Choose Your Tribe Wisely
I was very irritable, had little tolerance, and was easily frustrated. My meditation was not as smooth as usual, and I struggled to recall my dreams. This had been going on for a few days, and I didn’t know why.
Then it hit me: I had spent a lot of time with an old friend who had been staying with me for a while. He was negative and cynical and sapped all my good energy.
His attitude slowly permeated my being and triggered remnants of my old cynical self, which didn’t bode well with my new self, hence the frustration and irritability.
As social creatures, we tend to adopt the characteristics of the groups we are part of and start to behave in the same way. We influence and get influenced by the people we spend the most time with, and we pick up both good and bad behaviours from each other.
“If you are a human, then the biggest influence on your personality is your peer group. Choose your peers. If you want to be better at math, surround yourself with mathematicians. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people…”
Quantum physics says we are made up of energy, and when we collide with another body of energy that is in sync, the result is constructive. However, when we collide with another that is not in sync, the opposite happens, and the results are usually destructive.
I have found that the below five kinds of people are the ones I would like to surround myself with:
The Relentless Over-Achiever
It’s good to be around these kind of people, as they are always upping the ante and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They constantly ask questions and are never satisfied.
They are not motivated by doing good and helping us but only by pushing themselves. As such, their hunger and relentlessness are contagious, and they will end up pushing us hard.
When I was 12, I was an average tennis player until I met Brad, who was relentless and would keep pushing his limits. I was his practice partner in summer camp, and his enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I returned after the summer as a much better player and reached the finals of our school’s tournament.
The Natural Born Optimist
These are the ones who are always smiling and happy and often drive us nuts with the simplicity of their perspective. To them, everything has a silver lining. They celebrate small wins like winning the lottery and quietly dismiss the negative aspects of their lives.
They are often a breath of fresh air, and being around them lifts all the gloom and doom that our minds are busy creating. They brush off disasters quickly and readjust their lives without much fuss, with a pure gold attitude.
The Unconditional Giver of Love
These would typically include family and close friends. They offer us unconditional love similar to that of a mother’s, allowing us to be ourselves all the time. They tap into and constantly fill our tanks of self-esteem.
They don’t necessarily push us or get us out of our comfort zone, but they are always there and offer pure, unadulterated love. Life has shown me that we can’t be or do anything when we lack love.
My family and close friends provide the kind of support and love that I constantly return to. Their presence makes me feel good and rejuvenates me, so I’m ready for my battles.
Virtual Teachers
Through books, blogs, movies, podcasts, and stories, these people become our teachers and heroes. They offer us great wisdom and knowledge that help us grow and widen our horizons as we witness and experience their different experiences.
For me, they are as real as the real people in our lives.I have spent hours and days reading Hemingway, and he’s had more of an effect on me than some people I see daily.
The teachings of the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Herman Hesse’s Siddartha, and Leo Tolstoy’s Ivan Illich have also profoundly affected me, which is why I managed to crawl slowly out of my box.
Our Higher Self
There is no greater feeling than connecting with our higher self. It’s that feeling of inner peace and tranquillity that can’t be matched in the outside world.
Solitude and time alone allow us to get to know our higher self much better. It’s often difficult in our world to be fast and furious to be alone and to be able to connect, but if we want to increase the average, then our higher self must be part of the five people.
Using meditation, writing, and mindful moments like watching a sunset, I connect well with my higher self, even if fleetingly. However, the insights I gain and the peace I reach stay with me long enough to guide my lower self to its rightful path.
I don’t think we are exactly the average of the five people we spend time with, but we need to be aware and understand how different kinds of people can affect us.
We must remain proactive in surrounding ourselves with the right people.
That also includes people we must avoid, like friends or family, who have become toxic by constantly putting us down and draining us.