Overcoming Fears with Action

Overcoming Fears with Action
Photo Credit: Allesandro Pautasso

 One step into darkness is like a thousand steps into the light-Mo.issa

Strategy and planning are essential in creating the life you want. However, there is no point in making any grand plans when fear inhibits you from acting. The simplicity of getting into action and the experiences you gain once you decide to act erodes those fears you have built up over the years.

You can also overcome fears by getting out of your comfort zone. This makes you more confident and your abilities more diverse. It further allows you to look at fears as mere stepping stones to your goals, rather than as stumbling blocks that constrain your progress in life.

I’m the strategic type, and I can tell you from my experience that all my big wins have come when I have discarded the procrastinated planning stage and set out to act on my goals. By doing this, you create the strategy to match your actions with the constant realignment that the actual doing helps to clarify. This way, you don’t have enough time to think about your fears because you are constantly in action.

I’m not saying we should be gung-ho and not even plan, but in this age of fast and furious, simplicity is key. There is nothing simpler than having an intention and acting towards it, rather than focusing on a detailed plan and getting confused about what to do next.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”–Clare Boothe Luce

 I recently attended a self-motivation event led by Tony Robbins Unleash your power within. If anyone epitomizes what I mean by getting into action, it’s Robbins. He treats the whole concept of fear as if it were a mere inconvenience we must carry with us as a weapon to face any goal.

It’s true that there is a lot of hype surrounding the event-with high fiving and fist pumping almost compulsory-and you are often left wondering if you have just arrived at a rave party in Ibiza. However, you ultimately leave with an incredible feeling, and a knowing that anything is possible.

Here is a guy who gets into action by not only preaching motivational practices but by actually using those practices to enrich the quality of his life. He has built a business empire by being entrepreneurial and investing smartly, and not only by selling books and ideas on how to do so. He espouses how you can unleash your energy from within, and then he goes on stage and proves it, by performing for ten hours non-stop.

I learned many things in this event, not the least how physiology can impact attitude. But the main lesson for me was how getting into action and getting out of your comfort zone impacts your life, and not in a linear way, but in an exponential way. His anecdotes alone were worth the entrance fee, as he demonstrated to us that until we take a leap, and unless we get out of our comfort zone and face our fears directly, then little can be achieved.

One particular story that remains with me is how he learned through NLP to cure phobias in six months, and how he had to wait for another 18 months before he could be certified to treat anyone. He then proceeded to go live on radio and claim he could treat phobias for free, and set a time and a place to do so. He got a call from an angry psychiatrist who lambasted him about his outlandish promises and challenged him to cure his most difficult patient. He then proceeded to cure the psychiatrist’s patient in five minutes, in front of five hundred people.

I agree that we are not all blessed with the self-confidence, hunger and willpower of Tony Robbins, but here was a man who believed in himself, set big audacious goals and simply acted on them. The more he tested himself and got out of his comfort zone, the more his fears subsided.

Just after my Tony Robbins event, I had a great opportunity to test this out for myself. Through an inexplicable chain of events, I found myself as one of the main speakers on TedX Talks in Accra, with only three weeks to prepare.

Finally I was going to fulfill one of my dreams and yet I was filled with such trepidation that I wanted to withdraw many times during those three weeks. However, I made a decision that I was going to step up (using Tony Robbins’s Mantra) and I told myself that I was going to do this. Here was an opportunity sent to me from the heavens, allowing me to step out of my comfort zone and be big enough to conquer my fears.

I speak regularly in front of people, but this was TedX and the talk was very personal, as I would bare my soul in front of everyone. I was speaking on how I had finally found my aliveness and began leading a more authentic life. I was telling my whole community what was behind all the tears and laughs for the past eight years. The stakes were never higher for me.

As the day grew nearer, my sleep was getting more erratic. I would remind myself every morning that I had made a decision and I was committed to it, and I was going to give my best. I practiced my talk as if my life depended on it. I repeated the talk five to six times. I made my family listen to me practice, and then I went to work and forced my employees to hear me out as well. The more I practiced, the less fear I held.

On the big day, many things went disastrously wrong. My talk was delayed for two hours and as I walked up on stage, everything went into a blur and I was getting stage fright. I remembered to breathe well and told myself to relax, and I started to get into my rhythm. Suddenly the screen showing my presentation slides went blank, then the timer screen to my right, which acts like a guide so I could pace my talk, also went blank.

I faltered for a few seconds, then took another deep breath and told myself I was going to do this and that the worst had passed. All my preparations kicked in, and I continued without needing the slides or the timer. At the end, I got a great reception and big round of applause. The icing on the cake was when Patrick Awuah, the founder of Ashesi University in Ghana, also named in Fortune’s Top 50 leaders in the world for 2015 approached me to say he was inspired by my talk and wanted to help the kids I have in my foundation so they could get a scholarship into Ashesi university.

I wanted to cry there and then and I saw my daughter just coming towards me and I gave her one of those million dollar hugs. I thought to myself.

 I did it. If you are true to your dreams, if you want it badly enough, and if you are willing to step out into that arena, then the universe is listening and will give you more than you ever wished for.

The following few days I was filled with a sense of relief I had never experienced. The weeks that followed have seen my belief, confidence and energy levels rise to a level I never knew I had. I had overcome some big and inhibiting fears by simply getting into action. I also found that this whole experience made me grow so much, that it really was an exponential growth rather than a linear one.

I cry because I love life & I want to live forever.

I cry because I love life & I want to live forever.
Photo Credit: Milada Vigerova

Published by Rebelle Society

“When you have lost hope, you have lost everything. And when you think all is lost, when all is dire and bleak, there is always hope.” ~ Pittacus Lore, I Am Number Four

Pain hit me hard in my stomach and I was suddenly getting wave after wave of feverish attacks, yet I knew these were not the usual fever symptoms.

It was a Saturday morning. I had just finished my 10k run, and was feeling on top of the world. I sat outside in the open air facing the pool; the trees were swaying, the birds were singing and I was just about to start my writing.

The pain got worse and it was like nothing I had felt before. Nausea, stomach upset, pounding heart, cold sweat, trembling body and feeling dizzy. Those were the physical symptoms, and hard as they were, I could handle them.

The mental symptoms were the ones that shattered me. I got a severe miserable feeling, which made me feel helpless, lifeless and surrounded me with nothingness.

This all-sinking feeling is very hard to describe but its like you are in a deep, dark abyss of a well. You can’t get out and you see no possibility of doing so whatsoever.

I just lay on the floor, curled up and felt worthless. The birds that were singing had left; the trees that were swaying now became stationary, life-less objects.

Even the sun, my reliable savior in so many bad days, had decided to hide behind all kinds of nimbus clouds.

This feeling lasted for eons and eons and not the real time of five minutes that it took. I just didn’t know what happened, and felt confused and paralyzed to do anything.

All I could think of was to jump off a cliff or a tall skyscraper building, but luckily the closest places were hundreds of miles away.

Then, whenever I summoned my mind to think, I would get an irritable feeling as if a fly were inside my mind buzzing away in every corner, and there were no windows that I could open to let it out.

My anxiety and thoughts were growing exponentially, and my initial fears of blacking out were now growing to a single thought that I was going to die right now.

The fear compounded with pain, and confusion was taking me to my darkest parts. I was now picturing how my teenage kids would survive without me.

I was angry at the Universe as I still had many things to do, many things to be.

I was also getting angry about why was I going to die now after all the good work I have done for myself, after all the ladders that I have climbed, after the sweet spot I found for myself following so many years of torment.

After all, I was Mr. Positive Psychology, I was espousing how to awaken your aliveness and how to follow your bliss, yet I was on the floor crying and feeling the lowest of lows that I could not wish on anyone.

I was the one who would regularly quote Victor Frankl: “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms — to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”

But here I was, helpless, and I couldn’t lift my head, let alone change my attitude. I felt sorry for myself and wanted a break. What is the Universe throwing at me today? What is the lesson?

I’m tired of playing this game of Snakes & Ladders.

I go up, up and up, and then that snake bites and I fall back down again.

I know, I know, I swear I know that…

… in life I need to go down and then I can go up, that I need to learn my lessons so as to grow.

Today I thought…

… let me climb for a bit longer.

Give me your longest ladder and I’m willing to climb it all.

Show me the snakes so I can cut them down like Genghis Khan.

I know, I know, I swear I know that…

… it’s not fun when you know, or how you cannot appreciate the ladders without the snakes, or that the lessons are in the snakes.

Today I said…
… let me be the judge of all that.
I said…
… I want a ladder only and no more fucking snakes, at least for today.

I just stayed on the floor and cried and prayed hard. I clung to a mantra that I often use: This too shall pass.

It’s not very sophisticated, but it usually works, and slowly a bit of hope started penetrating my mind.

Then, another gift from the Universe, as my teenage daughter rushed towards me and hugged me, out of the blue, not knowing anything about what I had been through.

I hugged her back, and suddenly hope broke through the mind-vaulted gates of my heart like a tidal wave crushing aside all doubts, fears and negative thoughts that had engulfed me before.

My shoulders, so hard and tense, started to soften as I slowly relaxed and felt the gaps in between my anxious and fearful thinking widen.

I got more intentional with my thoughts, put on some meditative music and started breathing in and breathing out. I followed that by chanting my mantra of This too shall pass for some minutes.

I got a hold of myself — my true self. My monkey mind ceased feeding me fear, anxiety and misery.

Finally, my soul spoke to me, now that my mind was still and my heart was open, and whispered: Relax, and This Too Shall Pass.

I locked my bedroom; I curled up in bed, cried for a few minutes and knew that everything would be okay.

I cried not because I was in pain or despair.

I cried because my faith in the Universe was restored.

I cried because I wasn’t afraid anymore.

I cried because I love life and I want to live forever.

The tears, the prayers and the mantra somehow got rid of the fly in my mind, and I thought clearly for the first time during this dark spell.

I was diagnosed with mild hypoglycemia a few years back, but I had regulated my diet and I thought I had reversed it. It suddenly hit me that I was having a severe hypoglycemia attack.

This is when there is not enough sugar in your bloodstream. The first area to be affected is the brain as it doesn’t store any glucose and is totally dependent on the amount of sugar in the bloodstream.

The brain, starved of energy, then starts reacting badly causing those severe symptoms.

As I read more about the symptoms, my confusion eased, and at least now I knew what was happening to me and I immediately felt better.

Sometimes, all we need is a hug of hope, a key to our heart to turn what seemed like certain despair into a moment of soulful relief.

Unfortunately, there is always a small detour of pain that we need to take, but always remember that This Too Shall Pass.

(Published earlier in my blog as “Hug of Hope” but Re-edited)

Gibran led me back to Lebanon

 

 

gibran
Photo Credit: Georgie Pauwels

Published by Elephant Journal

I drift back again to the wonderful summers I spent in Lebanon, and then I am suddenly nudged to leave the empty plane. I remember why I’m here – Gibran Khalil Gibran – and I smile.

The taxi driver complains that the political leaders are robbing the nation. “They’re all in on the game,” he says, adding that they’re cheating the people of their futures and livelihood. I know that many of the four million Lebanese suffer without jobs, without any kind of infrastructure, and that they live in daily fear, while five or six men rule by dividing the nation. I love to listen to taxi drivers because I feel a city’s vibes and secrets through them, as if they are the eyes and ears of that city. I think of what the driver says, and Gibran’s words come to mind:

Pity the nation that acclaims the bully as hero,

and that deems the glittering conqueror bountiful.

Pity a nation that despises a passion in its dream,

yet submits in its awakening.

I decided on a whim to travel to Lebanon and visit Gibran’s Museum. I felt spiritually bankrupt, and a visit to Gibran’s museum and my family would be an ideal way to rejuvenate and awaken me.

However, the trip turned out to be not about rekindling my spirituality, as much as unravelling many hidden feelings inside of me. I reconnected with my country and its people in a way I hadn’t before. I empathized with their plight and felt my stomach tighten every time a taxi driver complained and cried about his misery.

I would get riled when I heard about a top bank manager earning as little as a janitor in any average American university, or when I heard that someone born into a specific religion, sect, or village could be ostracized, attacked or miss out on a job opportunity. It was clear that the Machiavellian so-called political barons were getting what they wanted. When they didn’t, they were ruthless in retribution.

But had the Lebanese given up on the fight, as they were too tired or too afraid to lose the few benefits they had received? Had they silently agreed to the terms of their devils, so that they didn’t have to suffer more pain?

Many questions start flashing up in my mind. Why had circumstances always conspired to keep me away from this country for so long? What about Lebanon and its people had led me to adopt other countries? Would I ever return here to live?

Again, Gibran described the duality of my thoughts perfectly:

You have your Lebanon and I have mine. You have your Lebanon with her problems, and I have my Lebanon with her beauty. You have your Lebanon with all her prejudices and struggles, and I have my Lebanon with all her dreams and securities. Your Lebanon is a political knot, a national dilemma, a place of conflict and deception. My Lebanon, is a place of beauty and dreams of enchanting valleys and splendid mountains. Your Lebanon is inhabited by functionaries, officers, politicians, committees, and factions. My Lebanon is for peasants, shepherds, young boys and girls, parents and poets. Your Lebanon is empty and fleeting, whereas My Lebanon will endure forever.

As I entered the museum, I began to understand the real Gibran and imagine how he was as a man. He wasn’t just a writer of beautiful words, or a painter of breathtaking pictures, but a messenger from some higher place who came to serve as a reminder, as an exemplar and a guide to we mere mortals. His message was simple: that we are beautiful souls having a human experience, and we are united in this experience called life. He communicated in a language that addressed our hearts, directly removing the need for our analytical minds.

His works will remain immortal. I reached his tomb and read his epitaph: “I am alive like you, and I now stand beside you. Close your eyes and look around you. You will see me in front of you.” I was overwhelmed, and tears rolled down my cheeks just like a summer thunderstorm that erupts without warning.

I was intoxicated with that “wine of life” Gibran kept referring to, and I felt something stir deep within me. I felt I had someone looking out for me. I felt my heart had expanded, as if I was all-knowing, and I felt absolute peace. Most of all, I felt totally loved. Finally, I felt I belonged to Lebanon.

I walked down to a spot where I saw some cedar trees and just sat in awe of them for a few minutes. I could swear they were talking to me, inviting me to come closer and to observe how simply they live.

I wondered if they were trying to tell me that we cedar trees know where we belong, in this mountain range, in this Lebanon. We go through tough times in winter, when it is cold and we face strong and abrasive winds. We shed our leaves and our seeds and stand naked, and yet we stand tall. We also go through the spring, where we grow our seeds and leaves, and we stand beautiful and tall. However, throughout the year, we stand together, grateful, joyful and accepting what comes our way.

“We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.” ― Kahlil Gibran

The drive back was long, lonely and sad. The good energy had left me, replaced by a creeping self-doubt and despair. Soon these thoughts were like an invisible force with a will of its own, whispering and spreading rumours inside my mind, wiping away all the peace I had found earlier that day.

I had reached a crossroads in my life. I had to make some tough decisions.

Where will I live in five years? Who will I become in the next stage of my life?

I feel like I’m living a double life, caught between the spiritual and material worlds. I find it difficult to fuse both realms into one life and it makes me feel lost, confused and frustrated. This taps directly into my greatest fear – that I will live a mediocre life, far away from my country, my tribe and my true essence, and only realizing on my deathbed that I chose the easy way instead of the more authentic one for me.

Gibran was born with a talent, yet he endured much pain; he had to leave his native country early on his life. His mother, sister and brother all died within a year of each other. However, he found the strength to live alone in New York and sacrificed himself for the love of his work. He would often write or paint for hours, without eating or taking a break. He couldn’t even visit his beloved Lebanon, so that he could produce the masterpieces he did. However, he found his unique way and carved his own niche in the psyche of Lebanon.

The night before I travelled home, I read Gibran and stumbled upon these words:

Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘ I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.

His words and my thoughts met for a timeless second and painted one single thought: Life is all about asking questions, and ultimately it’s about asking the right question that is particular to me. Only then can I start living the answers to my life.

9 Ways to Change your Physiology and Change your thinking

physiology
Photo Credit: Allef Vinicius

“Every man is enthusiastic at times. One man has enthusiasm for thirty minutes, another man has it for thirty days. But it is the man who has it for thirty years who makes a success in life.”― Edward B. Butler

I have just finished four days of filling my energy tanks with the amazing Anthony Robbins. I have been to many self-development seminars and spiritual retreats, and I can say that this has been one of the best experiences I’ve ever had.

He introduced himself by saying: “I don’t believe in positive psychology or spirituality but only in energy.” I thought that line alone captured the whole 4-day experience.

I, on the other hand, very much believe in positive psychology, and my definition of being spiritual–we are spirits having a human experience rather than being human and having a few spiritual experiences.

However, I found his seminar and his energy in the four days to be captivating and practical. As finally there was something that you could take home and put into down-to-earth use and better your life almost immediately.

I have always known that energy or aliveness is the elixir of life and everything that I have done to remodel my life in last seven years has been a pilgrimage to arrive at that feeling of aliveness.

I was also aware of the idea I can intentionally get myself into a positive state using my physiology as a trigger. However, I had never experienced it till this seminar. He managed to, not only teach me at a mental level but to also make me experience doing so with six thousand people around me. The amount of energy created that day would have lit up a whole city for days on end.

Here was a man not only talking the talk but also walking his talk as he managed to keep six thousand people engaged, aroused and able to have fun for four consecutive days. On one of the days, he even went non-stop for eight hours as we started at 10am, and we took a break at 6pm. He pumped us so much that we all walked on hot burning coal without feeling any pain or any one of us burning their feet. The walking on fire was clearly a metaphor to show us that we can put ourselves in any state we wanted and in so doing, achieve everything we wanted to.

I learnt simple techniques that could re-engineer your emotions and redirect your thoughts and so act as triggers for you to get into action.

Here are several ways to change your physiology and so change your thinking:

1. Breathing
Breathing for ten minutes every day, when you get up in the morning. You inhale for 4 seconds while pushing your stomach out, hold for 16 seconds and then exhale for 8 seconds while pulling your stomach in. We need good breathing to allow a lot of oxygen in, to fuel our cells and to force carbon dioxide out.

2. Lymphasizing
The lymphatic system plays an important role in removing the toxins from the body. However, unlike with the blood system where the heart acts as the pump, the lymphatic system has no pump and so movement is essential to create an efficient detoxification process. Using a rebounder to jump up and down for 15minutes a day or simply doing 50 jumping jacks or even dancing energetically would do the trick.

3. Declaration/Incantation/Affirmation

These are words or a mantra that you could repeat to yourself for several minutes with great passion and gusto.

Say Yes to defying the odds,
Say Yes to having an outstanding day,
Say Yes to being Your Voice,
Say Yes to Leading and not following,
Say Yes to Believing, not doubting,
Say yes to Creating, not destroying,
Say yes to being the force in your life,
Say yes To Setting a new standard,
Say yes to Stepping up.
Step up.
Step up.
Step up.

4. Cold showers

As silly as this sounds, going under a cold shower shocks your nervous system, and you suddenly feel alive and awakened. You can do this first thing in the morning or before you want to get into action.

5. Exercise
A minimum of 4 days a week of walking or jogging for more than 30 minutes will usually suffice. I often add strength training for its added benefits to health and some stretching either Yoga or Pilates. There have been so many widespread studies and well-written books on the positive effects of exercise that there is little for me to add to this point. Just to say, that it remains a mystery to me why doesn’t everyone exercise.

6. Music
Listening to music that you like for some time during the day can lift your mood and put you in a great state. Also very often singing along with a song will create a stronger positive effect.

7. Regular Stretching
It’s especially important when you have a sedentary job, and you spend a lot of time sitting. Take regular breaks like every hour and stretch for a few minutes. Also, you can spend some time standing up or walking around instead of sitting.

8. Praise yourself
Whenever you accomplish a task or goal, or you feel you have done something great then pat yourself on the back. Studies have shown that the happiest people are those who regularly praise themselves.

9. Gratitude
Being grateful for all things in your life whether big or small can have a profound effect on your happiness and your state. It allows you to focus on what is working in your life and not on the things that are not. This way you don’t take your life for granted and appreciate it much more. It keeps you in an emotional state of wonder and hunger for life itself. It can be done daily when you choose three things to be grateful about and when describing them, then use the full range of emotions felt when you had that feeling of gratitude. Also when showing gratitude to another person, be heartfelt with your words to explain how you feel.

I recognise that the different ways to change your state that I’ve described will not change your life in any way when done alone without overcoming your limiting beliefs or without setting any goals in your life. However putting yourself in a positive state is a tool that you can use to kick-start any action you intend to take towards changing your life.

I’m not saying that you must do each and every technique but the more you put yourself in a positive state then, you are more likely to create that magic in your life.

As is often said that action is the language of the universe and what better way to start getting into action then by getting yourself in the right state.

3 Steps to Live a Life of Inspiration

 

inspiration
Photo Credit: Matthew Cabret

 

People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.-Zig Ziglar

In the past few months, I’ve been turned off rather than inspired by the seemingly endless onslaught from the “New Age” and “Self help” teachers that are everywhere. I feel their words of hope have been replaced by hype.

Labels and terms come and go, but little of the content that is being put out there is actually new or groundbreaking. Words like mission have become dharma, goals have become intentions and stories have replaced beliefs. Even the genre name of the industry is not fixed. Is it Self-Help, Self-Development, Self-Motivation, or Self-Reliance?

I have felt let down after getting excited and inspired by the promises that some seminars offered — when I get home, it’s as if I can physically see the energy seeping out of me. It’s the same with books — I turn the last page, and feel myself hitting a new low instead of feeling energized.

At the start of the year, I grew so disillusioned that I couldn’t stand seeing the latest sensation sitting next to Oprah on Super Soul Sunday. So I gave up on the whole New Age scene and took some time out.

I grasped that the spiritual plateau that I seemed to be stuck on was less about the so-called teachers and more about me. I wanted a quick fix solution and to change instantly, I wanted my own satori moment. I had placed the self-help gurus on pedestals, comparing everything that came out of their mouths with Jesus addressing his disciples.

I was intrigued by how differently motivation and inspiration affect our long-term behavior and results.

Motivation means we have an idea and we are going to carry through on that idea. We work hard at it, and we are disciplined Inspiration is exactly the opposite. If motivation is when you get hold of an idea and carry it through to its conclusion, inspiration is the reverse. An idea gets hold of you and carries you where you are intended to go. — Wayne Dyer

For example, I started serious writing almost 18 months ago when I was motivated by a 30-day challenge. I was motivated enough to complete the challenge successfully, which led to a writing habit and, more importantly, it got me to a place where I got that “in spirit” feeling– like a Writer’s High. I set up my own blog and started posting on social media.

But after a while I stopped writing. I was besieged with problems in my business and I couldn’t focus, and I lost my alignment.

Then one day, out of the blue, I received a random email from someone I didn’t even know who said that they enjoyed my articles and posts and was wondering why I had stopped.

I suddenly remembered that I was writing to feel inspired, to share myself with our world, and to feel the divine within me.

I remembered that one of the reasons I wake up every day is to write.

In this process of cycling between enlivenment and disillusionment, I learned that there are 3 steps you need to move through before what you hear or read can then be implemented successfully into your life:

Get Motivated

Motivation is about being pushed to do something. Whether the motivation comes from the voices inside our own heads or from the people in our lives, we are encouraged to achieve a task or a goal. Being motivated is a process that speaks strictly, and directly, to your mind. It moves us from stagnation, procrastination and helps us create habits we need in our lives.

Here we often beat our chests, psych ourselves up, and we take action without engaging our feelings. We tick our tasks and enjoy a brief moment of elation, and when we don’t do the task, we can feel let down or enter the realm of fear. We are on duty here. There is a lot of measuring, and pressure put on us from external forces.

Be Inspired

Inspiration comes from the Latin word Inspirare, which, loosely translated, means “to be in spirit” or “have divine guidance.”

Inspiration is what pulls you to become everything you felt was possible during the last seminar you loved or the book that actually blew your mind. It speaks directly to your heart. You don’t have any hang-ups about why you are doing what you are doing, you just feel absolutely right about doing it.

Inspiration is a life force that enters into you and manifests into creative genius if you allow it to. It’s a deep knowing and you feel it in your bones: it tingles down your spine and it lights you up for days on end. In this step, our heart guides us naturally.

Realign

However, in the face of our day-to day-lives, we often lose our connection to that glimpse of magic, or that tingling feeling, or the deep knowing we had. They can seem to simply fade away.

Whenever you feel like you’re trying to fulfill a quota or expectation, it’s time to realign. Whenever you’re feeling that what you are doing has lost its value, it’s time to realign. Whenever you feel like you are not enjoying your life, it’s time to realign.

Realignment is actually very simple: all it involves is drawing inward and exploring what you really want. It’s remembering the feeling you had when you were inspired. It’s constantly seeking your “why” in life, and re-aligning your actions with that “why.”

Great teachers consistently practice the skill of realignment and are constantly in an inspired flow, so that they can become vessels to serving humanity.

So does self-help, self-motivation, self-development, etc., work? YES.

The teachers, the books, and the amazing weekend experiences can give you a glimpse of what is possible and can motivate you, by talking directly to your mind. They can help start a new habit, challenge our limiting beliefs and sometimes outright inspire us.

However, ultimately it’s all about us and how much are we ready to commit to apply that change we desperately want to see in our lives?

How driven are we to follow that feeling of bliss?

How intensely do we want to live in that feeling of constant inspiration?

Now when I listen to the words of a teacher, and if their words echo my feelings, I know I need to push myself at the start and that eventually it can become the effortless flow I seek and whenever I feel I’ve lost that feeling then I go back and ask why I did it in the first place.

Second Thoughts on Valentine’s Day

Second Thoughts on Valentine's DayWhen you See Love with All your heart you shall find its Echoes in the Universe-Rumi

 

I used to look at Valentine’s Day as a kind of false occasion, something created to sell cards, gifts and countless red roses by Hallmark. I hated the fuss about it, argued with everyone about its authenticity and completely removed it from my calendar to the annoyance of the women I dated.

History, Literature and Mythology have described love to us in many beautiful ways. However, I never understood the effect of love and always viewed it something separate to me like a kind of sickness that afflicts the weak. I picked up a book describing the love communiqué between Henry Miller and Anaïs Nin and couldn’t appreciate the beauty of their words.

I read about Richard Burton’s fiery relationship with Elizabeth Taylor, but I couldn’t understand why they would fight so much and then makeup, then fight and make up again. I was thinking Richard, man up. I read of Anthony dying because he thought Cleopatra was dead, and she then killed herself because he died, and I refused to believe that such a tough general would be brought down by love. After love struck, I got a rude awakening and found out that I wasn’t as tough as I imagined myself to be. Actually I wasn’t much stronger than Bambi. I went through the full motions: the good, the bad and the downright ugly.

I survived and changed the way I looked at many things so the things I looked at changed. I had now experienced love and knew all about love.

Love is much more than pure romantic love, but it’s in romantic love that our hearts are smashed wide open, and we start feeling rather than thinking our way towards life.

Love teaches you many lessons, which include compassion, forgiveness and connection. Love shows you unlimited possibilities on how you can become a greater, bigger person.

 

When I think of love,

I think of joy but also despair,

I think of laughs but also tears,

I think of open minds allowing open hearts,

I think of big open hearts with scars and wounds,

I think of those letters between Henry and Anais,

I think of Richard Burton and Liz Taylor gouging each other’s eyes out,

I think of Scheherazade’s story-telling to charm King Shahryar not to kill her.

I think of Penelope waiting and waiting for Odysseus

I think of Anthony dying for Cleopatra and she for him

I think of Qays (majnoun) going mad for Layla

Oh, what grand stories of love we have,

If you can’t find one,

If you can’t be in one,

Then stop living now.

Go die as a love-less soul,

or even worse go live a soul-less love.

 

Unfortunately we have compartmentalised this feeling of love as if it’s only for that moment with that person, or only meant at a certain period of your life.

In reality, it’s a doorway to your heart and an opportunity to live a wholehearted kind of life. It’s introducing us to the concept that love is for everyone, in every moment and with everyone and everything.

Love opens your heart but doesn’t guarantee you won’t get hurt anymore. On the contrary, when you walk around with an open heart, you might get hurt more. It’s like removing the safety net beneath you. It’s like when anaesthesia wears out, and you feel again. Yes, it hurts but at least you know what’s going on now. Your feelings become true, real and a guide to what your heart truly wants for you.

I now feel gentler, softer and feel my heart expanding from within. I truly understand what all the fuss is about, and I finally get it that love is the universal language. I know I’m bleeding openly for many to look at, and many will find me an easy target to ridicule, put down or even hurt. It may mean a few more tears, a few more wounds or even scars, but I’m ready to put my vulnerabilities on the table.

I feel real, I feel me, and I feel good.

I reread the letters between Henry Miller and Anaïs  Nin and know that it’s only love that can create such magical words. I understood all the turmoil that Richard Burton felt in his relationship with Liz Taylor and see him as one courageous soul as not many can stay alive when a tornado meets a volcano. I get it that no matter how powerful Mark Anthony was; he was also a human being in love. The beauty of love is that it makes us all equal.

I have a renewed respect for Valentine’s Day and now feel the real outpouring of love on this special day from everyone and everything around me. I know it’s not just about that one day, but it’s a symbol of what love could be all about. I look at it as a celebration of all those who are in love, all those who were in love and all those who will fall in love.

I know that this day was also meant to acknowledge all the true heroes of love; those who had their hearts broken yet refuse to close their hearts. Those who love unconditionally not caring to be loved back. Those who get disappointed on Valentine’s day, yet ready to do it all over again and again.

I wish all true lovers a Happy Valentine’s Day as they would rather live a day in love then a lifetime without.

 

9 Ways to Make your Goals Work

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ― Henry David Thoreau

It’s early in the year, and I’m sure that like me, you are frustrated by the amount of articles, posts, and voices that are pushing you to set our goals for the year.

The reality is that all living things have within them a goal-striving mechanism to help in achieving their goals. It is something intrinsic and a great gift given to us to do and be more.

Animals have one goal: to survive and live, and that often involves finding food, shelter, procreating, and overcoming hazards. The squirrel goes about its goal to store nuts during the fall for the upcoming winter without much procrastination. Birds navigate thousands of miles of flying without a GPS system to arrive at their destination.

On the other hand, with humans, the goal to live means more than just mere survival as we have emotional and spiritual needs that drive us to achieve greater goals–ultimately in living fuller lives.

We are co-creators and have within us creative imagination with an instinct for success in attaining the goals.This could mean writing poetry, creating the latest app, climbing Mount Everest, inventing a machine, or attaining inner peace.

Goals are not only necessary for us to survive and live, but also to blossom and live great lives. We tend to default to comfort and rarely want to leave that space and as such live average lives instead of extraordinary ones we were supposed to live.

In early January 2013, I broke my hand in kickboxing, and I couldn’t go to the gym for a while. I put on a few pounds and was getting hysterical, so I decided to start running. I had no training, and the last time I ran, I was in college. I immediately set a goal of running a half-marathon within 6 months. I did all my research, read all the books, and created a plan.

I followed the plan religiously, often getting up at 4am and I couldn’t sleep from the pain in my knees for many nights. I persevered and succeeded in completing the run in a decent time for my 45-year-old body.

However, what I gained from the whole experience was not only the thrill of completing my goal, but also the feeling it gave me as a changed man. It made me more confident, stronger willed and left me with a new healthier way of life with running at its core.

However, as with everything we do, we humans tend to overcomplicate matters, and goal-setting becomes a concept that takes too much time from the actual process of doing and engaging in life.

Here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts in setting goals:

# Do make your Goals Specific

This is to distinguish them from a mere wish.

E.g. I want to be rich is not a goal but a mere wish but I want to make two million dollars in three years at the stock market is a goal.

#Do make them measurable

This is to track your progress and see what adjustments you need to make.

E.g. I want to run 30km this week, and I have only done 20km and it’s the 5th day of the week. I have choices on what to do for the last two days.

#Do let them push you

Goals push us out of our comfort zones, helping us with new experiences and challenges that make us bigger people. However, you have to make them also attainable, so they don’t dishearten you.

E.g. If you make $100 k a year, then an attainable goal which would also push you, would be to make $300k a year, and not three million a year.

#Do make them relevant to you

We often get caught up with what society tells us, or what our friends & family are doing. We end up setting goals that are not for us just so that we belong to our group.

E.g. A few years back, I set myself a goal of trying Para-gliding as a lot of my friends were doing it. I did do it and spend so much time, and money in getting there and I hated it from the first second I got airborne until I landed dazed and confused.

#Do set a deadline

There is a kind of magic that happens when we see a looming date coming up. It starts a chain of thoughts and events that energize you towards the goal.

E.g. I will run The New York marathon on Sunday 1st November 2015, and not I want to run a marathon next year.

# Don’t Overcomplicate & Overwhelm

We often set too many goals, and as such, we get stressed and overwhelmed and give up not only on the goal, but also on the actual process.

E.g. Failing a strict diet would make you give up not only on the diet but on healthy eating.

#Don’t feel Guilty

We often feel very guilty and let down when we don’t achieve a goal and it somehow permeates into other areas of our lives and puts us in a bad state of mind.

E.g. I missed a long Sunday run a few months ago, and I spent the whole day crying about it until my young daughter screamed at me to get a grip of myself.

#Don’t forget that it’s the process that we really love

We lose sight of the why of our goal; we totally forget why we started the goal in the first place and what motivated us to do it. Goals become chores and lose their essence as we forget that we loved that process before setting the goal.

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ― Ernest Hemingway

#Don’t forget to celebrate

This is often overlooked but it’s important to celebrate your wins and recognize your achievements. It all fills your self-esteem container and reinforces your win into your psyche.

 At the end of the day, Goals are simply a way to ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.

 

Powerful Conversation with 12th Graders at Lincoln Community School

Lincoln Community School gave me the opportunity to have a powerful conversation with the teenagers. I always enjoy my time with teenagers, as their exuberance is always a reminder to how our life should look like and how alive we should feel.

There were some good questions, smiles and many deep in thought.

I discussed several Guideposts alongside Brené Brown’s book from The Gifts of Imperfection. Find below some points discussed during my presentation.

 

  • Be Authentic

Being true to yourself in a world which makes it so difficult to be that who you must be.

  •  Self Compassion

You can’t give what you don’t have. Start loving yourself by stopping judgement, self criticism and self doubts. Instead start being mindful and feel with others. Let go of perfectionism as there is no such thing as perfect.

  •  Right Attitude

Have resilience; the ability to overcome adversity and sticking it out. Be positive and optimistic and try to be resourceful connecting with people for support. Always find time to take a look at the mirror for a critical look at yourself and finally have that attitude of gratitude.

  •  Be In Action

Use your mind as your tool and let it serve you in focus and discipline. Take baby steps towards your goal and find ways to chunk it up so its not too overwhelming.

Action is the language of God and when you start getting into action then providence will come to your side.

Goethe quote: “Whatever you do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.”

  • Faith

Have faith in yourself and the world. Acknowledge that you need to let go of certainty sometimes and embrace uncertainty using your intuition.

  •  Creativity/Self expression

We are all creative beings and we need to find out what means for us particularly. It’s imperative as that’s how our heart sings, that’s how we engage our souls. It’s our truth and fills our life with meaning. It’s what brings us alive. The world needs our creativity so we can serve it and that’s how success flows.

  • Play

Play is apparently purposeless. Basically this means that we play for the sake of play. We do it because it’s fun but it has no end result or gain. It brings excitement and renewal and helps deal with stress.

Laughter: This creates an emotional connection. It’s like we communicate together without talking. I’m not alone. It tells you I’m with you, I get it.

Song & dance: there is this spiritual connection of completely letting go, It’s full body vulnerability. It moves us emotionally and puts in the mood for comfort, celebration and inspiration. We give permission to ourselves to be free.

  •  Rest

Respect our bodies and their need for renewal as you can’t believe some of the consequences of not getting proper rest.

Less is more as we are brought by doing too many things instead of focusing on few things we love.

  •  Calmness and Stillness

Calm is creating perspective and mindfulness while managing emotional reactivity. Anxiety is extremely Contagious, but so is calm. Practice calmness.

Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it’s about creating a clearing. It’s opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question. E.g Prayer/Meditation/music/watching  a sunset.

How Showing and Not Telling Can Transform Your Life

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.- Anton Chekhov

Published in Rebelle Society

“Show me that you fucking love me, show me that you fucking care but please stop telling it to me like a goddamn robot,” she screamed at me. I watched, mystified, as my girlfriend slammed the door and walked out on me. I replayed her comments over and over again–that I lacked connection in relationships, and real engagement in most of the situations in my life.

I knew that I wanted to understand her, to grow from the experience. But it remained a mystery. A few months later, I enrolled in a writing course and learnt the concept of “show, don’t tell.” I took it on board and started applying it to my writing.

Hot became dripping with sweat. Tired meant that he was rooted to the chair — his legs couldn’t move from yesterday’s shift on site. My characters woke up and were suddenly alive, and they were no longer merely happy or sad, but rather “jumping up and down,” or “crying for no good reason.” Writing this way allowed me to connect with my readers in a whole new way.

However, when not writing I remained aloof, oblivious to the fact that this concept could and also should be applied in my real life. I took the lesson as technical advice, only applicable to writing. As if it only described nouns, verbs and adjectives, and nothing else. But slowly, it started to dawn on me that maybe I could show more and tell less–in real time.

I realised that people respond better when we infuse our words with a more passionate showing. The more feelings we add to what we are saying, then the better the connection. The more engagement we add to our interactions, then the better we live.

Simply put: showing involves your heart and telling is all about the mind.

In losing her, I learned that this age-old writing adage could transform my life in 3 big ways:

1) Being Mindful

The “Show, don’t tell,” rule is at it’s core about writing in details, details and details. To be able to write with specific details, you must notice the trees, the birds, the people and the surroundings around you. Now compare the central lesson in mindfulness, which is to slow down as if in slow motion so that you can enjoy all those moments you live in.

On an existential level, we are here to experience, and there is no better way to do that then to get involved and get engaged in the details of your life. We were given five senses to experience life, and enjoy everything in our lives, and yet we barely have time to enjoy any of those precious moments.

How many of us eat standing up or watching a computer screen? We supposedly have no time to eat–everyone says that, I know. But recently I started eating slowly, mindfully. Food began to take a more important role in my life, and the more time I gave to my food, the better I knew how to eat, what to eat, and most importantly, what not to eat.

Even drinking my espresso coffee in the morning became a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip.

It’s not just food, though. Now, when I see seagulls flying above me, I instantly stop whatever I’m doing and just watch, them transfixed in absolute awe. I can’t explain what happens at that moment, for me, but time stops still as I gaze long and hard. I feel I’m connecting to something bigger than me. I feel overcome by inner peace and a joy that permeates in my body and finally breaks into a soft smile. Is this what stillness is all about?

All my noticing and engagement in details has miraculously quieted my mind, and I find the negative thoughts are slowly disappearing. I feel more at peace with myself than ever before.

2) Being Alive

Being more mindful magically leads you to engaging much more with your life. You are now in action and something inside of you starts ticking– you become alive. You feel you want to do more and you can’t stop and go back to your old ways of skating through life. You feel you have a sacred duty to be alive. You break through your inhibiting shackles and become more vulnerable. You understand that there is no perfect moment; there is only the now. You suddenly don’t want to miss a waking moment anymore.

You don’t want to just inform the world about your exploits, but you would rather show the world what you have done. You want to share yourself with your fellow mankind. This feeling of being alive transforms you, and whether you know it or not, you have started transforming the world. As Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3) Being Connected

You are now in action and much more alive and you learn that certain emotions in life, like love, fear, excitement and despair can’t simply be described. They must be demonstrated. They will only become real when we show them to others. This is the basis of connection, how human beings are able to live and inter-connect and be inter-dependent with one another. However the connection must be real, authentic. We are not showing for the sake of showing. We are not demonstrating emotions to others for our own personal gain or play-acting as if our Broadway career depended on it. I’m introverted by nature, and not at ease in showing my emotions. However I understand, through writing, that showing helped me connect to my readers, and it is now easier for me to connect to people around me.

I feel I am awakened. I have become more alive. I am connecting to everyone and everything.

To the new love that I will someday meet, I won’t say, “I love you.” I’ll say:

“I just can’t stop loving you when I see you laugh. I love you when I catch you watching me for no good reason. I love the way you allow me to become a better man for you.”

Learning to show and not tell, in my writing and in my life, has opened up doors I never knew existed–and I love life so much more for it.

Am I Onto My Bone ?

moissa

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. -Bruce Lee

Published in Rebelle Society:

After reading up on this New Age spirituality concept, I felt this absolute overwhelm within me.

Have I been wasting my time the last six months? I thought.

Can I get a physical pat on the back from some higher entity that would somehow direct me to the path of enlightenment?

I started my life-awakening journey almost 8 years ago and I have consumed books, ideas and teachers as if I had only a few days left to live. I really loved some of them, ditched others and bitched about one or two.

However many teachers have left their mark on me:

  • Buddha’s teachings, on the four noble truths and the eight-fold path to enlightenment. I think no other religious teacher hands power to us personally to reach inner peace.
  • Hemingway for being larger than life and showing us that life is all about real life action. If you want to write about the Spanish Civil War, and then you must go there to witness it.
  • Herman Hesse’s Siddhartha knew that essential truths couldn’t be taught; they must be learned through life experiences. His search for enlightenment echoes mine and the lesson here is that we need to balance the learning with experiencing. The river proved ultimately to be Siddhartha best teacher.

The Ideas that I loved include:

  • The Subconscious Mind; the receptor of all our feelings, habits and conditioning over the years controls our conscious mind almost exclusively. So we can’t change anything with ourselves till we address the emotional subconscious mind, which has been worked on since birth.
  • The Law of Attraction, which states you attract the essence of whatever you are focusing your energy on– whether wanted or unwanted. We create what we really want in our lives.
  • We are all interconnected in a divine matrix known as a space of potentiality. This is an intelligent field of energy, which is the source of all creation. We are all somehow connected to it, but only if we experience our true nature.

I feel I’m applying many of the above ideas in my life, yet I also sometimes feel very much lost. I feel like I need a big calling or platform to allow me to practice all of the lessons I’ve learned, otherwise I will feel aimless and lose heart.

Thoreau said: “Do what you love. Know your own bone; gnaw at it, bury it, unearth it, and gnaw it still.”

I need a task that is big enough for a lifetime. I need something that can get me “onto my bone.”

I need that “one thing” that can fit Deepak Chopra’s Law of Dharma measure.

This feeling of being lost and needing a way to practice these new ideas was reinforced when I met Elaine, a Reiki teacher. She had that inner glow and was insanely calm.

That’s what I need, I thought, when we first met. That’s it, nothing more and nothing less. I need whatever she’s on.

I found out that she had devoted her life to learning and teaching only Reiki. She didn’t give up and try Theta healing, which many “new age” healers have started to get into as the new thing.

She uses only Reiki to ask all her questions and to get all her answers. She uses it to grow, raise her awareness and serve people around her.

I recall a scene in the movie, The Last Samurai, starring Tom Cruise. He spends some time in a quiet, peaceful village hiding where everyone is happily and dutifully going about their tasks. The Samurais living in the village are bound by a strict code of honour and discipline, and devote their time to improving their skills. They do it mindfully, peacefully and so happily. You could almost feel their content and inner peace radiating from the screen.

How I wish sometimes that I were living in that era, and in that particular village.

It isn’t only with so-called “spiritual” people that I’ve witnessed such devotion to a calling. I have seen this inner glow in many people around me.

I have seen it with a baker, who would open his bakery at 4am and work till noon greeting every customer with a smile and saying beautiful loving words to everyone who entered his shop.

The image of the housewife who simply gets sucked into a life of comfortable pleasures and who offers little to the household was turned on its head when I met Delores. She showed me in her own way that home making was her calling. She did it with great joy and was the rock upon which her whole family and friends leaned on.

I’ve envied those with a simple life, simple needs, and those who seem to get excited about anything and everything.

I’m learning that we are all very unique and have different strengths; niches and ways that make us grow. What makes me tick is very much different than what makes 99% of people around me tick.

I do understand that the courses I’ve completed, the books I’ve read, and the lessons I’ve learnt will not automatically reveal my Dharma.

However I feel I’m missing something and it’s like I’m in the middle of the ocean and I can’t see anything behind me and there is no sign of land ahead.

I feel I’m interested in everything but committed to nothing.

What is that one particular thing that can answer all my questions?

Unless, off course, that is the whole point. That the “one thing,” my calling, my Dharma, is to be interested in everything and committed to nothing.”

That is, perhaps the fact that I’m so non-committal allows me the freedom and intuition to delve into a trial-and-error, spiritual bucket list, addressing the big questions out there for me.

My questioning might be a kind of investigative reporting, and in that way, help others around me ask and find answers to their own questions.

When I think about it this way, I don’t feel like a poor lost soul who is hung up on new age spirituality, but rather someone in action who helps others like me. As Gandhi would say, I am being the change that I wish to see in the world.

When I began considering that this was my calling, I decided to put my “one thing” to Deepak Chopra’s 3 Component Law of Dharma test. Here’s what was revealed:

Q) We are here to discover our true self and to find out that we are essentially spiritual beings having a human experience.

A) Yes. I am always asking questions and getting answers that push me towards my higher self. I do truly believe we are spiritual beings having an earthly experience.

Q) What is my unique talent and how can I express it?

A) My talent is that I’m curious and courageous enough to ask the big questions. I’m open-minded to accept new learning’s, read, and never be satisfied with one idea. This search takes me into some kind of timeless awareness of who I am and where I am.

Q) How can I serve humanity?

A) There are many people out there who are as lost and confused as I am. As I stay committed to non-commitment, I remain a receptor to new ideas and teachings, and I’m able to express and communicate those ideas outwards to my tribe.

My Dharma is to awaken to my true self, live all the experiences that are possible to me and inspire others to the same.

The questioning I do puts me on the road that leads to the biggest question of all-Thoreau’s “am I onto my bone?”

At the end of the day my “one thing” has led me to no-thing and then finally to nothing. Isn’t that feeling of nothing the essence of what all the great spiritual masters tell us we must reach?