The Inevitability of the Imposter Syndrome (And How To Deal With It)
“Each time I write a book, every time I face that yellow pad, the challenge is so great. I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.”
I’m in a writing workshop in Austin, Texas, sitting in a room full of people who are embarking on writing their first book—a difficult task no matter how easier it has become these days—and I’ve set a goal to have my next book published by November 2022.
I’ve written two books already, yet I’m as nervous, confused, and afraid as any of them. Self-doubts and what-ifs dominate my thoughts. The question that is boring into my head is, “Am I good enough?
Whether we are writing our first book, embarking on a new business venture, or going to an important meeting, we all get struck by the ‘Imposter Syndrome.’
What is the Imposter Syndrome?
It’s an internal experience where you believe that you are not as good as others perceive you. Or put another way, you feel fake and that you will be found out as a fraud. You don’t belong to where you are and got there through luck.
It can affect anyone. Most notably, the more successful you are, the higher you raise expectations, and the more you feel like an imposter.
Neil Gaiman, one of the most accomplished and famous writers of our generation, recounted a chance conversation he had:
“Some years ago, I was lucky enough to be invited to a gathering of great and good people: artists and scientists, writers and discoverers of things. And I felt that at any moment, they would realize that I didn’t qualify to be there, among these people who had done things.
On my second or third night there, I was standing at the back of the hall while a musical entertainment happened, and I started talking to a very nice, polite, elderly gentleman about several things, including our shared first name. And then he pointed to the hall of people and said words to the effect of, “I just look at all these people, and I think, what the heck am I doing here? They’ve made amazing things. I just went where I was sent.”
And I said, “Yes. But you were the first man on the moon. I think that counts for something.”
And I felt a bit better. Because if Neil Armstrong felt like an imposter, maybe everyone did. Maybe there weren’t any grown-ups, only people who had worked hard and also got lucky and were slightly out of their depth, all of us doing the best job we could, which is all we can really hope for.”
Ultimately, the imposter syndrome is another way to say that we allow our fears to get the better of us. We create doubts and feelings of not being enough so that we sabotage ourselves from doing the work.
In doing so, we find it difficult to accept praise and attribute our positive output to dumb luck and not our abilities.
The only way to get rid of the imposter syndrome is to work through our fears, one by one, and notice how we create them.
Some of my widespread fears are listed below:
I’m not enough
We keep telling ourselves that we weren’t good enough in our actions or we haven’t done enough. We keep comparing ourselves to those who are more famous or accomplished than we are.
When I read good prose, I’m inspired. I almost immediately start comparing myself to the author. How am I ever going to write like this? I forget that only a handful of writing geniuses have ever existed or that most other writers have been practicing their craft for longer than I have been.
Perfection is a myth. No one wins all the time. Many just don’t show their failures or suffering. Rather than ignore or criticize our pain, we need to be understanding of ourselves when we fail, suffer, or feel unworthy. We must remind ourselves that this happens to everyone—not just “me” alone.
Most successful people feel inadequate when they fail, yet they see it for what it is: a passing obstacle and an opportunity to correct their mistakes. As a result, they usually cut themselves some slack rather than jump into criticism.
Regret
We fear regretting the time, energy and effort we would put into something and someone only to find out that it was not what we wanted.
But, if we don’t even take that first step, how would we know it’s not right?. Trying and getting it wrong is always better than standing still in paralysis.
FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out
We are afraid of missing out, never content with committing to one thing thoroughly. We want to have the cake and eat it. We think that the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it is, but, most of the time, it is what we make of the situation.
Fitting in
We are also afraid to have our identity challenged or our reputation damaged so we sit on the wall on many issues. For example, let’s say we commit to the concept of monogamy. Immediately, we get told by many, whether on social media or not, that we are dinosaurs not keeping up with modern times.
If we say we don’t like Yoga, then we are labelled as superficial and not spiritual. It’s so easy to be compartmentalized by others as if those criticizing know any more about life. It’s as we’ve returned to living through high school life, where our only concern was to be hip and to fit in.
Being Afraid of Difficult Things
True, our worlds have become full of distractions, whether it’s the phone, social media or the internet. Perhaps, a good question to ask is: why do we allow ourselves to get distracted? We can all easily switch off phones and the internet and focus on the job at hand.
However, we want to get side-tracked because it’s hard to commit. It requires focus, intensity and discipline to remain committed to doing good work— the work we so admire by our heroes.
We are always looking for relief from the emotional unpleasantness of hard work—we chase the distractions.
The reality is that fear is not all that bad. If you’re not afraid, then you’re not doing anything worthwhile. So fear is not the problem. Instead, it’s how we respond to fear that is the real problem.
When we are afraid, our bodies handle it by an increased heart rate, cold sweats and tunnel vision as we can’t think beyond that specific fear. However, excitement does the same thing. Only that it does it with positive framing and not a negative one.
So excitement is like fear. The only difference is that we have a positive mindset around exciting events. Just look at how some people love going on roller coaster rides while others like me would rather not.
We can’t avoid fear. We can instead seek our courage to face it. Courage allows us to accept the presence of fear and move forward to meet the challenge.
Amelia Earhart famously said, “Use your fear. It can take you to a place where you store your courage.”
What’s your courage looking like?