My Rules of Engagement

My Rules of Engagement
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
My Liberty means:
  • Not infringing on my right to choose, from which country to live in, to which ice-cream flavor I like.
  • Not pushing me to second-guess my decisions, even though I wasn’t certain the first time round.
  • Not forcing me to justify my actions, over and over again.
My Freedom means:
  • Allowing me to make decisions that are right for my soul, even though they could be wrong for your EGO.
  • Recognizing not to compromise my values, interests, and principles.
  • Respecting my carefully drawn out boundaries.
  • Not impugning on my time, no matter how futile you think I spend it and no matter how little I give it.
My Intentions are:
  • I will be present and mindful rather than succumb to my thoughts.
  • I will enjoy what I’m doing and not focus only on achieving.
  • I will rather get challenged than be comfortable.
  • I will rather get engaged than oblivious.
  • I will use my imagination to create rather than become creatively impotent.
  • I will praise ten times to every one time I criticise.
  • I will not judge anyone but be willing to accept.
  • I will work towards Compassion rather than indifference.
  • I will follow my true path and not the path of others.
  • I will learn like a scavenger looking for learnings everywhere I can.
  • I will commit to growth as if it’s my sole intention for living.
  • I will serve mankind as if every single one is part of my family.
  • I will care for the environment as if it was the home I built with my own two hands.

The 5 People Who Rocked My World in 2015

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I’m admittedly a learning junkie and only come alive when my curiosity and interest in the world are piqued. I’m fascinated by new learnings and discoveries every day, and they have been central to any impending change in my life.

Every year I stumble upon new teachers and fresh material and 2015 has been no exception.And whether it’s through reading their blogs, listening to their podcasts or watching their interviews or talks I’ve become a better man.

These are the 5 people who rocked my world in 2015:

1.Tim Ferris-The 4-hour Workweek 

“I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” ― Timothy Ferriss

He is the author of the New York times best seller 4-hour workweek, blogger, self-experimenter, podcaster and health and body expert. He also successfully funds start-ups in silicon valley. He is also a lover of Stoicism and in particular, Seneca.

He deconstructs complicated concepts into clear, understandable ideas which show that most things are achievable and do-able. His how-to-do steps are geared to help the common man see that nothing is impossible and that anything is possible.If there was anyone who epitomises the new type of self-help guru, then it’s him.

He reached the Tango National Finals in Argentina while practicing for less than a year and took up Tai-chi grappling and won the national championship in Taiwan. He speaks Japanese and Mandarin fluently and in fact, there isn’t much he can’t do when he sets his mind to it.

I love his podcasts, which are long and funny. The variety of guests from movie stars like Jamie Foxx, to chess prodigy–Joshua Waitzkin, and Body and fitness stars, to Venture capitalists based in Silicon Valley is simply amazing. It has opened a new world for me, and it’s like even though I’m not in that world but listening to the interviews I become part of them and learn different things from all those successful people.

My Biggest Take-away

Taking control of  my time and my life. I’ve also started experimenting with new interests and habits and find it is the best way to learn about ourselves.

2.Leo Babauta-Zen Habits blog

“Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.” ― Leo Babauta

Simplicity, minimalism and contentment are what you get when you visit his site. I love the whiteness of his blog, the simple concepts he writes about and the succinct words he uses that will immediately send your being into peace and calmness.

Here’s a guy who set up his blog in Guam back in 2007 and in 2011 was listed on Time’s 50 best websites.He writes about meditation, presence and contentment in life in such a pragmatic way that you don’t feel obliged to move to Tibet and live a monk’s life.

My Biggest Take-away

The power of less; We work harder, become stressed, to earn more, but the extra money that goes on a supposed better way of living (extra cars, bigger homes, premier travel) makes us less happy as we start to complicate our lives. The easiest formula is to work less, spend less and be more at peace now, not when we retire.

3.James Clear-James Clear Blog

“Becoming the type of person you want to become — someone who lives by a stronger standard, someone who believes in themselves, someone who can be counted on by the people that matter to them — is about the daily process you follow and not the ultimate product you achieve.” ―James Clear

He shares ideas for using behavior science to improve your performance and master your habits. His articles have been published in Forbes, Huffington post and many other sites. The scientific approach and depth of his content always leave you with a clear understanding of a concept, and you simply, can’t forget his teachings.

My Biggest Take-away

Learning how to instill habits in my life so that I can focus on my actual practice rather than the actual goal e.g. I set a target to write an hour a day, rather than setting an overwhelming goal of writing a book for the year. And when I maintain my practice, I will achieve the target and the ultimate goal.

4.Maria Popova-Brain Pickings 

“This is the power of art: The power to transcend our own self-interest, our solipsistic zoom-lens on life, and relate to the world and each other with more integrity, more curiosity, more wholeheartedness.” ― Maria Popova

Maria Popova is the creator of Brainpickings.org. She describes it; Brain Pickings is “your LEGO treasure chest, full of pieces across art, design, science, technology, philosophy, history, politics, psychology, sociology, ecology, anthropology, you-name-itology.”

Her blog is one for the intellectuals and people who like to understand the original concepts and it’s unrivaled in the richness of material. She weaves pieces and themes from old and new books, past and present authors illuminating insights, directly or indirectly, into that grand question of how to live, and how to live well.

I can’t wait for Sunday evenings when I read her new publications–they have liberated my thinking and took me to worlds I’ve either forgotten or never knew existed.

My Biggest Take-away

The Gold is in the old books and the even older authors. Why read a modern book which portrays a minute concept from Albert Camus, when she goes straight to his book and offers us his direct words and her explanations all in a great blog piece.

5.Derek Sivers-Sivers Blog

“If you think your life’s purpose needs to hit you like a lightning bolt, you’ll overlook the little day-to-day things that fascinate you.” ― Derek Sivers

He’s best known for selling his former company CD Baby an online CD store for independent musicians, with over $100M in sales for over 150,000 musician clients.He gave away most of his money and now chooses to live spartanly and spontaneously, moving to a new country every few years, doing whatever he feels like doing.

He truly does live the present moment and is living proof, of how to become non-attached to things,while living in our world and not on an isolated mountain.

Derek Sivers Interview-The Santa Monica bike ride story

“I do a 15-mile bike ride in Santa Monica, a few days a week at full-speed, 100%,head-down, red-faced, sprinting speed.I’d finish exhausted and looked at the time.43 minutes.Every time. After a few months, I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted.

So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK not super-slow, but dialing it back to about 50% of my usual effort. What a fun ride. I was relaxed, and smiling, and looking around. Not red-faced. I was barely giving it any effort.I saw two dolphins in the water. A pelican flew right over me in Marina del Ray. I had to laugh at the novelty of it.I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once. I felt I could do this forever, without any exhaustion.

When I finished, I looked at the time. 45 minutes.What?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked. 45 minutes, as compared to my usual 43. So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing only gave me a 4% boost.I could just take it easy, and get 96% of the results.And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way rejeuvenated.This was really profound for me, and I think of it often.”

My Biggest Take-away

I’m always running for more, for better, for higher, and after listening to above interview, I’ve now calmed down and 2016 has been less stressful and more fun.

Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Determine Our Lives

mindset
Photo Credit: srednja.hr

I advised my friend not to praise her daughter for being smart or special but rather for the effort she puts and the endeavour she shows. She snapped back, saying her daughter was smart and exceptional.

My friend was offended by my words, thinking I was putting down her child, but I was just trying to offer some advice on parenting, something I’ve learned never to do again.

I thought that I had just discovered the elixir of parenting and wanted to share that wisdom with my friends. I had just re-read Carol Dweck, remarkably insightful book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success — an inquiry into the power of our beliefs, and how changing our most simplistic beliefs can have a profound impact on our lives.

In Dweck’s research, she found how we view our personality and how we live it out, at a very young age, determines our attitude to almost everything in life. And that we fall, depending on our beliefs, in one of two camps:

A)Fixed Mindset

Those with a “Fixed Mindset” believe that our character, intelligence and creative ability are traits we are born with and no matter what we do, they can’t be changed in any meaningful way–so we either have it or we don’t.

The ramifications of this is immense: Thinking that our intelligence can’t be improved, we’re always trying not to look dumb. It leads to focusing on easy stuff and avoiding the challenges that stretch our comfort zone. We become the ultimate big fish in the small pond.

The “Fixed mindset” people are always seeking approval and for people to affirm their opinions and ways. They crave being special and so find shortcuts to be seen as smart, rather than putting in the effort to do so.

And as soon as failure arrives as it surely must, they are devastated and find it hard to recover from the setback of losing a job, a promotion or getting unexpected low SAT scores

A kid who is smart in grade 3 and knows it, as everyone including his parents keep telling him so, will start resting on their laurels and slowly close their minds to new learnings. And even worse, they would equate their effort with something that smart kids don’t do and so doing extra work is an act that is beneath their original selves.

“Their only goal is to look good.”

B) Growth Mindset

Those with a “Growth mindset,” believe that, with effort, they can change their character, intelligence and enhance their creativity. They thrive on challenge and see failure not as being unintelligent but rather a stepping stone that is needed to grow and change.

They are open-minded, humble and are always willing to work on the beliefs that are holding them back to be able to learn and grow. They develop a passion for learning that serves them for the rest of their lives.

Here, the “Growth mindset” people don’t deny that there are others who are born with a natural talent or that some people are ahead of them in the game, but they know that through learning and effort, anything and everything is possible.

“Their only goal is growth.”

The Mindsets presented graphically:
taschen_informationgraphics10
Photo Credit: Nigel Holmes

Dweck quotes one seventh-grade girl, who captured the difference beautifully:

“I think intelligence is something you have to work for … it isn’t just given to you.… Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence. “

5 Things I would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

Published By ElephantJournal

“It takes a very long time to become young.”
― Pablo Picasso

I was going through an old picture album of mine and a picture caught my eye. I was 20, had a look that I was about to change the world, and yet I find myself at 47, struggling to change myself let alone the world.

I was overcome with nostalgia and some pangs of regret, as I wondered how I would have fared at 20, but with the mind and the experiences of my 47-year-old self. Would I have done things differently? Would I have been someone better and had achieved more?

I’m sure I wouldn’t have arrived at how I think today without the mileage and experiences of the last 27 years. Hindsight always makes the past look worthless and ignores the fact that you made choices with what you had and knew.

Logic and reason often discourage adventure and as such it would have prevented many of the rich experiences I had between 18-20. Would I have jumped off the cliff and into the Andaman Sea in Krabi, Thailand? Or stand up for a friend when attacked by a group of thugs and get badly beaten but ultimately feeling good as I was the only one who stood up while the rest ran away.

However, I’ve also discovered that several concepts when learned well at a young age, would add more to your artillery in facing the world as a 20-year old.

1)The earlier you “Know thyself”, the better

These two words are inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago, and their wisdom still speaks loudly today.It’s essential to get to know your strengths, weaknesses and what you like doing. Do a strengths test, the Myers-Brigg personality test and ask your family and friends to guide you in knowing yourself.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to re-charge my batteries.

It was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) Challenge your comfort zone

Think of every successful person in any area and the chances are they all have one thing in common–from a young age, whether through circumstance or design, they had hunger and grit instilled in them, by continually pushing themselves out of their comfort zones.

Complacency creeps into our lives especially when we don’t challenge ourselves, and as we remain comfortable in our surroundings we feel at ease, and our performance becomes ordinary but never extraordinary.

Richard Branson’s mother left him to come back home alone; a thirty-minute walking distance, after a Sunday picnic, when he was only four years old.

At twenty, I wish I had run a marathon, climbed Kilimanjaro or taken a gap year exploring the world with only a backpack. These adventures would have certainly stretched my comfort zone and enriched me with wonderful experiences.

3)The Fear of missing out(FOMO) is nothing but an act of the mind.

FOMO is only a fear that the mind plays on you. As you get overwhelmed with a lot of choices, you can’t decide what’s right for you. However, when you become the only source of your self-worth, rather than pleasing others or being the cool dude, then your fears slowly disappear.

I spent a lot of my college days missing some lectures, not connecting with my family and not having enough time for myself, all because I didn’t want to miss out on what my friends were doing. I wanted so desperately to belong.

The reality is that when you miss one party, or you don’t like playing cards, but your friends do. You won’t miss much; you won’t lose yourself and your friends won’t suddenly dump you.

4)Find your creative self-expression

Find a creative pursuit that piques your interest, something that you are willing to spend enough time to be good at. It could be writing, painting, landscape photography, or surfing big waves, and make sure it becomes your own thing where time just simply passes by as you are “in the zone.”

Here, you would self-express and allow your inner self to come out and meet your outer world. It’s where all the stress of impending exam results, job interview replies and end of year business results fade away if only for a few minutes a day.

At the age of 40, I found writing and it’s that one thing that I’m willing to put in long hours so that I become good at it. I’ve pushed my comfort zone in joining groups, taking writing lessons, taking time off to write daily, all because my heart smiles when I share my inner self with the world.

5)Money doesn’t matter, but it also does.

It’s important that you understand and define your relationship with money. Money is important but only as a tool, and you must remember that it’s only a means to an end rather than the end itself.

Don’t make the reason you want to earn money so that you can get the yacht, the penthouse in New York or the Chanel bag. Rather the reason to make money should only be a measure of the success of your career or the business you’ve set up and want to grow. Money should be able to gauge where you are and how far you want to go.

Money can give you comfort, security, and make life fun but it will never give you satisfaction or infuse meaning into your daily life.

I learned this lesson the hard way as I faced a traumatic time in my life when within six months, my business was nearly bankrupt, and my nephew suffered a near fatal accident.And It wasn’t till then that I truly understood that life was not about money but all about self-growth and contributing to society and you don’t need money for either of these.

I wish I knew all these concepts when I was 20, as it would have accelerated my growth and given me more time to make a difference in this life.

And if these words don’t reach me in my next life as a 20-year-old, then I’m hoping it could at least reach one 20-year-old in this lifetime.

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

 

The world keeps changing. It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and the ways which got you where you are, are seldom those that keep you there. — Charles Handy

As I review my year and my life, I keep asking the same question over and over again. What am I committed to this year and for the next several years that will make me want to wake up every morning with a gusto of energy and a smile that allows me to discover my aliveness?

I’ve found that for us to be energised, we need to constantly re-invent ourselves as well as our lives. We need to take on new challenges and differing roles in our life. We need to shift focus to something new or renew something old as soon as we feel our energy supplies dwindling.

I’m not preaching that we should live hedonistically chasing every whim of sensual pleasure that we feel and abandon projects, people and hobbies when we get bored or uncomfortable. Rather I’m saying that we should be aware of the plateaus that are present in our lives and notice the stage when we become stagnant and stop growing.

We live out our lives in stages, and if we don’t adapt to our feelings, environment and results, then we will end up moving away from our true self and what we were meant to be and do. Accordingly, as we get older, we will become bitter and frustrated.

All things in life occur in cycles, and as nature always shows us best, most things don’t grow linearly but rather cyclically-the light from the day contrasts from the darkness of night.

“Change like seasons is inevitable.
No season is permanent.
Opportunities and needs, like seasons, wane as a new one begins.
We can be purposeful, anticipating change and navigate the differing phases of our lives.
Or ignore it allowing circumstances to impose its change on us.
We live our lives in seasons.”

The need to re-invent ourselves is championed by the concept of “The Sigmoid Curve,” written about by Charles Handy in “The Age of the Paradox,” in 1994.”

The Sigmoid curve is a mathematical concept developed by Handy, and it confirms the cyclical nature of everything we do in life from our relationships, careers, business lives to our personal growth.

Sigmoid Curve
Sigmoid Curve: Illustration of the stretched out “S” lying on its side with the 3 phases

A)The Learning Phase

This is at the bottom of the S, and it rises slowly, often dipping before starting to grow. It’s the initial phase of learning; the first few months of a business start-up, the first few months of a new career, or just after the honeymoon period is over, in a marriage.

At this stage, there is a lot of hard work, and no initial wins to appreciate and little sign of growth. It’s here where we need the persistence and belief to push through the hard times.

Typically, this is seen in a business start-up, with founders working 100-hour weeks in the basements or garages of their homes for months on end. They are driven by the belief that they are onto the next “New” thing in the Technology world, living off hot coffee and cold pizza, with no income in sight.

B)The Growth Phase

There is a sharp rise in the S shape, and now things are moving quickly, the start-up is growing fast, career promotions are coming through quickly. Or we start to enjoy our relationship as it matures, and we understand each other much more.

The start-up is now buzzing, with many people on board and it’s now recognized and appreciated by many people around silicon valley. Suddenly many venture capitalists want to invest; talented people are ready to work with them, and the press wants to report their success. There is real growth and maturation in this phase.

C)The Decline Phase

Here the line drops as the S shape begins to fall. Things start to get mundane, uninteresting and what was effortless becomes hard work. Energy level drops as we lose the excitement of the initial stage, and we then lose focus. Things have stalled and need freshening up, and this decline can occur within a business, our careers or in our marriages.

In the start-up example, expenses shoot up, while revenues drop as the novelty of the start-up’s products have worn out, and competition has caught up, what was once an inspiring environment to work in becomes like any other place. The start-up reaches its crossroads, and now everything is questioned.

The trick is to negotiate the phases at the right time and avoid the decline phase. As the picture below illustrates, we need to jump off the first curve before it hits its peak and start on something new at the start of a new curve.

 

However, this is no easy task as history has proved. From the decline of the Roman Empire, the fall from grace of Tiger Woods and the disappearance of Kodak, have all shown us that the biggest risers can fall quickly and never be able to recover.

We can’t rest on our laurels for too long at the first stage as we often don’t have the energy or know-how to change direction when we arrive at the final decline phase. Our momentum stalls and what made us great at the initial stage no longer works and needs to shift drastically.

We didn’t invest enough time, resources and energy in thinking about the future and preparing ourselves to jump onto the next stage. There is often ambivalence, doubts, and fear of doing so and as such we find ourselves stuck in that initial stage afraid to leave our comfort zone and of taking the next new step.

However, when looking at most successful people and businesses, it is precisely that courageous move that keeps them at the top. It is their willingness to push their comfort zones, aim higher and have the self-belief required to jump at the right time.

The successful people are ready to reinvent themselves and adapt to the ever-changing environment always following their excitement and being strong enough to kill off what doesn’t serve them anymore.

5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals

5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals
Photo Credit: Greg Raines

As Published by Elephant Journal

It’s the first day of the year. It’s a day I like to spend alone and reflect on myself, my actions towards the goals of last year and to see if I have changed or, at least, created some momentum to change.

After all, we are goal-setting machines, and our growth is served not only by achieving goals but in who we become when we proceed faithfully towards them.And so it’s imperative that we reflect on what worked and what didn’t in the past year.

Almost six out of ten resolutions fail in the first week alone, and approximately 48% of corporate goals are abandoned after only three months. So the point is not if we fail, but when we fail.

Why is it that many of us don’t stay true to our goals and fail to make any lasting change? Why do we not lose the 20 pounds we promised ourselves we would? Why don’t we put that extra money in a savings account as we intended to?

It’s true that self-discipline is key and without it, most goals are unachievable, but there are also several other reasons why our goals don’t last, but only for a few weeks.

1) The word “Goal” is loaded and overwhelming

I’ve found that the word “Goal” in itself is heavy and is ladened with so many expectations that it represents a universal concept that is tired which adds so much stress to us when mentioned. It implies that in not achieving it then you are a failure.

Recently, I’ve started to use the word “Intention” as it allows me to think that even if I create some momentum towards it without achieving it, then I’m still successful.

I set an intention to write an e-book for last year, and I couldn’t do it. However, I’ve made meaningful progress towards writing it and learned a few things on the way to be able to get it done this year and so I don’t feel like a failure just because I didn’t finish the book.

2) Our reflections are not deep enough

When reflecting on the past year, then it’s important that we scrutinise both successes and failures. We must understand the reasons why we failed in achieving our intentions and appreciate that it could well be something that we were not yet ready for.

We must be weary of our ego pushing us to do something, and that in the greater scheme of things it wasn’t the right time or the right match for us. I had set a Goal to run the New York marathon, but my body hadn’t recovered from the previous year’s injuries I suffered in running too much too quickly.As such, every time I completed a long run, then I would completely break down causing me much pain and disappointment.

If i had been honest with my reflection, and knowing the conditions of my knees, then I wouldn’t have set sucah an intention.It doesnt mean I have given up on my dream to run a marathon, but I must first rehabilitate my knees.

3) Are our Goals/Intentions relevant to us?

Our culture has become one which is inundated with achievement, success and the spoils of it all. We often set intentions for the sake of it, and bucket lists have become a way to compare how we rate our happiness and contentment in life as compared to the next person as if that was true.

We can reduce the stress we put on ourselves, by choosing what is relevant to us rather than what is in vogue.What’s the point of climbing Kilimanjaro if it means nothing to us? Why take up Yoga, only because all of California is doing so?

When we ask ourselves why we are pursuing our goal or intention, and it still makes us all giddy and excited to do so, then it means we are on the right track.And when we view our life as an eighty-year project rather than a short-sighted view of twelve months, we start to choose fewer and more meaningful things to do or achieve per year.

I set several intentions in 2015 to learn Tai Chi, Pilates and run a marathon in 2015 and I ended up doing none. Instead, I should have asked myself why I truly wanted all of them and if I still wanted them, then set only one of them per year and leave the others for the following years.

4) We don’t set enough Spiritual Goals/Intentions

Spiritual goals or intentions are things like, I want to control my anger outbursts, or I will wake up every day and put a smile on at least one person. Gabrielle Reece, the famous former Model/Volleyball professional stated in an interview that she had set an intention long ago to “Go First,” meaning she would greet, smile and approach anyone she came across before they did.

These intentions are more difficult and often hard to gauge, but they nourish the soul and as such lead to a lasting change.They improve our attitudes, mindsets and the way we interact with the world. They make us better people and so we find achieving all our other intentions much easier to do.

Last year I decided that I wanted to have more peace and solitude in my life. I started rising earlier by an hour every day to have some time on my own, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and that alone helped me achieve many of the other intentions I set.

5)We don’t define and plan the actions needed towards an intention

The whole point of setting goals or intentions is to get into action and without a clearly defined action plan and a schedule set for actually doing them than we are doomed to fail.The intentions are the 1% inspiration we need while the actions are 99% perspiration we have to do.

It’s important to block out specific time in the calendar for doing the actions required towards our set intentions. I’ve marked my calendar with three sessions of writing per week each lasting three hours, and I know if I remain true to those actions, then I will not only achieve my desired outcomes but will also increase the amount contentment in my life.

Whether we call them Goals, Intentions, or New year’s Resolutions, it’s important to have some clarity on how we will spend the next minute, the next day and the next year.
We can simplify this process, or complicate it but the bottom line is that we have an inner need to effect lasting change within ourselves and grow every minute, every day and every year.

3 Ways to Infuse Presence into Productivity

moissapresence

Published by Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing.”-Annie Dillard

I’m sitting in the shade, facing the pool. The sky is cloudless, blue and the sun is scorching from hot.The warmth of the atmosphere coupled with a slight breeze that brushes my face and the back of my neck gives me the feeling of inner peace and contentment.

This feeling is one of almost perfection as suddenly the yellowness of the leaves, that are barely hanging from the tree, captivates me.I get lost in them, focusing on their deep colour, their shape, the different sizes and how they connect to the branches.I start imagining how they were a month ago and then what I see and had imagined blend as I lose myself in deep, focused thoughts.It feels like pure ecstasy.

This is being present in the moment. There is no rush to do something else or be somewhere else but just simply being in whatever the present moment provides. There is no portraying, striving or stressing. This moment is eternal, almost complete.

Then I catch a glimpse of my laptop; I remember that I’m supposed to write an article today. I have to write an article today.I have committed to posting once a week, and I have a few hours left before the day ends. And all of a sudden, all the ecstasy and joy encapsulated in that perfect moment dissipates from me and the sense of calm I had disappears. My shoulders tense up, my neck hardens, and I’m as stiff as the tree in front of me.

This is the challenge we face when presence meets productivity.Can we be both in life? Is it also possible to do both at the same time?

On the one hand, to be in the present is when we are most at peace and closest to our souls–the goal of living. But on the other hand, being present won’t pay the bills. And to live solely on our senses and to keep doing what feels good, or what feels comfortable very often leads to laziness, frustration, and disenchantment.

It’s rather being productive and taking action that can put food on the table and help us grow as human beings pushing us from being too soft, and directing us into having a more meaningful life.

However, when we are too productive and analytical, we are in danger of becoming too mechanical, joyless, and we get sucked into doing things just for the sake of doing them and so, do nothing meaningful that nourishes the soul.

We need to infuse presence into productivity so that we live a rich, happy life that also pushes us to grow. We need to find ways to cultivate practices that help us focus our presence on activities that we like, that are creative and that encourage us to express ourselves fully and as such connect to our souls and the rest of humanity.

“There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by. A life of good days lived in the senses is not enough. The life of sensation is the life of greed; it requires more and more. The life of the spirit requires less and less; time is ample and its passage sweet.”-Annie Dillard

These are the three best ways to bring presence into productivity:

#1 Set systems and not goals

Let’s focus on creating a system where we do an activity regularly that will increase our state of contentment in the long run, regardless of the immediate results. Writing for a set time every day will ultimately lead to authoring a book, writing many articles, but this system won’t have the stress and pressure that a set goal would bring with it.

It’s true that we won’t know if the system works or not in the short run.And we won’t get the adrenaline rush of completing a goal, but at least, we are getting a predictable supply of happy moments and avoiding the disappointment of not achieving the goal.

For example, I enjoy writing, and whether it’s for my journal, blog or a published article, then it doesn’t matter as it’s the act of writing that I love and what gives me contentment. As opposed to the pressure and stress that setting a goal of writing an article a week would have on me without a daily writing routine to support me and especially when I find myself with a deadline looming with only a few hours left.

Setting a system allows us to become both present and productive as within the daily practice we get into the “flow”,and after so many hours tallied, there will be a substantial amount of work produced, and before we know it, we have so many articles ready. We are focusing on an action we can control, rather than some outcome in the future that we can’t.

#2 Take time and Focus on the details

We are always in a rush to finish things so that we go to our next task or next meeting, and we don’t give enough time to our tasks at hand or study the specific details that concern them. We don’t engage well and as such we can’t enjoy the activity at hand.

The more time and focus we spend on an activity, the better we become at it. And the better we become at it, the more joy we derive out of the practice, which then leads us back to spend more time on it.It’s like a recurring circle where focused time leads to loving it and then back to more focused time on it.

It’s also important to note that as we deepen our practice and get involved in the minutest of details, then we improve the quality of our work, and intensify the sense of meaning we derive from the practice.

#3 Avoid the distractions

The distractions are everywhere nowadays, from our phones, computers, and the myriad of sophisticated ways that marketers reach us. And to remain in the present requires us to protect our time as if our lives depended on it. And as such we need to be pro-active in reducing the distractions that come into our lives.

It’s important to do so as they take us away from being present, leaving us feeling frustrated, often disempowered preventing us from doing our planned practices, so we end up being neither productive nor being present.

When we do, set a regular system where we do become productive and at the same time find the presence of mind to be mindful of our time, and then we are indeed living a life of meaning and contentment.

Whether we are writing for three hours, presenting a new marketing concept idea that will rock our boss, or sitting in three-hour long traffic, then the current moment must always feel like the most important moment.

The 7 things I learnt from Brainpickings and Maria Popova

I have been on many blogs, read many posts on self-development, wisdom and culture in the past few years. Most have left me feeling a bit underwhelmed, always trying to sell me one thing or another. And a lot of the information is often superficial, and very repetitive. It’s like you when you read one, and then you have read them all.

However, a few weeks ago, I came across a blog that is fresh, unique and one that had the depth of information and wisdom I have been yearning for-BrainPickings.org 

holstee_7things
Brainpickings.org & Martin Azambuja

Maria Popova is the creator-in-chief and in her blog, she writes about Philosophy,Science, writers and poets,culture, books, and other eclectic subjects. She focuses on old ideas and philosophies that have stood the test of time. Anne-Marie Slaughter describes Popova’s blog as “like walking into the Museum of Modern Art and having somebody give you a customised, guided tour.”

She delivers three articles a day (yes, a day) on her blog attracting almost 7 million visitors a month. She reads almost 15 books a week and has been featured regularly on The Atlantic, Wired UK, GOOD Magazine, The Huffington Post, and the Nieman Journalism Lab.

The way she creates her articles is unique, in that she quotes the owners of wisdom, goes on to explain her viewpoint and then links other similar thinkers and writers to that viewpoint, so you get a complete picture.

She always has one reader in mind when she writes and that’s herself. Brain Pickings is simply a record of her own curiosity, and of her personal journey into what matters in the world and why.

She recently celebrated seven years of her website with an Article titled  7 Things I Learned in 7 Years of Reading, Writing, and Living. This was also celebrated by The Atlantic on Video.

I have done my own brain picking on those 7 lessons:

1) Allow yourself the uncomfortable luxury of changing your mind.

We rush to form an opinion, afraid to say “I don’t know” and often take on superficial or borrowed opinions so that we satisfy our fear of not missing out.We then find ourselves clinging to these made up opinions and lose sight that they are not our reality.It’s okay to take our time and understand an idea for ourselves, without being pressured to follow the herd. It’s okay to change our mind and be receptive to keeping an open mind.

2)Do nothing for prestige or status or money or approval alone.

“Prestige is like a powerful magnet that warps even your beliefs about what you enjoy. It causes you to work not on what you like, but what you’d like to like.”- Paul Graham

Our motivation should always be intrinsic, as we soon get bored, tired or start to live a completely wrong life when we make extrinsic factors like money,fame, prestige the source of our drive.These often lead us to the wrong path of who we truly must be.

3)Be generous.

We need to freely give our time,our resources, sharing ourselves with humanity. Our words matter and their effect are devastating when hurtful and amazingly uplifting when positive. And most of all we need to be generous with our complimentary words as it’s often easier to criticise then to celebrate the people around us.

4)Build pockets of stillness into your life.

We need to allow ourselves lots of time during our day where we stop thinking and become aware that our thoughts are not really who we truly are and that they often don’t serve us.We need to get ourselves into the present,as that is where the real magic resides-And it’s in unconscious processing that creativity is borne.

Whether you meditate, take a long walk, or just sit in nature is not important but being alone and creating these mindful moments in your life will change you forever. Also we often underestimate the amount of sleep we need and it’s been proven that we need 7-8 hours of sleep a day so that we are in an optimum condition and well-being.

5)When people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them.

“When people tell you who they are, Maya Angelou famously advised, believe them. Just as importantly, however, when people try to tell you who you are, don’t believe them. People are so good in judging others, mainly to deflect analysing and judging themselves. We have a duty to know ourselves and to love ourselves enough to be able to withstand the constant judgements of those around us.

6)Presence is far more intricate and rewarding an art than productivity.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”-Annie Dillard

We need to let go of our attachment to results and the pressure we often put on ourselves to perform and compete.We are constantly measuring and judging ourselves on how productive we are,that we  often miss the whole joy and wonder that comes when we are present in what we are doing.

7) Expect anything worthwhile to take a long time.

We live in a world where we seek instant gratification and where results is everything.However, life is more like a marathon as opposed to a short sprint. Great things take time to flower, so we need to invest in being great in ten years, rather than to be good now.It’s in the process of learning, growing and becoming that we truly become alive to the full richness of life.

The Power of Solitude

solitude
Photo Credit: Pablo Basagoiti

As Published by Elephant Journal

“I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.”-Henry David Thoreau

Solitude is a lost art in our fast and furious modern lifestyles where we are connected to the world instantly, have little time for ourselves and are busy tweeting our every thought and act.

I have recently embarked on a love affair with solitude; something I never knew I craved till I discovered it. Now, I feel I just can’t get enough of being solitary to the chagrin of my family and friends.

I don’t want to be a monk, a hermit or someone who is trying to run away from the vicissitudes of life, but I’ve found great solace in what Wordsworth called the ‘bliss of solitude’.

There is a big difference between solitude and loneliness as explained by Psychology Today:

“Loneliness is a negative state, marked by a sense of isolation. One feels that something is missing. It is possible to be with people and still feel lonely—perhaps the most bitter form of loneliness. Solitude is the state of being alone without being lonely. It is a positive and constructive state of engagement with oneself. Solitude is desirable, a state of being alone where you provide yourself wonderful and sufficient company.”

Solitude does not include being alone while watching TV, reading books or surfing the internet. It strictly means being alone with ourselves and our thoughts or better still, being alone with no thoughts.

For me, solitude simply put, is a spiritual rendezvous between our souls and us. It’s when we get to meet and talk with our genuine true selves.And from those wonderful trysts, many benefits have come to me:

1) Calmness and Tranquility

The moments I have alone every morning, remove all the tension and stress that have built up over the previous days. This feeling of solitary bliss allows me to sit alone and be steadfast as thoughts and urges of what to do next come to me, as I try to let them quietly go.

There is no noise to distract me, there are no demands on me, and there are no expectations of me when I’m alone. I’m not under pressure to do or be and as such I have this feeling of relief that then permeates my whole being and as such I find myself calmer more times than not.

2) Contemplation and Reflection

“The quieter you become,the more you can hear”-Ram Dass

As we sit alone and listen to our thoughts, we begin to see them for what they are. When you want to get to know someone better, the first advice we get is to spend quality “alone” time with them and yet we ignore that when it comes to spending time with ourselves.

The more hours we spend alone contemplating, the better we get to know ourselves.We start seeing where we have gone wrong and what steps we need to take to correct our behaviours. We look at the grand scheme of things and become clear on what matters to us and not what matters to people and society.

3) Appreciation of Life

In solitude, I often find myself appreciating the people and things in my life as when I’m alone I truly see their worth. I often practice what the Stoics called “Negative Visualisation” which simply means to visualise our lives without the people we love, without the things we love to do and without the small things that we have in our lives.

I find this contemplation very positive as it makes me appreciate much more what and who I have in my life. I often call or connect to my loved ones very quickly after this practice.

4) Creativity

“You need not leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked. It has no choice; it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.”-Franz Kafka

Solitude and removing ourselves from the noisy activity of life is the bedrock of creativity, as we start hearing our thoughts, and reach deep into ourselves to find our true voice.

The deeper we reach, the more likely we are to meet our muse, and suddenly wonderful ideas and insights appear magically. The time we spend alone also helps us cultivate the ability to focus for longer periods and as such I find I do my best writing after long periods of solitude.

Einstein, Goethe, Kafka, Tesla are only a few of the many greats who changed our world and being alone played a big part in their creative process as great ideas would flow to them during solitude.

5) Isolation from other’s influences

No matter how we look at things, environment and people do affect us. We intend going for a short lunch and before we know it, plans change and friends want to do something else, and now we are under peer pressure to spend more time with them instead of the time we wanted to spend alone.

However, if we truly have started practicing solitude and start valuing our alone time, then we find ourselves strong enough to say no more times than we would have said yes.

It’s like we have to be alone and it becomes an inner need that must be fulfilled every day, and when we cultivate a friendship with our genuine true self, then we find that it is quite demanding and possessive of our time.

There are many ways in finding the time for solitude, and I’ve found it by rising early, and just before the sun comes out is a beautiful time to be truly alone.

I’ve also found long walks to be a great way to spend time alone, and whenever I’m in a big city where walking is easy and practical, then I would walk either through the big parks or discover the city itself.

Also being out and about in nature, whether living on a farm, beach, river, in the countryside or going on weekend retreats to get away from the hustle and bustle of the city is a great way to get solitude.

We need to enjoy our own company more as at the end of the day, and at the end of our lives, we would have spent the most time with ourselves.

We need to be proactive to schedule time with ourselves alone as the more we sit and get to know our souls better, the more purpose and alive we will feel.

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

Published by Elephant Journal

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”― Jim Rohn

I was very irritable, had little tolerance and was getting frustrated very easily.My meditation was not as smooth as usual, and I was struggling to recall any of my dreams. This had been going on for a few days, and I didn’t know why.

Then it hit me; I had been spending a lot of time with an old-time friend, who was staying with me for a while. He was negative, cynical and sapped all my good energy. His attitude had slowly permeated my being and had triggered remnants of my old cynical self, and that didn’t bode well with my new being and hence the frustration and irritability.

As social creatures, we tend to adopt the characteristics of the groups we are part of and start to behave in the same way. We influence and get influenced by the people we spend the most time with, and we pick up both good and bad behaviours from each other

“If you are a human, then the biggest influence on your personality is your peer group. Choose your peers. If you want to be better at math, surround yourself with mathematicians. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people…”-Mudos Ponens

Quantum physics says we are made up of energy, and when we collide with another body of energy that is in sync then the result is constructive but when an we collide with another that is not in sync then the opposite happens, and results are usually destructive.

I have found that the below five kinds of people are the ones I would like to surround myself with:

1)The Relentless Over-Achiever

It’s good to be around this kind of people as they are always upping the ante and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are constantly asking questions and are never satisfied.

They are not motivated by doing good and helping us but only by pushing themselves and as such their hunger and relentlessness is contagious and they will end up pushing us hard.

I used to be an average tennis player when I was 12, till I met Brad, who was relentless and would keep pushing his limits. I was his practice partner in summer camp and his enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I came back after the summer a much better player and managed to reach the final of our school’s tournament.

2)The Natural Born Optimist

These are the ones who are always smiling, happy and often drive us nuts by the simplicity of the way they look at things and to them, everything has a silver lining. They celebrate small wins like winning the lottery and quietly dismiss the negative things out of their lives.

They are often a breath of fresh air and being around them just lifts all the gloom and doom that our minds are busy creating. They brush off disasters quickly and readjust their lives without much fuss with an attitude that is pure gold.

3)The Unconditional Giver of Love

These would typically include family and close friends.They offer us unconditional love similar to that of a mother’s, allowing us to be ourselves all the time. They tap into and constantly fill our tanks of self-esteem.

They don’t necessarily push us or get us out of our comfort zone but they are always there and offer pure, unadulterated love. And life has shown me that we can’t be or do anything when we are lacking love.

My family and the close friends provide this kind of support and love that I constantly go back to time and time again.Their mere presence makes me feel good, rejuvenates me so that I’m ready for my battles ahead.

4) Virtual Teachers

These are people who become our teachers and heroes through books, blogs, movies, podcasts and stories. They offer us great wisdom and knowledge that help us grow and widen our horizons as we see, and feel their different experiences.

For me, they are as real as the real people who are in our lives.I have spent hours and days reading Hemingway and he’s had more of an effect on me than some people I see everyday.

The teachings of the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Herman Hesse’s Siddartha and Leo Tolstoy’s Ivan Illich have also left a profound effect on me and were the reason I managed to crawl slowly out of my box.

5) Our Higher Self

There is no greater feeling than that of connecting with our higher self. It’s that feeling of total inner peace and tranquility that can’t be matched in the outside world.

Solitude and spending time alone give us a chance to get to know our higher self much better. It’s often difficult in our world of fast and furious to be alone and to be able to connect but if we want to up the average, then our higher self must be part of the five people.

Using meditation, writing and mindful moments like watching a sunset, I connect well with my higher self, even if fleetingly.However, the insights that I gain and the peace that I reach stays with me long enough to guide my lower self to its rightful path.

I don’t think we are exactly the average of the five people we spend time with, but we need to be aware and understand how different kinds of people can affect us.We must remain proactive in surrounding ourselves with the right people.

And That also includes people who we must avoid, like friends or family who have become toxic by constantly bringing us down through nagging,putting us down and through taking so much out of us.