The Power of Simplifying Your Life

Lately, I have this urge to simplify my life and lessen the burden of decisions that bombard me every day. As soon as we open our eyes we need to start making decisions. Choose what to wear in the morning, what food to eat during the day, and which route to choose to work and on and on we face those decisions daily.

We then have to pay for all the different bills we have for a hundred different services that we hardly use. Then there are the ten credit cards we have and three bank accounts we own.

Sometimes, it gets a bit too much especially in this day and age where information hits us fast bringing with it a vast array of options. These choices quickly overwhelm us becoming burdens rather than luxuries. We start stressing over making decisions, and our shoulders tense up and anxiety follows soon after.

simplify

Every decision we make takes so much energy out of us, no matter how small that decision is. As days, months and years pass, all these small decisions add up and somehow drain our energy resources-lessening the power within us.

If we listen closely to our hearts, there is an inherent urge in us to simplify our lives. Fewer decisions mean less energy spent. And so instead of more, we should choose less. But this does not mean having less but paradoxically more because we would be able to focus, engage and enjoy those fewer things much more.

The more things we buy to improve our mood, and then the quicker we get bored with them and the deeper we fall into the abyss of nothingness.

And the more we get rid of anything that’s unnecessary, and then the better we feel. As all that extra becomes clutter, that is wasteful, and that stands in the way of our inner peace and happiness. And by removing the unnecessary, we make room for what is essential, and give ourselves more focus.

What is essential for most of us differs considerably and as such simplifying our lives is something that is personal and very much subjective.

I still don’t know all the parts of my life that needs simplifying or how to do so without affecting people who rely on me but I feel this whisper from my heart and this tug on my soul that I need to simplify to be to able enjoy the rest of my life.

         Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication-Leonardo Da Vinci

I presume the main areas to look at would be:

#Money
My dream is to have only one account with one debit card that shows me every month what comes in and what goes out. And all I want is that the in column be a bit more than the out so that I can live peacefully and comfortable enjoying the sights and sounds of our world

#Possessions
I suspect I’m tiring of having clothes that I don’t use, books that I’m not planning to read, and furniture that block my path. And that luxury car that stereotypes me rather than the one that serves me. The more I walk,city and weather permitting, the more I feel closer to my soul.

#Property
I see myself surrounded by more green than concrete and more outdoor space than indoor space. I would rather listen to the wind and the birds than the air conditioning and the television.

#What I do during the day
I see myself leading a simple life where I wake up fresh when the sun sets and start my day with movement(running/yoga) and end it with reading and sleeping early. And in between I would write/blog/speak, socialize with friends and family and drink some espresso.

I would also spend a lot of time alone and in a state of wonder about nature and regularly satisfy my curiosity about life.

I would gladly leave my corporate life behind for all of that simplicity.

#Technology
I would find a way to use technology; specifically instant messaging, social media and the internet rather that letting it run/ruin my life. What if I could set only an hour or two per day for it?

Is being busier for the sake of being busy something that serves us in our lives.

Isn’t small always more beautiful and within our grasp, always allowing us to focus more and have more meaning in our lives.

The true journey is the inward one and the more we remove the clutter and noise that surrounds us then the more we can truly allow our souls to lead the way to greatness.

The spiritual warrior chooses less(outside) and gains more(Inside).

The Power of Solitude

I’ve left the city with its politics and turmoil to visit my late mother’s burial site in the village. It’s only for the weekend, but I thought it would be chastening. It was for most of the time but only because I wasn’t letting go of my City-mentality which is one fraught with arrogance, ego, and materialism.

As I drove towards the village, my attitude was one of superiority-why would I want to make myself suffer without all the trappings of the city life? For example, it’s an especially hot day, and there is no air-conditioning at the house I’m staying at. The flies are everywhere and are as annoying as hell as they attack non-stop, and I got to appreciate why we use flies as metaphors for stickiness.

solitude

It’s now late in the evening, and the sun is setting. I’m sitting on a plastic chair on the balcony in spartan surroundings. In front of me, I can see a mountain and below me a valley. I can hear the birds sing, and I’m watching the trees stand tall and be still with utter reverence. I am in absolute solitude.

Finally, a slight breeze approaches with a chill that hits my face and neck and runs down my body. I get that gratifying feeling as I watch the skyline change colors from Orange to light blue. The sun and the moon briefly share the sky. The sun goes down leaving the moon, and the stars to light up the sky. I suddenly feel connected to the universe and feel so alive.

The distressed thoughts I brought along with me from the city have magically disappeared as I enjoy the peace around me. This inner peace is something that is difficult to describe. It’s like I’ve tapped into a universal source that instantly frees me as if I have hit a reset button to my biochemistry.

Thoughts are like clouds,
they come and go.
Thoughts are like rumors,
some true but most are not.
Sixty thousand thoughts a day,
so how can we be every one of them?
Some thoughts consume us
and govern our minds.
They turn to murmurs
that destroy our lives.
And yet, all we have to do is
sit still and watch them
drift away and further away.
How can we hear our truths
or Plug into our source
Until and Unless we quiet that Monkey-Mind?

 

All the anxiety I carried with me is gone. That nagging inner voice in my head has also gone. My shoulders so tense before, are now loose, and the throbbing headache I had has left me. I can hear sounds from very far, and I can see clearly in high definition up to the horizon of the sea.

I have become a spiritual being who knows that I’m not my worries or my ruminating thoughts-I am in solitude.

The more I find ways to get in solitude, the more I love myself. It’s a deepening love of myself, one that I now know exists and see as an essential part of my life.

We all live busy and noisy lives and manage to fret away hours on people, tv ,surfing the net, driving and yet we don’t manage to give ourselves 30 minutes of solitude a day.

I can’t say enough about how solitude has helped me in my life. I have learned to enjoy myself alone, reflect and analyze what is right for me. I have learned to distinguish between the noises that torment me from the music that enliven me.

I have started appreciating time alone out in nature and being out in the open more often than not. I now love to stare in awe at the beauty of life that is around me, whether it’s a 100-year old tree or a flock of seagulls flying just above me.solitude

 

Spending time alone doesn’t solve all your problems, but at least it puts you on the track to be aware of your being. Solitude gives you the calmness to be able to face your problems with a clear head.

10 Ways to Awaken your Aliveness

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”― Howard Thurman

Published by Rebelle Society

As I grow older and approach the afternoon of my life, I see things much more clearly. I’m finally getting it that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I truly understand the meaning of spirituality and the need for it in our lives.

Spirituality to me is different from being religious as I see it as my direct relationship with a supreme being–the source of all life. I understand the inherent worth of all religions and accept many of their wonderful teachings, but I’m not tied down to any of their dogma.

Alive
Photo Credit: Itay Kabalo
I can connect to this source through my soul as long as I learn how to listen to my heart. In my mind, I have simplified the whole meaning of spirituality into one phrase-Awakening my aliveness.

This awakening or spirituality means I believe in something bigger than mankind. I believe in a supreme power with some worldly order. A power that has created us in such perfection, as proved by the fact that we consist of trillions of cells all going about their work in perfect unison.

It means that life is more than mere chance and coincidences. Everyone and everything is connected in this universe like the cells in our body. It means that we believe in living and more importantly, that there is a meaning to life and that our life matters in the grand scheme of things.

I see my life here on earth as a journey of self-discovery, so that I can remember my connection to the source while living as a physical being. The more I learn and experience in that manner where I am aware of my connection every time I am being human then the more I evolve as a being.

However, most of the time, I can’t remember my source all the time. Or I can’t awaken my aliveness all the time, regardless of what the best gurus and teachers say. Nobody can be 100% enlightened all the time.

I remember my source in some moments, like when I’m meditating or when I’m engaging in some activity that I love so much. Then I lose it again as some dis-empowering event appears suddenly without notice like someone cutting me up in traffic or a final warning letter to pay some bill.

Life is so fast now that many things distract us from our aliveness. We forget the big picture of what matters most and the connection we had with the source or the feeling of aliveness easily disappears.

I have developed several habits and practices that Ido consistently, which have proved invaluable for me to stay connected and close to my aliveness.

1. Waking up early

I love getting up early to allow the sound of silence and the view of the sun rising (when I’m privileged to witness it) to permeate my soul.

2. Meditation

Sitting in stillness or meditating for 20 minutes first thing in the morning cultivates peace and calmness in my life to help me in my path to authenticity.

3. Journaling

Again, I do this in the morning just after my meditation, and I write and write without stopping about my feelings, reflections, and current thoughts. I also mention three things that I’m grateful for that day.

4. Reading

As simple as it sounds, taking up reading again after I stopped for so long, during my hibernation, has led to my awakening. This has helped to take me out of my closed-box mentality and show me that there are many other worlds out there. It also led me to many of the things that I love today, such as writing, learning and keeping my mind open.

5. Exercise

I was always involved in sports when I was at school, but somehow forgot all about movement and exercise when I settled down in the “normal way of life.” Don’t ask me why. I have no real answer.
Running has become a passion and going to the gym and playing soccer raises the level of my endorphins and enhances my general mood, which trickles into the rest of my life in all kinds of ways.

6. Being Mindful

I have chosen specific things I do during the day when I immerse myself in doing that activity without allowing my thoughts to wander or be interrupted.

E.g. when I’m drinking my only coffee in the morning. This has become a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip. I continue drinking it for about few minutes without thinking of anything but the coffee.

7. Solitude

I can’t say enough about how this has helped me in my life. I have learned to enjoy myself alone, reflect and analyze what is right for me. I have learned to distinguish between the noises that torment me from the music that enliven me.

I have started appreciating nature and being out in the open more often than not. I now love to stare in awe at the beauty of life that is around me, whether it’s a 100-year old tree or a flock of seagulls flying just above me.

8. Don’t Follow Society and Its Rules

I look at what matters the most to me when deciding how to spend my day or what to do with my energy. I’ve started using Steven Covey’s principle of “begin with the end in mind” in many situations, using my authenticity and fulfillment as the goal I’m moving towards.

I’m finally realizing that most of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives. We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

9. Creativity

We are all unique individuals, and it’s through our creativity that we are able to express our true selves and allow our real voices to be heard. I grew up assuming that creativity meant being born a Hemingway and producing a book like The Old Man and the Sea or becoming Picasso and painting Les Demoiselles d’Avignon.

Since I started getting more creative, whether it’s expressing my passion through writing or doing small things–creating picture quotes on Instagram. I have found inner satisfaction that has flowed into all areas of my life. Again, the more I practice this muscle of creativity, the better I get and the more inner joy I feel within me.

10. Finding Your Tribe

Our Family and friends are our balance, the bedrock of our lives but sometimes we don’t think in the same wavelength. As such, I have found my own tribe online and they stimulate my thinking and expand my horizons.

I have also found a few people in my journey who have proved to be muses and coaches showing up for me time and time again to guide me to my rightful path.

Aliveness is something that is unique and different to each one of us, and it need not be a revolution that would change your life completely. It very often is a slight tweak where you add certain things that make you come alive.

However I do believe that we need self-growth and contribution to our fellow mankind before our lives can become meaningful as only then can we be awakened to our aliveness.

So have I awakened to my full aliveness?
Am I who I must be?
No, I’m not even halfway there.

I am sure in the coming years I will uncover many new aspects of my self. I will expand on the practices that I’m doing now.

However, I know I’m on the right path and am enjoying the journey to my authenticity.

Every day, I look forward even more to what makes me come alive, so that I can participate fully in this wonderful game called life.

Keep Moving and Never Remain Stagnant

keep-moving
Photo Credit: Jared Erondu

Action is the language of the universe and I’ve written many times on the power of action, not least for getting us out of our comfort zone.

Sometimes we can begin an action without a plan and keep moving forward, adjusting towards the goal. The actual doing now becomes the teacher and the guide. There is no need to set ourselves up, get motivated and as Nike always tell us to go out and  “Just Do it.”

We should look at nature and see how action and movement work for it. Any living organism in nature either moves forward or dies. There is no room for anything else.

 Rain falls; mountainside gets muddy

 Birth of a stream, maybe more

Its waters barely moving

Thick in texture, murky in nature

With every descent, the purer it gets

Obstacles emerge; paths blocked

Part can’t meander; slow down to a stand-still

Growing stagnant, looking repugnant.

Imprisoned forever, designated as a pond.

Part do meander; moving fast and around

Keep moving, becoming clearer.

The river approaches, freedom beckons.

Or maybe, even the Sea.

Ultimately, we are what we do and how we move. Let’s not get fooled by all those grand dreams that we have imagined. Goals work, and so does imagination but they only set a direction, a compass to follow but setting alone doesn’t do the task for us.

Let’s not fall into the perfectionist trap as we can never do anything perfectly, nobody can. We can’t always be on the sides thinking and planning, ruminating and getting ready as we miss the chance to learn, grow and respond to life.

The Master of action and decisiveness was Alexander the Great. He was once, presented with a challenge—to untie this huge Gordian knot. He took one look, and couldn’t find the ends of the knot, so he took his sword out and sliced it in half. Problem solved and onwards he moved.

Once we move and we’re in the game, we can learn. And getting in action does cure fear, as the longer we hesitate, our fears then become magnified.

In 2008, at a time when I was going through some challenges, and I was a bit lost and confused. I impetuously went to a tattooist and got one done on my shoulder—it was a beautiful angel with wings and the line at the top read: Born to be free.

I knew I wanted a tattoo, but I was afraid of the whole process and the stigma it could create. I started procrastinating, until I summoned enough nerve and took a cab straight to the tattooist without an appointment.

Within thirty minutes, I had agreed on a design and the words “Born to be Free” just came to me without any previous thoughts. The tattoo and the words were the birth of my self-discovery and my spiritual rebirth.

Here my action preceded my planning, guided by an inner voice or some subconscious thought. It’s like I’m half-aware of what I want, and then the action leads me to the full awakening.

Actions often leads us to our search and purpose and not the other way around.

7 ways to create lasting habits in our lives.

Published by Rebelle Society 

I sat reflecting on my life, and all I could think of was that I had become the total sum of my good habits and, unfortunately, my bad ones too.

We create most of our habits unconsciously and then watch them take over the direction of our lives. And we wonder why we don’t stick to a regular writing practice or follow the new diet to lose those extra few pounds.

7 ways to create lasting habits in our lives.
Photo Credit: Sebastian Marchand

I am a great advocator of self-motivation with the ultimate goal to grow in many different ways. However, motivation can only do so much to make us change as it gives that initial boost but it’s only through conscious, consistent practice, or habits that we can achieve the change we crave.

We usually focus so much on the Goal that we lose track of the actual work we need to do to get there. The grandiosity of the goal overwhelms us, and we often give up on it quite easily. It’s by creating habits and chunking them into small parts that can drive us to that final destination.

Our Minds have two parts; the conscious mind, which is the creative one and the one we have little access to, which is completely controlled by the other part–the sub-conscious mind. This sub-conscious mind is like a recording machine, which takes in all the information from our conditioning, the environment, and our behavior, and it then adds it all up to direct our final actions.

The only way we can effect any change in our lives is to address the sub-conscious mind, and the best way to do this is by repetition and by creating habits. Just think of how we brush our teeth every morning without even thinking, as this has been repeated and repeated so that it has become part of the information that we embed in the mind.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.”–Aristotle

Over the last 50 years, science and numerous psychological experiments have proved that there is a real power in creating and practicing habits. They confirm that a habit takes anything from 21 days to 60 days to be formed. And if we stick with them, then it will contribute to creating discipline and patience in our life, two attributes that can lead to an accomplished life.

They help guide us to that best quality of all—Persistence. As we dive into our practice, we increase our mental stamina, and we tend to finish whatever we started. Finishing a book, or a designated run sends a signal to our brain that we finish everything we start.

Habits will lead us to the present moment where real joy sits. The more time we spend in deliberate practice, where we shut our “monkey minds” off and perform the habits, the greater our link is to the creative, conscious mind.

We can create habits in 7 simple steps as stated below:

1) Set a Trigger

We need to set a trigger or reminder for us to initiate the behavior that we want to start.

E.g.I Prepare all my running gear before I sleep so that I can easily notice them when I get up in the morning.

2) Create a Routine or practice

The routine is the actual behavior we take on, to get us to the desired action. We should start with small tiny steps so that it would be difficult to fail and attractive to get into action.

E.g. I started my daily Push-Ups practice with 5, and I’m now up to 30.

3) Set a Reward

Set up a reward system so that we benefit immediately after the behavior. This reward need not be a holiday to Las Vegas after doing 30 push-ups, but some good positive talk to appreciate our good work.. The brain will store the good feelings we associated with the behavior and so the next time we are doing the habit those same good feeling comes up.

E.g. I reward myself with my only coffee in the morning straight after my daily meditation.

4) Find a Keystone habit

There is usually one habit that if we stick to religiously would help pull the rest of our life in order.

E.g. When I get up early before the sun comes out, then my whole day unfolds beautifully as I meditate well, journal crisply and become more productive at work.

5) Schedule the habits

We need to set a clear intention with a time and a day, just like we would with any regular appointment. Our habits need time and a place to live in our life. e.g. Want to run regularly? Running 7km on Tuesday 6 am must be marked clearly on the calendar.

Special Note: If there is not enough time for the practice, then just reduce the time we spend on it. Don’t abandon it, as it would break the pattern we create in our brain.
E.g. run for 15 minutes and not the full 60 minute run.

6) Be accountable

Announce the practice to friends, family or anyone who can hold us accountable.If the habit is imperative, then get a coach to help. This way we are more likely to stick to the new habit.

E.g. I joined an online writing group to journal more than 750 words a day and we are all accountable to each other in a very clever online process.

7) Design our environment for success

Put up posters, pictures of the habits we want to create in our offices and homes. Read articles or books and talk to everyone about them too. This association with the habit will reinforce it into the synapses of our brain.

E.g. I have put up visual pictures of all my habits in front of my writing desk and where I spend a lot of my time.

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard

Doing the same thing every day for the last twenty years doesn’t sound exciting but who would describe Picasso’s life or that of Kahlil Gibran as ordinary. They followed the same routine and practice throughout their lives.

They would write or paint every day as part of their scheduled practice and in some days their work was average but on others it was dazzling. Who remembers their poor work after decades of practicing their craft? No one, as the many magnificent pieces have overshadowed the inferior ones.

That’s how their hearts purred, and their souls sang, but they needed that discipline of following through on their habits. And only until then, it became effortless for them to produce magical pieces of art that we have come to love so much.

Don’t Judge

Don't Judge
Photo credit: Sudhanshu Hebbar

Sometimes we judge people too harshly because doing so from our perspective makes others look stupid and weak while at the same time that judgment makes us feel so much more superior. However, when we do judge people, we are defining our limitations and ourselves. We are showing no empathy for their plight, or a listening to their stories.

And the more you judge, the more you close the door to love, as love and can’t co-exist with judgment.

We all sin differently, we all have skeletons in our closet, and we all have different journeys to embark upon. And who decides what is right and what is wrong.

 

I know I’m not saying something new here. And I know I’m not saying something that is easy to do, but what I’m trying to state is that we should have this knowing inside of us as an ideal to aim for.

I dislike it, when people leave you with an impression, that you need to be like Mother Theresa, or a Buddhist Monk to be able to practice non-judgement and goodness in this world.

Sometimes people are going the wrong way, opposite to the direction of their soul, and we watch them, pity them and probably judge them. I’m not saying that you can switch that thought immediately. We will continue to judge them but at least start by understanding them and try to be an inspiration to them so that they could walk towards their rightful path.

There are different levels of judgement as some would bully or impose their opinions on others when judging them. Others would watch and smirk quietly to themselves validating their good behavior and so feel superior. Others would say they are not judging but would switch their thoughts away from those judged and claim not to judge and just discard their existence saying they don’t fit into their lives so why bother ourselves.

The reality is we are all judging all the time, and if anyone looks at my life with all my skeletons, then I’m sure he can judge me all day and all night.

However, what I’m saying is that I would like anyone who judges me to understand me. And if they believe they can make me understand where I’m going wrong then make an effort to do so instead of just sending me away into that “trash bin” of wasted thoughts.

Overcoming Fears with Action

Overcoming Fears with Action
Photo Credit: Allesandro Pautasso

 One step into darkness is like a thousand steps into the light-Mo.issa

Strategy and planning are essential in creating the life you want. However, there is no point in making any grand plans when fear inhibits you from acting. The simplicity of getting into action and the experiences you gain once you decide to act erodes those fears you have built up over the years.

You can also overcome fears by getting out of your comfort zone. This makes you more confident and your abilities more diverse. It further allows you to look at fears as mere stepping stones to your goals, rather than as stumbling blocks that constrain your progress in life.

I’m the strategic type, and I can tell you from my experience that all my big wins have come when I have discarded the procrastinated planning stage and set out to act on my goals. By doing this, you create the strategy to match your actions with the constant realignment that the actual doing helps to clarify. This way, you don’t have enough time to think about your fears because you are constantly in action.

I’m not saying we should be gung-ho and not even plan, but in this age of fast and furious, simplicity is key. There is nothing simpler than having an intention and acting towards it, rather than focusing on a detailed plan and getting confused about what to do next.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”–Clare Boothe Luce

 I recently attended a self-motivation event led by Tony Robbins Unleash your power within. If anyone epitomizes what I mean by getting into action, it’s Robbins. He treats the whole concept of fear as if it were a mere inconvenience we must carry with us as a weapon to face any goal.

It’s true that there is a lot of hype surrounding the event-with high fiving and fist pumping almost compulsory-and you are often left wondering if you have just arrived at a rave party in Ibiza. However, you ultimately leave with an incredible feeling, and a knowing that anything is possible.

Here is a guy who gets into action by not only preaching motivational practices but by actually using those practices to enrich the quality of his life. He has built a business empire by being entrepreneurial and investing smartly, and not only by selling books and ideas on how to do so. He espouses how you can unleash your energy from within, and then he goes on stage and proves it, by performing for ten hours non-stop.

I learned many things in this event, not the least how physiology can impact attitude. But the main lesson for me was how getting into action and getting out of your comfort zone impacts your life, and not in a linear way, but in an exponential way. His anecdotes alone were worth the entrance fee, as he demonstrated to us that until we take a leap, and unless we get out of our comfort zone and face our fears directly, then little can be achieved.

One particular story that remains with me is how he learned through NLP to cure phobias in six months, and how he had to wait for another 18 months before he could be certified to treat anyone. He then proceeded to go live on radio and claim he could treat phobias for free, and set a time and a place to do so. He got a call from an angry psychiatrist who lambasted him about his outlandish promises and challenged him to cure his most difficult patient. He then proceeded to cure the psychiatrist’s patient in five minutes, in front of five hundred people.

I agree that we are not all blessed with the self-confidence, hunger and willpower of Tony Robbins, but here was a man who believed in himself, set big audacious goals and simply acted on them. The more he tested himself and got out of his comfort zone, the more his fears subsided.

Just after my Tony Robbins event, I had a great opportunity to test this out for myself. Through an inexplicable chain of events, I found myself as one of the main speakers on TedX Talks in Accra, with only three weeks to prepare.

Finally I was going to fulfill one of my dreams and yet I was filled with such trepidation that I wanted to withdraw many times during those three weeks. However, I made a decision that I was going to step up (using Tony Robbins’s Mantra) and I told myself that I was going to do this. Here was an opportunity sent to me from the heavens, allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and be big enough to conquer my fears.

I speak regularly in front of people, but this was TedX and the talk was very personal, as I would bare my soul in front of everyone. I was speaking on how I had finally found my aliveness and began leading a more authentic life. I was telling my whole community what was behind all the tears and laughs for the past eight years. The stakes were never higher for me.

As the day grew nearer, my sleep was getting more erratic. I would remind myself every morning that I had made a decision and I was committed to it, and I was going to give my best. I practiced my talk as if my life depended on it. I repeated the talk five to six times. I made my family listen to me practice, and then I went to work and forced my employees to hear me out as well. The more I practiced, the less fear I held.

On the big day, many things went disastrously wrong. My talk was delayed for two hours and as I walked up on stage, everything went into a blur and I was getting stage fright. I remembered to breathe well and told myself to relax, and I started to get into my rhythm. Suddenly the screen showing my presentation slides went blank, then the timer screen to my right, which acts like a guide so I could pace my talk, also went blank.

I faltered for a few seconds, then took another deep breath and told myself I was going to do this and that the worst had passed. All my preparations kicked in, and I continued without needing the slides or the timer. At the end, I got a great reception and big round of applause. The icing on the cake was when Patrick Awuah, the founder of Ashesi University in Ghana, also named in Fortune’s Top 50 leaders in the world for 2015 approached me to say he was inspired by my talk and wanted to help the kids I have in my foundation so they could get a scholarship into Ashesi university.

I wanted to cry there and then and I saw my daughter just coming towards me and I gave her one of those million dollar hugs. I thought to myself.

 I did it. If you are true to your dreams, if you want it badly enough, and if you are willing to step out into that arena, then the universe is listening and will give you more than you ever wished for.

The following few days I was filled with a sense of relief I had never experienced. The weeks that followed have seen my belief, confidence and energy levels rise to a level I never knew I had. I had overcome some big and inhibiting fears by simply getting into action. I also found that this whole experience made me grow so much, that it really was an exponential growth rather than a linear one.

How Showing and Not Telling Can Transform Your Life

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.- Anton Chekhov

Published in Rebelle Society

“Show me that you fucking love me, show me that you fucking care but please stop telling it to me like a goddamn robot,” she screamed at me. I watched, mystified, as my girlfriend slammed the door and walked out on me. I replayed her comments over and over again–that I lacked connection in relationships, and real engagement in most of the situations in my life.

I knew that I wanted to understand her, to grow from the experience. But it remained a mystery. A few months later, I enrolled in a writing course and learnt the concept of “show, don’t tell.” I took it on board and started applying it to my writing.

Hot became dripping with sweat. Tired meant that he was rooted to the chair — his legs couldn’t move from yesterday’s shift on site. My characters woke up and were suddenly alive, and they were no longer merely happy or sad, but rather “jumping up and down,” or “crying for no good reason.” Writing this way allowed me to connect with my readers in a whole new way.

However, when not writing I remained aloof, oblivious to the fact that this concept could and also should be applied in my real life. I took the lesson as technical advice, only applicable to writing. As if it only described nouns, verbs and adjectives, and nothing else. But slowly, it started to dawn on me that maybe I could show more and tell less–in real time.

I realised that people respond better when we infuse our words with a more passionate showing. The more feelings we add to what we are saying, then the better the connection. The more engagement we add to our interactions, then the better we live.

Simply put: showing involves your heart and telling is all about the mind.

In losing her, I learned that this age-old writing adage could transform my life in 3 big ways:

1) Being Mindful

The “Show, don’t tell,” rule is at it’s core about writing in details, details and details. To be able to write with specific details, you must notice the trees, the birds, the people and the surroundings around you. Now compare the central lesson in mindfulness, which is to slow down as if in slow motion so that you can enjoy all those moments you live in.

On an existential level, we are here to experience, and there is no better way to do that then to get involved and get engaged in the details of your life. We were given five senses to experience life, and enjoy everything in our lives, and yet we barely have time to enjoy any of those precious moments.

How many of us eat standing up or watching a computer screen? We supposedly have no time to eat–everyone says that, I know. But recently I started eating slowly, mindfully. Food began to take a more important role in my life, and the more time I gave to my food, the better I knew how to eat, what to eat, and most importantly, what not to eat.

Even drinking my espresso coffee in the morning became a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip.

It’s not just food, though. Now, when I see seagulls flying above me, I instantly stop whatever I’m doing and just watch, them transfixed in absolute awe. I can’t explain what happens at that moment, for me, but time stops still as I gaze long and hard. I feel I’m connecting to something bigger than me. I feel overcome by inner peace and a joy that permeates in my body and finally breaks into a soft smile. Is this what stillness is all about?

All my noticing and engagement in details has miraculously quieted my mind, and I find the negative thoughts are slowly disappearing. I feel more at peace with myself than ever before.

2) Being Alive

Being more mindful magically leads you to engaging much more with your life. You are now in action and something inside of you starts ticking– you become alive. You feel you want to do more and you can’t stop and go back to your old ways of skating through life. You feel you have a sacred duty to be alive. You break through your inhibiting shackles and become more vulnerable. You understand that there is no perfect moment; there is only the now. You suddenly don’t want to miss a waking moment anymore.

You don’t want to just inform the world about your exploits, but you would rather show the world what you have done. You want to share yourself with your fellow mankind. This feeling of being alive transforms you, and whether you know it or not, you have started transforming the world. As Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3) Being Connected

You are now in action and much more alive and you learn that certain emotions in life, like love, fear, excitement and despair can’t simply be described. They must be demonstrated. They will only become real when we show them to others. This is the basis of connection, how human beings are able to live and inter-connect and be inter-dependent with one another. However the connection must be real, authentic. We are not showing for the sake of showing. We are not demonstrating emotions to others for our own personal gain or play-acting as if our Broadway career depended on it. I’m introverted by nature, and not at ease in showing my emotions. However I understand, through writing, that showing helped me connect to my readers, and it is now easier for me to connect to people around me.

I feel I am awakened. I have become more alive. I am connecting to everyone and everything.

To the new love that I will someday meet, I won’t say, “I love you.” I’ll say:

“I just can’t stop loving you when I see you laugh. I love you when I catch you watching me for no good reason. I love the way you allow me to become a better man for you.”

Learning to show and not tell, in my writing and in my life, has opened up doors I never knew existed–and I love life so much more for it.

Reclaiming My Authenticity

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”~ E.E. Cummings

As published in ElephantJournal

As I sat gazing out of my window, almost motionless and thoughtless, my mind froze and then one thought screamed at me:

What if I died today? Have I lived the life I wanted to live?

It’s no surprise that these questions came up for me a month or so after reading Leo Tolstoy’s The Death of Ivan Ilych, where the protagonist lay in his bed asking those same questions after leading a life he somehow fell into rather than one he chose.

That was almost 14 years ago, and unbeknownst to me, my claim for authenticity had begun.

Authenticity does not simply mean only being honest or having integrity—it means much more.

Maslow says: ”What a man can be, he must be.” He later went on to call this concept the need for self-actualization.

Brené Brown in her ground breaking book, The Gifts of Imperfection, says, “Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”

For me, authenticity is our higher self crying out to be seen and heard, and constantly battling with our egoic mind, reminding us that our earthly journey is really all about our souls coming out to play, finding new ways to be and new things to experience, and to learn from those experiences.

Yet, most of us live our lives following rules and paths that don’t apply to our higher selves. We step onto the endless treadmill of life. We live by getting things done and crossing items of our to-do lists. We get caught up in the cycle of doing things for the sake of doing them.

We forget the big picture of what matters most.

We forget what makes us laugh.

We forget the sound of our heart’s pounding.

We forget the joy of play.

We even forget how to connect with each other.

Authenticity is not a trait you inherit or a quality we are born with—it’s a choice we make every day. The more consistent we are with choosing authenticity, the more quickly we will uncover what “we must be.”

Some have been blessed with finding their authenticity early in their lives, usually sparked by extraordinary circumstances.

Buddha, for example, became instantly awakened one day upon leaving his palace, when he saw for the first time the ugly realities of life. Hemingway went into the First World War as a Red Cross volunteer and came back with the seeds of the writing genius he was going to be.

My claim for authenticity is not as exciting or remarkable as the examples mentioned above, but it’s the only story that I can say much about.

These are some of the paths that led to me reclaiming my authenticity:

Reading

As simple as it sounds, taking up reading again after I stopped—because I was so serious about life—helped take me out of my closed-box mentality and show me that there are many other worlds out there. Reading showed me the many possibilities available to any one of us. It also led me to many of the things that I love today, such as writing, learning and keeping my mind open.

Exercise

I was always involved in sports when I was at school, but somehow forgot all about movement and exercise when I settled down in the “normal way of life.” Don’t ask me why. I have no real answer.

Running, going to the gym and playing soccer raises the level of my endorphins and enhances my general mood, which trickles into the rest of my life in all kinds of ways.

Being Spiritual

I’m talking about being spiritual here, which to me is different than being religious. I define spirituality as my own direct relationship with a supreme being.

We live in a world where middlemen are proving ineffective and are soon to be obsolete. As such, I will not allow any religious leader or their agents to hijack my personal relationship with a supreme being.

I understand the inherent worth of all religions and accept many of their wonderful teachings but I’m not tied down to any of their dogma.

I really believe we live more than just this one life. I see our journey as one of learning and experience, where we evolve into greater beings.

My Rituals

Over the years I have developed several habits that I do consistently, and they have proved to be the cornerstone of my new way of being.

I love getting up early to allow the sound of silence and the view of the sun rising to permeate my soul.

I spend a few minutes when I wake up being grateful for what I have from the small things to the bigger things in my life.

Sitting in stillness or meditating for 20 minutes a day cultivates the peace I need in my life to help me in my path to authenticity.

I spend a minimum of 30 minutes every morning Journaling out anything and everything—my feelings, reflections, and current thought patterns.

Solitude

I can’t say enough about how this has helped me in my life. I have learned to enjoy myself alone, reflect and analyze what is right for me.

I have learned to distinguish between the noises that torment me from the music that enlivens me.

I have started appreciating nature and being out in the open more often than not. I now love to stare in awe at the beauty of life that is around me, whether it’s a 100-year old tree or a flock of seagulls flying just above me.

Fuck Society and Its Rules

I look at what matters the most to me when deciding how to spend my day or what to do with my energy. I’ve started using Steven Covey’s principle of “begin with the end in mind” in many situations, using my authenticity and fulfillment as the goal I’m moving towards.

Why do I need to go to a dinner where all we discuss has already been discussed?

Do I really need the latest iPhone? (Yes, after seeing the new 6.)

Why are most of us defined by our work or employment status?

Why do I have to agree with a certain opinion or tradition even if I don’t care much for it?

I feel I have just started applying this principle, yet have found that it has given me freedom and power like never before.

I’m finally realizing that most of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives.

We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

Sometimes I feel we are living in George Orwell’s 1984 dystopia, and big brother is not only watching us but has already lived our lives for us.

Creativity

We are all unique individuals, and it’s through our creativity that we are able to express our true selves and allow our real voices to be heard.

I grew up assuming that creativity meant being born a Hemingway and producing a book like The Old Man and the Sea or becoming Picasso and painting Les Demoiselles d’Avignon.

Since I started getting more creative, doing small things like writing blogs and creating picture quotes on instagram, I have found inner satisfaction that has flowed into all areas of my life.

Again, the more I practice this muscle of creativity, the better I get and the more inner joy I feel within me.

So have I reclaimed my full authenticity?

Am I who I must be?

No, I’m not even halfway there.

I am sure in the coming years I will uncover many new aspects of my self. I will expand on the practices that I’m doing now.

Yet, for now, I know I’m on the right path and am enjoying the journey to my authenticity.

Every day, I look forward even more to becoming who I must be.

Open the Floodgates: Living with the Intensity of Feelings.

Photo Credit: Ty Williams/Unsplash

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.~ Maya Angelou

As published in Elephant Journal

At the core of our civilization is the expression of human emotion.

I read Shakespeare’s sonnets often, watch “Chick Flicks” without telling anyone and listen to catchy love songs that I can’t get out of my head no matter how hard I try. Sometimes, I regard my feelings with distrust, disdain and fear especially given my macho upbringing and surroundings. However, all my memories, points of interest and most importantly lessons in life seem to be intertwined with moments of intense feelings.

One time I had a wonderful run under the rain and immediately feelings of freedom, lightness and that “close-to-nature-bliss” enveloped me. Earlier that morning, I gazed out my window and noticed the way the rain danced onto the grass. I could see all this as if it was in slow motion, the drops growing in size and dropping gently, almost asking for permission to land.

I put on my running gear, and hurried outside so as not to miss this awesomeness. I stood under the covered arch in front of my house and felt the chill of the wind moving across my face and neck. Even now, when I think about that day, I can feel the chill on my face and the excitement that only “15 degrees centigrade” kind of weather can give me. I adjusted my earphones and cap and I was off, smiling away the first few kilometres. I felt the rain drizzling against my body, and I tried to sidestep the puddles that had formed on the ground. I run as if it was the last day of my life. Finally, the pain of it caught up with me and wiped my smile away. Still, it was a moment of intense joy and contentment.

The streets were completely empty then. I was immersed in a sense of liberation and freedom. It was as if I was the only one on this planet—reminiscent of a scene from the movie “Mad Max.” I felt that inner peace and power that you feel only when your soul has made contact with you. That feeling of running under the rain was so transfixing to me that now I wait eagerly for the clouds to roll in, thrilled for the opportunity to experience it again.

I sit down in the theatre with five hundred other parents, feeling totally alone in the dark and the quiet, with the formality of the setting slowly sinking in. It’s May, my son’s graduation day—a day of laughter and excitement for the kids, and an intense mix of feelings for the rest of us. I watch him walk down the aisle with 50 other students and start to tear up without warning. I look around—a few people are watching me—so I hold myself together and watch speech after speech. I feel like I’m in a daze. One of the teachers gives a great, heartfelt speech. “Where did this guy come from?” I wonder.

Next, my son wins an award for achievement, and I’m convinced this is definitely a conspiracy to make me cry. Soon after, the ceremony ends and the graduates throw their graduation caps into the air. We all applaud. People are crying all around me. We take pictures, and say our hellos and goodbyes, then drive off to the hotel where we are holding a shared reception with some of my son’s friends. The first thing I do is down a double vodka to calm me down—as if that ever works. The evening goes well, and then the speeches begin.

I can’t remember the exact words my son uses, but I will never forget the feelings I felt as I watched him in front of the crowd, so grown-up and confident. As I hug him in front of all those people, my knees go weak, and suddenly the earth moves beneath me, as if time stopped and still. That hug brought back memories mixed with the many emotions built up throughout the evening (perhaps,enhanced by a few more double vodkas).

All in all, my heart was deeply touched with a feeling that I will never be able to explain. That hug was not just a hug. It encompassed years and years of fears, love, doubts, insecurities, heartache, hope, joy, respect, and admiration. That hug was speaking a universal language understood by all. It was speaking directly to all the hearts in the room—it was a silent conversation.

“I’m leaving you,” my son was saying to me.

“I’m losing my best friend,” I replied.

“But you need to let me go. I need to start my own life, my own adventure.”

“I know. I understand.”

Kahlil Gibran writes:

“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.”

As we slowly let each other go, I noticed tears in his eyes. Then the floodgates opened, and I cried like I’ve never cried before.

Once, I had a conversation with a woman on a flight to London. I can’t remember her face exactly, or her name, but I do remember her glittering turquoise blue eyes and her white soft skin. She was considerably older than me and I was drawn to her composure and the way the words came out of her mouth in short, powerful and meaningful phrases. She said something to the effect that life is an adventure, one that is unique and particular to every single one of us. She made me feel special and intelligent. Most of all, she made me feel powerful and like anything was possible, even at my ripe old age of forty five. I felt as if I was an anointed king going to reclaim his country. I felt that I still have many chapters to fill in the story of my life.

Our lives are defined by the moments we experience and the intensity of our feelings. How did we feel at that moment? Where were we when we felt that way? Why did we feel like that? Who made us feel them? We feel good when we are happy, joyful, excited, alive, compassionate, peaceful and full of love.

We feel bad when we are sad, hurt, tired, irritated, confused, afraid, angry and hateful. The inner labels that we give to people, places and events don’t actually refer to those things, but rather, how we feel about them. If Rome was the place I had my heart broken, then it will be etched in my heart that way, and most likely the only feeling I will get when I hear or see anything about Rome are the echoes of my pain, sadness and fear.

When I run, I feel joy, freedom and inner peace. Running becomes a symbol for those feelings. I associate running with that particular day I was running under the rain and feeling the bliss of nature. The feelings that arose from “that hug” contained both love and fear, and the mix was so powerful that I only remember how I felt whenever the image of that moment comes to mind. Not what anyone wore, not the speeches, or any of the details we had obsessed about preparing the reception for months in advance.

We live life for our feelings.

Our bodies are the vessels that carry and experience those feelings.

Our minds try to understand and decipher the feelings.

Our Spirits speak to us only through our feelings.