4 Fears That Hold Us Back from Commitment
Some nights back, I started browsing Netflix to find something to watch. The choices were endless. I scrolled title after title, watched several trailers yet I was nowhere close to settling on anything after thirty minutes.
A few nights later, my son insisted on choosing a movie, reminding me of what I did only a few nights back. The film was “The Trial of the Chicago 7”, and after an initial period of discontent, I got into the movie and thoroughly enjoyed it.
A few weeks ago, I wrote about our constant state of restlessness. However, I felt I needed to delve even deeper this time around as it seems that I’m not alone with my affliction. It is as if we are all suffering collectively from something akin to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. This is not to trivialize what many people living with ADHD go through, but some of the symptoms are similar.
We hop from one movie trailer or book review to another without settling on one to watch or read. We jump from one project to another without giving it our all, claiming that we work best under pressure.
Worst of all, we keep our distance from relationships and are not entirely vulnerable. Instead, we pick and choose when and with who we want to be vulnerable depending on the right circumstances.
We’ve become masters of indecisiveness, scrolling through feeds to pick and choose. On Amazon, it’s books or general shopping. On Spotify, it’s music. On Tinder, it’s people of interest. On Netflix, it’s movies.
On Facebook/Instagram, we scan what our friends and social acquaintances are doing, often confusing them with each other. They are not the same. Shouldn’t we know what our true friends are doing before they post on social media? We have fooled ourselves into believing that just by knowing what our friends are doing (afterwards) means we’ve connected.
These days the choices we have are endless. We are all afraid to commit to anything or anyone. It’s as if we will miss out on the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
Paradoxically, we still reserve the greatest respect (and rightly so) for those people who have committed to the path of mastery. Those who are focused on one thing and have managed to become great at staying devoted to that endeavor over the years.
Whether it is Jeff Bezos’s incredible rise to the top with Amazon, LeBron James winning with different basketball teams or Stephen King’s ability to churn out bestseller after bestseller. We are all fascinated by the lives of successful people who keep performing at a consistently high level.
We revere their focus, intensity, creativity and commitment.
But why are we becoming more hesitant and non-committal by the day?
Simply put, it is fear.
Regret
We are fearful of regretting the time, energy and effort we would put into something and someone only to find out that it was not what we wanted. If we don’t even take that first step, how would we know it’s not right?. Trying and getting it wrong is always better than standing still in paralysis.
FOMO — Fear Of Missing Out
We are afraid of missing out. Never content with committing to one thing thoroughly. We want to have the cake and eat it. We think that the grass is greener on the other side. Sometimes it is, but most of the time, it is what we make of the situation.
Fitting in
We are so afraid to have our identity challenged or our reputation damaged that we sit on the wall on many issues. Let’s say we commit to the concept of monogamy. Immediately, we get told by many, whether on social media or not, that we are dinosaurs not keeping up with modern times.
If we say we don’t like Yoga, then we are labelled as superficial and not spiritual. It’s so easy to be compartmentalized by others as if those criticizing know any more about life. It’s as we’ve returned to living through high school life, where our only concern was to be hip and to fit in.
Being Afraid of the Difficult Things
True, our worlds have become full of distractions, whether it’s the phone, social media or the internet. Perhaps, a good question to ask is why do allow ourselves to get distracted. We can all easily switch off phones and the internet and focus on the job at hand.
We have become so comfortable, civilized and afraid of getting our feet dirty.
We want to get side-tracked because it’s hard to commit. It requires focus, intensity and discipline to remain committed to doing good work — the work we so admire by our heroes. We are always looking for relief from the emotional unpleasantness of doing hard work.
We chase the distractions.
The Tech Giants (Apple, Amazon, Twitter, Google, Facebook) figured that out already and just made it easy for us to run away when things got more challenging.
The actual reason why we don’t commit is that we are afraid.
And when we look at all the above fears, it’s clear that as we’ve become more comfortable, we don’t want to face discomfort, pain or struggle, even if it means not choosing or committing to the things or people we care about.
It took me a couple of days to read John Grisham’s latest thriller. At the time, it was a welcome relief. However, I can’t recall much about the book or any insight it gave me.
Conversely, when I read Tolstoy’s The Death of Ivan Illich, a literary classic, it changed my life. Yes, it was a hard read in the beginning but I became a different person when I finished it.
Commit. Choose. Dive in. Yes, it is not easy at first but the pot of Gold does appear at the end of the rainbow.