This idea of self has been developed rigorously over our developmental years between childhood and adulthood. Unfortunately, it’s characterised by masks, labels, images, and judgments handed down to us by parents, teachers, media, friends, and society.

We have an inner need to belong and connect. Relationships are the bedrock of our emotional well-being. No matter how strong we feel, we need relationships that nurture and sustain our strength throughout our lives.

He explained how his father set him early on the path of reading. Starting when Anas was eight years old, his father would give him a book every month, a literary one—Camus, Tolstoy, Faulkner, etc—and expected him to summarise it over dinner. He told me how he hated the practice at first but was incredibly thankful now.

I’m all for self-care and self-love. I’ve written many times about how, without self-love, we are incapable of loving anyone else. I understand and appreciate that many of us are brought up with a reluctance to take care of ourselves before others.

I was unconsciously letting go of all the resentment, anger and judgement I held inside of me. It was me saying to myself, though it’s true that I had messed up in many areas of my life and that I was in no way living up to 40% of my potential, it was okay.

However, as our anxiety and fears grow over time, most of the voices become futile and develop into sabotaging self-limiting beliefs. We start giving ourselves negative feedback, and our lives are now orchestrated by a despotic voice continuously putting us down.

I was the only one on the road—no cars, vendors, or stray dogs. I felt a chill run down my spine, and tears rolled down my cheeks. But I wasn’t tired and didn’t feel any of my usual running pains.

However, after journalling my feelings the next day, I still felt that the apology was insufficient to prevent me from repeating my behaviour. The truth was, after reflection, I always knew where I was going wrong, yet I kept doing it.

He went on to describe that though putting on socks and shoes correctly and meticulously was a small act, it prevented many injuries on the hard basketball floor and taught players the discipline and power of doing things correctly, small or big.

Padel is a racket-based ball sport that could be described as a mixture of squash and tennis. It is played within an enclosed space like squash but shares many similarities with tennis—a net in the middle, where players must pass a ball over the net into an opponent's side by hitting it with their racket. However, in Padel, the walls/fences of the enclosed court are firmly part of the sport's gameplay.

I returned to the drawing room, listened to Andrew Huberman's Podcast on Cold exposure, and understood that I needed to build up some resistance before attempting such a cold plunge.

I then recall a revelation in my journal a few months back. Instead of achievement, I now craved equanimity. I wrote that all I hoped for myself was to live with inner peace and calmness, good health, and freedom from anxiety and overwhelm while satiating my curiosity about life and the world. That’s all I want from the remaining years I have left.

I made a vow to visit him more often, not only because I empathised with my father’s loneliness, but also because I wanted some of his wisdom to rub off on me. I was envious of the community and extended family around him that received his attention daily.

Stephen Covey’s famous large glass jar metaphor comes to mind. When filling the jar, always start with the big rocks, then add the smaller pebbles, grains, sand and finally water, in that order. Do it in a different sequence, and the jar will be half-empty.

I focus deeply on my rhythmic breathing. I’m lost in time and space. The ‘Gong’ alarm goes off. I slowly open my eyes, and I’m enveloped by a sense of well-being.

Since then I’ve become a true fan of TED talks and I try to watch at least one talk a week. These talks are not only inspiring but also informative and entertaining. Learning is addictive and so it’s no surprise to see how the popularity of TED has soared. There are over one billion views of various presentations on their website and two million people watch different videos on TED every day.

And after three hours of heavy metal music bombarding my being, and the tattooist working his magic, I came out with an image of a winged angel holding a banner that said: “Born to be free.”

This fear of not fitting in is at its strongest when we’re young, but it never fully leaves us until we become confident in who we are. Whether we are teenagers entering college or adults joining a new company, our first instinct is to be careful with our words and actions. We don’t want to upset the status quo; we fear failure, ridicule, and standing out. We are petrified that people might not like us.