Do We Have Free Will Or Is it an Illusion?

free will
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“Man can do what he wills but he cannot will what he wills.”—Arthur Schopenhauer 

What was I going to have for breakfast? That was all I was thinking about during my shower after an intense gym session.

My options included boiled eggs, waakye (a Ghanaian dish which is basically rice cooked with beans), a slice of sourdough bread with za’atar (a prepared condiment made with ground dried thyme, oregano, mixed with toasted sesame seeds and olive oil), and a protein shake.

These were the only options that my mind offered me.

I didn’t think of what many Mexicans would have had for breakfast—chilaquiles, a Thai breakfast, minty spicy fish with sweet and spicy pork served with rice, or tofu with fish and rice soaked in soy sauce from Japan.

Even though there are thousands of choices, the only ones that came to my mind were the few I’d been brought up on.

Where is my free will then? Where are the unlimited choices that are supposed to flow out from my mind?

Sam Harris, PhD in neuroscience from UCLA and author of The End of Faith, a best-selling critique on religion says in his short book Free Will:

“Free will is an illusion. Our wills are simply not of our own making. Thoughts and intentions emerge from background causes of which we are unaware and over which we exert no conscious control.” We assume that we could have made other choices in the past, Harris continues, and we also believe that we consciously originate “our thoughts and actions in the present. . . . Both of these assumptions are false.”

Harris backs up his argument by citing a famous EEG experiment conducted by Benjamin Libet and others in the early 80s, which showed that our brain makes decisions before we are conscious of them. He puts it, “activity in the brain’s motor cortex can be detected some 300 milliseconds before a person feels that he has decided to move.”

Harris begins Free Will by citing the case of two murderous psychopaths, Hayes and Komisarjevsky who entered into the Petit family home and committed hideous crimes—beating up the husband and tying him up, driving the wife to the bank to withdraw $15,000, then taking her back home where one of them raped and then strangled her to death. They then proceeded to burn the house, killing the two young daughters inside. Somehow, the husband luckily escaped.

Harris conceded that we would be justified in thinking that they should be put on Death Row, but we should also consider their history. Hayes was remorseful afterwards, and Komisarjevsky was repeatedly raped as a kid. He argues controversially, that if our lives had followed the same pattern as theirs, we would’ve acted in the same way. They were unlucky. Their fate was determined when they had such bad childhoods.

Harris is an atheist and a hard determinist and as such his world is one of a non-believer in anything supernatural, souls or a God, he thinks that all causes are ultimately physical. He argues that since all our choices have prior causes, they are not free; they are determined.

Another view is presented by other philosophers known as compatibilists that include Harris’s friend, Daniel C. Dennet. They believe that “a person is free as long as he is free from any outer or inner compulsions.”

This viewpoint is championed by the Stoics, Thomas Aquinas and Enlightenment philosophers like David Hume and Thomas Hobbes. Compatibilists argue that as long as we have the freedom to act according to our own motivation without coercion or restraint, then we have free will.

What about the issue of Moral Responsibility without free will? 

Sam Harris believes that we are better off morally without the whole notion of free will. He says, “We should accept that even the worst criminals—murderous psychopaths, for example—are in a sense unlucky. They didn’t pick their genes. They didn’t pick their parents. They didn’t create their brains, yet their brains are the source of their intentions and actions.”

In a real sense, their crimes are not their fault. Realising this, we can dispassionately examine how to manage offenders to rehabilitate them, protect society, and reduce future offending.

However according to two psychologists; Kathleen Vohs and Jonathan Schooler, we become morally irresponsible if we believe that free will is an illusion. In 2002, they ran an experiment to see what would happen if people lost their belief in their capacity to choose. The results were conclusive, as when people stopped believing they had free will, they felt they were not to blame for their actions. They consequently acted less responsibly and gave in to their lower instincts.

Another experiment ran by Roy Baumeister extended the findings to prove that students who didn’t believe in free will were less likely to offer their help to a fellow student. They were also less likely to give money to a homeless person. Further studies indicated that not believing in free will led to stress, unhappiness, less creativity and less gratitude.

The feeling I get when I’m powerless to choose makes life somewhat fatalistic and hopeless. It’s like I’m living a Groundhog Day where what I do every day is recurring in a tedious and mundane way.

I find myself agreeing with the psychologists’ findings and the Compatibilists’ point of view. Schopenhauer’s quote at the top encapsulates my belief—We can do what we will, but we are not always in control of the thoughts or choices that are presented to our mind.

The choices my mind offered me came directly from my conditioning; what my parents fed me at home. The thyme bread came from Lebanon, my heritage. From Ghana, the country I was brought up in—the waakye. From the media that I consume—the protein shake.

I had a choice to make from not a thousand different breakfast options but rather from the five that are always on my mind. That day, I chose the protein shake because I’d wanted to get to work earlier than usual and the shake was the fastest way to get some right nutrients into my body.

For us to have more ‘Free Will’ then we need to widen our choices. To do so means we need to broaden our experiences. If during my formative years, I had travelled extensively and sampled much of the local cuisine, then I would have had different choices come into my mind.

Maybe, we don’t have the free will that many think we do, but our life—determined or not—presents us with many choices. The trick is to make the right ones at the right time. Or if we make the wrong ones, then to quickly acknowledge so, correct and reset our path.

What do you think?

How Affirmations Can Help Us Achieve Our Dreams

Affirmation
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“The Lord says: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you,” he screamed at us, quoting Mathew 7:7.

“Today, I’ll teach you how to use Affirmations to manifest your every wish,” Bob Proctor continued.

It was November 2011, and I was at the Bob Proctor Matrixx event. It was at the height of my New Age Spirituality dalliance. I had also watched The Secret and as such Affirmations and the Law of Attraction had become my new plan to fast track achieving my dreams.

In the event, we were first told that we needed to dream big, no matter how unrealistic our dreams were. Then every morning, we should write out our dreams in bold letters, set a specific date for receiving it and finally spend twenty minutes visualising ourselves as if we achieved our wish.

For example, imagine a cheque for $450,000 written out in your name with a fixed date three months down the line. Write that out every morning and visualise receiving the cheque in the mail. Voilà .The cheque will arrive.

I tried it for the next few months.

I wrote down that I wanted my company’s sales numbers to increase by 50% in the next three months. I would do this diligently every day, then spend time afterwards visualising that end of month sales did increase by 50%.

Nothing happened.

Not even a 5% increase.

That quickly sobered me up from my fascination with the many bizarre New Age teachings. I quickly went back to my scientific pragmatic default mode.

However, there was something about Affirmations that still appealed to me. As I learned more about them, I found that there was a way to accommodate Affirmations into my life without it being a magic wand that many gurus were making it out to be.

For me, Affirmations (and the Law of Attraction) work in a more pragmatic way. Like attracts like. If I’m passionate about something, then my energy will allow me to take action and soon everyone and everything would see my passion, then maybe, just maybe the universe will listen to me.

If I wanted my company sales numbers to go up by 50%, then I needed to be so passionate about it that everyone in the company would be infected with my passion. The sales team would increase their efforts—more cold calls, better marketing and effective closing of deals. This would then spill out to the customers and the universe.  Do the work. Visualise results. Rinse, repeat. Then maybe, just maybe the universe would meet me halfway.

Muhammad Ali would tell everyone and himself that he was the greatest until he did become so, but not after dedicating many hours to practice.

Arnold Schwarzenegger in an interview, said that, “When I was very young I visualised myself being and having what it was I wanted. Mentally I never had any doubts about it.”

At 15, he chanced on a bodybuilding magazine and told himself that he wanted to be the best bodybuilder in the world. At the age of 20, he became Mr. Universe. He then told himself he wanted to be a Hollywood star and at the age of 35, he became an immediate star with “Conan the Barbarian”.

He also declared that he wanted to become the President of the USA, and if it wasn’t for the fact that he was born in Austria and not America, then he probably would’ve. However, he did become Governor of California in 2003 at the age of 56, a position that is probably bigger than being the president of many other countries.

True, Schwarzenegger used affirmations for about twenty minutes a day, but he then spent the rest of his conscious time putting in the work to achieve his dreams.

Unfortunately, affirmations because of their association with many weird spiritual teachers and practices have had a bad rap.

Affirmations work when we think of them as simply directing our subconscious or self-talk. Our subconscious is being continually influenced by the people around us, and by the constant influx of information from our environment—advertising, television and the internet.

So why not influence it with our wishes too? The more we believe in ourselves and our dreams, the more we can get what we want.

Affirmations not only familiarise us with our wishes but also serve as inspiration—setting a direction and a reminder for where and who we want to be.

Most importantly, if we are willing to show up, do the work that would get us to our dreams, then affirmations will assist us in getting what we want.

Here are the best ways to use affirmations in a practical way using my current big affirmation as a case study:

I’m committed to writing a new book by the end of 2019.

  1. What Actions are you Committed to Taking?

Write down or visualise the actions that you are willing to commit to and not what you wish to receive. This is completely opposite to how many gurus teach affirmations.

I’m committed to writing, reading and improving my writing. This would mean I have to sacrifice more social events, close an hour early from work and rise earlier by an hour.

  1. Why are you Committed to Your Actions?

Affirmation must have meaning for you. The thing that you want or affirming in your life must mean something to you. You want to avoid chasing other people’s dreams as sooner or later, you will find that what you wanted is fake.

I love writing and want to have a second book where I can now share my new evolved thoughts with the world. Writing, reading and sharing with my readers gives me tremendous joy—something I can do for the rest of my life. When writing I understand thought concepts better. When sharing my writings, I help others pause and think in their otherwise busy lives.

  1. What are the Specific Actions that you are Committed to Taking?

Affirmations need to be tangible and specific. To say something that’s general like “I’m wealthy and I feel money coming into my life,” is absolutely useless and won’t get you anywhere. Rather describe in specifics what actions are you committed to taking.

I’m committed to reading every day for an hour first thing in the morning, studying the craft of writing once a week on Saturday mornings for two hours and finally writing every day from 5-6.30pm.

  1. Set a Date and be Specific for when to take Actions.

It’s important to have dates or cut-off points as that automatically makes you focus towards that date. You thus own the actions you said you’d commit to.

I’m committed to handing in a finished manuscript on 31st December 2019. I will also have intermediate dates like first draft to be complete by 31st October 2019.

  1. Write them down every Morning and recite them with Emotion.

Writing things down has power and it signals an importance to your subconscious mind. It’s as if when you write stuff down, then you prioritise the actions. Again, the recital is so that you can impress on your subconscious mind.

I’ve been doing this since March of this year. And when I recite them, I make sure that there’s no one in the room to hear me scream them out.

  1. Constantly Update and Evolve your Affirmations.

Our dreams and goals change and evolve over time. When one is achieved then we move onto something else. Let’s say a successful business person wants to have more romance in their life as in becoming successful, they had neglected their personal life, but are ready now.  Their affirmations will change to reflect their new ‘want.’

At the end of the year, I will look at where I’m at with the book and if I’m done then I’d find a new affirmation to aid me for my next wish. I currently have three main affirmations; health, work and my writing.

Affirmations do work. When affirmations are looked at in the above six ways, they become part of our artillery to go after our goal and not just a mere wish. The universe wants us to get into action before it can help us and act on our behalf.

I won’t scream at you on how to use affirmations, I’d rather whisper to you to start using them in the pragmatic ways above.

Start affirming today!

Why We Must Feel Insignificant Before We Become Significant

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Photo Credit: Greg Rakozy/Unsplash

“We are inconsequential cosmic dust, bumping and milling about on a tiny blue speck. We imagine our own importance. We invent our purpose–we are nothing.” — Mark Manson

A few years ago, I was under pressure at work, and I was impatient for results. I berated and belittled the efforts of an employee at the company I manage. I kept my tirade going for a few minutes until I realized that tears were flowing down her cheeks.

My ego was in survival mode, screaming at me that my company’s problems were the only significant thing right now. Nothing else mattered. Not the hurt I caused. Not the fact that I embarrassed her and myself in front of the rest of the team.

True, the ego is a survival mechanism. If we don’t see ourselves at the centre of the Universe, we won’t protect ourselves and would lose the incentive to stay alive.

However, the reality is that we would be better served to zoom out, taking a step back and realize that most of what we perceive as fears, dangers or problems pale into insignificance with perspective.

We overcome many of our fears. Most of the perceived dangers never materialise. Most problems get solved sooner or later.

Instead of fooling ourselves into believing our self-importance and wasting our energy putting others down, it would be better to act with humility, be kind, and supportive of each other.

The Pale Blue Dot

On February 14, 1990, the ‘Voyager 1’ probe was about 3.7 Billion miles from Earth and approximately 32 degrees above the ecliptic plane, when it captured this portrait of our world. The result was a hazy image of Earth surrounded by the enormity of space.

pale blue dot
Photo Credit: medium.com

In seeing the image, the late astronomer Carl Sagan said:

“Look again at that dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there–on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam. The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

The ego is the total of all our fears, worries and negative thoughts and provides the incessant inner voice that doubts us and holds us back from whatever opportunity of bewilderment, intuition and awe we might have come our way.

As such it’s always looking for validation and wants to convince us that we are the most important organism in the world when the reality is that we are nothing, but ‘inconsequential cosmic dust.’

If I had taken a step back from my anger and fear, I would have realized that my tirade was unacceptable. The ’tough boss’ image that was a mask didn’t reflect my real inner being and the compassion that I have for my employees.

The mask was instead the false self-image that we represent, and we get trapped into negatively living our lives, which usually means thinking we are the sole reason for the creation of the Universe.

This false self-image is built early on in our lives by the many conditioned beliefs we carry with us. All those paradigms when not worked on crystallize into limiting and self-defeating beliefs and so create the mask that we wear throughout our lives.

For us to acknowledge our uniqueness, power, and authenticity, we must overcome and transcend the ego and go to a place where our truths reside.

We can do so by accepting our own insignificance and that in the grand scheme of things, we hardly matter.

Only then can we start appreciating the Principle of Entanglement that states, “everything—humans, stars, galaxies—is connected to an invisible energy in a place beyond space and time.”

When we give to others, we bring them closer to us, and we also feel connected to them. We feel a sense of universal community, rather than a short-lived feeling of self-importance.

Let’s be kinder with one another, and “cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known.”

How Walking like a Parisian Flâneur opened my eyes

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But the beauty is in the walking — we are betrayed by destinations.

― Gwyn Thomas

Featured on Elephant Journal

It’s the sixth day of a writing course, and I haven’t written a single word yet. Deadline day is looming, and I’m finding it difficult to get started. Writers surround me: teachers, colleagues and weird people in cafes. I’m in Paris for God’s sake! This is where everyone gets inspired to write. I’m away from the stress of my business and the mundaneness of my life. The environment is perfect for writing.

I read somewhere there is nothing like writer’s block, but rather it’s when there are deeper issues that trouble us which then impend our freedom to write.

I take a break from staring at the blank computer to get some fresh air and decide to take a walk to clear my thoughts, and without knowing where I’m going. The sun sets late in the Parisian summers and the long days make walking not just appealing but also soul nourishing. I decide that there will be no writing today and that thought alone frees me.

I wander through the streets of Paris like a true flâneur —a term coined by Charles Baudelaire. It means to saunter through the city aimlessly experiencing it through our senses, removing ourselves from the world and putting ourselves into the heart of a city and becoming one with it.

I find myself in front of the Jardin du Luxembourg. The gardens are spread over many acres. All kinds of flowers bloom in different colors, offering differing scents that urge creativity whenever you breathe. I look around and see people laughing, children playing and lovers kissing. Most of all I see and feel life, and it’s everywhere. No one seems to care that I can’t write.

The gardens are full of pigeons that look merry and busy. One approaches me and turns its head towards me, and it must be the fattest bird I’ve ever seen. I’m sure it’s all the croissants and baguettes the birds get to eat when people flock to the gardens. This big one looks me straight in the eye as if mocking me, then hops away, too lazy to fly off.

I walk towards the huge colonnades of trees on the other side. The gardens in front of the trees are beautifully mowed and look like one big green carpet. I look at the trees now directly above me, and a slight breeze brushes my face. I’m in complete awe of this moment, and I feel all the stress I’ve brought over with me, slowly dissipate into the thin air.

I’m feeling much better now and continue my discovery of Paris, and I’m astonished how history finds me on every road, nook and alley of this city and I find myself outside the University of Paris-Sorbonne, where Victor Hugo and many other notable figures went to.

I take a right at the end of the Pantheon and walk for a while to find myself in Place Contrescarpe. I’m in front of a Patisserie Pascal Pinaud, and a strawberry tart jumps out at me. I sit down for a coffee and the sugar that I crave.

On my right, an old lady is reading an English book and she smiles at me. I ask her if this was the area that Hemingway frequented and she points out to a plaque that is approximately twenty metres away, which shows where Hemingway lived with Hadley, his first wife when they moved to Paris.

I recall how one day my son asked me why my sudden passion for writing. Was it out of loneliness? Perhaps, but maybe, I finally reached a time when I couldn’t bottle up any more of my thoughts, feelings and words and they had to come out.

I had lived most of my life pursuing success, money and prestige. I had been like a robot using only my mind to keep my feet firmly on the material side of life while ignoring my heart. Writing seems to have been something that lay dormant in me; it was hidden deep in the crevasses of my heart, waiting to explode like a wild volcanic eruption.

At first, I started journaling early in the morning, trying to decipher my dreams and to look at my previous day’s actions. However, it then grew into something much more, helping me to look at my feelings and how they affected my actions.

I have been transformed emotionally and slowly releasing myself from the shackles that have held me back since childhood. I’ve started aligning my feelings and actions. The more I do that, the more I feel free and the closer I get to my true self. And the further away I get from my old inauthentic ways of living.

I think about Hemingway and how he would write early in the morning before hitting the cafes. I loved the way especially in those early Paris years how dedicated and passionate he was to become a great writer. It was true he loved to drink and have a good time, but many forget the hours he “bled on the typewriter,” and the joy he got after writing a few good hours.

It must have been a wonderful time to live in this part of Paris surrounded by the”lost generation”–the many writers, poets, painters and musicians that would shape our world for the next hundred years.

I turn around to say goodbye to the old woman, but she has left. I get up and stroll around to notice a vendor wearing dark trousers and a navy blue shirt with a short apron on top. He is beaming, and his smile is not only inviting but exudes joy. He talks in rapid French to a couple of locals, and I can’t understand a word. He holds a purple aubergine in his hands, and I imagine he is explaining how fresh it is (having just received his consignment only a few hours ago) and how best to cook it.

He does this with such passion that I want to buy the aubergine, myself, even though I wouldn’t know what to do with it. I just keep watching him for a while as he connects with people. He obviously loves what he is doing.

I am envious—I want to be free enough to get lost in the present moment. I wonder if writing could become the platform that would make me feel authentic to myself, where I could finally lose my analytical thoughts and become more present.

All the walking not only cleared my mind but allowed many new thoughts to surface. I was now having a hard time containing all my thoughts.I enter one of those quintessential Parisian cafes, La Gueuze, and bring out my laptop to capture my thoughts.

I sit next to three youngsters drinking beers that are larger than their backpacks. Everyone sits facing the outside; it’s like no one in Paris wants to miss out on what’s happening out there.

I sip my glass of Bordeaux and wonder if this is how my future is going to be, walking, discovering cities by foot and then sitting in cafes writing all about it.

6 Lessons I’ve Learned About Life Through Writing

lessons
Photo Credit: David Clode

Published by Elephant Journal

Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing. Benjamin Franklin

I am a born-again writer, and it’s been nearly three years since I started to write. Writing was a passion that had lain dormant; it was hidden deep in the crevasses of my heart, waiting to explode like a wild volcanic eruption.

This love affair with writing has taken me from depressing lows that I can’t wish on anyone to ecstatic new heights. It’s a love story that can rival that of Henry Miller and Anais Nin.

My journey started with writing my “Morning Pages” as heralded by Julia Cameron in The Artist’s Way. I would decipher my dreams and go on to analyze my previous day’s actions and take a deeper look into the fears that were holding me back. It also allowed me to celebrate my wins and constantly reminded me of why I loved myself.

Writing has transformed me and released me from the shackles that have held me back since childhood. It has led to many of my spiritual trysts where I meet my true self and feel the power of grace within me. It has penetrated deep into my soul, always asking and forever searching for the best way for me to be authentic.

I am still in my toddler years as a writer, but already writing has taught me many lessons that I can apply in my life. It has stripped me of my arrogant egoic ways and taken me out the closed-box mentality that was me for so many years.

These are the lessons that I’ve learned from writing:

1. Pain is part of life and nothing to fear.

“When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” —Kurt Vonnegut

Writing is often painful, gut-wrenching, energy sapping and can ruin self-esteem. I hate it when I don’t write as the thought of not doing so hangs over me like a shadow, judging me, labelling me as a loser. I hate it when my mind compares the normalcy of day to day things like doing errands, earning a living, and socializing with the power and allure of doing something I love.

“There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.”- Ernest Hemingway.

Writing is simple but not easy. I hate it when it’s so hard that words get stuck in my throat, chest and heart and their flow from mind to fingers typing away become restricted.

However, the rewards and personal growth I do get from writing makes up for all the pain. It has shown me that pain is often the doorway to awareness and change in our lives. It’s something that’s more powerful than happiness.

How can we grow without pain? What kind of life is living without heartache, tears and blood?

2. Vulnerability is power

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” -Virginia Woolf

Writing has allowed me to understand why being vulnerable makes me a better man. I am eager to share my thoughts, travails, and success. I want to be heard, and show my true self to the world.

I’ve let down the heavy armour I’ve worn since my adolescence and unveiled my emotional fragility. I now recognise that vulnerability is not weakness but rather, a great power that makes us more connected to others and more engaged in life. I want to feel my way into life, rather than sit behind a mask watching life pass me by.

“And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.” John Steinbeck, East of Eden

The thought that there is no perfection in life has liberated me as I now appreciate that life is about being present and being ourselves.

Vulnerability allows us to dig deep into ourselves leading us to our core where all uncertainty, excitement, and meaningful experiences exist. We have a better chance of unravelling the gems that hide beneath the many layers of our ego.

3) Self-Discipline and Grit protects our passion.

“At its best, the sensation of writing is that of any unmerited grace. It is handed to you, but only if you look for it. You search, you break your heart, your back, your brain, and then — and only then — it is handed to you.”—Annie Dillard

We need a strong will and discipline in life to be able to achieve our goals. People assume that just because someone enjoys whatever they are doing means fewer hours of hard work. On the contrary, the people who enjoy what they do and are good at it, whether that’s writing, singing or starting a new business have the steely determination to put in the hard hours.

They realise that the sense of joy will follow when they remain disciplined and committed to that practice. And that the muse will only appear when we prove our diligence and focus deeply on the practice at hand.

The discipline instilled within allows us to turn failures into stepping stones and rejection becomes a detour to bigger and better opportunities.

I’ve had to sacrifice certain things in my life, like social activities but I’ve optimized my life so that I can focus more on my writing. Now, things that don’t mean much to me are slowly losing their value and fading away from my life.

4) Joy is a state of being

“It’s the most satisfying occupation man has discovered yet because you never can quite do it as well as you want to, so there’s always something to wake up tomorrow morning to do.”—William Faulkner

Writing has led me to several experiences that I call spiritual ones. I find myself in “flow” where time just passes and I can feel my heart is singing. The joy I get from completing my job is something I can hardly put into words.

This kind of joy is not like fleeting moments of happiness but something more, an overlying feeling that encapsulates my being, arming me with a deep knowing that I matter in this world, that I belong and most importantly that I am loved.

Listening to some soft classical music and writing early in the morning when I’m all alone before most people are awake remains one of the most joyful experiences that I achieve.

5) The universe is mysterious and on our side

“Understanding is not a piercing of the mystery, but an acceptance of it, a living blissfully with it, in it, through and by it.”—Henry Miller

I often get a thought, an idea on what to write about. It’s usually a question that I want some answers for in my own life. I set an intention to write, for example, about Emotional Intelligence.

Suddenly my mind is flooded with new and different ideas. Also links, books and emails arrive serendipitously to aid me in writing my piece. It’s like the Universe has been invoked to come to my help.

I often start writing about a topic and find myself writing something completely different to what I had intended. I read it again and again and it’s like someone else was writing and it’s a new insight that I never thought about before I started typing away.

6) Serving Humanity makes us grow

“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say.”F. Scott Fitzgerald

Writing has taught me that we all have something to say, something to give and a role to play in life. We are all somehow, connected and as such the more we do give back, the more we grow as human beings.

We often look at the famous writers, billionaires, and social entrepreneurs and think that they are the ones whose duty is to give. We shun our responsibility to give back and more importantly lose the opportunity to grow as human beings.

Writing an article that inspires one person to pursue change and become a better person is as necessary as Bill Gates pledging billions to help eradicate Malaria in Africa within a generation.

The lessons I’ve learned in writing apply to whatever we choose to do in life, whether that’s setting up a business, singing or working at a job we love.

Life is all about finding the platform where we become our authentic selves, which allows us to explore our potential, get us out of our comfort zones so that we can grow in serving humanity.

5 Attributes We Need to Get to Become Emotionally Intelligent

Emotional-Intelligence
Photo Credit: Tim Marshall

Published by Elephant Journal

“Emotions can get in the way or get you on the way”
― Mavis Mazhura

I was sitting in a school board meeting. Things were getting heated; Voices were being raised and heads were shaking as egos battled it out and there was no agreement on the proposed motion. I was agitated and felt wronged as my opinion was being ignored. I was ready to scream at the next person who would speak out.

Suddenly, Tim, who was usually quiet, spoke up. His voice was soft, calm and yet assertive. We all kept quiet and listened as he continued to moderate our arguments and followed up by explaining each viewpoint. Within thirty minutes, we all came to a consensus.

Tim was “Emotionally Intelligent” and I was not.

This concept of emotional intelligence was championed by Daniel Goleman, Ph.D., a well-known writer and researcher on leadership who wrote the best-seller Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

He went on to confirm why many people with a high IQ were outperformed by many with good social intelligence in the workplace, schools and homes. Emotional intelligence is something that is intangible and difficult to measure. It is a road map to achieving the results we want in our life and can lead us to live a fulfilling life.

What exactly is Emotional Intelligence? Psychology Today says it’s:

  1. The ability to accurately identify your own emotions, as well as those of others.
  2. The ability to utilise emotions and apply them to tasks, like thinking and problem-solving.
  3. The ability to manage emotions, including controlling your own, as well as the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

However, for us to understand Emotional Intelligence then we need to embrace the five components below:

  1. Self-Awareness

People who are self-aware understand their emotions and as such don’t allow themselves to let their feelings get out of control. They reflect on themselves regularly, recognising what they are good at and what they aren’t.

They know when to maximise their strengths and how to manage their weaknesses so it doesn’t hold them back. They appreciate that there is nothing called perfection and admit their vulnerability, and take responsibility of their mistakes as much as their successes.

In Brené Brown’s  TED Talk, the Power of Vulnerability, she explains how  embracing our imperfections raises our self-awareness.

2.Self-Regulation

Self-regulation is where we manage and control our emotions, moods and reactions. These people take a few deep breaths to think before reacting and as such respond much better to challenging situations.

They don’t allow anger, jealousy or some other form of fear to affect their decisions and are conscious of their reactions knowing why they reacted in a certain manner. They are comfortable saying no, and lead well-balanced lives. They usually eat well, get plenty of sleep and have many interests outside their work or relationships.

In the above example at the school board meeting, Tim displayed his self-regulatory way of thinking by not only controlling his emotions but being able to direct all of us to an agreement.

3.Motivation

This is the ability to push ourselves towards our goals, harnessing our emotions to take action, commit and follow through with them.

Self-discipline and willpower are important attributes of their character as they are willing to forgo instant gratification for long-term results. They are highly productive, effective and positive about life and don’t allow people or situations to bring them down. They are very much results-oriented.

Tony Robbins is a world renowned motivational speaker and author. He has authored many self-help books, including Awaken the Giant Within. I’ve been to one of his events, Unleash the power from within, and I can confidently say he’s one who lives by what he preaches. His ability to push his fans to achieve goals is matched only by what he’s done in motivating himself.

4.Empathy

This is the ability of people to not only listen to others but also to discern and understand people’s feelings to such an extent, that they put themselves in the other’s shoes. They don’t stereotype and judge but rather are willing to accept all kinds of opinions and viewpoints. They are open, honest and have a great ability to manage relationships.

Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Dalai Lama are great symbols for empathy, but there are many around us, who often surprise us with how genuine and empathetic they are. They make us feel safe, heard and that we do matter in this life.

5.Social Skills

These are the team players, who park their egos aside and focus on developing others instead. They are great communicators, manage disputes and are great at building and maintaining relationships. They adapt quickly to situations and aren’t afraid of change and are curious about life and what it has to offer.

My colleague Allison displays this kind of leadership; a smile is always on her face, making it easy for anyone to approach her. She continually asks of the well being of her staff and is the first to praise them for doing a good job yet she knows how and when to criticize them.

Emotional intelligence is something we can learn and cultivate in our lives. We are usually stronger with one aspect than the other but we can develop all five so that we become better leaders of our lives, whether at our workplace, our home or our environment.

It can also help guide us in any circumstances we find ourselves, whether we are bankers, business owners, mothers, friends, artists or people living simple lives traversing the joys and vicissitudes of life.

It’s not something that is easy to accomplish within a few months but rather it’s a journey over many years. It’s a roadmap of “How” to live our lives, rather than the “Why” or “What” of life.

7 Questions That Help Us Delve Deep Into Knowing Thyself

know thyself
Photo Credit: Mi Pham

Published by Elephant Journal

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the clearer we become. When we are looking for a partner, we ask everything about them: from their likes to their dislikes.

We want to know every little detail; what excites them, what puts a smile on their face, what makes them tick.We become curious about the books they read and the movies they watch; we crave to become aquainted with everything that makes them who they are.

However, when it comes to ourselves, we presume we know it all, without dedicating enough time and effort to research ourselves. We allow the world to judge us, give us titles and names that don’t apply to our true selves. We end up being tagged and put into a compartment that isolates us for many years and stops us from finding what our true aspirations are.

What were we like when we were growing up?

What interests or practices do we completely lose ourselves in?

What are our strengths and weaknesses? And most importantly what are our aspirations—How do we imagine our lives to be?

Often, the quickest way to get to know ourselves is when we face a traumatic situation, or when our backs are against the wall, or when we are thrown in at the deep end at a new job. Our ego is cast aside as we need to learn quickly about ourselves and handle the emergency on hand.

However, most of the time that’s not the case, and we need to be proactive and stir the pot to start discovering who we truly are by simply asking meaningful questions about ourselves.

“Know Thyself” was inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago. The wisdom of those two words still speaks loudly today.

I’ve found that when we take some time off, preferably for a few days to sit alone and analyse ourselves as we would on any other subject, we get to know a lot about ourselves and kick-start an adventure of self-discovery that lasts a lifetime.

These are some tests and questions to start the process:

1) Do a Personality test.

The Myers-Brigg test is not the only way to analyse our personality, but it’s been used extensively in the corporate world for almost fifty years now and gives us a fair idea of who we truly are.

There are many variations and sites, but I’ve found the 16personalites.com to be a good one.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to recharge my batteries.

That was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) What are our strengths?

Positive Psychology has dominated our lives for the last few decades, and it’s simply the study of what makes us happy and the activities that we can do more off to infuse that spark in our lives.

Martin Seligman is the founding father of Positive Psychology and his insistence on finding our strengths and maximizing them has supported the self-help field that is so prevalent today.We need to discover our strengths and try to find ways to activate them in our lives and contrastingly not to focus on our weaknesses but just manage them.We need not glorify our weaknesses.

His now famous VIA signature strengths test has been completed by millions.

My top strength turned out to be my love of learning, and it explains why I’m happy to be continually learning even in my mid-forties. My second strength was the curiosity I have for the world which validates my longing to travel and to understand everything the world has to offer. My third strength is wisdom, which comes as no surprise since my first existential questions started when I was ten.

3) What are our core values?

Values are core beliefs that we have developed over the years. They are the ethics that we feel so strongly about and the points of view that we find ourselves arguing for in conversations. They are what drive us from the minute we open our eyes, till the moment we sleep.

Our beliefs are often complicated by our upbringing, society, and the effect that the media has on us, and as such we need to dig deep and find what truly are our values. We should avoid the ones that would make us fit in with our peer group and rather choose what is authentic to us.

I’ve found the short E-book, Aligning with your core values by Tim Brownson to be very useful in identifying my values.

I’m very clear on mine after years of defining them by learning and looking out for what I feel strongly about. My values include self- control, growth, freedom, wisdom, inner peace, creativity and authenticity.

4) Who do you look up to? Who are your mentors? Who inspires you?

I appreciate social entrepreneurship and what it offers to the world because it covers most of my values. And as such I’m always inspired by people who create ingenious ideas to give back to our society.

Muhammad Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank also won the 2006 Nobel Prize for his efforts in providing microcredit loans to those in need to help them develop financial self-sufficiency in poor developing countries like his home country Bangladesh.

I also admire my late grandfather who would act like a modern day Robin Hood by asking for money from the wealthy and then buying essential foods, and personally delivering to all the poor and homeless in Tyre, Lebanon. He wore the same clothes, drove a very old car and continued doing what he did well into his eighties.

5).   What makes you happiest in your life? What excites you? What do you do that makes you feel invincible?

When I’m sitting alone, and I’m writing a poem or prose, it comes naturally and deep from my heart, and I know my words will touch many hearts, that is when I’m at my happiest.

I believe in the power of words and the effect they can have on inspiring people and when I see people inspired to change and to claim their authenticity then that makes me feel invincible.

6) What careers do you find yourself dreaming of?

I dream of impacting the world with my writing the way Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Ernest Hemingway have. Their words touch people’s hearts and are immortal, affecting generation after generation. Their writings and words are a pathway to reach our souls, and that’s the path I want to be in all my life.

7) If you were able to be a member of the audience at your own funeral (in 100 years or so) what would you want to hear people say?

I want people to say that I’ve inspired many to find their rightful paths—their long road back to their hidden inner beings. I want to be remembered for leading the authenticity revolution amidst the clamor and noise for living other people’s lives and values.

I want to be known for waking people up to the simple fact that it’s not always about the money, the success and accumulations of possessions and achievements. Rather in the words of Abraham Maslow, I want everyone to “become who they must be.”

6 Ways to Change Our Programmed Subconscious Behaviours

Tip of the Iceberg
Photo By © Ralph A. Clevenger/CORBIS

“Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.”-Napoleon Hill

She was late for dinner. Immediately, my thoughts spiralled out of control and my “thinking mind” was playing havoc with me from calling her irresponsible to downright untrustworthy. She then arrived, all smiles, kissed me and gave me a big hug. Suddenly she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. All my negative thoughts faded and were replaced with pleasing thoughts.

What makes our thoughts so sharply bipolar? How can she go from being untrustworthy to the love of my life in mere seconds?

Thoughts are neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that are released by the brain to allow it to communicate with parts of itself and the nervous system. Thoughts control all our body’s functions and our emotions which in turn affect our behaviour and results.

Scientific research has confirmed the power of thoughts and how they affect our behaviour. However, the most telling thing about how our mind works is that almost 90% of those electrical signals being formed are done so without our conscious consent or to be exact, they occur at the sub-conscious level.

We have two separate minds:

The Conscious mind which represents 5% of our mind is the thinking mind, where we think freely and can accept or reject any idea. It gets information from our five senses and is rooted in the present. E.g. When crossing the road, we hear a car approaching, and we immediately stop.

The Subconscious mind is like a super computer stored with a database of programmed behaviours, most of which we acquired between birth and the age of six. Almost 95% of our thoughts, decisions, emotions, and actions are influenced from the programming in our subconscious mind.

In the example above, my thoughts went astray as our relationship was still new and I was insecure. The programming in my subconscious from a previous relationship which broke down on the grounds of mistrust came into play.

The subconscious is basically running our lives and most of the time we are unaware of our behaviour, and if not addressed quickly enough, our thoughts crystallize into core beliefs which become almost impossible to shift.

However, science has shown that though it’s difficult, we can reprogram the subconscious mind by using some of the techniques below.

1.Stillness of the conscious mind

Our conscious mind is often so noisy that we can’t hear the whispers and murmurs that emanate from the subconscious. Meditation and mindfulness give us the calm and inner peace we often need so that our mind becomes clear enough to open communication between the two minds.

2. Notice Our Environment

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”-Jim Rohn.

Often we find that there are certain people around us, who are well-intentioned but create so much noise around our being that we can’t have the peace and quiet we need.

We can’t leave our conscious minds open to toxic people and negative situations. It’s not easy trying to quit smoking when all our friends smoke. Conversely, it’s much easier to develop a good eating habit when those around you eat well.

I often escape to the beach alone or sit in a quiet place surrounded by birds, trees and the wind where I can purify my conscious mind and so that it can be clear and efficient in affecting the subconscious.

3) Reflection and observation

We need to look at our behaviours so that we are aware of the results in our lives. In this way, we can start catching ourselves when we are in the midst of a tantrum, or during an eating binge that opposes the actions we want. The more we reflect on our results, the more we know where we are headed.

As soon as I find myself getting frustrated or angry, I stop immediately, retreat and take three deep breaths. This action alone has saved me countless moments of rage, anger and going the wrong way.

4) Creating Habits

“In every area of life — from your education to your work to your health — it is your amount of grit, mental toughness, and perseverance predicts your level of success more than any other factor we can find.”-James Clear

Repetition is key to reprogramming the subconscious mind, and so it’s important that we persist in whatever we are trying to impress onto the subconscious mind.

Whether it’s creating new positive behaviours or replacing old negative ones, then the best way to do so is by incorporating habits into our lives.

It’s smarter to split habits into smaller wins so that we make sure we can remain consistent with our actions.

For example, I have created a habit of writing for 30 minutes each day, something that is not so difficult but after six consecutive months, I’ve started reaping the benefits as my writing has improved tremendously, and I’m getting published regularly.

5) Visualisation

The mind doesn’t know if we are doing something or not and the more we visualize or imagine the desired outcome than the more neural pathways in our brain that we altar and as such we are rewiring our brains.

Michael Phelps, American swimmer and the most decorated Olympian of all time visualized his races in detail, and usually many times a day.  He would “play the movie” over and over so that all of the little things could be done as perfectly as possible, and with as little conscious thought as possible.

6) Taking action

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

If visualization has been proved by science, to rewire our brains, then taking action is likely to have an even larger impact. There is nothing like taking the plunge and getting out of our comfort zone for us to yield the best results in change.

I committed to run four times a week and for four weeks and after a month I had cultivated the habit of running.

We have the power to change our behaviours only when we recognize that we need to address the subconscious, emotional mind through our conscious thinking mind.

We can’t control our past programming, but we can from this moment on, start to create new behaviours by consistently marking the subconscious mind with the actions and results that we want in our lives.

9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

“Two people have been living in you all of your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, and calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.”

-Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Published by Elephant Journal

I was under pressure at work, and I was impatient for results. I berated and belittled the efforts of an employee at the company I manage. I kept my tirade going for a few minutes until I realized that tears were flowing down her cheeks. I was overcome with sorrow and regret and even though I was right to be frustrated, my response was over the top.

For the first time, I realized how I had portrayed an image of ‘the tough boss”. It was a mask that didn’t reflect my true inner being and the compassion that I have for my employees. I was used to being the “tough boss”, a role; I just didn’t know how to let go.

Ego is necessary and important because it defines our sense of self, clarifies our boundaries and develops our personality while protecting our fragile inner self from disappointment, rejection, and other harm caused by society and circumstances around us.

However, the ego is more often the false self-image that we represent, and we get trapped into living our lives in a negative way. It is built early on in our lives by the many conditioned beliefs we carry with us. All those paradigms when not worked on crystallize into limiting and self-defeating beliefs and so create the mask that we wear throughout our lives.

The ego always needs validation and identification with a form to remain nourished and to grow. Its growth directly opposes any feeling of inner peace and harmony we can feel as it’s trying to conceal our truths. It’s manipulative and often creates a false and fickle self-worth.

The ego is the total of all our fears, worries and negative thoughts and provides the incessant inner voice that doubts us and holds us back from whatever opportunity of bewilderment, intuition and awe we might have come our way.

For us to acknowledge our uniqueness, power, and authenticity, then we must overcome and transcend the ego and go to a place where our truths reside. We can do so by letting go and becoming aware of the false masks we often wear that lead to our egoic behavior.

These are 9 ways to tame the ego:

1. Let go of the need to win, to be right and superior

Winning, being perfect and becoming superior are unattainable and as such when we crave them, we are validating our ego, and its behaviour. We need to focus on doing what gives us contentment, embrace compassion and what brings peace to any situation.

The world is not divided into winners and losers and in the eyes of God, we are all equal and to think otherwise will lead us to feel miserable as we often judge ourselves the hardest. What starts as a superiority outlook quickly turns into feeling despairingly inferior?

In my example mentioned above, my need to be right was of little consequence when it meant hurting another human being.

“When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

2. Stop Identification with ‘The Perfect Body Image.’

Society, the media and consumerism want us to believe that people with six packs and great bodies are better than the rest of us. The reality is that the more we obsess with having the perfect body image, the less complete of a person we become.

I run and work out regularly, but I do so to remain healthy, and because I enjoy it. I listen to my body’s needs, rather than push it hard so that I can have a model’s six-pack. My body image doesn’t define who I am.

3. Stop Identification with Achievements.

We are not our achievements but rather who we become and how we feel when we achieve things. We quickly get bored with the millions, the titles, the mountains we scale, the races we ran, if they don’t give us a feeling of contentment.

There is a big game being played out in the universe, and we are just a minute part of it. There is a mysterious power that guides us to many of our achievements, and we are only observers meant to experience those journeys, but the ego in us prevents us from accepting this reasoning.

I broke my hand in a freak accident, and it led to me start running instead of going to the gym. Running a half-marathon race remains one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had.

4. Stop Identification with luxury labels

Many equate their self-worth with the car they drive, the first class flights they travel on and the Chanel bag they own. As we become aware of our Egoic behaviour, we start to notice how futile it is to believe that a designer labelled item can increase our self-worth. We rather find that this route will lead us to a never-ending abyss that can never be satisfied–The mantra of ego is more.

I promised myself to buy a Rolex watch when I made a certain amount of money. I enjoyed the watch for a few weeks and then suddenly stopped wearing it. I finally sold it, as looking at it made me feel very shallow and materialistic.

5. We are not our reputation

Our reputation or what people think of us doesn’t create our success or serve us whatsoever, as it’s something outside our control. All the great people who made a difference in our world were headstrong and ignored all the criticism and acclaim of society.

Steve Jobs stayed on course towards Apple’s vision, in producing beautiful products and did not allow the business world to influence his ideas. He met many setbacks, not least being ousted from the company he founded but returned triumphant making Apple the number one company in the world.

6. We are not our thoughts or emotions

“Rule your mind or it will rule you”- Buddha

The livelihood of the ego is in fear. The more we worry or get anxious, the more we fall prey to the ego’s hold. We must recognise that most of our fears are unwarranted, and that worrying itself is an exercise in futility.

On the day that I travel, I’m usually anxious and worry so much because I don’t like change and yet the moment the plane doors shut and it takes off, I lose my anxiety and laugh at myself for being worried the whole day.

7. Don’t take things personally.

When someone doesn’t greet us, or they don’t share our opinion, then our ego tries to convince us that they are attacking us personally. The reality is that life is not only about me, myself and I.

Most of the times we are not victimised, and it’s rather our imagination controlled by our ego that leads us astray leaving us to blame others instead of giving our best.

8. Respond and don’t react

We face many situations where our ego urges us to react rather than take a few breaths to calm down and see the big picture, which then enables us to respond in a more thoughtful way.

Why react to an angry driver who insults us for no apparent reason? If they act out of ego, then when we don’t react, we often bring out the rationality in them, and they see themselves as petty and often apologise.

9. Stop putting people down

Putting people down continually and seeing the worst in their actions reflects poorly on us as we only do so to make ourselves feel better. Criticism is sometimes important to motivate and correct, but it becomes devastating in its effect when it’s done solely to condemn.

Research suggests that a 5:1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones is the best way to motivate employees in the workplace, and that is something that can be extended to our relationships and our self-talk.

Once we find the courage to tame our ego and transcend towards our true authentic self, we start to connect with everything and everyone on an intimate level. We recognise that our ego is not keeping us safe but rather separate from our reality.

We come face to face with our true authentic self and awaken to the aliveness within us and return to that “Hidden Spiritual Being.” 

11 Quotes By Kahlil Gibran That Are Indelibly Stamped In My Heart.

prophet

Published by Elephant Journal

There is one book I carry with me wherever I go-The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran.

Every time I read a few pages, I start to feel an inner tingling in my heart, and my soul starts chirping like the nightingale he so lyrically describes. It’s true that I cling to his words harder than the average person, because we both come from Lebanon. However, his great fame and works both as a poet and an artist has had a profound effect on many people around the world.

Gibran wrote in both Arabic and English, and his best work was produced in the era of the roaring twenties in New York, USA. He was influenced by the free thought and exuberance of that time, and he was regularly associated with W.B. Yeats, Carl Jung and August Rodin. His seminal book The Prophet is amongst the best-selling books of all time after the Bible and Shakespeare’s collections.

Though his books were initially ignored by critics, they have influenced world leaders like J.F.Kennedy, The Beatles and many millions around the globe.There is both simplicity and beauty to his writings that reach far and wide. They offer spiritual and philosophical musings on God, love, family, work, death and many other threads that unite humanity.

Below are 11 quotes from Gibran that I read regularly, and that are indelibly stamped in my heart:

1) “Your daily life is your temple and your religion.”
2)“You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.”
3)“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
4)“Your children are not your children.
They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you.
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.”
5)“Some of you say, “Joy is greater than sorrow,” and others say, “Nay, sorrow is the greater.”
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.Together they come, and when one sits alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.”
6)“You give but little when you give of your possessions.It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.”
7)“I love you when you bow in your mosque, kneel in your temple, pray in your church. For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.”
8)“No man can reveal to you aught but that which already lies half asleep in the dawning of your knowledge.The teacher who walks in the shadow of the temple, among his followers, gives not of his wisdom but rather of his faith and his lovingness.If he is indeed wise he does not bid you enter the house of his wisdom, but rather leads you to the threshold of your own mind.”
9)“When you love you should not think you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.”
10)“Say not, ‘I have found the truth,’ but rather, ‘I have found a truth.’ Say not, ‘ I have found the path of the soul.’ Say rather, ‘I have met the soul walking upon my path.’ For the soul walks upon all paths. The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed. The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.”
11)“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy”