6 Lessons I’ve Learned About Life Through Writing

lessons
Photo Credit: David Clode

Published by Elephant Journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. Benjamin Franklin

I am a born-again writer, and it’s been nearly three years since I started to write. Writing was a passion that had lain dormant; it was hidden deep in the crevasses of my heart, waiting to explode like a wild volcanic eruption.

This love affair with writing has taken me from depressing lows that I can’t wish on anyone to ecstatic new heights. It’s a love story that can rival that of Henry Miller and Anais Nin.

My journey started with writing my “Morning Pages” as heralded by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. I would decipher my dreams and go on to analyze my previous day’s actions and take a deeper look into the fears that were holding me back. It also allowed me to celebrate my wins and constantly reminded me of why I loved myself.

Writing has transformed me and released me from the shackles that have held me back since childhood. It has led to many of my spiritual trysts where I meet my true self and feel the power of grace within me. It has penetrated deep into my soul, always asking and forever searching for the best way for me to be authentic.

I am still in my toddler years as a writer, but already writing has taught me many lessons that I can apply in my life. It has stripped me of my arrogant egoic ways and taken me out the closed-box mentality that was me for so many years.

These are the lessons that I’ve learned from writing:

1. Pain is part of life and nothing to fear.

“When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” —Kurt Vonnegut

Writing is often painful, gut-wrenching, energy sapping and can ruin self-esteem. I hate it when I don’t write as the thought of not doing so hangs over me like a shadow, judging me, labelling me as a loser. I hate it when my mind compares the normalcy of day to day things like doing errands, earning a living, and socializing with the power and allure of doing something I love.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”- Ernest Hemingway.

Writing is simple but not easy. I hate it when it’s so hard that words get stuck in my throat, chest and heart and their flow from mind to fingers typing away become restricted.

However, the rewards and personal growth I do get from writing makes up for all the pain. It has shown me that pain is often the doorway to awareness and change in our lives. It’s something that’s more powerful than happiness.

How can we grow without pain? What kind of life is living without heartache, tears and blood?

2. Vulnerability is power

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” -Virginia Woolf

Writing has allowed me to understand why being vulnerable makes me a better man. I am eager to share my thoughts, travails, and success. I want to be heard, and show my true self to the world.

I’ve let down the heavy armour I’ve worn since my adolescence and unveiled my emotional fragility. I now recognise that vulnerability is not weakness but rather, a great power that makes us more connected to others and more engaged in life. I want to feel my way into life, rather than sit behind a mask watching life pass me by.

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck, East of Eden

The thought that there is no perfection in life has liberated me as I now appreciate that life is about being present and being ourselves.

Vulnerability allows us to dig deep into ourselves leading us to our core where all uncertainty, excitement, and meaningful experiences exist. We have a better chance of unravelling the gems that hide beneath the many layers of our ego.

3) Self-Discipline and Grit protects our passion.

“At its best, the sensation of writing is that of any unmerited grace. It is handed to you, but only if you look for it. You search, you break your heart, your back, your brain, and then — and only then — it is handed to you.”—Annie Dillard

We need a strong will and discipline in life to be able to achieve our goals. People assume that just because someone enjoys whatever they are doing means fewer hours of hard work. On the contrary, the people who enjoy what they do and are good at it, whether that’s writing, singing or starting a new business have the steely determination to put in the hard hours.

They realise that the sense of joy will follow when they remain disciplined and committed to that practice. And that the muse will only appear when we prove our diligence and focus deeply on the practice at hand.

The discipline instilled within allows us to turn failures into stepping stones and rejection becomes a detour to bigger and better opportunities.

I’ve had to sacrifice certain things in my life, like social activities but I’ve optimized my life so that I can focus more on my writing. Now, things that don’t mean much to me are slowly losing their value and fading away from my life.

4) Joy is a state of being

“It’s the most satisfying occupation man has discovered yet because you never can quite do it as well as you want to, so there’s always something to wake up tomorrow morning to do.”—William Faulkner

Writing has led me to several experiences that I call spiritual ones. I find myself in “flow” where time just passes and I can feel my heart is singing. The joy I get from completing my job is something I can hardly put into words.

This kind of joy is not like fleeting moments of happiness but something more, an overlying feeling that encapsulates my being, arming me with a deep knowing that I matter in this world, that I belong and most importantly that I am loved.

Listening to some soft classical music and writing early in the morning when I’m all alone before most people are awake remains one of the most joyful experiences that I achieve.

5) The universe is mysterious and on our side

“Understanding is not a piercing of the mystery, but an acceptance of it, a living blissfully with it, in it, through and by it.”—Henry Miller

I often get a thought, an idea on what to write about. It’s usually a question that I want some answers for in my own life. I set an intention to write, for example, about Emotional Intelligence.

Suddenly my mind is flooded with new and different ideas. Also links, books and emails arrive serendipitously to aid me in writing my piece. It’s like the Universe has been invoked to come to my help.

I often start writing about a topic and find myself writing something completely different to what I had intended. I read it again and again and it’s like someone else was writing and it’s a new insight that I never thought about before I started typing away.

6) Serving Humanity makes us grow

“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.”F. Scott Fitzgerald

Writing has taught me that we all have something to say, something to give and a role to play in life. We are all somehow, connected and as such the more we do give back, the more we grow as human beings.

We often look at the famous writers, billionaires, and social entrepreneurs and think that they are the ones whose duty is to give. We shun our responsibility to give back and more importantly lose the opportunity to grow as human beings.

Writing an article that inspires one person to pursue change and become a better person is as necessary as Bill Gates pledging billions to help eradicate Malaria in Africa within a generation.

The lessons I’ve learned in writing apply to whatever we choose to do in life, whether that’s setting up a business, singing or working at a job we love.

Life is all about finding the platform where we become our authentic selves, which allows us to explore our potential, get us out of our comfort zones so that we can grow in serving humanity.

5 Attributes We Need to Get to Become Emotionally Intelligent

Emotional-Intelligence
Photo Credit: Tim Marshall

Published by Elephant Journal

“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way”
― Mavis Mazhura

I was sitting in a school board meeting. Things were getting heated; Voices were being raised and heads were shaking as egos battled it out and there was no agreement on the proposed motion. I was agitated and felt wronged as my opinion was being ignored. I was ready to scream at the next person who would speak out.

Suddenly, Tim, who was usually quiet, spoke up. His voice was soft, calm and yet assertive. We all kept quiet and listened as he continued to moderate our arguments and followed up by explaining each viewpoint. Within thirty minutes, we all came to a consensus.

Tim was “Emotionally Intelligent” and I was not.

This concept of emotional intelligence was championed by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., a well-known writer and researcher on leadership who wrote the best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

He went on to confirm why many people with a high IQ were outperformed by many with good social intelligence in the workplace, schools and homes. Emotional intelligence is something that is intangible and difficult to measure. It is a road map to achieving the results we want in our life and can lead us to live a fulfilling life.

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence? Psychology Today says it’s:

  1. The ability to accurately identify your own emotions, as well as those of others.
  2. The ability to utilise emotions and apply them to tasks, like thinking and problem-solving.
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including controlling your own, as well as the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

However, for us to understand Emotional Intelligence then we need to embrace the five components below:

  1. Self-Awareness

People who are self-aware understand their emotions and as such don’t allow themselves to let their feelings get out of control. They reflect on themselves regularly, recognising what they are good at and what they aren’t.

They know when to maximise their strengths and how to manage their weaknesses so it doesn’t hold them back. They appreciate that there is nothing called perfection and admit their vulnerability, and take responsibility of their mistakes as much as their successes.

In Brené Brown’s  TED Talk, the Power of Vulnerability, she explains how  embracing our imperfections raises our self-awareness.

2.Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is where we manage and control our emotions, moods and reactions. These people take a few deep breaths to think before reacting and as such respond much better to challenging situations.

They don’t allow anger, jealousy or some other form of fear to affect their decisions and are conscious of their reactions knowing why they reacted in a certain manner. They are comfortable saying no, and lead well-balanced lives. They usually eat well, get plenty of sleep and have many interests outside their work or relationships.

In the above example at the school board meeting, Tim displayed his self-regulatory way of thinking by not only controlling his emotions but being able to direct all of us to an agreement.

3.Motivation

This is the ability to push ourselves towards our goals, harnessing our emotions to take action, commit and follow through with them.

Self-discipline and willpower are important attributes of their character as they are willing to forgo instant gratification for long-term results. They are highly productive, effective and positive about life and don’t allow people or situations to bring them down. They are very much results-oriented.

Tony Robbins is a world renowned motivational speaker and author. He has authored many self-help books, including Awaken the Giant Within. I’ve been to one of his events, Unleash the power from within, and I can confidently say he’s one who lives by what he preaches. His ability to push his fans to achieve goals is matched only by what he’s done in motivating himself.

4.Empathy

This is the ability of people to not only listen to others but also to discern and understand people’s feelings to such an extent, that they put themselves in the other’s shoes. They don’t stereotype and judge but rather are willing to accept all kinds of opinions and viewpoints. They are open, honest and have a great ability to manage relationships.

Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Dalai Lama are great symbols for empathy, but there are many around us, who often surprise us with how genuine and empathetic they are. They make us feel safe, heard and that we do matter in this life.

5.Social Skills

These are the team players, who park their egos aside and focus on developing others instead. They are great communicators, manage disputes and are great at building and maintaining relationships. They adapt quickly to situations and aren’t afraid of change and are curious about life and what it has to offer.

My colleague Allison displays this kind of leadership; a smile is always on her face, making it easy for anyone to approach her. She continually asks of the well being of her staff and is the first to praise them for doing a good job yet she knows how and when to criticize them.

Emotional intelligence is something we can learn and cultivate in our lives. We are usually stronger with one aspect than the other but we can develop all five so that we become better leaders of our lives, whether at our workplace, our home or our environment.

It can also help guide us in any circumstances we find ourselves, whether we are bankers, business owners, mothers, friends, artists or people living simple lives traversing the joys and vicissitudes of life.

It’s not something that is easy to accomplish within a few months but rather it’s a journey over many years. It’s a roadmap of “How” to live our lives, rather than the “Why” or “What” of life.

7 Questions That Help Us Delve Deep Into Knowing Thyself

know thyself
Photo Credit: Mi Pham

Published by Elephant Journal

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the clearer we become. When we are looking for a partner, we ask everything about them: from their likes to their dislikes.

We want to know every little detail; what excites them, what puts a smile on their face, what makes them tick.We become curious about the books they read and the movies they watch; we crave to become aquainted with everything that makes them who they are.

However, when it comes to ourselves, we presume we know it all, without dedicating enough time and effort to research ourselves. We allow the world to judge us, give us titles and names that don’t apply to our true selves. We end up being tagged and put into a compartment that isolates us for many years and stops us from finding what our true aspirations are.

What were we like when we were growing up?

What interests or practices do we completely lose ourselves in?

What are our strengths and weaknesses? And most importantly what are our aspirations—How do we imagine our lives to be?

Often, the quickest way to get to know ourselves is when we face a traumatic situation, or when our backs are against the wall, or when we are thrown in at the deep end at a new job. Our ego is cast aside as we need to learn quickly about ourselves and handle the emergency on hand.

However, most of the time that’s not the case, and we need to be proactive and stir the pot to start discovering who we truly are by simply asking meaningful questions about ourselves.

“Know Thyself” was inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago. The wisdom of those two words still speaks loudly today.

I’ve found that when we take some time off, preferably for a few days to sit alone and analyse ourselves as we would on any other subject, we get to know a lot about ourselves and kick-start an adventure of self-discovery that lasts a lifetime.

These are some tests and questions to start the process:

1) Do a Personality test.

The Myers-Brigg test is not the only way to analyse our personality, but it’s been used extensively in the corporate world for almost fifty years now and gives us a fair idea of who we truly are.

There are many variations and sites, but I’ve found the 16personalites.com to be a good one.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to recharge my batteries.

That was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) What are our strengths?

Positive Psychology has dominated our lives for the last few decades, and it’s simply the study of what makes us happy and the activities that we can do more off to infuse that spark in our lives.

Martin Seligman is the founding father of Positive Psychology and his insistence on finding our strengths and maximizing them has supported the self-help field that is so prevalent today.We need to discover our strengths and try to find ways to activate them in our lives and contrastingly not to focus on our weaknesses but just manage them.We need not glorify our weaknesses.

His now famous VIA signature strengths test has been completed by millions.

My top strength turned out to be my love of learning, and it explains why I’m happy to be continually learning even in my mid-forties. My second strength was the curiosity I have for the world which validates my longing to travel and to understand everything the world has to offer. My third strength is wisdom, which comes as no surprise since my first existential questions started when I was ten.

3) What are our core values?

Values are core beliefs that we have developed over the years. They are the ethics that we feel so strongly about and the points of view that we find ourselves arguing for in conversations. They are what drive us from the minute we open our eyes, till the moment we sleep.

Our beliefs are often complicated by our upbringing, society, and the effect that the media has on us, and as such we need to dig deep and find what truly are our values. We should avoid the ones that would make us fit in with our peer group and rather choose what is authentic to us.

I’ve found the short E-book, Aligning with your core values by Tim Brownson to be very useful in identifying my values.

I’m very clear on mine after years of defining them by learning and looking out for what I feel strongly about. My values include self- control, growth, freedom, wisdom, inner peace, creativity and authenticity.

4) Who do you look up to? Who are your mentors? Who inspires you?

I appreciate social entrepreneurship and what it offers to the world because it covers most of my values. And as such I’m always inspired by people who create ingenious ideas to give back to our society.

Muhammad Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank also won the 2006 Nobel Prize for his efforts in providing microcredit loans to those in need to help them develop financial self-sufficiency in poor developing countries like his home country Bangladesh.

I also admire my late grandfather who would act like a modern day Robin Hood by asking for money from the wealthy and then buying essential foods, and personally delivering to all the poor and homeless in Tyre, Lebanon. He wore the same clothes, drove a very old car and continued doing what he did well into his eighties.

5).   What makes you happiest in your life? What excites you? What do you do that makes you feel invincible?

When I’m sitting alone, and I’m writing a poem or prose, it comes naturally and deep from my heart, and I know my words will touch many hearts, that is when I’m at my happiest.

I believe in the power of words and the effect they can have on inspiring people and when I see people inspired to change and to claim their authenticity then that makes me feel invincible.

6) What careers do you find yourself dreaming of?

I dream of impacting the world with my writing the way Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Ernest Hemingway have. Their words touch people’s hearts and are immortal, affecting generation after generation. Their writings and words are a pathway to reach our souls, and that’s the path I want to be in all my life.

7) If you were able to be a member of the audience at your own funeral (in 100 years or so) what would you want to hear people say?

I want people to say that I’ve inspired many to find their rightful paths—their long road back to their hidden inner beings. I want to be remembered for leading the authenticity revolution amidst the clamor and noise for living other people’s lives and values.

I want to be known for waking people up to the simple fact that it’s not always about the money, the success and accumulations of possessions and achievements. Rather in the words of Abraham Maslow, I want everyone to “become who they must be.”

9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

“Two people have been living in you all of your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, and calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.”

-Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Published by Elephant Journal

I was under pressure at work, and I was impatient for results. I berated and belittled the efforts of an employee at the company I manage. I kept my tirade going for a few minutes until I realized that tears were flowing down her cheeks. I was overcome with sorrow and regret and even though I was right to be frustrated, my response was over the top.

For the first time, I realized how I had portrayed an image of ‘the tough boss”. It was a mask that didn’t reflect my true inner being and the compassion that I have for my employees. I was used to being the “tough boss”, a role; I just didn’t know how to let go.

Ego is necessary and important because it defines our sense of self, clarifies our boundaries and develops our personality while protecting our fragile inner self from disappointment, rejection, and other harm caused by society and circumstances around us.

However, the ego is more often the false self-image that we represent, and we get trapped into living our lives in a negative way. It is built early on in our lives by the many conditioned beliefs we carry with us. All those paradigms when not worked on crystallize into limiting and self-defeating beliefs and so create the mask that we wear throughout our lives.

The ego always needs validation and identification with a form to remain nourished and to grow. Its growth directly opposes any feeling of inner peace and harmony we can feel as it’s trying to conceal our truths. It’s manipulative and often creates a false and fickle self-worth.

The ego is the total of all our fears, worries and negative thoughts and provides the incessant inner voice that doubts us and holds us back from whatever opportunity of bewilderment, intuition and awe we might have come our way.

For us to acknowledge our uniqueness, power, and authenticity, then we must overcome and transcend the ego and go to a place where our truths reside. We can do so by letting go and becoming aware of the false masks we often wear that lead to our egoic behavior.

These are 9 ways to tame the ego:

1. Let go of the need to win, to be right and superior

Winning, being perfect and becoming superior are unattainable and as such when we crave them, we are validating our ego, and its behaviour. We need to focus on doing what gives us contentment, embrace compassion and what brings peace to any situation.

The world is not divided into winners and losers and in the eyes of God, we are all equal and to think otherwise will lead us to feel miserable as we often judge ourselves the hardest. What starts as a superiority outlook quickly turns into feeling despairingly inferior?

In my example mentioned above, my need to be right was of little consequence when it meant hurting another human being.

“When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

2. Stop Identification with ‘The Perfect Body Image.’

Society, the media and consumerism want us to believe that people with six packs and great bodies are better than the rest of us. The reality is that the more we obsess with having the perfect body image, the less complete of a person we become.

I run and work out regularly, but I do so to remain healthy, and because I enjoy it. I listen to my body’s needs, rather than push it hard so that I can have a model’s six-pack. My body image doesn’t define who I am.

3. Stop Identification with Achievements.

We are not our achievements but rather who we become and how we feel when we achieve things. We quickly get bored with the millions, the titles, the mountains we scale, the races we ran, if they don’t give us a feeling of contentment.

There is a big game being played out in the universe, and we are just a minute part of it. There is a mysterious power that guides us to many of our achievements, and we are only observers meant to experience those journeys, but the ego in us prevents us from accepting this reasoning.

I broke my hand in a freak accident, and it led to me start running instead of going to the gym. Running a half-marathon race remains one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had.

4. Stop Identification with luxury labels

Many equate their self-worth with the car they drive, the first class flights they travel on and the Chanel bag they own. As we become aware of our Egoic behaviour, we start to notice how futile it is to believe that a designer labelled item can increase our self-worth. We rather find that this route will lead us to a never-ending abyss that can never be satisfied–The mantra of ego is more.

I promised myself to buy a Rolex watch when I made a certain amount of money. I enjoyed the watch for a few weeks and then suddenly stopped wearing it. I finally sold it, as looking at it made me feel very shallow and materialistic.

5. We are not our reputation

Our reputation or what people think of us doesn’t create our success or serve us whatsoever, as it’s something outside our control. All the great people who made a difference in our world were headstrong and ignored all the criticism and acclaim of society.

Steve Jobs stayed on course towards Apple’s vision, in producing beautiful products and did not allow the business world to influence his ideas. He met many setbacks, not least being ousted from the company he founded but returned triumphant making Apple the number one company in the world.

6. We are not our thoughts or emotions

“Rule your mind or it will rule you”- Buddha

The livelihood of the ego is in fear. The more we worry or get anxious, the more we fall prey to the ego’s hold. We must recognise that most of our fears are unwarranted, and that worrying itself is an exercise in futility.

On the day that I travel, I’m usually anxious and worry so much because I don’t like change and yet the moment the plane doors shut and it takes off, I lose my anxiety and laugh at myself for being worried the whole day.

7. Don’t take things personally.

When someone doesn’t greet us, or they don’t share our opinion, then our ego tries to convince us that they are attacking us personally. The reality is that life is not only about me, myself and I.

Most of the times we are not victimised, and it’s rather our imagination controlled by our ego that leads us astray leaving us to blame others instead of giving our best.

8. Respond and don’t react

We face many situations where our ego urges us to react rather than take a few breaths to calm down and see the big picture, which then enables us to respond in a more thoughtful way.

Why react to an angry driver who insults us for no apparent reason? If they act out of ego, then when we don’t react, we often bring out the rationality in them, and they see themselves as petty and often apologise.

9. Stop putting people down

Putting people down continually and seeing the worst in their actions reflects poorly on us as we only do so to make ourselves feel better. Criticism is sometimes important to motivate and correct, but it becomes devastating in its effect when it’s done solely to condemn.

Research suggests that a 5:1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones is the best way to motivate employees in the workplace, and that is something that can be extended to our relationships and our self-talk.

Once we find the courage to tame our ego and transcend towards our true authentic self, we start to connect with everything and everyone on an intimate level. We recognise that our ego is not keeping us safe but rather separate from our reality.

We come face to face with our true authentic self and awaken to the aliveness within us and return to that “Hidden Spiritual Being.” 

11 Quotes By Kahlil Gibran That Are Indelibly Stamped In My Heart.

prophet

Published by Elephant Journal

There is one book I carry with me wherever I go-The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

Every time I read a few pages, I start to feel an inner tingling in my heart, and my soul starts chirping like the nightingale he so lyrically describes. It’s true that I cling to his words harder than the average person, because we both come from Lebanon. However, his great fame and works both as a poet and an artist has had a profound effect on many people around the world.

Gibran wrote in both Arabic and English, and his best work was produced in the era of the roaring twenties in New York, USA. He was influenced by the free thought and exuberance of that time, and he was regularly associated with W.B. Yeats, Carl Jung and August Rodin. His seminal book The Prophet is amongst the best-selling books of all time after the Bible and Shakespeare’s collections.

Though his books were initially ignored by critics, they have influenced world leaders like J.F.Kennedy, The Beatles and many millions around the globe.There is both simplicity and beauty to his writings that reach far and wide. They offer spiritual and philosophical musings on God, love, family, work, death and many other threads that unite humanity.

Below are 11 quotes from Gibran that I read regularly, and that are indelibly stamped in my heart:

1) “Your daily life is your temple and your religion.”
2)“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”
3)“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
4)“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
5)“Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
6)“You give but little when you give of your possessions.It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”
7)“I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.”
8)“No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”
9)“When you love you should not think you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”
10)“Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘ I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.”
11)“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy”

My Rules of Engagement

My Rules of Engagement
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
My Liberty means:
  • Not infringing on my right to choose, from which country to live in, to which ice-cream flavor I like.
  • Not pushing me to second-guess my decisions, even though I wasn’t certain the first time round.
  • Not forcing me to justify my actions, over and over again.
My Freedom means:
  • Allowing me to make decisions that are right for my soul, even though they could be wrong for your EGO.
  • Recognizing not to compromise my values, interests, and principles.
  • Respecting my carefully drawn out boundaries.
  • Not impugning on my time, no matter how futile you think I spend it and no matter how little I give it.
My Intentions are:
  • I will be present and mindful rather than succumb to my thoughts.
  • I will enjoy what I’m doing and not focus only on achieving.
  • I will rather get challenged than be comfortable.
  • I will rather get engaged than oblivious.
  • I will use my imagination to create rather than become creatively impotent.
  • I will praise ten times to every one time I criticise.
  • I will not judge anyone but be willing to accept.
  • I will work towards Compassion rather than indifference.
  • I will follow my true path and not the path of others.
  • I will learn like a scavenger looking for learnings everywhere I can.
  • I will commit to growth as if it’s my sole intention for living.
  • I will serve mankind as if every single one is part of my family.
  • I will care for the environment as if it was the home I built with my own two hands.

The 5 People Who Rocked My World in 2015

Collage

 

I’m admittedly a learning junkie and only come alive when my curiosity and interest in the world are piqued. I’m fascinated by new learnings and discoveries every day, and they have been central to any impending change in my life.

Every year I stumble upon new teachers and fresh material and 2015 has been no exception.And whether it’s through reading their blogs, listening to their podcasts or watching their interviews or talks I’ve become a better man.

These are the 5 people who rocked my world in 2015:

1.Tim Ferris-The 4-hour Workweek 

“I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” ― Timothy Ferriss

He is the author of the New York times best seller 4-hour workweek, blogger, self-experimenter, podcaster and health and body expert. He also successfully funds start-ups in silicon valley. He is also a lover of Stoicism and in particular, Seneca.

He deconstructs complicated concepts into clear, understandable ideas which show that most things are achievable and do-able. His how-to-do steps are geared to help the common man see that nothing is impossible and that anything is possible.If there was anyone who epitomises the new type of self-help guru, then it’s him.

He reached the Tango National Finals in Argentina while practicing for less than a year and took up Tai-chi grappling and won the national championship in Taiwan. He speaks Japanese and Mandarin fluently and in fact, there isn’t much he can’t do when he sets his mind to it.

I love his podcasts, which are long and funny. The variety of guests from movie stars like Jamie Foxx, to chess prodigy–Joshua Waitzkin, and Body and fitness stars, to Venture capitalists based in Silicon Valley is simply amazing. It has opened a new world for me, and it’s like even though I’m not in that world but listening to the interviews I become part of them and learn different things from all those successful people.

My Biggest Take-away

Taking control of  my time and my life. I’ve also started experimenting with new interests and habits and find it is the best way to learn about ourselves.

2.Leo Babauta-Zen Habits blog

“Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.” ― Leo Babauta

Simplicity, minimalism and contentment are what you get when you visit his site. I love the whiteness of his blog, the simple concepts he writes about and the succinct words he uses that will immediately send your being into peace and calmness.

Here’s a guy who set up his blog in Guam back in 2007 and in 2011 was listed on Time’s 50 best websites.He writes about meditation, presence and contentment in life in such a pragmatic way that you don’t feel obliged to move to Tibet and live a monk’s life.

My Biggest Take-away

The power of less; We work harder, become stressed, to earn more, but the extra money that goes on a supposed better way of living (extra cars, bigger homes, premier travel) makes us less happy as we start to complicate our lives. The easiest formula is to work less, spend less and be more at peace now, not when we retire.

3.James Clear-James Clear Blog

“Becoming the type of person you want to become — someone who lives by a stronger standard, someone who believes in themselves, someone who can be counted on by the people that matter to them — is about the daily process you follow and not the ultimate product you achieve.” ―James Clear

He shares ideas for using behavior science to improve your performance and master your habits. His articles have been published in Forbes, Huffington post and many other sites. The scientific approach and depth of his content always leave you with a clear understanding of a concept, and you simply, can’t forget his teachings.

My Biggest Take-away

Learning how to instill habits in my life so that I can focus on my actual practice rather than the actual goal e.g. I set a target to write an hour a day, rather than setting an overwhelming goal of writing a book for the year. And when I maintain my practice, I will achieve the target and the ultimate goal.

4.Maria Popova-Brain Pickings 

“This is the power of art: The power to transcend our own self-interest, our solipsistic zoom-lens on life, and relate to the world and each other with more integrity, more curiosity, more wholeheartedness.” ― Maria Popova

Maria Popova is the creator of Brainpickings.org. She describes it; Brain Pickings is “your LEGO treasure chest, full of pieces across art, design, science, technology, philosophy, history, politics, psychology, sociology, ecology, anthropology, you-name-itology.”

Her blog is one for the intellectuals and people who like to understand the original concepts and it’s unrivaled in the richness of material. She weaves pieces and themes from old and new books, past and present authors illuminating insights, directly or indirectly, into that grand question of how to live, and how to live well.

I can’t wait for Sunday evenings when I read her new publications–they have liberated my thinking and took me to worlds I’ve either forgotten or never knew existed.

My Biggest Take-away

The Gold is in the old books and the even older authors. Why read a modern book which portrays a minute concept from Albert Camus, when she goes straight to his book and offers us his direct words and her explanations all in a great blog piece.

5.Derek Sivers-Sivers Blog

“If you think your life’s purpose needs to hit you like a lightning bolt, you’ll overlook the little day-to-day things that fascinate you.” ― Derek Sivers

He’s best known for selling his former company CD Baby an online CD store for independent musicians, with over $100M in sales for over 150,000 musician clients.He gave away most of his money and now chooses to live spartanly and spontaneously, moving to a new country every few years, doing whatever he feels like doing.

He truly does live the present moment and is living proof, of how to become non-attached to things,while living in our world and not on an isolated mountain.

Derek Sivers Interview-The Santa Monica bike ride story

“I do a 15-mile bike ride in Santa Monica, a few days a week at full-speed, 100%,head-down, red-faced, sprinting speed.I’d finish exhausted and looked at the time.43 minutes.Every time. After a few months, I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted.

So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK not super-slow, but dialing it back to about 50% of my usual effort. What a fun ride. I was relaxed, and smiling, and looking around. Not red-faced. I was barely giving it any effort.I saw two dolphins in the water. A pelican flew right over me in Marina del Ray. I had to laugh at the novelty of it.I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once. I felt I could do this forever, without any exhaustion.

When I finished, I looked at the time. 45 minutes.What?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked. 45 minutes, as compared to my usual 43. So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing only gave me a 4% boost.I could just take it easy, and get 96% of the results.And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way rejeuvenated.This was really profound for me, and I think of it often.”

My Biggest Take-away

I’m always running for more, for better, for higher, and after listening to above interview, I’ve now calmed down and 2016 has been less stressful and more fun.

4 Ways to Discover Authenticity

Discovering-Myself
Photo Credit: Morgan Sessions

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Published by Elephant Journal

I was bored, ambivalent and felt no passion for life. My business was going through tough times, and my kids were growing up so fast that they had little time for me.

I was getting regular bouts of flu and was just not feeling good about myself.I looked closely at the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. How had the last twenty years flown by? Why couldn’t I recall any great moments?

The brutal truth was that I had become a robot, a man tied down to responsibilities and tasks. I wore a straitjacket and labeled it as my life. I found myself in an existential crisis.

Has everything I’ve done in my 40-year existence not been what I wanted?

Who am I?

What am I living for?

I didn’t have any answers, but at least, I now had the will to search and ask. My search inevitably led to one word—Authenticity.

Authenticity doesn’t just mean being honest about ourselves. It doesn’t just mean living a positive and giving life. It doesn’t mean being a new-agey person who doesn’t eat meat and meditates all the time.

Authenticity is rather becoming the master of our lives. The word authenticity has Latin roots which today means “Author.” This mastery of life we choose is based on our Values, Principles and Aspirations.

The world-renowned Psychologist Abraham Maslow says: ”What a man can be, he must be.” He later went on to call this concept the need for Self-Actualization.

For me, it means recognizing that:

  • We are spirit, a part of a supreme being coming into human form to have this Physical experience on earth.
  • We are here to shed layer after layer of our density, to become lighter and find our inner core, or in other words learn and grow.
  • We have a unique gift or talent and we must find it and work on it, as it will give us the greatest platform to be who we must be and so serve humanity.

These are some ways to start our self-discovery journey into becoming authentic:

1)Looking at the Mirror

We start by questioning, reflecting and analysing the way we are living our lives. We must realise that our only goal in life is to live authentically.

We need to recognise that suffering comes from us not being authentic, not awakening and not connecting to our real selves. We can’t allow the ego and its many faces such as anger, greed and fear to sidetrack us from our true path.

We are lulled into a false sense of belief and remain in a comfort zone that paralyses us into seeking an easy path but not the right way.We do things because we have to. We take jobs to survive. We follow the herd and get caught up in living a life that is not meant for us.

My journey started almost seven years ago when I decided I needed to change and seek a more meaningful life.It all started with an intention and the right books,teachers and lessons quickly came my way.

2)Ego is tamed

Often, the only way to awaken to our authenticity is when it’s enforced onto us, and where the ego is finally shattered into submission and the chattering mind subsides allowing our hearts to take a more active role in guiding us to our authentic path.

When we fall hopelessly in love, the mind’s hold on us eases, and our heart starts feeling and creating a new path for us. People in love are often in an inspired mood, get a spring in their step, or see the intensity of colours they never saw before.

We start recognising our values, formulating our principles, and it’s often the time when we allow ourselves to dream those big dreams. Our hearts are purring, and we get a glimpse of our true selves.

Other times, it could take a traumatic event that subdues the ego.I went through a few horrible years where my business was failing, and my nephew had a near-fatal accident.These events led me to drop my egoic armour and see that what used to work for me, doesn’t anymore.It was the pain that I suffered that finally forced me to start questioning my life.

3)Get inspired by heroes

There are many heroes, famous or not; that inspire us to live an authentic life.Buddha’s enlightenment and his clear, logical dogma, making us directly responsible for our lives or Hemingway’s larger than life existence where he coupled great writing with wonderful real-life experiences are the ones that inspire me most.

However, our biggest heroes are those who live amongst us, in our families and communities, where we see them first hand doing what they love effortlessly. We see them in their element, enjoying what they do and we feel it viscerally and our hearts scream with joy.

I was inspired by my grandfather’s final years. At the age of 83, he would get up very early, pray and then set off in collecting monies and food from those people who could afford it, to give to those who didn’t—the poor and the homeless. He was relentless, and I saw his eyes light up when he set off, and his energy never wavered, often coming back very late at night.

4) Know Thyself

Authenticity requires self-knowledge and self-awareness. We must accept our strengths and weaknesses and know that they connect with our values and desires. And most importantly we need to act deliberately in ways that are consistent with those qualities.

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the better.

Over the past seven years, I did all kinds of personality, strengths and behaviour tests that helped me in understanding myself. I asked my family and friends to identify my strengths, weaknesses and what I represented to them.I went back to my childhood to investigate what I was like.I experimented on what piqued my interest to see if it was worthwhile pursuing.

I’ve found that I need a lot of solitary time; I’ve found writing to be the best way to share parts of me in this world and recognising that what my soul needs more than anything is inner peace and presence.

To be authentic is to be in a place that feels right, where everything you think, say and do are the same.It’s like we’re a river flowing effortlessly downstream, manoeuvring easily around any obstacles that get in our way.

Authenticity means being willing to sacrifice any relationship, situation or circumstance that violates your truth.It doesn’t mean you don’t have bad days, but at least, you are fully alive to handle them.

Authenticity is not something that when acquired means you need not do anymore but rather a continuous process.

5 Things I would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

Published By ElephantJournal

“It takes a very long time to become young.”
― Pablo Picasso

I was going through an old picture album of mine and a picture caught my eye. I was 20, had a look that I was about to change the world, and yet I find myself at 47, struggling to change myself let alone the world.

I was overcome with nostalgia and some pangs of regret, as I wondered how I would have fared at 20, but with the mind and the experiences of my 47-year-old self. Would I have done things differently? Would I have been someone better and had achieved more?

I’m sure I wouldn’t have arrived at how I think today without the mileage and experiences of the last 27 years. Hindsight always makes the past look worthless and ignores the fact that you made choices with what you had and knew.

Logic and reason often discourage adventure and as such it would have prevented many of the rich experiences I had between 18-20. Would I have jumped off the cliff and into the Andaman Sea in Krabi, Thailand? Or stand up for a friend when attacked by a group of thugs and get badly beaten but ultimately feeling good as I was the only one who stood up while the rest ran away.

However, I’ve also discovered that several concepts when learned well at a young age, would add more to your artillery in facing the world as a 20-year old.

1)The earlier you “Know thyself”, the better

These two words are inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago, and their wisdom still speaks loudly today.It’s essential to get to know your strengths, weaknesses and what you like doing. Do a strengths test, the Myers-Brigg personality test and ask your family and friends to guide you in knowing yourself.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to re-charge my batteries.

It was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) Challenge your comfort zone

Think of every successful person in any area and the chances are they all have one thing in common–from a young age, whether through circumstance or design, they had hunger and grit instilled in them, by continually pushing themselves out of their comfort zones.

Complacency creeps into our lives especially when we don’t challenge ourselves, and as we remain comfortable in our surroundings we feel at ease, and our performance becomes ordinary but never extraordinary.

Richard Branson’s mother left him to come back home alone; a thirty-minute walking distance, after a Sunday picnic, when he was only four years old.

At twenty, I wish I had run a marathon, climbed Kilimanjaro or taken a gap year exploring the world with only a backpack. These adventures would have certainly stretched my comfort zone and enriched me with wonderful experiences.

3)The Fear of missing out(FOMO) is nothing but an act of the mind.

FOMO is only a fear that the mind plays on you. As you get overwhelmed with a lot of choices, you can’t decide what’s right for you. However, when you become the only source of your self-worth, rather than pleasing others or being the cool dude, then your fears slowly disappear.

I spent a lot of my college days missing some lectures, not connecting with my family and not having enough time for myself, all because I didn’t want to miss out on what my friends were doing. I wanted so desperately to belong.

The reality is that when you miss one party, or you don’t like playing cards, but your friends do. You won’t miss much; you won’t lose yourself and your friends won’t suddenly dump you.

4)Find your creative self-expression

Find a creative pursuit that piques your interest, something that you are willing to spend enough time to be good at. It could be writing, painting, landscape photography, or surfing big waves, and make sure it becomes your own thing where time just simply passes by as you are “in the zone.”

Here, you would self-express and allow your inner self to come out and meet your outer world. It’s where all the stress of impending exam results, job interview replies and end of year business results fade away if only for a few minutes a day.

At the age of 40, I found writing and it’s that one thing that I’m willing to put in long hours so that I become good at it. I’ve pushed my comfort zone in joining groups, taking writing lessons, taking time off to write daily, all because my heart smiles when I share my inner self with the world.

5)Money doesn’t matter, but it also does.

It’s important that you understand and define your relationship with money. Money is important but only as a tool, and you must remember that it’s only a means to an end rather than the end itself.

Don’t make the reason you want to earn money so that you can get the yacht, the penthouse in New York or the Chanel bag. Rather the reason to make money should only be a measure of the success of your career or the business you’ve set up and want to grow. Money should be able to gauge where you are and how far you want to go.

Money can give you comfort, security, and make life fun but it will never give you satisfaction or infuse meaning into your daily life.

I learned this lesson the hard way as I faced a traumatic time in my life when within six months, my business was nearly bankrupt, and my nephew suffered a near fatal accident.And It wasn’t till then that I truly understood that life was not about money but all about self-growth and contributing to society and you don’t need money for either of these.

I wish I knew all these concepts when I was 20, as it would have accelerated my growth and given me more time to make a difference in this life.

And if these words don’t reach me in my next life as a 20-year-old, then I’m hoping it could at least reach one 20-year-old in this lifetime.

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

 

The world keeps changing. It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and the ways which got you where you are, are seldom those that keep you there. — Charles Handy

As I review my year and my life, I keep asking the same question over and over again. What am I committed to this year and for the next several years that will make me want to wake up every morning with a gusto of energy and a smile that allows me to discover my aliveness?

I’ve found that for us to be energised, we need to constantly re-invent ourselves as well as our lives. We need to take on new challenges and differing roles in our life. We need to shift focus to something new or renew something old as soon as we feel our energy supplies dwindling.

I’m not preaching that we should live hedonistically chasing every whim of sensual pleasure that we feel and abandon projects, people and hobbies when we get bored or uncomfortable. Rather I’m saying that we should be aware of the plateaus that are present in our lives and notice the stage when we become stagnant and stop growing.

We live out our lives in stages, and if we don’t adapt to our feelings, environment and results, then we will end up moving away from our true self and what we were meant to be and do. Accordingly, as we get older, we will become bitter and frustrated.

All things in life occur in cycles, and as nature always shows us best, most things don’t grow linearly but rather cyclically-the light from the day contrasts from the darkness of night.

“Change like seasons is inevitable.
No season is permanent.
Opportunities and needs, like seasons, wane as a new one begins.
We can be purposeful, anticipating change and navigate the differing phases of our lives.
Or ignore it allowing circumstances to impose its change on us.
We live our lives in seasons.”

The need to re-invent ourselves is championed by the concept of “The Sigmoid Curve,” written about by Charles Handy in “The Age of the Paradox,” in 1994.”

The Sigmoid curve is a mathematical concept developed by Handy, and it confirms the cyclical nature of everything we do in life from our relationships, careers, business lives to our personal growth.

Sigmoid Curve
Sigmoid Curve: Illustration of the stretched out “S” lying on its side with the 3 phases

A)The Learning Phase

This is at the bottom of the S, and it rises slowly, often dipping before starting to grow. It’s the initial phase of learning; the first few months of a business start-up, the first few months of a new career, or just after the honeymoon period is over, in a marriage.

At this stage, there is a lot of hard work, and no initial wins to appreciate and little sign of growth. It’s here where we need the persistence and belief to push through the hard times.

Typically, this is seen in a business start-up, with founders working 100-hour weeks in the basements or garages of their homes for months on end. They are driven by the belief that they are onto the next “New” thing in the Technology world, living off hot coffee and cold pizza, with no income in sight.

B)The Growth Phase

There is a sharp rise in the S shape, and now things are moving quickly, the start-up is growing fast, career promotions are coming through quickly. Or we start to enjoy our relationship as it matures, and we understand each other much more.

The start-up is now buzzing, with many people on board and it’s now recognized and appreciated by many people around silicon valley. Suddenly many venture capitalists want to invest; talented people are ready to work with them, and the press wants to report their success. There is real growth and maturation in this phase.

C)The Decline Phase

Here the line drops as the S shape begins to fall. Things start to get mundane, uninteresting and what was effortless becomes hard work. Energy level drops as we lose the excitement of the initial stage, and we then lose focus. Things have stalled and need freshening up, and this decline can occur within a business, our careers or in our marriages.

In the start-up example, expenses shoot up, while revenues drop as the novelty of the start-up’s products have worn out, and competition has caught up, what was once an inspiring environment to work in becomes like any other place. The start-up reaches its crossroads, and now everything is questioned.

The trick is to negotiate the phases at the right time and avoid the decline phase. As the picture below illustrates, we need to jump off the first curve before it hits its peak and start on something new at the start of a new curve.

 

However, this is no easy task as history has proved. From the decline of the Roman Empire, the fall from grace of Tiger Woods and the disappearance of Kodak, have all shown us that the biggest risers can fall quickly and never be able to recover.

We can’t rest on our laurels for too long at the first stage as we often don’t have the energy or know-how to change direction when we arrive at the final decline phase. Our momentum stalls and what made us great at the initial stage no longer works and needs to shift drastically.

We didn’t invest enough time, resources and energy in thinking about the future and preparing ourselves to jump onto the next stage. There is often ambivalence, doubts, and fear of doing so and as such we find ourselves stuck in that initial stage afraid to leave our comfort zone and of taking the next new step.

However, when looking at most successful people and businesses, it is precisely that courageous move that keeps them at the top. It is their willingness to push their comfort zones, aim higher and have the self-belief required to jump at the right time.

The successful people are ready to reinvent themselves and adapt to the ever-changing environment always following their excitement and being strong enough to kill off what doesn’t serve them anymore.