The Paradox of Self-Help
These days, we are inundated with self-help material in the form of seminars, viral blog posts, New York Times Best Sellers, and YouTube shorts, all of it telling us what to do and how to do it.
I, for one, have put in a lot of time and energy in reading, watching, and listening to all kinds of self-help material.
However,there’s an inherent danger in that within the self-help industry lies a paradox. In that, when we help ourselves and get fixed, we don’t need to pick up another book or go to another seminar.The reality is that most people don’t stop at that one illuminating lesson or book but become self-help junkies.
We feel we need to jump onto every seminar, listen to every podcast, and get our hands onto the newest book.We are driven more by fear of missing out (FOMO) and trying to sound expert in that field than wanting to use the material to change.
It’s like we are waiting for that ultimate lesson, technique, or that ‘satori’ moment that would instantly change our lives. That creates an unreasonable expectation for us, and so we become more anxious rather than satisfied.
Finally, we end being resentful that we didn’t implement the latest self-help principle (number one hundred and one.) We become cynical at not doing so and about our ability to grow. Thus we become somewhat toxic to ourselves and others around us.
I feel to make the best use of self-hep advise is to listen to people who have actually done what they are preaching. They share information that they’ve owned–knowledge that has arisen from or worked in their lives.
They have walked the talk.
Gandhi Sugar Story
A woman walks with her son many miles and days to come to Gandhi. She is very worried about her son’s health because he is eating too much sugar. She comes to Gandhi and says, “Please, sir, can you tell my son to stop eating sugar?”
Gandhi looks at her and thinks for a bit and finally says, “Okay, but not today. Bring him back in two weeks.” She’s disappointed and takes her son home. Two weeks later, she makes the journey again and goes to Gandhi with her son.
Gandhi says to the boy, “You must stop eating sugar. It’s very bad for you.” The boy has such respect for Gandhi that he stops and lives a healthy life.
The woman is confused and asks him, “Gandhi, please tell me, why did you want me to wait two weeks to bring back my son.” Gandhi says, “Because, before I could tell your son to stop eating sugar, I had to stop eating sugar first.”
Inspiration without action becomes a frustrating exercise in futility.
The truth is all that “how-to” content doesn’t compel us to make a significant change. Maybe we get inspired for a few hours or days—but then that video or lecture or book fades away to make space for newer and more interesting information.
Don’t get me wrong, self-help books, podcasts, and seminars are an excellent place to start, but after a while, they lose their effect and diminish in value.
Today, I no longer treat any self-help book, seminar, or Guru as the awaited thing or person that will save me. I choose the information carefully, always trying to find out if the person telling us the story has actually done what he’s saying.
Also I use their information sparingly to motivate me, reminding myself that the onus is on me to do the work.