5 Ways to Practice Mindfulness and “Be here now”

5-Ways-to-Practice-Mindfulness
Photo Credit: Fernando Brasil

“Walk as if you are kissing the Earth with your feet.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Published by Elephant Journal

My travel date is fast approaching. For some reason, I begin to worry and fret. I start postponing everything I’m doing or I need to do till I return. It’s as if the world stops because I’m travelling in a few weeks.

The funny thing is that I don’t have a fear of flying. Travelling to Paris on a writing course will be exciting, fun and rejuvenating. It’s more like a journey of self-discovery than a holiday and its something that I’ve always wanted to do. I’ll be alone for a month without family, friends or the worries of work that I’m glad to leave behind.

What is it that makes me so anxious and worried about my impending travel date?  Is it my deep-rooted fear of getting out of my comfort zone? Or perhaps my fear of uncertainty, which allows my mind to wander about the future and picture different scenarios and situations?

It’s probably both of which drive my monkey mind into overload and lets my thoughts go to my memories where I judge my previous actions and reactions or project forward, analyzing what kind of mishaps and problems await me.

The identification with our thoughts is a tiring process and the more we complicate our lives and busy our minds, the more restless we become. To make matters worse, we become aware of our thinking and overanalyzing, and this makes it even more exhausting.

We need to remind ourselves that we are not our thoughts, which can often appear from thin air and disappear almost as quick. The best way to stop going back to the past, or project to the future is by focusing on the present–Practice Mindfulness.

This is when we zero in on the present thing that we are doing, such as watching a sunset, playing with our children or writing poetry where we lose ourselves completely and every minute becomes joyful and soul nourishing. Time just stops and nothing else matters. There is a stillness and a certain form of inner peace engulfs us. We stop talking to the outside world and more importantly we stop listening to our incessant inner voice.

According to Thich Nhat Hanh “Mindfulness begins with an awareness of the simplest action: breathing in, knowing that you are breathing in; breathing out, know that you are breathing out.”

These are the things I do that have helped me become more in the now:

1) Meditation

I’m no Meditation expert, but my practice has helped make me more peaceful, less stressful and much more mindful. I use the breath technique, which is not too complicated. I sit still for twenty minutes first thing in the morning.

I’m not always successful as thoughts do wander in but completing my practice every day is a discipline that sets my day on the right track and becomes the support for the rest of my conscious, mindful acts during the day.

2) Mindful moments

I’ve consciously set out to have more presence in my day-to-day life, where I try to lose myself in sporadic moments throughout my day. This not only makes me feel good immediately but also has a compounding effect on the way my mind learns not to jump from one thought to another.

For example:

  • I set my alarm for three different times in the day where I stop whatever I’m doing and take ten deep conscious breaths.
  • Whenever I see the birds flying above, I stop and take a few moments watching them fly in absolute awe.
  • If I’m lucky enough to be in a city with a lovely sunset, I make sure I witness its splendor.
  • Every time I drink an espresso (3-4 times a day), I don’t do anything or think of anything. I inhale the aroma of the coffee, I sip it slowly and I savour every moment of this.
3) Doing one task at a time

“Just focus on the next hour, the next thing, the next task. Do it will all your heart and do it until the end.”

This little trick has been advocated since time immemorial from Benjamin Franklin to Warren Buffet. It simply means don’t multitask and start by doing the most difficult task first and only when finished with the first task, should you move to the next one. I do this till I finish all my designated tasks for the day and I try to keep my tasks as few as possible so as not to exceed three per day.

4) Reading Fiction or Poetry

 “Reading is the sole means by which we slip, involuntarily, often helplessly, into another’s skin, another’s voice, another’s soul.” -Joyce Carol Oates

I love reading fiction, especially the epic novels like Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes, and Moby Dick by Herman Melville. I also love the works of: Tolstoy, Murakami and Hemingway. No matter how stressed I am in my life, it all just slips away when I lose myself in a great story where I’m transported to other realms I never knew existed.

Reading poetry by Rumi or Gibran especially at night before I sleep or any of the sacred texts like the Bhagavad Gita allows me to connect deep into my being, compelling me towards my inner hidden truths. This puts me in such peace that I wake up with my mind completely serene.

5) Strategically schedule emails, Internet use and social media

Getting notifications of email, instant messages and social media on our phones is not the ideal way to calm our swaying thoughts. They add fuel to the fire and keep us hooked into the never-ending information loop which gets us addicted to our phones or computers making us anxious and edgy.

We need to be disciplined and smart in how we control technology rather than allowing it to control us. It’s not easy, but the best way I’ve found to take control is by scheduling my use. I check emails, social media and use the Internet only twice a day; late in the morning and late in the afternoon for a limited time of 30-45 minutes.

Our state of being is intimately connected with our minds. We can’t stop the triggering of unhappy memories, self-critical thoughts and judgemental ways of thinking, but we can stop what happens next.

The more we put ourselves in that present moment, the better chance we have of calming our minds and relieving the anxiety and worry that surrounds us.

‘Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves – slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future. Live the actual moment. Only this moment is life.’ – Thich Nhat Hanh

3 Great Books that remind me that my Ultimate Path is Freedom

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Photo credit: Bertvthul

 

“One must find the source within one’s own Self, one must possess it. Everything else was seeking — a detour, an error.”
― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Published by Elephant Journal

After my third reading of Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha, I closed my eyes, drinking in the words and thinking of how these words had unconsciously influenced my self-discovery journey.

I’m certain that everyone needs to embark on a self-discovery journey in his or her lifetime. After all, isn’t that our ultimate purpose in this physical world?

Going to school, finding a great job, parenting, setting up businesses, creating art and admiring beauty are wonderful things, but they are only the means for us to live our journeys.

The end-goal will always be freedom. Freedom to live the way our hearts desire. Freedom to discover who we must become. Freedom to ask why we came into being. Freedom to change our lives and start again, if we are not satisfied.

We tend to lose track of our freedom and get distracted by our fears, circumstances, and the society. We allow the noise around us to drown the whispers that speak of our inner hidden truths.

This is why it’s so important to take a step back every now and then, review our lives, and question our life’s philosophy. Why are we here? Where are we headed? What are the obstacles standing in our way? Can we change our direction?

In The Slight Edge, Jeff Olson argues that:

On its way to landing astronauts safely on the surface of the moon, the Apollo rocket was actually on course only 2 to 3 percent of the time. Which means that for at least 97 percent of the time it took to get from the Earth to the moon it was off course. And it reached the moon—safely—and returned to tell the tale. The Apollo, at the time, was one of the most sophisticated, expensive, and finely calibrated pieces of technology ever devised and was always correcting its own off-course errors twenty-nine minutes out of every thirty.

We always need reminders to keep us on track. We need to be more like the Apollo and constantly correct our course. The three books summarised below are the ones I read regularly so that I’m nudged into self-correcting my direction, path and journey.

1. Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse

“I shall no longer be instructed by the Yoga Veda or the Aharva Veda, or the ascetics, or any other doctrine whatsoever. I shall learn from myself, be a pupil of myself; I shall get to know myself, the mystery of Siddhartha.” He looked around as if he were seeing the world for the first time.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha

Siddhartha leaves his home and family in search of enlightenment and starts as an ascetic wandering beggar of the Shramanas. He then meets and learns a lot from the Buddha but he believes that everyone needs to learn by his experience. He cannot accept the Buddha’s teachings even though they are full of wisdom.

Siddhartha renounces his spirituality by falling in love with a beautiful courtesan called Kamala. She introduces him to a merchant called Kamaswami, Siddhartha learns the trade and becomes incredibly successful as the years go by. He now becomes materialistic, starts to gamble and loses his way and his sense of purpose.

One morning after waking from a dream, he reflects upon his life and realizes he is tired of his present life and that he has discarded all that was valuable within himself.

He leaves everything behind and finds himself sitting in front of a river. He befriends the ferryman, allowing both the ferryman and the river to become his spiritual teachers. It is here that he becomes enlightened and learns that all his feelings, experiences and sufferings are part of a great fellowship of all things connected in the cyclical unity of nature.

He now understands that one’s path in life is not only about seeking but also finding. We can learn from great masters like the Buddha, but we can’t mimic their lives, rather, we apply what we learn to our experiences and feelings.

The true Nirvana is by understanding that only the “Now” exists, and the past and future exist only in our minds.

2. The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho

“When you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”-Paulo Coelho

Santiago, a young shepherd from Andalusia embarks on a journey after having a recurring dream where a child tells him to seek a treasure at the foot of the Egyptian pyramids. He travels far and wide, learns a lot from different teachers while meeting obstacles. He finally discovers the treasure he was looking for was underneath his bed in his village the whole time.

The underlying message in the book is one of hope and that all roads would eventually lead to a single path that takes us towards our “Personal Legend” or our freedom.

Life is about the journey, the process, the means and not necessarily the outcome. It’s about walking our path, one that we need to create and craft on our own, without any influence from our environment. The book teaches us that the real treasure lies in our hearts thus there is no need to go outside to search for treasure.

The only path to freedom is through our inner world.

3. Jonathan Livingstone Seagull  by Richard Bach

“You have the freedom to be yourself, your true self, here and now, and nothing can stand in your way”.”
― Richard Bach

Jonathan Livingston Seagull is a parable about a seagull who works hard to become the best flying seagull within his seagull community. He withstands being shunned and ridiculed for his dream, and keeps on pursuing this dream driven by his inner craving to be authentic.

All he wants is to be free in order to be himself. He knows there’s more to life than eating and surviving like all the other seagulls and he’s determined on becoming the best flying seagull ever.

Jonathan listens to his inner voice and senses that freedom can only be had by the pursuit of perfection in flying. He continues to follow his path despite the odds, and is courageous and dogged in his pursuit of freedom of his true self.

Every time I re-read any of these books, I’m reminded that I need to seek and find my path, my road less travelled—My freedom. The numerous teachers and heroes around me can inspire me, but I can’t follow their paths.

I am a unique living being and I have to create my unique Path. It won’t be given to me or handed down to me, but it’s for me to forge it, working with the raw materials of whom I am and the understanding of why I came into being.

7 Questions That Help Us Delve Deep Into Knowing Thyself

know thyself
Photo Credit: Mi Pham

Published by Elephant Journal

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the clearer we become. When we are looking for a partner, we ask everything about them: from their likes to their dislikes.

We want to know every little detail; what excites them, what puts a smile on their face, what makes them tick.We become curious about the books they read and the movies they watch; we crave to become aquainted with everything that makes them who they are.

However, when it comes to ourselves, we presume we know it all, without dedicating enough time and effort to research ourselves. We allow the world to judge us, give us titles and names that don’t apply to our true selves. We end up being tagged and put into a compartment that isolates us for many years and stops us from finding what our true aspirations are.

What were we like when we were growing up?

What interests or practices do we completely lose ourselves in?

What are our strengths and weaknesses? And most importantly what are our aspirations—How do we imagine our lives to be?

Often, the quickest way to get to know ourselves is when we face a traumatic situation, or when our backs are against the wall, or when we are thrown in at the deep end at a new job. Our ego is cast aside as we need to learn quickly about ourselves and handle the emergency on hand.

However, most of the time that’s not the case, and we need to be proactive and stir the pot to start discovering who we truly are by simply asking meaningful questions about ourselves.

“Know Thyself” was inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago. The wisdom of those two words still speaks loudly today.

I’ve found that when we take some time off, preferably for a few days to sit alone and analyse ourselves as we would on any other subject, we get to know a lot about ourselves and kick-start an adventure of self-discovery that lasts a lifetime.

These are some tests and questions to start the process:

1) Do a Personality test.

The Myers-Brigg test is not the only way to analyse our personality, but it’s been used extensively in the corporate world for almost fifty years now and gives us a fair idea of who we truly are.

There are many variations and sites, but I’ve found the 16personalites.com to be a good one.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to recharge my batteries.

That was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) What are our strengths?

Positive Psychology has dominated our lives for the last few decades, and it’s simply the study of what makes us happy and the activities that we can do more off to infuse that spark in our lives.

Martin Seligman is the founding father of Positive Psychology and his insistence on finding our strengths and maximizing them has supported the self-help field that is so prevalent today.We need to discover our strengths and try to find ways to activate them in our lives and contrastingly not to focus on our weaknesses but just manage them.We need not glorify our weaknesses.

His now famous VIA signature strengths test has been completed by millions.

My top strength turned out to be my love of learning, and it explains why I’m happy to be continually learning even in my mid-forties. My second strength was the curiosity I have for the world which validates my longing to travel and to understand everything the world has to offer. My third strength is wisdom, which comes as no surprise since my first existential questions started when I was ten.

3) What are our core values?

Values are core beliefs that we have developed over the years. They are the ethics that we feel so strongly about and the points of view that we find ourselves arguing for in conversations. They are what drive us from the minute we open our eyes, till the moment we sleep.

Our beliefs are often complicated by our upbringing, society, and the effect that the media has on us, and as such we need to dig deep and find what truly are our values. We should avoid the ones that would make us fit in with our peer group and rather choose what is authentic to us.

I’ve found the short E-book, Aligning with your core values by Tim Brownson to be very useful in identifying my values.

I’m very clear on mine after years of defining them by learning and looking out for what I feel strongly about. My values include self- control, growth, freedom, wisdom, inner peace, creativity and authenticity.

4) Who do you look up to? Who are your mentors? Who inspires you?

I appreciate social entrepreneurship and what it offers to the world because it covers most of my values. And as such I’m always inspired by people who create ingenious ideas to give back to our society.

Muhammad Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank also won the 2006 Nobel Prize for his efforts in providing microcredit loans to those in need to help them develop financial self-sufficiency in poor developing countries like his home country Bangladesh.

I also admire my late grandfather who would act like a modern day Robin Hood by asking for money from the wealthy and then buying essential foods, and personally delivering to all the poor and homeless in Tyre, Lebanon. He wore the same clothes, drove a very old car and continued doing what he did well into his eighties.

5).   What makes you happiest in your life? What excites you? What do you do that makes you feel invincible?

When I’m sitting alone, and I’m writing a poem or prose, it comes naturally and deep from my heart, and I know my words will touch many hearts, that is when I’m at my happiest.

I believe in the power of words and the effect they can have on inspiring people and when I see people inspired to change and to claim their authenticity then that makes me feel invincible.

6) What careers do you find yourself dreaming of?

I dream of impacting the world with my writing the way Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Ernest Hemingway have. Their words touch people’s hearts and are immortal, affecting generation after generation. Their writings and words are a pathway to reach our souls, and that’s the path I want to be in all my life.

7) If you were able to be a member of the audience at your own funeral (in 100 years or so) what would you want to hear people say?

I want people to say that I’ve inspired many to find their rightful paths—their long road back to their hidden inner beings. I want to be remembered for leading the authenticity revolution amidst the clamor and noise for living other people’s lives and values.

I want to be known for waking people up to the simple fact that it’s not always about the money, the success and accumulations of possessions and achievements. Rather in the words of Abraham Maslow, I want everyone to “become who they must be.”

6 Ways to Change Our Programmed Subconscious Behaviours

Tip of the Iceberg
Photo By © Ralph A. Clevenger/CORBIS

“Every man is what he is because of the dominating thoughts which he permits to occupy his mind.”-Napoleon Hill

She was late for dinner. Immediately, my thoughts spiralled out of control and my “thinking mind” was playing havoc with me from calling her irresponsible to downright untrustworthy. She then arrived, all smiles, kissed me and gave me a big hug. Suddenly she was the best thing that had ever happened to me. All my negative thoughts faded and were replaced with pleasing thoughts.

What makes our thoughts so sharply bipolar? How can she go from being untrustworthy to the love of my life in mere seconds?

Thoughts are neurotransmitters, chemical messengers that are released by the brain to allow it to communicate with parts of itself and the nervous system. Thoughts control all our body’s functions and our emotions which in turn affect our behaviour and results.

Scientific research has confirmed the power of thoughts and how they affect our behaviour. However, the most telling thing about how our mind works is that almost 90% of those electrical signals being formed are done so without our conscious consent or to be exact, they occur at the sub-conscious level.

We have two separate minds:

The Conscious mind which represents 5% of our mind is the thinking mind, where we think freely and can accept or reject any idea. It gets information from our five senses and is rooted in the present. E.g. When crossing the road, we hear a car approaching, and we immediately stop.

The Subconscious mind is like a super computer stored with a database of programmed behaviours, most of which we acquired between birth and the age of six. Almost 95% of our thoughts, decisions, emotions, and actions are influenced from the programming in our subconscious mind.

In the example above, my thoughts went astray as our relationship was still new and I was insecure. The programming in my subconscious from a previous relationship which broke down on the grounds of mistrust came into play.

The subconscious is basically running our lives and most of the time we are unaware of our behaviour, and if not addressed quickly enough, our thoughts crystallize into core beliefs which become almost impossible to shift.

However, science has shown that though it’s difficult, we can reprogram the subconscious mind by using some of the techniques below.

1.Stillness of the conscious mind

Our conscious mind is often so noisy that we can’t hear the whispers and murmurs that emanate from the subconscious. Meditation and mindfulness give us the calm and inner peace we often need so that our mind becomes clear enough to open communication between the two minds.

2. Notice Our Environment

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”-Jim Rohn.

Often we find that there are certain people around us, who are well-intentioned but create so much noise around our being that we can’t have the peace and quiet we need.

We can’t leave our conscious minds open to toxic people and negative situations. It’s not easy trying to quit smoking when all our friends smoke. Conversely, it’s much easier to develop a good eating habit when those around you eat well.

I often escape to the beach alone or sit in a quiet place surrounded by birds, trees and the wind where I can purify my conscious mind and so that it can be clear and efficient in affecting the subconscious.

3) Reflection and observation

We need to look at our behaviours so that we are aware of the results in our lives. In this way, we can start catching ourselves when we are in the midst of a tantrum, or during an eating binge that opposes the actions we want. The more we reflect on our results, the more we know where we are headed.

As soon as I find myself getting frustrated or angry, I stop immediately, retreat and take three deep breaths. This action alone has saved me countless moments of rage, anger and going the wrong way.

4) Creating Habits

“In every area of life — from your education to your work to your health — it is your amount of grit, mental toughness, and perseverance predicts your level of success more than any other factor we can find.”-James Clear

Repetition is key to reprogramming the subconscious mind, and so it’s important that we persist in whatever we are trying to impress onto the subconscious mind.

Whether it’s creating new positive behaviours or replacing old negative ones, then the best way to do so is by incorporating habits into our lives.

It’s smarter to split habits into smaller wins so that we make sure we can remain consistent with our actions.

For example, I have created a habit of writing for 30 minutes each day, something that is not so difficult but after six consecutive months, I’ve started reaping the benefits as my writing has improved tremendously, and I’m getting published regularly.

5) Visualisation

The mind doesn’t know if we are doing something or not and the more we visualize or imagine the desired outcome than the more neural pathways in our brain that we altar and as such we are rewiring our brains.

Michael Phelps, American swimmer and the most decorated Olympian of all time visualized his races in detail, and usually many times a day.  He would “play the movie” over and over so that all of the little things could be done as perfectly as possible, and with as little conscious thought as possible.

6) Taking action

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

If visualization has been proved by science, to rewire our brains, then taking action is likely to have an even larger impact. There is nothing like taking the plunge and getting out of our comfort zone for us to yield the best results in change.

I committed to run four times a week and for four weeks and after a month I had cultivated the habit of running.

We have the power to change our behaviours only when we recognize that we need to address the subconscious, emotional mind through our conscious thinking mind.

We can’t control our past programming, but we can from this moment on, start to create new behaviours by consistently marking the subconscious mind with the actions and results that we want in our lives.

My Rules of Engagement

My Rules of Engagement
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
My Liberty means:
  • Not infringing on my right to choose, from which country to live in, to which ice-cream flavor I like.
  • Not pushing me to second-guess my decisions, even though I wasn’t certain the first time round.
  • Not forcing me to justify my actions, over and over again.
My Freedom means:
  • Allowing me to make decisions that are right for my soul, even though they could be wrong for your EGO.
  • Recognizing not to compromise my values, interests, and principles.
  • Respecting my carefully drawn out boundaries.
  • Not impugning on my time, no matter how futile you think I spend it and no matter how little I give it.
My Intentions are:
  • I will be present and mindful rather than succumb to my thoughts.
  • I will enjoy what I’m doing and not focus only on achieving.
  • I will rather get challenged than be comfortable.
  • I will rather get engaged than oblivious.
  • I will use my imagination to create rather than become creatively impotent.
  • I will praise ten times to every one time I criticise.
  • I will not judge anyone but be willing to accept.
  • I will work towards Compassion rather than indifference.
  • I will follow my true path and not the path of others.
  • I will learn like a scavenger looking for learnings everywhere I can.
  • I will commit to growth as if it’s my sole intention for living.
  • I will serve mankind as if every single one is part of my family.
  • I will care for the environment as if it was the home I built with my own two hands.

The 5 People Who Rocked My World in 2015

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I’m admittedly a learning junkie and only come alive when my curiosity and interest in the world are piqued. I’m fascinated by new learnings and discoveries every day, and they have been central to any impending change in my life.

Every year I stumble upon new teachers and fresh material and 2015 has been no exception.And whether it’s through reading their blogs, listening to their podcasts or watching their interviews or talks I’ve become a better man.

These are the 5 people who rocked my world in 2015:

1.Tim Ferris-The 4-hour Workweek 

“I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” ― Timothy Ferriss

He is the author of the New York times best seller 4-hour workweek, blogger, self-experimenter, podcaster and health and body expert. He also successfully funds start-ups in silicon valley. He is also a lover of Stoicism and in particular, Seneca.

He deconstructs complicated concepts into clear, understandable ideas which show that most things are achievable and do-able. His how-to-do steps are geared to help the common man see that nothing is impossible and that anything is possible.If there was anyone who epitomises the new type of self-help guru, then it’s him.

He reached the Tango National Finals in Argentina while practicing for less than a year and took up Tai-chi grappling and won the national championship in Taiwan. He speaks Japanese and Mandarin fluently and in fact, there isn’t much he can’t do when he sets his mind to it.

I love his podcasts, which are long and funny. The variety of guests from movie stars like Jamie Foxx, to chess prodigy–Joshua Waitzkin, and Body and fitness stars, to Venture capitalists based in Silicon Valley is simply amazing. It has opened a new world for me, and it’s like even though I’m not in that world but listening to the interviews I become part of them and learn different things from all those successful people.

My Biggest Take-away

Taking control of  my time and my life. I’ve also started experimenting with new interests and habits and find it is the best way to learn about ourselves.

2.Leo Babauta-Zen Habits blog

“Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.” ― Leo Babauta

Simplicity, minimalism and contentment are what you get when you visit his site. I love the whiteness of his blog, the simple concepts he writes about and the succinct words he uses that will immediately send your being into peace and calmness.

Here’s a guy who set up his blog in Guam back in 2007 and in 2011 was listed on Time’s 50 best websites.He writes about meditation, presence and contentment in life in such a pragmatic way that you don’t feel obliged to move to Tibet and live a monk’s life.

My Biggest Take-away

The power of less; We work harder, become stressed, to earn more, but the extra money that goes on a supposed better way of living (extra cars, bigger homes, premier travel) makes us less happy as we start to complicate our lives. The easiest formula is to work less, spend less and be more at peace now, not when we retire.

3.James Clear-James Clear Blog

“Becoming the type of person you want to become — someone who lives by a stronger standard, someone who believes in themselves, someone who can be counted on by the people that matter to them — is about the daily process you follow and not the ultimate product you achieve.” ―James Clear

He shares ideas for using behavior science to improve your performance and master your habits. His articles have been published in Forbes, Huffington post and many other sites. The scientific approach and depth of his content always leave you with a clear understanding of a concept, and you simply, can’t forget his teachings.

My Biggest Take-away

Learning how to instill habits in my life so that I can focus on my actual practice rather than the actual goal e.g. I set a target to write an hour a day, rather than setting an overwhelming goal of writing a book for the year. And when I maintain my practice, I will achieve the target and the ultimate goal.

4.Maria Popova-Brain Pickings 

“This is the power of art: The power to transcend our own self-interest, our solipsistic zoom-lens on life, and relate to the world and each other with more integrity, more curiosity, more wholeheartedness.” ― Maria Popova

Maria Popova is the creator of Brainpickings.org. She describes it; Brain Pickings is “your LEGO treasure chest, full of pieces across art, design, science, technology, philosophy, history, politics, psychology, sociology, ecology, anthropology, you-name-itology.”

Her blog is one for the intellectuals and people who like to understand the original concepts and it’s unrivaled in the richness of material. She weaves pieces and themes from old and new books, past and present authors illuminating insights, directly or indirectly, into that grand question of how to live, and how to live well.

I can’t wait for Sunday evenings when I read her new publications–they have liberated my thinking and took me to worlds I’ve either forgotten or never knew existed.

My Biggest Take-away

The Gold is in the old books and the even older authors. Why read a modern book which portrays a minute concept from Albert Camus, when she goes straight to his book and offers us his direct words and her explanations all in a great blog piece.

5.Derek Sivers-Sivers Blog

“If you think your life’s purpose needs to hit you like a lightning bolt, you’ll overlook the little day-to-day things that fascinate you.” ― Derek Sivers

He’s best known for selling his former company CD Baby an online CD store for independent musicians, with over $100M in sales for over 150,000 musician clients.He gave away most of his money and now chooses to live spartanly and spontaneously, moving to a new country every few years, doing whatever he feels like doing.

He truly does live the present moment and is living proof, of how to become non-attached to things,while living in our world and not on an isolated mountain.

Derek Sivers Interview-The Santa Monica bike ride story

“I do a 15-mile bike ride in Santa Monica, a few days a week at full-speed, 100%,head-down, red-faced, sprinting speed.I’d finish exhausted and looked at the time.43 minutes.Every time. After a few months, I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted.

So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK not super-slow, but dialing it back to about 50% of my usual effort. What a fun ride. I was relaxed, and smiling, and looking around. Not red-faced. I was barely giving it any effort.I saw two dolphins in the water. A pelican flew right over me in Marina del Ray. I had to laugh at the novelty of it.I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once. I felt I could do this forever, without any exhaustion.

When I finished, I looked at the time. 45 minutes.What?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked. 45 minutes, as compared to my usual 43. So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing only gave me a 4% boost.I could just take it easy, and get 96% of the results.And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way rejeuvenated.This was really profound for me, and I think of it often.”

My Biggest Take-away

I’m always running for more, for better, for higher, and after listening to above interview, I’ve now calmed down and 2016 has been less stressful and more fun.

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old
Photo Credit: Vinoth Chandar

“Knowledge comes from learning.Wisdom comes from living.”-A.D.Williams

I had a dream where I was walking comfortably up Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I was wearing leather sandals, a dhoti cotton cloth wrapped around me, carrying a small wooden stick and looked like Gandhi in his late years.

It was a pleasant day; the sun was out, and no sign of snow, blizzards or dead mountaineers. The scenery, the surroundings, and the feeling were as if I was living in Shambala, the lost heavenly city of Tibetan Buddhism. However and more importantly, it was my birthday–My 500-year-old birthday, and all the cameras were there to witness the first ever recorded 500-year-old.

This dream was inspired by what I watched the night before, where a top Google executive, Bill Maris, said on Bloomberg that humans would live to be 500-years-old, and the company was investing millions of dollars in life sciences to ensure this vision became a reality. It had hired scientists as partners in order to identify start-ups that could cure cancer and make chemotherapy “seem primitive” within 20 years. Maris added that, “If you ask me today, is it possible to live to be 500? The answer is yes.”

My dream and the thought of living to be five hundred got me thinking. I mean why not? There have been stranger happenings in our history; the abominable snowman or Yeti, UFO sightings and many unexplained phenomena. As advancements in technology keep changing our lives and diseases are being cured, the life expectancy keeps rising. It has now doubled from forty to eighty in the last hundred years.

There have been many mythical murmurs and mysterious stories that people have lived very long-LP Suwang, a Buddhist, died in 1995 was rumoured to be 444 years old.

How would we live if we knew we were going to reach 500? How would that impact our thinking and attitude, in living if we knew we had so much time? If we remove our greatest fear, that of death, how would we live?

As we grow older, we mature and become wiser and have richer experiences to recall that guide us in making the right decisions, and as such we understand ourselves and how to live better. And knowing that we have all that time, would mean many changes in the way we lived our lives.

  1. Live in the moment

Imagine living our lives, not at the frenetic speed we do now but in slow motion where every moment is slowed down and lived fully. When we know we have so much time, the pressure on us is reduced and living in the moment will take on a completely new meaning.

After 150 years or so of living, we would understand that the past is gone and can only provide memories while the future holds no fears as we’ve got another 350 years to go.

We would want to stay in the present and want our lives to be richer and all-knowing. From every kind of bird that lives, their migratory details and how their navigation system works, to every tree’s name and history– The tall oak trees in Boston, Harry Potter’s weeping willow trees of Northern China and the Bodhi Tree of Bodh Gaya, in India.

We would want to enrich our experiences and so watch every sunset from every ocean view and watch every new moon with its supporting cast of stars from every sky view.

2) Be compassionate

By now, we’ve seen many people die and know the suffering that people go through. We’ve seen many on their deathbeds full of regrets, in pain and not having lived a fulfilled life.

The need to serve and help becomes not just something we aim for but part of our being, and we would want to offer a word, a touch and a hug every time we can. We can’t but be compassionate, as most people are much younger than us.

We would feel around others, the way we feel around 4-year-olds now. We would laugh at their transgressions; our heart would beam when they are smiling, and we would cry when they are in pain because we know of their helplessness. We recognise that what humans long for most, is love and compassion.

3) Goals transcend to Dharma

Goals that take months or even years (less than 10) become trivial and as such we look at long-term objectives that define our ways of beings. The goal now takes on more importance and becomes our dharma-the reason we came into being and life.

Excellence is achieved in 20-30 years spans and not anything shorter and as such we now have the time to become great in any field that piques our interest. Losing 20 pounds in weight is a good goal, but if we have hundreds of years to live then, it’s better we change our whole approach to eating, exercising and sleeping. After all, we are going to need our bodies for hundreds of years.

All our goals now transcend to meaning and purpose–how can we grow and how can we serve mankind become our only questions. Nothing else matters as material wants and achievements slowly lose their shine.

4) Environmentally Friendly

Similarly, as we cared for our bodies, we would want to care for the environment, and every time a rain forest gets destroyed because of greed, we lose a part of us forever. The loss of many species of the animal, plant and other kingdoms, is akin to us losing one of our family members.

We would want to take over where other environmentalists stopped and try to convince everyone of the need for us to take more care and understand that the environment is just a bigger part of what we are all connected to. What happens in the skyline of Guangzhou will affect all of us whether we live in, the clay mud huts of the African sub-Sahara or an exclusive penthouse apartment in New York.

5) Detachment and letting go

With so many years under our belt, we’ve lost so many loved ones, friends, and people that we’ve known and so detachment becomes essential rather than a spiritual practice. We’ve learnt the hard way that attachment is suffering, and detachment means freedom. This doesn’t make us less compassionate but rather we see the bigger picture of life, death, and the afterlife.

We now realise that attachment is linked to the ego, and we understand why our earlier years were marked by anxiety and despair as we craved visible results, instead of focusing on the actual actions or the practice that leads to our inner joy.

The action of writing, rather than getting the book on the bestseller list becomes our objective, and we now appreciate that results don’t matter so much as it’s all about the candle that is lit in our hearts every time we practice what we love.

Our fear of death is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to live with freedom.

If we live, knowing that we can live till 500, then we can banish those deep-seated fears we carry with us from one generation to another, and maybe finally we can live the “Good life” our spiritual masters keep preaching to us.

Fixed vs. Growth: The Two Basic Mindsets That Determine Our Lives

mindset
Photo Credit: srednja.hr

I advised my friend not to praise her daughter for being smart or special but rather for the effort she puts and the endeavour she shows. She snapped back, saying her daughter was smart and exceptional.

My friend was offended by my words, thinking I was putting down her child, but I was just trying to offer some advice on parenting, something I’ve learned never to do again.

I thought that I had just discovered the elixir of parenting and wanted to share that wisdom with my friends. I had just re-read Carol Dweck, remarkably insightful book–Mindset: The New Psychology of Success — an inquiry into the power of our beliefs, and how changing our most simplistic beliefs can have a profound impact on our lives.

In Dweck’s research, she found how we view our personality and how we live it out, at a very young age, determines our attitude to almost everything in life. And that we fall, depending on our beliefs, in one of two camps:

A)Fixed Mindset

Those with a “Fixed Mindset” believe that our character, intelligence and creative ability are traits we are born with and no matter what we do, they can’t be changed in any meaningful way–so we either have it or we don’t.

The ramifications of this is immense: Thinking that our intelligence can’t be improved, we’re always trying not to look dumb. It leads to focusing on easy stuff and avoiding the challenges that stretch our comfort zone. We become the ultimate big fish in the small pond.

The “Fixed mindset” people are always seeking approval and for people to affirm their opinions and ways. They crave being special and so find shortcuts to be seen as smart, rather than putting in the effort to do so.

And as soon as failure arrives as it surely must, they are devastated and find it hard to recover from the setback of losing a job, a promotion or getting unexpected low SAT scores

A kid who is smart in grade 3 and knows it, as everyone including his parents keep telling him so, will start resting on their laurels and slowly close their minds to new learnings. And even worse, they would equate their effort with something that smart kids don’t do and so doing extra work is an act that is beneath their original selves.

“Their only goal is to look good.”

B) Growth Mindset

Those with a “Growth mindset,” believe that, with effort, they can change their character, intelligence and enhance their creativity. They thrive on challenge and see failure not as being unintelligent but rather a stepping stone that is needed to grow and change.

They are open-minded, humble and are always willing to work on the beliefs that are holding them back to be able to learn and grow. They develop a passion for learning that serves them for the rest of their lives.

Here, the “Growth mindset” people don’t deny that there are others who are born with a natural talent or that some people are ahead of them in the game, but they know that through learning and effort, anything and everything is possible.

“Their only goal is growth.”

The Mindsets presented graphically:
taschen_informationgraphics10
Photo Credit: Nigel Holmes

Dweck quotes one seventh-grade girl, who captured the difference beautifully:

“I think intelligence is something you have to work for … it isn’t just given to you.… Most kids, if they’re not sure of an answer, will not raise their hand to answer the question. But what I usually do is raise my hand, because if I’m wrong, then my mistake will be corrected. Or I will raise my hand and say, ‘How would this be solved?’ or ‘I don’t get this. Can you help me?’ Just by doing that I’m increasing my intelligence. “

5 Things I would Tell My 20-Year-Old Self

Published By ElephantJournal

“It takes a very long time to become young.”
― Pablo Picasso

I was going through an old picture album of mine and a picture caught my eye. I was 20, had a look that I was about to change the world, and yet I find myself at 47, struggling to change myself let alone the world.

I was overcome with nostalgia and some pangs of regret, as I wondered how I would have fared at 20, but with the mind and the experiences of my 47-year-old self. Would I have done things differently? Would I have been someone better and had achieved more?

I’m sure I wouldn’t have arrived at how I think today without the mileage and experiences of the last 27 years. Hindsight always makes the past look worthless and ignores the fact that you made choices with what you had and knew.

Logic and reason often discourage adventure and as such it would have prevented many of the rich experiences I had between 18-20. Would I have jumped off the cliff and into the Andaman Sea in Krabi, Thailand? Or stand up for a friend when attacked by a group of thugs and get badly beaten but ultimately feeling good as I was the only one who stood up while the rest ran away.

However, I’ve also discovered that several concepts when learned well at a young age, would add more to your artillery in facing the world as a 20-year old.

1)The earlier you “Know thyself”, the better

These two words are inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago, and their wisdom still speaks loudly today.It’s essential to get to know your strengths, weaknesses and what you like doing. Do a strengths test, the Myers-Brigg personality test and ask your family and friends to guide you in knowing yourself.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to re-charge my batteries.

It was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) Challenge your comfort zone

Think of every successful person in any area and the chances are they all have one thing in common–from a young age, whether through circumstance or design, they had hunger and grit instilled in them, by continually pushing themselves out of their comfort zones.

Complacency creeps into our lives especially when we don’t challenge ourselves, and as we remain comfortable in our surroundings we feel at ease, and our performance becomes ordinary but never extraordinary.

Richard Branson’s mother left him to come back home alone; a thirty-minute walking distance, after a Sunday picnic, when he was only four years old.

At twenty, I wish I had run a marathon, climbed Kilimanjaro or taken a gap year exploring the world with only a backpack. These adventures would have certainly stretched my comfort zone and enriched me with wonderful experiences.

3)The Fear of missing out(FOMO) is nothing but an act of the mind.

FOMO is only a fear that the mind plays on you. As you get overwhelmed with a lot of choices, you can’t decide what’s right for you. However, when you become the only source of your self-worth, rather than pleasing others or being the cool dude, then your fears slowly disappear.

I spent a lot of my college days missing some lectures, not connecting with my family and not having enough time for myself, all because I didn’t want to miss out on what my friends were doing. I wanted so desperately to belong.

The reality is that when you miss one party, or you don’t like playing cards, but your friends do. You won’t miss much; you won’t lose yourself and your friends won’t suddenly dump you.

4)Find your creative self-expression

Find a creative pursuit that piques your interest, something that you are willing to spend enough time to be good at. It could be writing, painting, landscape photography, or surfing big waves, and make sure it becomes your own thing where time just simply passes by as you are “in the zone.”

Here, you would self-express and allow your inner self to come out and meet your outer world. It’s where all the stress of impending exam results, job interview replies and end of year business results fade away if only for a few minutes a day.

At the age of 40, I found writing and it’s that one thing that I’m willing to put in long hours so that I become good at it. I’ve pushed my comfort zone in joining groups, taking writing lessons, taking time off to write daily, all because my heart smiles when I share my inner self with the world.

5)Money doesn’t matter, but it also does.

It’s important that you understand and define your relationship with money. Money is important but only as a tool, and you must remember that it’s only a means to an end rather than the end itself.

Don’t make the reason you want to earn money so that you can get the yacht, the penthouse in New York or the Chanel bag. Rather the reason to make money should only be a measure of the success of your career or the business you’ve set up and want to grow. Money should be able to gauge where you are and how far you want to go.

Money can give you comfort, security, and make life fun but it will never give you satisfaction or infuse meaning into your daily life.

I learned this lesson the hard way as I faced a traumatic time in my life when within six months, my business was nearly bankrupt, and my nephew suffered a near fatal accident.And It wasn’t till then that I truly understood that life was not about money but all about self-growth and contributing to society and you don’t need money for either of these.

I wish I knew all these concepts when I was 20, as it would have accelerated my growth and given me more time to make a difference in this life.

And if these words don’t reach me in my next life as a 20-year-old, then I’m hoping it could at least reach one 20-year-old in this lifetime.

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

We Need to Reinvent our Lives When our Excitement Fades and We Become Stagnant

 

The world keeps changing. It is one of the paradoxes of success that the things and the ways which got you where you are, are seldom those that keep you there. — Charles Handy

As I review my year and my life, I keep asking the same question over and over again. What am I committed to this year and for the next several years that will make me want to wake up every morning with a gusto of energy and a smile that allows me to discover my aliveness?

I’ve found that for us to be energised, we need to constantly re-invent ourselves as well as our lives. We need to take on new challenges and differing roles in our life. We need to shift focus to something new or renew something old as soon as we feel our energy supplies dwindling.

I’m not preaching that we should live hedonistically chasing every whim of sensual pleasure that we feel and abandon projects, people and hobbies when we get bored or uncomfortable. Rather I’m saying that we should be aware of the plateaus that are present in our lives and notice the stage when we become stagnant and stop growing.

We live out our lives in stages, and if we don’t adapt to our feelings, environment and results, then we will end up moving away from our true self and what we were meant to be and do. Accordingly, as we get older, we will become bitter and frustrated.

All things in life occur in cycles, and as nature always shows us best, most things don’t grow linearly but rather cyclically-the light from the day contrasts from the darkness of night.

“Change like seasons is inevitable.
No season is permanent.
Opportunities and needs, like seasons, wane as a new one begins.
We can be purposeful, anticipating change and navigate the differing phases of our lives.
Or ignore it allowing circumstances to impose its change on us.
We live our lives in seasons.”

The need to re-invent ourselves is championed by the concept of “The Sigmoid Curve,” written about by Charles Handy in “The Age of the Paradox,” in 1994.”

The Sigmoid curve is a mathematical concept developed by Handy, and it confirms the cyclical nature of everything we do in life from our relationships, careers, business lives to our personal growth.

Sigmoid Curve
Sigmoid Curve: Illustration of the stretched out “S” lying on its side with the 3 phases

A)The Learning Phase

This is at the bottom of the S, and it rises slowly, often dipping before starting to grow. It’s the initial phase of learning; the first few months of a business start-up, the first few months of a new career, or just after the honeymoon period is over, in a marriage.

At this stage, there is a lot of hard work, and no initial wins to appreciate and little sign of growth. It’s here where we need the persistence and belief to push through the hard times.

Typically, this is seen in a business start-up, with founders working 100-hour weeks in the basements or garages of their homes for months on end. They are driven by the belief that they are onto the next “New” thing in the Technology world, living off hot coffee and cold pizza, with no income in sight.

B)The Growth Phase

There is a sharp rise in the S shape, and now things are moving quickly, the start-up is growing fast, career promotions are coming through quickly. Or we start to enjoy our relationship as it matures, and we understand each other much more.

The start-up is now buzzing, with many people on board and it’s now recognized and appreciated by many people around silicon valley. Suddenly many venture capitalists want to invest; talented people are ready to work with them, and the press wants to report their success. There is real growth and maturation in this phase.

C)The Decline Phase

Here the line drops as the S shape begins to fall. Things start to get mundane, uninteresting and what was effortless becomes hard work. Energy level drops as we lose the excitement of the initial stage, and we then lose focus. Things have stalled and need freshening up, and this decline can occur within a business, our careers or in our marriages.

In the start-up example, expenses shoot up, while revenues drop as the novelty of the start-up’s products have worn out, and competition has caught up, what was once an inspiring environment to work in becomes like any other place. The start-up reaches its crossroads, and now everything is questioned.

The trick is to negotiate the phases at the right time and avoid the decline phase. As the picture below illustrates, we need to jump off the first curve before it hits its peak and start on something new at the start of a new curve.

 

However, this is no easy task as history has proved. From the decline of the Roman Empire, the fall from grace of Tiger Woods and the disappearance of Kodak, have all shown us that the biggest risers can fall quickly and never be able to recover.

We can’t rest on our laurels for too long at the first stage as we often don’t have the energy or know-how to change direction when we arrive at the final decline phase. Our momentum stalls and what made us great at the initial stage no longer works and needs to shift drastically.

We didn’t invest enough time, resources and energy in thinking about the future and preparing ourselves to jump onto the next stage. There is often ambivalence, doubts, and fear of doing so and as such we find ourselves stuck in that initial stage afraid to leave our comfort zone and of taking the next new step.

However, when looking at most successful people and businesses, it is precisely that courageous move that keeps them at the top. It is their willingness to push their comfort zones, aim higher and have the self-belief required to jump at the right time.

The successful people are ready to reinvent themselves and adapt to the ever-changing environment always following their excitement and being strong enough to kill off what doesn’t serve them anymore.