why we are pursuing our goal or intention, and it still makes us all giddy and excited to do so, then it means we are on the right track.And when we view our life as an eighty-year project rather than a short-sighted view of twelve months, we start to choose fewer and more meaningful things to do or achieve per year.
I set several intentions in 2015 to learn Tai Chi, Pilates and run a marathon in 2015 and I ended up doing none. Instead, I should have asked myself why I truly wanted all of them and if I still wanted them, then set only one of them per year and leave the others for the following years.
4) We don’t set enough Spiritual Goals/Intentions
Spiritual goals or intentions are things like, I want to control my anger outbursts, or I will wake up every day and put a smile on at least one person. Gabrielle Reece, the famous former Model/Volleyball professional stated in an interview that she had set an intention long ago to “Go First,” meaning she would greet, smile and approach anyone she came across before they did.
These intentions are more difficult and often hard to gauge, but they nourish the soul and as such lead to a lasting change.They improve our attitudes, mindsets and the way we interact with the world. They make us better people and so we find achieving all our other intentions much easier to do.
Last year I decided that I wanted to have more peace and solitude in my life. I started rising earlier by an hour every day to have some time on my own, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and that alone helped me achieve many of the other intentions I set.
5)We don’t define and plan the actions needed towards an intention
The whole point of setting goals or intentions is to get into action and without a clearly defined action plan and a schedule set for actually doing them than we are doomed to fail.The intentions are the 1% inspiration we need while the actions are 99% perspiration we have to do.
It’s important to block out specific time in the calendar for doing the actions required towards our set intentions. I’ve marked my calendar with three sessions of writing per week each lasting three hours, and I know if I remain true to those actions, then I will not only achieve my desired outcomes but will also increase the amount contentment in my life.
Whether we call them Goals, Intentions, or New year’s Resolutions, it’s important to have some clarity on how we will spend the next minute, the next day and the next year.
We can simplify this process, or complicate it but the bottom line is that we have an inner need to effect lasting change within ourselves and grow every minute, every day and every year.
“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at”.-Bruce Lee
I’m getting tired of the effect of goals and precisely how my fixation on their outcomes is affecting my life. I’ve found myself getting overwhelmed by my elaborate goal-setting plans that often lead me to abandon the goal altogether.
I’ve lived most of my life on the principle that we as humans are goal-setting machines, and I went about my life by setting goals, achieving them and then setting new ones.
I’ve grown so much from the structure and the drive that goal setting has instilled in me to achieve more and be more. And I find myself afraid of living without goals as that would make me complacent, and so I won’t do enough and when I’m not doing then I’m not growing.
“Not all who wander are lost.”- J.R.R Tolkien
However, I’ve started being more agreeable to the growing view that setting goals and achieving them doesn’t necessarily lead to a life of contentment.
Rather, I’ve found that committing to a strict regimen of doing rather than measuring my progress against goals has made it easier for me to continue and enjoy the process.
Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United Football manager, when asked what his strategy was and the goals he set for winning 49 trophies and becoming the most successful Football manager ever, just said:
“My only goal was to win every game and every action I did was towards that.”
These are five reasons to be careful when setting goals:
1) We forget our love of the activity
We get so caught up with the actual goal and enamored by the hype surrounding it that we forget why we got into doing the activity in the first place. We forget how much we love the process itself and instead start to focus on the results.
I was training for the Florence Marathon a year ago. I read, analyzed and created a scientific plan so that I could run faster and harder. I started adding new training techniques and was regularly recording my times and pace. Suddenly, I stopped enjoying my running and became fixated on seeing myself cross the line at 4h 10mins. Six weeks into the training plan, I got injured and could never recover to run the marathon.
2) Goals, sub-goals, and tasks add stress
First we set our goals, and then our sub-goals and the actions that align with them. Then we review our tasks daily, weekly and track our progress towards the goals. All this extra activity and decisions adds stress to our lives. Now instead of focusing our energy on the actual process that we love, we waste it on creating lists and then checking them off.
Last week I joined NaNoWriMo, which is an annual online creative writing project that takes place only in November and it challenges participants to write 50,000 words for a novel. It gets people writing and motivated throughout the month. It’s a great event and has helped many write best sellers.
However, it completely stressed me out, as I felt I was under so much pressure. I now had a big goal of writing a novel with a sub-goal of writing so many words per day. I devised a plan of how many words to write per day, what time to write, and what to write.
I met my target for the first few days but I wasn’t enjoying my writing anymore, and what was meant to be fun and a way to free myself from the stress of life became the stress itself. I quickly deleted my account on the third day and made a simple commitment to write for two days a week at three-hour stretches.
3) Goal-setting is often simply running away
We sometimes, jump from goal to goal and after achieving them, then just abandon the interest. We just wanted to add excitement and activity to our lives, and not necessarily meaning.
We inadvertently use goals so that we don’t have to stop and reflect on our lives. We start following new fads and new things to do just for the sake of doing them. We keep running, as we don’t want to sit alone with our thoughts and our truths.
We never ask why we are setting the goal and what it means to achieve it. Why do we want to write a book? Is it to gain prestige and recognition or do we feel that people need to hear our message?
4) Kaizen is a better way than goal setting
Kaizen is Japanese term that has become famous in the west. It means continuous improvement through small incremental changes that accumulate over time. It’s used in the corporate world for developing systems and practices. It’s one of the core principles that Toyota used to become the No.1 Car producer in the world.
We always associate change with some large, visible result like a before and after picture of someone who has lost weight in a few months. However, in reality the greatest changes occur when we make daily small incremental changes. This way we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves and overload our capacity.
It’s no coincidence that 99% of New Year resolutions are abandoned in the first week. We overwhelm ourselves with too many goals and often the goals are just too unrealistic.
5) Goals can be limiting
When we fix goals, we close ourselves to many opportunities that could open up for us. We focus only on a particular action towards the goal we set. We become oblivious to reality and find it harder to change and adapt to our fast-changing environment.
For Example, Google doesn’t set annual corporate goals (except for SEC requirements) as it feels goals reduce its agility and how they could respond to the market.
I still feel I need a general direction to push me into doing the things I love in a more consistent way. I want to remain focused and committed to the processes that I enjoy.
I’m not going to abandon goal-setting altogether, but I will look at them with more scrutiny always asking if the particular goal gives me contentment, lessens stress and helps me grow before I commit to it.
But, I definitely don’t want an elaborate goal-setting plan that would make me feel like I’m not enough when I don’t achieve some of it’s goals.
“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard
If I had to choose one practice that was the catalyst for my transformation then it’s rising early at 5:30 a.m every day for the past five years. This single commitment has changed me from a grumpy, frustrated person who was always in a rush to get things done without much enjoyment to a much calmer person who has found more meaning and purpose in his life.
It was rising early that propelled me to add many other productive habits to my morning. It was rising early that kept me constant and consistent with the rituals that I needed to re-wire my brain.And it was rising early that gave me the thrust I needed to go further towards the path of my authenticity.
There is something special, almost magical when we wake up a few minutes before the sun comes out.It’s like we watch its birth and look at it in grateful awe.We feel it’s might, and it somehow reminds us of life’s beauty and the infinite possibilities we have to connect to its power.
There are three big areas in my life that rising early has helped me tremendously:
1. Inner peace
I learnt that to have peace throughout the day; I needed to start with solitude and connection to my soul. I needed to ignore the noise that constantly surrounds me and listen to the songs and lullabies that my soul whispers in my ears.
There is no better time to do so just before the sun would come out. The birds start chirping away, and the trees outside stand tall and ready for their day. And there is always a hint of freshness in the atmosphere.It’s like life is ready to dazzle me, and that gives me a feeling of inner peace and freedom that I find hard to put into words.
2. Creativity
As I become more consistent with my morning rituals, and without many distractions I found myself in that state of “Flow.”I connect with my soul and find that my creative juices are flowing, and my muse is always close by to help me create.
During this time, there are no questions to be answered ,no emails to respond to and no decisions to be made. I can easily focus on one thing and it’s usually my writing.
There are many examples of great people who rise early and allow this energy in the morning to help them create, such as Steve Jobs, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway and Richard Branson.
3.Feeling energized
What we do in the morning will set us up for the rest of our day.And when we remain consistent with getting up early and follow our daily rituals ,then we find ourselves with so much energy within us that we can achieve much more during the day.
I very often find that by afternoon ,I’ve done most of the big tasks I was meant to do and as such the rest of the day becomes a breeze. And that’s in stark contrast to the other days where I achieve much less when my mornings don’t go to plan.
How to wake up early?
You need to sleep earlier as any attempt in cutting down the amount of hours you need to sleep(7-8 hours) will result in you waking up more stressed and any benefit gained by waking up early will be duly lost.
Reduce the time you want to wake up gradually so that you don’t end up giving up the practice completely. For example, set your alarm earlier by 15 minutes every three days and so you will be up earlier by 30 minutes within a week and 2 hours within a month.
Increase your exercise activity during this period when trying to wake up earlier so that you can sleep easier at night.
As soon as the alarm goes off, jump out of bed and don’t allow your lazy mind to lull you into staying in bed.
Prepare one thing that excites you to do in the morning, such as a Yoga move that stretches your back or reading from a book you enjoy.
My Morning Rituals(In the order I practice them)
Drinking water: I Drink a full glass of water so that I’m immediately energized and my body starts to function.
Meditation: I meditate for 20 minutes, and even though I struggle for the first 15 minutes, I find that the last five minutes makes up for the initial struggle. Meditation not only instills this inner peace in me but clears my mind so that I’m ready for the day ahead. It also acts as a reminder of the discipline of mastering my mind throughout my life.
Journaling: I journal for about 15 minutes where I bring out all my fears and insecurities in detail. The mere fact that I’m aware acts like a catharsis and I feel better immediately.
Reading: I read for 30 minutes and find that it soothes my being and in the morning I’m more receptive to the different ideas and worlds that reading conjures up.
Gratitude: I write out 3 things I’m grateful for and that just reminds me to focus on the things that are working in my life. Usually this could be for something small like the cheesecake I had yesterday, or achieving a goal I’ve been aiming towards for a while.
Big To-Do’s: I write out in bold ink the 3 things that I want to achieve today.
Exercise: I exercise whether it’s a run or a cross fit session in the outdoors depending on where I’m at with injuries, running races or I’m out of the country. The main thing is to move for about 45 minutes in the morning.
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”-Brené Brown
I’m not saying that the only way to be peaceful and productive is to rise early but it worked very well for me, and this is coming from someone who used to claim he was not a morning person.
There are many days that I can’t get up early as an enforced late night or a bad night’s sleep will hinder my discipline.However, I find that if I stick to this regimen of early rise and practicing my rituals for about 80 percent of the time then I’m fine.
I have found that for me to be able to cultivate the authenticity within me, then it’s my morning rituals that have become the vehicle that drive me towards the nirvana of my true self.
Multitasking is now a fundamental part of our life that we are comfortable texting while we’re walking across the street, catch up on email while stopping at traffic lights. And worst of all we check on our virtual friends using Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat while having a face-to-face lunch with our real friends.
Multitasking is when one of the tasks needs some critical thinking–Listening to an important presentation while reading emails or doing homework while watching Gossip Girls. This is entirely different from doing two things at the same time without needing any focus like walking and talking or driving and listening to music.
Technology and specifically the smartphone is probably the single biggest contributor to the rise of the multitasking phenomena in our lives today. There are no clear boundaries now as work, rest and play all battle for our wakeful minutes.
It’s usually the kids who set the pace in technology from The web to Facebook, Twitter, and then Instagram.The latest craze being Snapchat, where the kids chronicle and share their days within a few seconds under something called Snapchat story. However, they are sensationalize their stories to keep up with Kardashians and so missing out on living their authentic lives.
There are many advantages to the new technologies, not least that we can access information no matter where we are. We can connect to people and places no matter how remote we find ourselves.
The Smartphone is a great tool that can enhance our lives and enrich our minds. However, we need to be careful so as not be enslaved by them and enamored by their novelty.
The scientific research, led by top neuroscientists on the dangers of multitasking and the abuse of the smartphone is exhaustive, and it’s being studied in top universities around the world from Stanford to UCLA.
These are the seven dangers why multitasking and the smartphone, in particular, is ruining our lives and leading us to be disconnected, dissatisfied and ultimately leading us to an unfulfilled life:
1) Multitasking doesn’t work
Multitasking simply doesn’t work and what we think is multitasking is only task-switching. Our brains are limited when it comes to attention and productivity and are set to complete one task at a time before moving onto the next one. As we switch rapidly from one task to another, we lose focus on both, our productivity suffers, and we limit our chances of getting fully “in the zone” where all magic resides.
Multitasking doesn’t save time, as it probably takes longer to finish two tasks when you’re jumping back and forth than it would, to complete each one separately.
2) It leads to mistakes and mediocrity
We make many mistakes when switching tasks causing almost 40% loss in productivity if critical thinking is required. Any new information learned while multi-tasking could go to the wrong part of the brain as the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for organizing information, is easily distracted.
Also, the prefrontal cortex burns up the same fuel, glucose, that it needs for both switching tasks and staying on task. This then leads to the exhaustion of the required glucose levels in the brain that in turn leads to mistakes and compromised work. And it’s little wonder that we feel exhausted and disoriented after doing two tasks at the same time.
3)It causes stress and pain
This repeated switching from task to task leads to anxiety as we need to make lots of decisions. So when you stop your focus on a task to answer a call or email, you are then faced with making a decision, no matter how small that is.
This decision overload takes its toll on us as it raises our heart rate and moves us from the restful-relaxed mode to the fight-or-flight mode. The brain now produces more adrenaline, and our brains are overstimulated causing mental fog. We become impulsive and start making bad decisions. This in turn raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the brain, which in turn can lead to serious stress and depression. 4) It could lead to addiction
Whenever we stop our focus on the project on hand and look at how many likes we have on Instagram, for example, we feel this sense of accomplishment. This creates a dopamine-addiction feedback loop, so our brains are being rewarded for losing focus and getting distracted.
Also, our brains are wired so that we feel good when it senses something novel, and it’s the same brain that needs to focus on the task at hand. So again when we check our Instagram likes, we feel instantaneously good, and that constitutes a neural addiction.
5)It could lead to memory loss
When doing two things at the same time and both need our focus, then in reality we are acting a bit like a drunk would. We feel that we’re taking in what is being said but in reality we can’t remember much or apply the knowledge we learned.
6) We feel disconnected and miss out on life and Relationships
When doing two things at the same time, we are simply missing out on the beauty that life has to offer us. We don’t notice our surroundings or our environment. It’s like we are missing in action in our own lives-Our eyes are open and yet nothing is being registered in our brains.
How can we see the majestic oak trees in front of us, the seagulls flying in perfect unison above or the clouds forming artistically like paintings on canvas while taking a walk and texting.
We are losing our ability to interact and listen to each other as texting limits thoughtful discussion. We can’t truly hear each other’s stories as a few lines of text hardly compares to seeing and listening to the other person in front of us.
How can we engage and enjoy our relationships when a family dinner in a restaurant turns into an occasion where all members are on their phones and texting away.
7)It Dampens our creativity
When we focus on one activity, like writing, there is a power in that, it helps guide us to organize our day around that responsibility. We have decided and prioritized it as our anchor task. This feeling of knowing what to do with an end-result in mind helps us to focus all our efforts on a single task, and so our work is decidedly much better.
If you commit to nothing, you’ll be distracted by everything.
We are in a continuous energy-sapping race to respond to so many calls, emails, and the full range of social media updates now available. We have substituted being busy with doing meaningful work and are contributing less to our life and that of others.
When you look at remarkable people who have left their marks on humanity becoming masters of their craft, they all had one thing in common-Great Focus and Concentration.
E.g., Leonardo Da Vinci would spend months on a single project.And Steve Jobs, the inventor of the iPhone, which is probably the single biggest contributor to smartphone multitasking, was famous for his powers of focus and staying on one aspect of creativity for hours on end.
I want to be continually alive, and that requires me to eliminate all the noise that surrounds me, and all that impedes my connection to life.
I want to see the different seasons unveil right in front of my eyes, connect deeply with my loved ones and enjoy the small wonders that life tends to throw at us when we are mindfully present.
I don’t want to feel busy and productive but rather engaged in a meaningful life.
I want to be the master of my smartphone and don’t want it to become an obstacle to my growth and work.
One step into darkness is like a thousand steps into the light-Mo.issa
Strategy and planning are essential in creating the life you want. However, there is no point in making any grand plans when fear inhibits you from acting. The simplicity of getting into action and the experiences you gain once you decide to act erodes those fears you have built up over the years.
You can also overcome fears by getting out of your comfort zone. This makes you more confident and your abilities more diverse. It further allows you to look at fears as mere stepping stones to your goals, rather than as stumbling blocks that constrain your progress in life.
I’m the strategic type, and I can tell you from my experience that all my big wins have come when I have discarded the procrastinated planning stage and set out to act on my goals. By doing this, you create the strategy to match your actions with the constant realignment that the actual doing helps to clarify. This way, you don’t have enough time to think about your fears because you are constantly in action.
I’m not saying we should be gung-ho and not even plan, but in this age of fast and furious, simplicity is key. There is nothing simpler than having an intention and acting towards it, rather than focusing on a detailed plan and getting confused about what to do next.
I recently attended a self-motivation event led by Tony Robbins Unleash your power within. If anyone epitomizes what I mean by getting into action, it’s Robbins. He treats the whole concept of fear as if it were a mere inconvenience we must carry with us as a weapon to face any goal.
It’s true that there is a lot of hype surrounding the event-with high fiving and fist pumping almost compulsory-and you are often left wondering if you have just arrived at a rave party in Ibiza. However, you ultimately leave with an incredible feeling, and a knowing that anything is possible.
Here is a guy who gets into action by not only preaching motivational practices but by actually using those practices to enrich the quality of his life. He has built a business empire by being entrepreneurial and investing smartly, and not only by selling books and ideas on how to do so. He espouses how you can unleash your energy from within, and then he goes on stage and proves it, by performing for ten hours non-stop.
I learned many things in this event, not the least how physiology can impact attitude. But the main lesson for me was how getting into action and getting out of your comfort zone impacts your life, and not in a linear way, but in an exponential way. His anecdotes alone were worth the entrance fee, as he demonstrated to us that until we take a leap, and unless we get out of our comfort zone and face our fears directly, then little can be achieved.
One particular story that remains with me is how he learned through NLP to cure phobias in six months, and how he had to wait for another 18 months before he could be certified to treat anyone. He then proceeded to go live on radio and claim he could treat phobias for free, and set a time and a place to do so. He got a call from an angry psychiatrist who lambasted him about his outlandish promises and challenged him to cure his most difficult patient. He then proceeded to cure the psychiatrist’s patient in five minutes, in front of five hundred people.
I agree that we are not all blessed with the self-confidence, hunger and willpower of Tony Robbins, but here was a man who believed in himself, set big audacious goals and simply acted on them. The more he tested himself and got out of his comfort zone, the more his fears subsided.
Just after my Tony Robbins event, I had a great opportunity to test this out for myself. Through an inexplicable chain of events, I found myself as one of the main speakers on TedX Talks in Accra, with only three weeks to prepare.
Finally I was going to fulfill one of my dreams and yet I was filled with such trepidation that I wanted to withdraw many times during those three weeks. However, I made a decision that I was going to step up (using Tony Robbins’s Mantra) and I told myself that I was going to do this. Here was an opportunity sent to me from the heavens, allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and be big enough to conquer my fears.
I speak regularly in front of people, but this was TedX and the talk was very personal, as I would bare my soul in front of everyone. I was speaking on how I had finally found my aliveness and began leading a more authentic life. I was telling my whole community what was behind all the tears and laughs for the past eight years. The stakes were never higher for me.
As the day grew nearer, my sleep was getting more erratic. I would remind myself every morning that I had made a decision and I was committed to it, and I was going to give my best. I practiced my talk as if my life depended on it. I repeated the talk five to six times. I made my family listen to me practice, and then I went to work and forced my employees to hear me out as well. The more I practiced, the less fear I held.
On the big day, many things went disastrously wrong. My talk was delayed for two hours and as I walked up on stage, everything went into a blur and I was getting stage fright. I remembered to breathe well and told myself to relax, and I started to get into my rhythm. Suddenly the screen showing my presentation slides went blank, then the timer screen to my right, which acts like a guide so I could pace my talk, also went blank.
I faltered for a few seconds, then took another deep breath and told myself I was going to do this and that the worst had passed. All my preparations kicked in, and I continued without needing the slides or the timer. At the end, I got a great reception and big round of applause. The icing on the cake was when Patrick Awuah, the founder of Ashesi University in Ghana, also named in Fortune’s Top 50 leaders in the world for 2015 approached me to say he was inspired by my talk and wanted to help the kids I have in my foundation so they could get a scholarship into Ashesi university.
I wanted to cry there and then and I saw my daughter just coming towards me and I gave her one of those million dollar hugs. I thought to myself.
I did it. If you are true to your dreams, if you want it badly enough, and if you are willing to step out into that arena, then the universe is listening and will give you more than you ever wished for.
The following few days I was filled with a sense of relief I had never experienced. The weeks that followed have seen my belief, confidence and energy levels rise to a level I never knew I had. I had overcome some big and inhibiting fears by simply getting into action. I also found that this whole experience made me grow so much, that it really was an exponential growth rather than a linear one.
“Every man is enthusiastic at times. One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes, another man has it for thirty days. But it is the man who has it for thirty years who makes a success in life.”― Edward B. Butler
I have just finished four days of filling my energy tanks with the amazing Anthony Robbins. I have been to many self-development seminars and spiritual retreats, and I can say that this has been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.
He introduced himself by saying: “I don’t believe in positive psychology or spirituality but only in energy.” I thought that line alone captured the whole 4-day experience.
I, on the other hand, very much believe in positive psychology, and my definition of being spiritual–we are spirits having a human experience rather than being human and having a few spiritual experiences.
However, I found his seminar and his energy in the four days to be captivating and practical. As finally there was something that you could take home and put into down-to-earth use and better your life almost immediately.
I have always known that energy or aliveness is the elixir of life and everything that I have done to remodel my life in last seven years has been a pilgrimage to arrive at that feeling of aliveness.
I was also aware of the idea I can intentionally get myself into a positive state using my physiology as a trigger. However, I had never experienced it till this seminar. He managed to, not only teach me at a mental level but to also make me experience doing so with six thousand people around me. The amount of energy created that day would have lit up a whole city for days on end.
Here was a man not only talking the talk but also walking his talk as he managed to keep six thousand people engaged, aroused and able to have fun for four consecutive days. On one of the days, he even went non-stop for eight hours as we started at 10am, and we took a break at 6pm. He pumped us so much that we all walked on hot burning coal without feeling any pain or any one of us burning their feet. The walking on fire was clearly a metaphor to show us that we can put ourselves in any state we wanted and in so doing, achieve everything we wanted to.
I learnt simple techniques that could re-engineer your emotions and redirect your thoughts and so act as triggers for you to get into action.
Here are several ways to change your physiology and so change your thinking:
1. Breathing
Breathing for ten minutes every day, when you get up in the morning. You inhale for 4 seconds while pushing your stomach out, hold for 16 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds while pulling your stomach in. We need good breathing to allow a lot of oxygen in, to fuel our cells and to force carbon dioxide out.
2. Lymphasizing
The lymphatic system plays an important role in removing the toxins from the body. However, unlike with the blood system where the heart acts as the pump, the lymphatic system has no pump and so movement is essential to create an efficient detoxification process. Using a rebounder to jump up and down for 15minutes a day or simply doing 50 jumping jacks or even dancing energetically would do the trick.
3. Declaration/Incantation/Affirmation
These are words or a mantra that you could repeat to yourself for several minutes with great passion and gusto.
Say Yes to defying the odds,
Say Yes to having an outstanding day,
Say Yes to being Your Voice,
Say Yes to Leading and not following,
Say Yes to Believing, not doubting,
Say yes to Creating, not destroying,
Say yes to being the force in your life,
Say yes To Setting a new standard,
Say yes to Stepping up.
Step up.
Step up.
Step up.
4. Cold showers
As silly as this sounds, going under a cold shower shocks your nervous system, and you suddenly feel alive and awakened. You can do this first thing in the morning or before you want to get into action.
5. Exercise
A minimum of 4 days a week of walking or jogging for more than 30 minutes will usually suffice. I often add strength training for its added benefits to health and some stretching either Yoga or Pilates. There have been so many widespread studies and well-written books on the positive effects of exercise that there is little for me to add to this point. Just to say, that it remains a mystery to me why doesn’t everyone exercise.
6. Music
Listening to music that you like for some time during the day can lift your mood and put you in a great state. Also very often singing along with a song will create a stronger positive effect.
7. Regular Stretching
It’s especially important when you have a sedentary job, and you spend a lot of time sitting. Take regular breaks like every hour and stretch for a few minutes. Also, you can spend some time standing up or walking around instead of sitting.
8. Praise yourself
Whenever you accomplish a task or goal, or you feel you have done something great then pat yourself on the back. Studies have shown that the happiest people are those who regularly praise themselves.
9. Gratitude
Being grateful for all things in your life whether big or small can have a profound effect on your happiness and your state. It allows you to focus on what is working in your life and not on the things that are not. This way you don’t take your life for granted and appreciate it much more. It keeps you in an emotional state of wonder and hunger for life itself. It can be done daily when you choose three things to be grateful about and when describing them, then use the full range of emotions felt when you had that feeling of gratitude. Also when showing gratitude to another person, be heartfelt with your words to explain how you feel.
I recognise that the different ways to change your state that I’ve described will not change your life in any way when done alone without overcoming your limiting beliefs or without setting any goals in your life. However putting yourself in a positive state is a tool that you can use to kick-start any action you intend to take towards changing your life.
I’m not saying that you must do each and every technique but the more you put yourself in a positive state then, you are more likely to create that magic in your life.
As is often said that action is the language of the universe and what better way to start getting into action then by getting yourself in the right state.
“Strength doesn’t come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi
Willpower is probably the most critical capacity we have within our powers. It is more important than intelligence, physical beauty, and even personality. People who control their emotions, their actions, and their focus are more likely to be happier, healthier and achieve more in their life.
Photo Credit: Jamie King
As our Brain evolved, the new part—the prefrontal cortex, developed on top of the old limbic impulsive one. Within this prefrontal cortex lies our capacity of willpower, and there are three components here:
• “I will”-this is when you need to do something. E.g., I will get to run three times a week as part of my training program.
• “I won’t”-this is when it’s important to say NO. E.g., I won’t go out on Saturday before my Sunday long Run.
• “I want”-this is the self-awareness to remember your end goal or what you want. E.g., I have the big picture in mind that I am training for a marathon to be able to decide when I say I will and when I say won’t.
Here are several ways that we can improve our willpower:
1.Focus on one task at a time
“Concentrate all your thoughts on the task at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”-Alexander Graham Bell
Unfortunately, Willpower is not something that we have infinitely and as such we must use it effectively, or it loses its inherent power.
The constant distractions-the Internet, email, social media and the general speed of things that happen to us have hampered our ability to focus. Multitasking sounds great, but the most successful people and the best results are obtained by those who focus on one thing at a time.
2.Self-belief
“Three things are necessary, first, backbone; second, backbone; third, backbone.”- Charles Sumner
We need to believe in ourselves as powerful creators and remove all self-doubts within us that tell us we are not capable. This belief that we are enough and able to do what we aspire to do is crucial for us to maintain our willpower.
3.Persistence
“Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.”-Martin Seligman
Persistence is the most important trait to have when staying on the path to a goal. Rarely do things pan out as planned, and there will be many temporary failures on the way, but it’s the people who have grit and real belief in their end goals who usually achieve them.
4.Meditation
There is growing evidence in Neuroscience that people, who regularly meditate have stronger willpower than those who don’t. They are better at focusing their attention, impulse control, and self-awareness. Meditating builds our mental muscles, just like when we go to the gym and build our chest and bicep muscles.
5.Response-Mode
When a challenge or a critical moment arises, then take a few seconds to respond. Take a few long deep breaths and completely relax yourself. Look at the complete picture of things and react accordingly.
Here our prefrontal cortex will communicate the need for self-control to our lower brain regions that regulate our heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and other automatic functions.
In this mode, you have a better chance of making the right decision without being impulsive or getting emotional.
It’s the complete opposite of the “fight-or-flight” response which is helpful in certain situations when something or someone threatens our life.
6.Exercise
Exercise is the closest thing to a super drug that is readily available for everyone, and it’s free. Working out also relieves ordinary, everyday stress, acting like an antidepressant. It makes your brain bigger, faster, and more powerful. It will also make you healthier and so pave the way for you to focus better and longer on a given task.
7.Build willpower with Small exercises
We can commit to small consistent acts of self-control—not looking at our smart-phones for 60 minutes, walking with good posture and limiting our coffee intake to one cup a day.
These may seem inconsequential, but they improve overall willpower, and we get into the habit of being more mindful of our choices. We learn to pause and then choose the most difficult way rather than the easy one.
8.Stress-relief strategies
Choose the most effective stress-relief strategies that work for you. E.g., Running, Reading, Writing, Yoga, Painting, Prayer, Journalling
These strategies boost our moods enhancing brain chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin and so induce the healing relaxation response while shutting down the brain’s stress response.
These differ from the quick fix strategies like Internet, watching TV or alcohol, which release dopamine and usually gratify us instantly but leave us with a feeling of let down afterward.
9.Self-Compassion
Love thyself is the key to greater willpower. We are much better served by being kind and supportive to ourselves rather than indulging in self-pity and self-loathing acts especially in the face of stress and failure.
Forgiveness rather than guilt will help get us back on track and closer to our goals. Encouragement will strengthen our willpower and resolve the negative inner voices that drain our motivation.
10.Pre-Committing
Pre-commitment is when you leave yourself with little option to do something or not to do something. You make the conditions as convenient as possible so as not to fail in what you want to achieve. E.g., Brush your teeth right after dinner to avoid snacking late at night.
Or to make any negative behavior as inconvenient as possible E.g., many writers disable the Wi-Fi capability of a laptop when writing to avowing surfing the Internet.
In her famous book The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal gives us a brilliant example of how pre-commitment works. She explains how in 1519, Hernan Cortes conquered Mexico by ordering his men to “burn their ships.” He knew that when they faced their first battle, the crew would be tempted to retreat if they knew they had the option to sail away. So according to legend, this act of pre-commitment left his men with no choice but to go forward. After burning their ships, they had no safety net, no escape plan and the only way out was to win their battles.
11.Clear Boundaries
If we are clear about our expectations, then it becomes much easier to exercise our willpower. Set clear boundaries on how you want to use your self-control and on the outcomes that you want. Then focus your energies solely to stay within them.
E.g., I will save a thousand dollars every month towards my children’s education fund.
This example gives a clear boundary for us to use our willpower as against saying I will save some money towards my children’s education fund.
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