The 4 Freedoms That Have Set Me Free

 

“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.” ― Bob Marley

I entered the Tattoo shop without knowing exactly why, and I left with a huge tattoo on my right shoulder. It took the tattooist only a few minutes to extricate out of me, the hidden message that lay in my unconscious mind.

And after three hours of heavy metal music bombarding my being, and the tattooist working his magic, I came out with an image of a winged angel holding a banner that said: “Born to be free.”

My soul was screaming for attention and recognition. It had managed to escape the prison that was my ego, long enough to conceive the idea of the tattoo.These four words marked on my body for life would inadvertently kick-start the spiritual journey my soul had so yearned for.

I wanted to be born again. I wanted to free myself from all the old beliefs that were holding me back. I wanted a better life, one where I was totally free.

As I pursued more freedom in my life, I found that the four freedoms below were the most important ones to start with:

A) Freedom of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs

“A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.” ― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

The life of a thought starts when a single thought keeps buzzing away in our minds like an annoying fly trying to get noticed. This thought grows into more thoughts, consuming our minds and devouring all our time and energy.Then this collection of thoughts that we are now living and breathing grow into a belief, that then becomes set in stone and so difficult to reverse.

We have almost 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of them should be dumped in a trashcan. We are not our thoughts or our thinking. We need to view thoughts as coming at us on a conveyor belt, where we pick and choose the thought that serves us best.

The people who are content and living full lives have put their focus on the positive thoughts that empower them, freeing themselves from the adverse effects of focusing on the many different negative thoughts that arise.

B) Freedom of to be ourselves rather than to keep up with Society

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”-E.E. Cummings

We need to ask ourselves what matters most to us in any given decision. In Steven Covey’s words, let’s always “begin with the end in mind” in any situation using fulfillment, and meaning as the goal rather than achievement.

Do we need to go to that social function? Do we need to buy the Armani suit? Why do we agree to fulfill certain traditions, even though we don’t care much for them?

If the situation adds value to our lives, then it’s right to go for it but if our decision is based on a fear of missing out, then we are making a wrong decision.

Many of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives. We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

Unfortunately when we succumb to this innate fear we have, we start living other people’s lives, and we follow the principles that don’t matter to us.

C) Freedom of attachment to results

“Let not the fruit of action be your motive to action. Your Business is with action alone, not with the fruit of action.”- The Bhagavad Gita

When we free ourselves from attachment to results, then we magically enjoy the process much more and paradoxically our results improve. When we free ourselves from the comparison that attachment to results inadvertently brings us then, we become more content and satisfied with our lives.

And when we set an intention that we are committed to a certain action rather than its results, we free ourselves from the doubts, fears, and anxiety that results instill in us.

Also, when set an intention not to attach to outcomes, we become open-minded and so much more ready to embrace new ideas.

D) Financial Freedom

To be financially free doesn’t necessarily mean to make millions, own many properties, become famous, or own a huge business employing thousands of people. It could be so, and there are many, who embody that image, but not all of them are as free as we think.

Are they free of the power that money has over them? Are they living free of the desires that money brings with it?

For me, to be financially free means, to be able to spend less than you earn and save something for a rainy day. It means that we don’t have that inner need to make more so that we can spend more.

It means reducing the desire and greed that consumerism has instilled in our DNA. It means not buying a new car when you have many; it means not owning a property that you are not using. It means not having a wardrobe that is full of clothes that you don’t wear.

Why do we continually put ourselves under pressure for fleeting moments of happiness that the Chanel bags or the Porsche car provides us with? Won’t we be happier and more content without the bag or car and the inevitable bill that is waiting to be paid?

I’m not promoting communism or socialism, and I’m all for buying beautiful things but only if we use them, and they become a constant source of contentment in our lives.

For example, I Built a pool in my house at a huge cost, but looking back after three years of use, I would say it’s been the best money I’ve spent for a while. It’s been the source of an immeasurable amount of contentment and joy to me.
Freeing our souls, allows us to follow our hearts in a world that is so dominated by our minds. It allows us to accept our life and appreciate the good things we already have in our life.

There is nothing more important in our lives to pursue than the freedoms we need to live a wholehearted life that is full of joy, meaning, and inner peace.

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

Pain And Not Happiness Leads To Meaning & Growth In Life

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward, many are strong at the broken places.”
― Ernest Hemingway

Happiness is a dangerous idea. It’s as elusive as perfection. It lulls us into believing that life is always fun, full of smiles and slowly guides us towards comfort.

It doesn’t lead to growth, meaning or inner peace.

It compels us to compare our lives and our moments with others using only what we see from the outside. And what we usually see is only the happy moments.

Do we see anyone share a picture on social media when they have failed? Do we see anyone advertise his or her sadness? Rather it’s the smiles and the parties. It’s the achievements without the hard efforts that are shown.

What we always see is one side of the coin and for us to say we want to be happy is naive and simplistic. And if we are not careful, and our only goal is to be happy, and then we may find ourselves empty and lost.

It’s rather more truthful to pursue a life that is full of meaning, growth and wholeness.

And it’s rather pain and discomfort that leads us to change, growth and ultimately to more meaning. It’s the pain that pushes us into getting out of our comfort zones so that we can venture out and try new experiences or ways that we daren’t do before.

I’m not saying that we should walk around depressed, sad and feeling sorry for ourselves. I’m not saying we shouldn’t be happy.

I’m saying we shouldn’t raise our hopes so high as to expect only happiness in life, and when the first setback hits us, we become paralyzed and unable to fight back.

We need to understand that pain, setbacks and sadness are inevitable in our lives, and we need to be realistic enough to accept them as part of our journey.

And pain is not just any part but an important one, as it becomes this great teacher that we learn from rather than simply something we need to endure.

Also, I’m saying that we need pain as much as we need happiness in our lives and if we can get a good balance of both then that will ultimately lead to a more satisfying life that is full of meaningful experiences.

We need happiness to celebrate our growth and our wins.

We need happiness to keep us optimistic and engaged in life.

However, instead of saying we want to be happy, let’s say we want to be whole and are committed to embracing every aspect of our being, and that will include both happiness and pain.

“Isn’t the beauty of life that it’s like a titillating movie,
that comes with scenes of painful tears and happy smiles.
And only when we dig deeper into the crevasses of our pain
we clear the mounds of anguish blocking the path to our joy.

As we come face to face with the darkness, we are forced
to be with it, to befriend it and to know everything about it.
It is only then that we can clearly see a tiny glow of light,
a ray of hope that leads to how bright our light can shine.

Lo and behold! Those who suppress and evade the pain,
as they turn their backs on the valuable lessons that come with it.
They missed their chance to feel it and let it go when it was small,
as it will come back stronger and much bigger in form.

Life is not all about the smiles and tears that arrive by chance,
But rather by living with a freedom that allows your soul to dance.”

 

Instead of having a goal for the pursuit of happiness, then rather let’s have one for the happiness of pursuit. Because it’s in the pursuit that you become whole.

It’s in the means that you get to an end. It’s the process that matters in life and not the actual goal.I’m saying I would rather live a life that makes me grow even if sadness is etched in my heart, rather than a life where I cease to grow, and I’m simply happy.

I’m saying I would rather live with an open heart marked with wounds than one that is closed and has no wounds at all.

I’m saying I want to be someone who is more than just happy in life.

“I’d rather die on my feet, than live on my knees.”
-Emiliano Zapata

5 Reasons To Think Hard Before Setting Goals

Mo.Issa

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at”.-Bruce Lee

I’m getting tired of the effect of goals and precisely how my fixation on their outcomes is affecting my life. I’ve found myself getting overwhelmed by my elaborate goal-setting plans that often lead me to abandon the goal altogether.

I’ve lived most of my life on the principle that we as humans are goal-setting machines, and I went about my life by setting goals, achieving them and then setting new ones.

I’ve grown so much from the structure and the drive that goal setting has instilled in me to achieve more and be more. And I find myself afraid of living without goals as that would make me complacent, and so I won’t do enough and when I’m not doing then I’m not growing.

“Not all who wander are lost.”- J.R.R Tolkien

However, I’ve started being more agreeable to the growing view that setting goals and achieving them doesn’t necessarily lead to a life of contentment.

Rather, I’ve found that committing to a strict regimen of doing rather than measuring my progress against goals has made it easier for me to continue and enjoy the process.

Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United Football manager, when asked what his strategy was and the goals he set for winning 49 trophies and becoming the most successful Football manager ever, just said:

“My only goal was to win every game and every action I did was towards that.”

These are five reasons to be careful when setting goals:

1) We forget our love of the activity

We get so caught up with the actual goal and enamored by the hype surrounding it that we forget why we got into doing the activity in the first place. We forget how much we love the process itself and instead start to focus on the results.

I was training for the Florence Marathon a year ago. I read, analyzed and created a scientific plan so that I could run faster and harder. I started adding new training techniques and was regularly recording my times and pace. Suddenly, I stopped enjoying my running and became fixated on seeing myself cross the line at 4h 10mins. Six weeks into the training plan, I got injured and could never recover to run the marathon.

2) Goals, sub-goals, and tasks add stress

First we set our goals, and then our sub-goals and the actions that align with them. Then we review our tasks daily, weekly and track our progress towards the goals. All this extra activity and decisions adds stress to our lives. Now instead of focusing our energy on the actual process that we love, we waste it on creating lists and then checking them off.

Last week I joined NaNoWriMo, which is an annual online creative writing project that takes place only in November and it challenges participants to write 50,000 words for a novel. It gets people writing and motivated throughout the month. It’s a great event and has helped many write best sellers.

However, it completely stressed me out, as I felt I was under so much pressure. I now had a big goal of writing a novel with a sub-goal of writing so many words per day. I devised a plan of how many words to write per day, what time to write, and what to write.

I met my target for the first few days but I wasn’t enjoying my writing anymore, and what was meant to be fun and a way to free myself from the stress of life became the stress itself. I quickly deleted my account on the third day and made a simple commitment to write for two days a week at three-hour stretches.

3) Goal-setting is often simply running away

We sometimes, jump from goal to goal and after achieving them, then just abandon the interest. We just wanted to add excitement and activity to our lives, and not necessarily meaning.

We inadvertently use goals so that we don’t have to stop and reflect on our lives. We start following new fads and new things to do just for the sake of doing them. We keep running, as we don’t want to sit alone with our thoughts and our truths.

We never ask why we are setting the goal and what it means to achieve it. Why do we want to write a book? Is it to gain prestige and recognition or do we feel that people need to hear our message?

4) Kaizen is a better way than goal setting

Kaizen is Japanese term that has become famous in the west. It means continuous improvement through small incremental changes that accumulate over time. It’s used in the corporate world for developing systems and practices. It’s one of the core principles that Toyota used to become the No.1 Car producer in the world.

We always associate change with some large, visible result like a before and after picture of someone who has lost weight in a few months. However, in reality the greatest changes occur when we make daily small incremental changes. This way we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves and overload our capacity.

It’s no coincidence that 99% of New Year resolutions are abandoned in the first week. We overwhelm ourselves with too many goals and often the goals are just too unrealistic.

5) Goals can be limiting

When we fix goals, we close ourselves to many opportunities that could open up for us. We focus only on a particular action towards the goal we set. We become oblivious to reality and find it harder to change and adapt to our fast-changing environment.

For Example, Google doesn’t set annual corporate goals (except for SEC requirements) as it feels goals reduce its agility and how they could respond to the market.

I still feel I need a general direction to push me into doing the things I love in a more consistent way. I want to remain focused and committed to the processes that I enjoy.

I’m not going to abandon goal-setting altogether, but I will look at them with more scrutiny always asking if the particular goal gives me contentment, lessens stress and helps me grow before I commit to it.

But, I definitely don’t want an elaborate goal-setting plan that would make me feel like I’m not enough when I don’t achieve some of it’s goals.

 

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life (2)Published By Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard

If I had to choose one practice that was the catalyst for my transformation then it’s rising early at 5:30 a.m every day for the past five years. This single commitment has changed me from a grumpy, frustrated person who was always in a rush to get things done without much enjoyment to a much calmer person who has found more meaning and purpose in his life.

It was rising early that propelled me to add many other productive habits to my morning. It was rising early that kept me constant and consistent with the rituals that I needed to re-wire my brain.And it was rising early that gave me the thrust I needed to go further towards the path of my authenticity.

There is something special, almost magical when we wake up a few minutes before the sun comes out.It’s like we watch its birth and look at it in grateful awe.We feel it’s might, and it somehow reminds us of life’s beauty and the infinite possibilities we have to connect to its power.

There are three big areas in my life that rising early has helped me tremendously:

1. Inner peace

I learnt that to have peace throughout the day; I needed to start with solitude and connection to my soul. I needed to ignore the noise that constantly surrounds me and listen to the songs and lullabies that my soul whispers in my ears.

There is no better time to do so just before the sun would come out. The birds start chirping away, and the trees outside stand tall and ready for their day. And there is always a hint of freshness in the atmosphere.It’s like life is ready to dazzle me, and that gives me a feeling of inner peace and freedom that I find hard to put into words.

2. Creativity

As I become more consistent with my morning rituals, and without many distractions I found myself in that state of “Flow.”I connect with my soul and find that my creative juices are flowing, and my muse is always close by to help me create.

During this time, there are no questions to be answered ,no emails to respond to and no decisions to be made. I can easily focus on one thing and it’s usually my writing.

There are many examples of great people who rise early and allow this energy in the morning to help them create, such as Steve Jobs, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway and Richard Branson.

3.Feeling energized

What we do in the morning will set us up for the rest of our day.And when we remain consistent with getting up early and follow our daily rituals ,then we find ourselves with so much energy within us that we can achieve much more during the day.

I very often find that by afternoon ,I’ve done most of the big tasks I was meant to do and as such the rest of the day becomes a breeze. And that’s in stark contrast to the other days where I achieve much less when my mornings don’t go to plan.

How to wake up early?

  • You need to sleep earlier as any attempt in cutting down the amount of hours you need to sleep(7-8 hours) will result in you waking up more stressed and any benefit gained by waking up early will be duly lost.
  • Reduce the time you want to wake up gradually so that you don’t end up giving up the practice completely. For example, set your alarm earlier by 15 minutes every three days and so you will be up earlier by 30 minutes within a week and 2 hours within a month.
  •  Increase your exercise activity during this period when trying to wake up earlier so that you can sleep easier at night.
  • As soon as the alarm goes off, jump out of bed and don’t allow your lazy mind to lull you into staying in bed.
  • Prepare one thing that excites you to do in the morning, such as a Yoga move that stretches your back or reading from a book you enjoy.

My Morning Rituals(In the order I practice them)

  1.  Drinking water: I Drink a full glass of water so that I’m immediately energized and my body starts to function.
  2. Meditation: I meditate for 20 minutes, and even though I struggle for the first 15 minutes, I find that the last five minutes makes up for the initial struggle. Meditation not only instills this inner peace in me but clears my mind so that I’m ready for the day ahead. It also acts as a reminder of the discipline of mastering my mind throughout my life.
  3. Journaling: I journal for about 15 minutes where I bring out all my fears and insecurities in detail. The mere fact that I’m aware acts like a catharsis and I feel better immediately.
  4. Reading: I read for 30 minutes and find that it soothes my being and in the morning I’m more receptive to the different ideas and worlds that reading conjures up.
  5. Gratitude: I write out 3 things I’m grateful for and that just reminds me to focus on the things that are working in my life. Usually this could be for something small like the cheesecake I had yesterday, or achieving a goal I’ve been aiming towards for a while.
  6. Big To-Do’s: I write out in bold ink the 3 things that I want to achieve today.
  7. Exercise: I exercise whether it’s a run or a cross fit session in the outdoors depending on where I’m at with injuries, running races or I’m out of the country. The main thing is to move for about 45 minutes in the morning.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”-Brené Brown

I’m not saying that the only way to be peaceful and productive is to rise early but it worked very well for me, and this is coming from someone who used to claim he was not a morning person.

There are many days that I can’t get up early as an enforced late night or a bad night’s sleep will hinder my discipline.However, I find that if I stick to this regimen of early rise and practicing my rituals for about 80 percent of the time then I’m fine.

I have found that for me to be able to cultivate the authenticity within me, then it’s my morning rituals that have become the vehicle that drive me towards the nirvana of my true self.

3 Ways To Let Go of Perfection

3 Ways To Let Go of Perfection
Photo Credit: Luis Llerena

“Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien. (The perfect is the enemy of the good.)”-Voltaire

As Published by Elephant Journal

Almost forty minutes had passed, and I was still staring at a blank screen. And six months have sped by since I set that intention to write a book and still not a single page has come out. I’ve been trying to write my first book for a while now and every time I sit down to start, I get overwhelmed and think I’m not good enough.

I start comparing myself with all the other writers out there. It seems the day I decided to take up writing seriously; many people have done likewise and brought out their first books. The line that I’ve been selling myself is that if I’m to write a book then it needs to be perfect. It has to be the exact reflection of all the dreams I’ve had when I envisioned myself as a writer.

Do I think I’m Hemingway’s prodigal son or Steinbeck’s long lost disciple? No, the reality is that I’m using perfectionism as a way to hide behind my fears and insecurities. Since I was thirteen, I’ve had to fend for myself and put up shields to protect myself from failing. To fail was not only a sin but very often it lead to me feeling ashamed.

I saw vulnerability as weakness and perfection as strength, so I narrowed my scope and tried to be perfect in certain things while shutting many other doors to my growth and wholeness. I used Perfectionism to avoid criticism, rejection and failure, and it served me well at that time.

It helped me survive a new, different environment that was imposed on me when I left the warm comforts of the country I grew up in at an early age. However, I learnt only to float in my new surroundings and never allowed myself to soar. I became the ultimate big fish in the little pond.

“Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.”-Brene Brown

After Studying Brene Brown’s ground-breaking work on Vulnerability, I came to understand many myths about Perfectionism:

  • Perfectionism is not self-improvement, but it rather stifles the greatness within you.
  • Vulnerability and not imperfection is the opposite of perfectionism.
  • Perfectionism is trying to earn approval and acceptance, whereas vulnerability is putting yourself out there.
  •  Perfectionism is self-destructive as there is no such thing as perfect. Perfection is an unattainable goal.
  • Perfectionism is addictive as when we invariably do experience shame, judgment, and blame, we often believe it’s because we weren’t perfect enough.

Over the years I’ve changed a lot, dared greatly and have become more vulnerable, connecting with many people and not afraid to put myself out there.

However, perfection(or procrastination) remains a weakness, and when I’m taking on something big, I return to my thirteen-year-old thinking.

I’ve found three ways to overcome it:

1.Taking Action

“Action is the Language of God.”-Unknown

Procrastination and overthinking very often gets us stuck, and we end up going in circles. Planning is good, but it won’t get you anywhere unless you take that first step. Action can kill perfectionism immediately as you can turn a bad draft into a good one, but you can’t turn no draft into a good one.

It’s important to make your first steps small so that you can get wins under your belt that will then propel you to complete the goal you wanted to achieve.

For example, I will set myself up for action by establishing a small goal, to write one hundred words on a topic that’s currently interesting me. Before I know it, I’m in action and hundred words turn into a thousand plus.

2.Self-Compassion

“A moment of self-compassion can change your entire day. A string of such moments can change the course of your life.”-CHRISTOPHER K. GERMER

Rather than ignore our pain or start criticizing ourselves, we need to be understanding with ourselves when we fail, suffer or feel unworthy. We must remind ourselves that this suffering is something that happens to everyone and not just “me” alone.

Most successful people feel inadequate when they fail and yet they see it for what it is, a passing phase and an opportunity to correct their mistakes. They very often cut themselves some slack rather than criticize themselves.

3.Surrender and Letting go of the fruits of our actions

Letting go is often easier said done but when we truly start practicing this principle, then we find ourselves enjoying the ride and not just the destination. We often allow numbers, results and opinions of others to dictate the goals we set and how we are going to achieve them.

I fell into this trap when training for a marathon and would wear a watch that measured my pace, speed and distance. I kept looking at the watch every few minutes while running and then analyzed the results when I was finished. I completely forgot why I started running–the feeling of freedom and connection to the outdoors.

Needless to say, all the planning and my attachment to results invited more stress and tension and soon afterwards I got injured and had to stop my training. Contrast this with when I took up running and ran a half marathon without any planning. I was just simply running and enjoying it, and only set a general intention of running four times a week.

Perfection is something we must avoid if we are to live an engaging life. It paralyzes us, and we find ourselves afraid to make any move. We get comfortable with our surroundings and use the excuse of “when it’s perfect I’ll put out my work” to suppress the greatness that we can offer the world.

This idea of perfection is a myth, and the simple truth is that we are meant to be whole and not perfect. This includes both the joy of successes and the pain of failures. And the only way we learn and grow is through both differing experiences.

All great people have one thing in common; they are consistent in their actions producing work after work. They produce their work despite the same insecurities that we have. They know that out of many attempts, one will turn out to be great.

They have tossed this idea of perfectionism into the garbage, where it rightly belongs.

5 Ways To Overcome Overwhelm And Use It as Our Emotional Indicator

 

Photocredit: Chris Sardegna

“close some doors today. not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they lead you nowhere”― Paulo Coelho

As Published by Elephant Journal

I couldn’t take it anymore. My inner voice was screaming as my outer self was holding it back. It was like a dam waiting to burst. I went into my office, locked my door and took a few deep breaths. I tried to meditate but just couldn’t. I completely broke down and started crying.

I knew I had reached my limit; my cup was full, and there was nothing I could do about this sense of overwhelm I was feeling. None of my habit strategies could work, as I had used up every ounce of discipline that was in me.

It had been a hectic few months as I was juggling so many things in my life. From fighting grief after the loss of my mother, trying to save a foundation that I had set up a few years ago, and watching my company struggle in the worst macroeconomic conditions I’ve ever experienced.

And if that wasn’t enough, I took on several other challenges such as preparing to run a marathon, hosting a large speaking event and attempting to write a book.

I had fallen back into my old ways, where I would do one million things rather than face the pain. I would take on many projects so that I wouldn’t have time to reflect and think about my difficulties.

Fortunately, I’m much more aware than I used to be, and I now listen very carefully to my body. The first signs came when I pulled my calf muscle and couldn’t train anymore and had to sit out running for a month and as such missed the marathon date.

The final sign was my breakdown at the office. I left work and drove to a nearby spot that overlooked the sea and stared at the greenish blue waters for what seemed like an eternity.

We all go through times when we get overwhelmed. As in my case where I wanted to close off my heart for fear of getting hurt, so I put on a shield and took on task after task.

Other times, we are afraid of missing out and say yes to everything that comes our way, forgetting that a day consists of only 24 hours.

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best day and night to make you like everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight and never stop fighting.”
― E.E. Cummings

Overwhelm leads to frustration, and that leads to stress, which in turn leads to health problems (headaches, muscle aches, high blood pressure, heart disease). It also starts us towards destructive behavior (overeating, drugs, etc.), which can cause full-blown depression.

These are 5 ways that you can overcome overwhelm and stop it manifesting into something much worse than mere frustration:

1. Awareness

The first step is to be aware that we are in “overwhelm” mode, and this is usually easier said done particularly when we are in the thick of things.

However everyone develops certain signs when they know they are heading into an overwhelming high alert mode. I feel them as soon as my breathing becomes wayward and when my frustrated thoughts won’t go away during my meditation practice.

2. Step back

After awareness, we need to take a step back, take a break and rejuvenate ourselves while we re-evaluate where we are in the grand scheme of things. I usually take an afternoon off work and go to the beach (I’m lucky as it’s only 20 minutes away) or just listen to music/watch a movie for an afternoon.

3. Does what we’re doing seem right for our vision?

Now look at the projects, or tasks that we’ve taken on and ask why are we doing them. Do these move us towards our vision? Why should I spend time and energy on projects like writing a book, or running a marathon when it’s not part of my personal vision? We need to be careful not to do things for the sake of filling our bucket lists.

Ernest Hemingway said: “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” He meant that there was no need to add many flowery words to your sentence. And don’t be afraid of removing a sentence that you love if it doesn’t add real value to your final piece.

4.Think small and slow things down

Life is a marathon and not a race so whatever you have in your hand, think of it as a long-term project rather than something you have to finish within a week. This way of thinking has helped me so much as I’ve slowed things down where I now think of 5-7 years per goal and plan my goals as if I’ll live till I’m a hundred years old.

I’ve also set a maximum of doing three major tasks/activities a day, and I’ll start with task one till I finish it before I move on to the next one and so on. I’ve found this number to be my right balance.

5.Detachment of results

We often place a heavy burden on ourselves by setting high expectations on projects/goals we take on. I do believe that measurable goals are important to track our progress, but we must let go of the need for results. As we let go of that need and just focus on the process, then the results will work themselves out and surprise us.

I’ve started using time sessions per task instead of tracking results.
E.g., I will write for an hour every other day, rather than saying I’ll write three articles a week. I will exercise 45 minutes for four days a week, rather than stressing on how many miles I will run, or what muscles I’ll work today.

“By letting it go, it all gets done. The world is won by those who let it go. But when you try and try the world is beyond the winning.”
-Lao-Tzu

We need to treat this feeling of overwhelm as if it’s our emotional indicator that tells us to take a step back, slow down and ask ourselves again what matters most to us.
It’s a gift from the universe like an internal thermostat, and all we have to do is remove all the fear surrounding us and adhere to it.
And the best thing is that, no matter how bad yesterday was, every morning is a new beginning and an opportunity to live without overwhelm and stress.

7 Ways Our Smartphones Are Ruining Our Lives

smartphone
Photo Credit: Mister G.C.

“You will never reach your destination if you stop and throw stones at every dog that barks.”-Winston S. Churchill

As Published by Elephant Journal

Multitasking is now a fundamental part of our life that we are comfortable texting while we’re walking across the street, catch up on email while stopping at traffic lights. And worst of all we check on our virtual friends using Facebook, Twitter or Snapchat while having a face-to-face lunch with our real friends.

Multitasking is when one of the tasks needs some critical thinking–Listening to an important presentation while reading emails or doing homework while watching Gossip Girls. This is entirely different from doing two things at the same time without needing any focus like walking and talking or driving and listening to music.

Technology and specifically the smartphone is probably the single biggest contributor to the rise of the multitasking phenomena in our lives today. There are no clear boundaries now as work, rest and play all battle for our wakeful minutes.

It’s usually the kids who set the pace in technology from The web to Facebook, Twitter, and then Instagram.The latest craze being Snapchat, where the kids chronicle and share their days within a few seconds under something called Snapchat story. However, they are sensationalize their stories to keep up with Kardashians and so missing out on living their authentic lives.

There are many advantages to the new technologies, not least that we can access information no matter where we are. We can connect to people and places no matter how remote we find ourselves.

The Smartphone is a great tool that can enhance our lives and enrich our minds. However, we need to be careful so as not be enslaved by them and enamored by their novelty.

The scientific research, led by top neuroscientists on the dangers of multitasking and the abuse of the smartphone is exhaustive, and it’s being studied in top universities around the world from Stanford to UCLA.

These are the seven dangers why multitasking and the smartphone, in particular, is ruining our lives and leading us to be disconnected, dissatisfied and ultimately leading us to an unfulfilled life:

1) Multitasking doesn’t work

Multitasking simply doesn’t work and what we think is multitasking is only task-switching. Our brains are limited when it comes to attention and productivity and are set to complete one task at a time before moving onto the next one. As we switch rapidly from one task to another, we lose focus on both, our productivity suffers, and we limit our chances of getting fully “in the zone” where all magic resides.

Multitasking doesn’t save time, as it probably takes longer to finish two tasks when you’re jumping back and forth than it would, to complete each one separately.

 

2) It leads to mistakes and mediocrity

We make many mistakes when switching tasks causing almost 40% loss in productivity if critical thinking is required. Any new information learned while multi-tasking could go to the wrong part of the brain as the hippocampus, the part of the brain responsible for organizing information, is easily distracted.

Also, the prefrontal cortex burns up the same fuel, glucose, that it needs for both switching tasks and staying on task. This then leads to the exhaustion of the required glucose levels in the brain that in turn leads to mistakes and compromised work. And it’s little wonder that we feel exhausted and disoriented after doing two tasks at the same time.

3)It causes stress and pain

This repeated switching from task to task leads to anxiety as we need to make lots of decisions. So when you stop your focus on a task to answer a call or email, you are then faced with making a decision, no matter how small that is.

This decision overload takes its toll on us as it raises our heart rate and moves us from the restful-relaxed mode to the fight-or-flight mode. The brain now produces more adrenaline, and our brains are overstimulated causing mental fog. We become impulsive and start making bad decisions. This in turn raises levels of the stress hormone cortisol in the brain, which in turn can lead to serious stress and depression.
4) It could lead to addiction

Whenever we stop our focus on the project on hand and look at how many likes we have on Instagram, for example, we feel this sense of accomplishment. This creates a dopamine-addiction feedback loop, so our brains are being rewarded for losing focus and getting distracted.

Also, our brains are wired so that we feel good when it senses something novel, and it’s the same brain that needs to focus on the task at hand. So again when we check our Instagram likes, we feel instantaneously good, and that constitutes a neural addiction.

5)It could lead to memory loss

When doing two things at the same time and both need our focus, then in reality we are acting a bit like a drunk would. We feel that we’re taking in what is being said but in reality we can’t remember much or apply the knowledge we learned.

6) We feel disconnected and miss out on life and Relationships

When doing two things at the same time, we are simply missing out on the beauty that life has to offer us. We don’t notice our surroundings or our environment. It’s like we are missing in action in our own lives-Our eyes are open and yet nothing is being registered in our brains.

How can we see the majestic oak trees in front of us, the seagulls flying in perfect unison above or the clouds forming artistically like paintings on canvas while taking a walk and texting.

We are losing our ability to interact and listen to each other as texting limits thoughtful discussion. We can’t truly hear each other’s stories as a few lines of text hardly compares to seeing and listening to the other person in front of us.

How can we engage and enjoy our relationships when a family dinner in a restaurant turns into an occasion where all members are on their phones and texting away.

7)It Dampens our creativity

When we focus on one activity, like writing, there is a power in that, it helps guide us to organize our day around that responsibility. We have decided and prioritized it as our anchor task. This feeling of knowing what to do with an end-result in mind helps us to focus all our efforts on a single task, and so our work is decidedly much better.

If you commit to nothing, you’ll be distracted by everything.

We are in a continuous energy-sapping race to respond to so many calls, emails, and the full range of social media updates now available. We have substituted being busy with doing meaningful work and are contributing less to our life and that of others.

When you look at remarkable people who have left their marks on humanity becoming masters of their craft, they all had one thing in common-Great Focus and Concentration.

E.g., Leonardo Da Vinci would spend months on a single project.And Steve Jobs, the inventor of the iPhone, which is probably the single biggest contributor to smartphone multitasking, was famous for his powers of focus and staying on one aspect of creativity for hours on end.

I want to be continually alive, and that requires me to eliminate all the noise that surrounds me, and all that impedes my connection to life.
I want to see the different seasons unveil right in front of my eyes, connect deeply with my loved ones and enjoy the small wonders that life tends to throw at us when we are mindfully present.
I don’t want to feel busy and productive but rather engaged in a meaningful life.
I want to be the master of my smartphone and don’t want it to become an obstacle to my growth and work.

Wayne Dyer’s Quote

wayne dyer
Photo Credit: Whipps Photography

Wayne Dyer was speaking at an “I Can Do It” Conference when he brought out an orange and asked a bright twelve-year-old, what was inside the orange. The boy insisted it could only be orange juice and not apple or grapefruit juice. When pushed to explain why, the boy said: “Well, it’s an orange, and that’s what’s inside.”

Wayne Dyer nodded and said:

“Let’s assume that this orange isn’t an orange, but it’s you. And someone squeezes you, puts pressure on you, says something you don’t like, offends you. And out of you comes anger, hatred, bitterness, fear. Why? The answer, as our young friend has told us, is because that’s what’s inside.”

And he went on to say that:

“It’s one of the great lessons of life. What comes out when life squeezes you? When someone hurts or offends you? If anger, pain and fear come out of you, it’s because that’s what’s inside. It doesn’t matter who does the squeezing — your mother, your brother, your children, your boss, the government. If someone says something about you that you don’t like, what comes out of you is what’s inside. And what’s inside is up to you, it’s your choice.”

“When someone puts the pressure on you and out of you comes anything other than love, it’s because that’s what you’ve allowed to be inside. Once you take away all those negative things you don’t want in your life and replace them with love, you’ll find yourself living a highly functioning life.”

As I watched his talk, I reflected on myself and saw that not everything that’s inside me is as pure as I want it to be. When I overreact and insult a taxi driver, who ignores all kinds of driving rules and cuts me off. It’s the frustration bottled up in me that’s coming out and not what the taxi driver did. Also, when I belittle someone for making a mistake then it’s all the fears inside of me which I haven’t addressed that are coming out.

Most of our negative reactions are not about the people who irritate us but more about what is troubling us from the core.

Whenever we overreact, then it’s an opportunity for us to step back and ask ourselves what’s really inside of us? What have we allowed to get inside of us and what can we do to remove all the negative things that we don’t want in our life and replace them with love?

As Rumi said, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

Six Ways to Help Inspire Change in People

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference-Reinhold Niebuhr

Can we change people? How can we help our loved ones to adopt a good habit and drop a bad one?

I struggle with those questions every time I take on a new habit or learn a new lesson, which proves invaluable in my life. I want to share it or impose it into the lives of my loved ones.

For example, I’ve been meditating for almost two years now and even though I’ve promoted it passionately and expressed what it has brought to my life.I haven’t been able to inspire many to take on meditation.

change

Change is a word that has been overburdened with so many expectations that many of us just switch off when the word change is mentioned. I understand that some people are hungry for change and would readily accept motivation and inspiration more than others.

Also, it’s about the right timing for some of us to admit that we need to change something in our life. I recall ignoring the promptings of my father when I was in university to read more about spirituality and to ask the big questions of life. It wasn’t till I hit thirty that I seriously started to read about Philosophy, Religion, and Spirituality and opened my eyes to a new world unbeknownst to me.

“A man who views the world the same at fifty as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life.”—Muhammad Ali

We can’t press a button and change people, no matter how much we love them. And very often people don’t want to be changed as the comforts of no change always outweigh the work needed to commit to change.

The best we can hope is to try inspiring them to become aware of having to change. And for that change to happen and persist, then they have to be emotionally aroused by the impending change.

They must feel some apprehension, even fear, and unrelenting anxiety—strong emotional reactions that act as catalysts to increase their motivation and commitment.

Here are six ways for us to help inspire change in people:

1. Be the example

“Be the change that you wish to see in the world.”- Mahatma Gandhi

When we practice what we preach and consistently do what we have championed others to do, then it sends a message to whoever is around you that your words are authentic. You are telling people,that you truly believe in what you are saying and it’s working in your life.

E.g. Recently I watched Tony Robbins in one of his events, and the whole theme was about how we can energize our lives and unleash the power within. He kept six thousand people engaged, aroused and able to have fun for four consecutive days-His energy was mesmerizing.

2. Be compassionate

When trying to help, we should focus on listening with compassion rather than being overbearing with our words. We can rouse their awareness by asking clever, introspective questions like “What are the Pros and Cons for you to change or not change?” “If this change was easy, would you want to make it? What makes it hard?” Those questions create a safe environment for them to explore motivations and examine their need to change or not change.

However, be prepared to accept that people will not immediately follow your advice and implement changes into their life. But at least you have given them another way to look at things and were real enough to do it yourself.

3. Change is not easy

We need to remind ourselves that change is difficult and to look back at the number of times we ignored the good advice because we felt it wasn’t for us or that it made no sense whatsoever. We need to guide them so they can see the self-defeating stories they have been telling themselves for so long so as to justify not changing.

We can share our experiences to allow them to see that change is an opportunity to grow with amazing things waiting to happen rather than some unwanted burden.

4. Change can be easy, rewarding and normal

We need to show them that change can be easy and not so overwhelming when we take “baby steps” to make small incremental changes in our lives. The key to change is to be patient and not expect instant results. This whole process must be fun and not seen as a strict ritual.

The rewards must be clear for them to see so that they monitor their progress regularly, and most importantly they must feel that results will ensue.

To change the way they behave, most people need to see that the change they are embarking on is something normal and that most people, especially those they admire would want to act this way.

E.g. Several years ago my daughter was struggling with Math and I made an effort to practice with her for thirty minutes every other day, learning something small every time and making it fun. Over the months that passed I charted her improvement and regularly showed it to her. Since that time she has changed the way she approached math and is now doing very well.

5.Create an environment

Create an environment that supports and encourages the change you are championing. For example, if it’s a healthy life you are advocating then put up posters of the nutritious food, and remove all chocolates, candy, and similar foods from the house.

Share your inspirations and goals with them, and send books, articles and movies that share your passion for that habit. Do this in a friendly manner and have no attachment or reaction to them not taking up the habit.

E.g. I talk about being healthy around my family, run regularly and have my gym in the house, which I use frequently. My kids have grown up watching me do this and have also taken up exercising as a regular habit to feel good and be healthy.

6) Use setbacks to initiate change

Setbacks and the gloom that follows is the best time to advocate change. The ego has been temporarily defeated, and we are now willing to change the way we view our ways. Failures are blessings in disguise even though we never see it like that at the time. The anguish brought on becomes an emotional trigger that helps us clearly see our wrong actions and allows us to accept change readily.

E.g. One of my running buddies recently injured his calf and couldn’t run for a few months, and so lost the opportunity to run a race we agreed to do. He would never listen to my advice on stretching and to take up Pilates as a practice to complement running. Now after the injury he has started regular stretching and wants to take up Pilates.

We can help inspire change in people when we express our words compassionately and skillfully to make them feel that if they do change their behaviour then it really would make a difference in their lives.
We also need to show them that we have no expectations that they would want to change or even can change.

The 5 Fundamentals of Lasting Happiness

The 5 Fundamentals of Lasting Happiness
Photo Credit: Morgan Sessions

“The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.”
― George Washington Burnap,

What is happiness? What are the elements that give us everlasting happiness? How do they work?

Some feel happiness is very simple and there is no need to complicate it further by focusing too much on it, as doing so will ultimately make you feel unhappy. However, happiness is a difficult thing to pin down, and it’s too simplistic just to smile our way to happiness.

As we grow from one stage to another in our life, happiness will mean different things, so what worked for us when we were teenagers won’t necessarily work for us now. For example, the feeling of going to a party at sixteen won’t necessarily make us ecstatic at forty.

As I walk further towards my spiritual path, I know that lasting happiness will only come from within myself. The experiences I’ve had when younger have served their purpose and are now stored deep in my sub-conscious mind. And as such I need newer and far different experiences to invoke that feeling of well-being in me.

Martin Seligman has spent years studying happiness and answering the big questions that come with it. He has spent most of his life researching and producing theories that have established him as the leading authority on happiness. He is called the father of positive psychology and has written many best-selling books on the topic.

In his influential 2011 book, Flourish, Seligman developed the PERMA model. In it, he proposes five essential elements that must be present in our lives for us to experience lasting well-being or happiness.

Over the years, I have learned that we can’t live a fulfilled life without them and as such I have adopted them in my life and adapted them to my way of being.

These elements are:

1)Positive Emotion/Pleasure (P)

We all need pleasure in our lives, and this is when we maximize our positive emotions while minimizing the negative ones. Examples of these emotions include peace, gratitude, hope, and love.There are little acts we do on a daily basis that invoke these positive emotions and go a long way in lessening the negative ones.

E.g., Meditating early in the morning gives me the peace I crave.  Tucking in our children and listening to them say goodnight makes us warmhearted.

2)Engagement (E)

When we are fully engaged in an activity that challenges us and yet excites us. We become fully focused on it, and so lose all sense of time and self. We experience a state of Flow-this is a state of deep, effortless involvement, a term coined by the distinguished Professor of Psychology Milly Csíkszentmihályi.

The activity is usually something that we enjoy, and that makes us come alive from within. Seligman recommends we find what we are good at and what we love the most and practice it consistently.

E.g., When I’m writing I lose all sense of time and space. I get this great feeling afterward that I can’t put into words. For others, it could be singing, painting, setting up a business, managing a project, or running in the outdoors.

3) Positive Relationships (R)

Seligman believes that within us, there is an innate need that is biologically and evolutionarily ingrained. We crave relationships; friendships and companionship are something that we look out for almost instinctively. And Positive relationships are especially powerful because they play a role in supporting the other four components of well-being.

4) Meaning (M)

Meaning is derived from serving a cause that is bigger than us. We are all inter-connected, in this universe and with each other. We all belong to something that is larger than us.

We are here to grow personally and help others grow with us. We can only do this by serving mankind. And sooner or later we will have to accept this inner call to serve.

E.g., I have seen my life turn around completely from being an ordinary, lifeless entrepreneur to one where I’m alive only because I’ve found some meaning to infuse into my life. This meaning came, the day I felt sharing my experiences through my writing, and speaking was serving others.

5)Accomplishment/Achievement (A)

Accomplishment involves the pursuit of success, winning, and achievement both as end-goals and as processes. The process is much more important though it’s easy to fall into the ego trap where the goals become the only thing that matters. However, we need goals and their achievements as guideposts to motivate and give us more discipline to complete the process.

E.g., Warren Buffet is one of the richest men in the world, and yet he maintains the same routine and process that he has done for so many years. He doesn’t need more money; he has never tried to get famous because of his achievements. He just loves the process of betting on the right numbers day in, day out.

 

For us to have lasting happiness and the kind that involves a deep sense of well-being rather than the hedonistic pleasures that are prevalent everywhere today, and then we need all the five elements to be present.

When we neglect them, it is like we do not satisfy our inner needs and so will surely live an unfulfilled life. We reach the so-called midlife crisis and start asking questions about our purpose and direction in life.

We need to ask the right questions as it’s those questions that will define how we live the rest of our lives. Seligman’s PERMA model is an ideal place to start the process of carving out the big questions that will matter in your life.

“Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers”-Voltaire

However, even with all the five elements in place, I still think we need some element of failure and even despair to drive us closer to the desires of our soul. If we do understand the painful lessons of failure and apply them in our lives, then we are challenged much more to get out of our comfort zones. It is only in despair that we learn quickly and grow ten-fold. It is only in despair that we become excited to understand what gives us lasting happiness.