Lost in Distraction. Languishing in Life.

Lately, I’m feeling restless. My mind is everywhere. I can’t focus for long on any task. What makes it worse is that I feel down whenever I don’t concentrate on the given task.

These glum feelings are low-key, more like a decrease in positive emotions and not outright negative ones. Perhaps the new term, languishing, describes these feelings perfectly.

Languishing entered our lexicon sometime after the Covid pandemic, which generally means a pullback from life and not being fully engaged. But also importantly, not depressed or very sad.

Maybe, Ironically, an Instagram version of depression.

I retraced my behaviour—that’s why journaling plays an important role in my life—and found that for most of 2023, I’d start my mornings with Twitter (Now X) and the internet instead of a book.

With the constant toxicity on the platform—the squabbling between opposite views on the several wars happening in the world, the slanderous rumours about my football team and the many idiots boasting how they have accumulated 100k followers, I was a wreck before my day even started.

Definitely Not what Thich Nhat Hanh had in my mind about a mindful morning.

One morning, I saw it clearly. I have an attention span of a toddler. What happened to my four-hour writing sessions?

I suspected that there was something broken in our collective attention. I see this lack with my colleagues in our team meetings. I see it with my children and friends when everyone is on their phones instead of engaging in meaningful conversation.

But I never thought it could lead to me becoming a fidgety, restless soul who was walking away and not towards the inner peace and freedom I craved.

Attention is not like a beating heart that comes naturally to us. It’s similar to our muscles. It’s adaptable and versatile but will atrophy if we don’t use it. Neglect it, and it slowly withers away.

Ted Gioia, in his fantastic article, said: “The fastest growing sector of the culture economy is distraction. Or call it scrolling or swiping or wasting time or whatever you want. But it’s not art or entertainment, just ceaseless activity. The key is that each stimulus only lasts a few seconds and must be repeated.”

With our attention fragmented, everything has become superficial and instantaneous. Tech Startups have replaced old-age companies. Blog posts are read more widely than books. Social media has overtaken TV. YouTube and TikTok instead of worthwhile movies. Ozempic and not ‘good eating’ is fast becoming the answer to losing pounds.

The worst of all is our connection with each other. We don’t meet face to face. Instead, most are on dating apps, gaming platforms or social media, where nothing deep about anyone can be revealed. How you look and what you wear and possess make you more interesting than what you think or say.

I always recall what Richard, my MFA tutor, told me back in 2017: to write well, you must “Stay narrow, go deep.”

Without going deep into anything, whether it’s a conversation, a movie/book or a problem at work, we don’t truly engage, and we are left with a feeling of not enough—we get spurts of laughter and happiness but no true joy.

Nothing deep can be reached quickly, and nothing meaningful is easily achieved.

Our challenge is that the smartest people on this planet are working on hijacking our attention. They’ve understood what lies under attention.

It’s the neurotransmitter dopamine. It’s not a pleasure chemical as it’s often touted to be, but more about the pursuit of pleasure.

Dopamine is a molecule of more. It activates our desire circuits from within. It flags the appearance of anything that can help us survive. It makes us want it right now, not caring if we genuinely want it or not. The smell of a cinnamon roll makes me stop and buy one, even when I’m full.

Dopamine wants to ensure you survive. So it’s telling you to take that reward now as you never know if it will be available again.

So, what’s wrong with surrendering to the dopamine ride?

In Dopamine Nation, Dr. Anna Lembke explains that when we experience an influx of dopamine (pleasure), our body must immediately follow it up with a painful crash so that it regulates itself back to normal.

Scroll on social media for too long, or eat the doughnuts that look so yummy, then you’d feel irritable, anxious and lack the motivation to do anything.

But what makes all of this even worse is the fact that, like being addicted to cocaine, we need more dopamine to get back to our original state—we are in a constant place of ‘not enough.’

If you agree with me that we are losing the fight against the tech geniuses, the question then is, how can we fight back?

These are some ways I’m reclaiming back my attention:

1. Mornings are sacred. No social media or internet during my early hours. I leave my phone in another room and read while drinking my coffee. I then journal/write.

2. I’ve quit Twitter. I go on Instagram and LinkedIn only in the afternoons and never in the mornings.

3. Single-tasking: Doing one thing at a time. Recently, on a business trip, while taking the elevator down to the reception, I didn’t get my phone out and order an Uber. Instead, I conversed with the other guests and checked out before ordering it. Yes, I waited an extra 5 mins for the Uber to come, but it felt good to do one thing at a time. It was a small but albeit worthwhile win.

4. Walking without listening to music or a podcast. (Not as easy as it sounds)

5. At work, I’m now closing my laptop for a few hours and just wandering around, talking with team members.

6. I’m having more one-on-one conversations both at work and with people that I care about. (Hint: Sav, I’m still waiting for you to make time for me this week.)

7. Committing to all the mindful activities—walking, reading, writing, yoga stretching, being in nature, playing Padel —that the self-aware preach. Remember, attention is a muscle that atrophies.