Embracing Discomfort: A TEDx Journey to Growth and Transformation
“Most people today rarely step outside their comfort zones. We are living progressively sheltered, sterile, temperature-controlled, overfed, underchallenged, safety-netted lives. And it’s limiting the degree to which we experience our “one wild and precious life.”
Faced with the bright lights and eyes of the crowd staring at me, I panicked. Everything went into a blur for a few seconds until I remembered to breathe again for a few more seconds.
Then, as I started to get into my rhythm, the screen showing my presentation slides went blank. Then, the timer screen to my right, which acted like a guide so I could pace my talk, also went blank.
It was 2015; I spoke at TEDx Accra and was way out of my comfort zone.
My heart still quivers today as I recall that memory.
I was used to speaking in front of people, but this was a whole new ball game. The title of the talk was “Rich, Successful, and Strong—Yet Empty.” It was personal, and I would bare my soul before everyone.
I would admit to family, friends, and strangers that I’d been following the wrong values (mine and theirs) for most of my adult life. I would explain my new self-awareness and what was behind the recent tears and laughter that were now apparent within me.
The stakes had never been higher for me. I was in the ‘Uncomfortable Zone,’ one that either makes you or breaks you.
Today, we live in unprecedented times. We have never been more comfortable, sanitised or domesticated. In most of the world, our worries are no longer about our survival: Food, shelter and safety. We are instead preoccupied with higher levels of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs: Love, belonging and self-esteem.
We do anything and everything to run away from facing discomfort—we binge on alcohol, drugs, video games or sex. We have become masters of deception, seeking distraction to numb ourselves from suffering and failure. (Even though that is the only way we grow.)
We don’t want to be seen as fools or losers—We are tough, ‘cool’ and happy; we keep telling the world through Instagram and TikTok. We crave hacks, instant gratification and the easy path for everything.
Worse, we don’t even want to listen or hear about other’s discomfort, so we have become compassionless. We use social media to connect and maintain superficial relationships instead of listening and sitting with each other’s pain.
What happened to face-to-face relationships? Or even facing ourselves? We fear what we may discover when we get uncomfortable and the painful steps we need to take when we become accountable.
However, when we ignore our pain and seek the easy path, we cut ourselves from our authenticity—our best selves of living with more purpose and meaning.
We collect repressed emotions that somehow spread poison into our every cell.
Life is not an edited video to be enjoyed. Instead, it’s a mix of emotions—joy and pain, success and struggle, and comfort and discomfort—that must be expressed and experienced.
It’s the discomfort and pain that helps us grow to live a richer and more meaningful life. The famous writer C.S. Lewis said, “Pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our consciences, but shouts in our pains. It is his megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”
As the TedX day grew nearer, my sleep got more erratic. I would remind myself every morning that I had decided on it, was committed to it, and would give it my best. I practised my talk as if my life depended on it. I repeated it five or six times. I made my family listen to me practice, and then I went to work and forced my employees to hear me out as well. The more I practised, the less fear I held.
On the big day, many things went disastrously wrong. My talk was delayed for two hours because the technical team were disorganised. The stage lighting and the cameras had not been set up correctly. But I didn’t let any of that get to me.
Twenty minutes before the talk, I used what I’d learned at the UPW event to put myself in a positive state, reminding myself of the Robbins quote: “Where our focus goes, our energy flows.” I breathed in through my nose and out through my clenched mouth for ten minutes. I then listened to music and recited an affirmation that I’d explicitly prepared for the talk. Yes, it was cheesy, but it worked.
After my initial stage fright, I took another deep breath and told myself I would do this and that the worst had passed. All my preparations kicked in, and I spoke without needing the slides or the timer.
Today, with total clarity, getting out of my comfort zone on that day helped me in no uncertain ways to become not only a better speaker but a better human. In pushing myself to greater heights, I upped my game. I became more confident and willing to risk more for richer experiences.
We have all gone through pain and come out stronger for it. But perhaps you still need to name and recognise that event as the launchpad to living a more uncomfortable but rewarding life.
The facing of discomfort has become part of my life’s philosophy.
To live a more blissful life, we must all make it so.