How Struggle and Grit Can Lead to Happiness.
“There is scarcely any passion without struggle.”
An hour into my trek, with the sun beating hard on me and the thorns from the dry grassland chaffing my bare legs, I ask myself the question. “Why am I doing this?”
I persevere and advance into the savannah-covered plains and a smallish forest. Then I climb up one of the five hills that make up “The Shai Hills Reserve,” a 51 square kilometre forest reserve close to Accra and an hour’s drive from my house.
The guide tells me to ignore the shrieks of the baboons that populate the reserve. They are not close at all. I relax and, within an hour, ascend to the summit of a small hill, arriving at several large granite boulders. I follow the guide’s path, pull myself up, and sprawl on the highest flat spot available.
I sit down to take it all in. I look down at the grassland below and the hazy horizon ahead of me. I’m lost for a few minutes. The baboon shrieks echo around me and mix with the sound of leaves rustling from the trees below, hypnotising me. There is a slight breeze that strokes my neck and face, further extending my bliss.
I spent the next fifteen minutes thinking of nothing. I had no intention of meditating, but somehow, nature forced it on me.
Now, one idea dominates my thoughts: it took me almost 150 minutes of struggle to reach this isolated spot and only 15 minutes for me to lose myself in its bliss.
In Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi said, “Contrary to what we usually believe…the best moments in our lives are not the passive, receptive, relaxing times…The best moments usually occur when a person’s body or mind is stretched to its limits in a voluntary effort to accomplish something difficult and worthwhile.”
Choosing a goal is easy, but falling in love with the inevitable struggle that stands between us and that goal is not.
Working toward a goal is simple; the finish can be exhilarating, but the middle is the struggle.
That’s when we find ourselves stuck in a dark, long, and never-ending tunnel. We can’t go back and aren’t exactly sure what awaits us on the other side. That’s when falling in love with our struggle truly kicks in.
The most important attribute of successful people is their ability to persevere toward a goal no matter what obstacle stands in their way. We need to develop the skill of developing a positive relationship with pain, suffering, or struggle. We need to learn how to suffer and still smile. Only then can anything be achieved.
The reality is that struggle comes before passion and not the other way around.
When we enjoy the struggle toward a goal, we slowly become better at whatever we’re pursuing, and that enjoyment will fuel the continued pursuit of the goal. That pursuit will eventually lead us to mastery.
A few years ago, I had a week to complete a long critical paper for my MFA program. I had worked on it for a month and was almost finished, but disaster struck. As I reread the requirements, I realised I had misinterpreted the guidelines. I had to start fresh.
Luckily, it was Easter weekend. I had no work. My wife was away visiting the kids, so I had the house to myself for five days. Just me, my laptop and the cat. I worked 10-hour days reading, writing and rewriting – and somehow made the deadline.
During those five days, I didn’t shave, barely showered, and never left my house. I was exhausted; I slept on the sofa close to my desk. I spilt all my sweat, guts and blood to finish my paper on time. I did all that and would be willing to do it again and again because I loved what I was doing —writing.
The most significant ingredient for the good life is and has always been the ability to be engaged wholeheartedly in life.
We can’t always do that, mainly because we quickly lose novelty, hunger, and the need for engagement.
Human beings, in general, are lazy and will always choose the path of least effort.
As such, our overarching goal in life should be to instil a hunger in us, keep upping the ante, and get out of our comfort zones whenever and wherever possible.
At the foot of the hill, I saw three teenagers getting out of the car. They had driven through the savannah instead of spending an hour walking it. True, they were quicker, but they had missed what, for me, was essential: the initial struggle to get to the hill. I saw them again at the top, taking selfies rather than enjoying the view.
Today, I can’t remember the struggle of the three hours of walking in the heat, but only those blissful fifteen minutes I spent staring at the horizon and thinking of nothing. I have marked that feeling as the blissful sound of silence.
Before chasing any dream, consider that without pain, struggle, and getting out of our comfort zone, we will not grow, achieve our goals, or feel that sweet spot of joy.