7 Questions That Help Us Delve Deep Into Knowing Thyself

know thyself
Photo Credit: Mi Pham

Published by Elephant Journal

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the clearer we become. When we are looking for a partner, we ask everything about them: from their likes to their dislikes.

We want to know every little detail; what excites them, what puts a smile on their face, what makes them tick.We become curious about the books they read and the movies they watch; we crave to become aquainted with everything that makes them who they are.

However, when it comes to ourselves, we presume we know it all, without dedicating enough time and effort to research ourselves. We allow the world to judge us, give us titles and names that don’t apply to our true selves. We end up being tagged and put into a compartment that isolates us for many years and stops us from finding what our true aspirations are.

What were we like when we were growing up?

What interests or practices do we completely lose ourselves in?

What are our strengths and weaknesses? And most importantly what are our aspirations—How do we imagine our lives to be?

Often, the quickest way to get to know ourselves is when we face a traumatic situation, or when our backs are against the wall, or when we are thrown in at the deep end at a new job. Our ego is cast aside as we need to learn quickly about ourselves and handle the emergency on hand.

However, most of the time that’s not the case, and we need to be proactive and stir the pot to start discovering who we truly are by simply asking meaningful questions about ourselves.

“Know Thyself” was inscribed in the temple of Apollo at Delphi, almost three thousand years ago. The wisdom of those two words still speaks loudly today.

I’ve found that when we take some time off, preferably for a few days to sit alone and analyse ourselves as we would on any other subject, we get to know a lot about ourselves and kick-start an adventure of self-discovery that lasts a lifetime.

These are some tests and questions to start the process:

1) Do a Personality test.

The Myers-Brigg test is not the only way to analyse our personality, but it’s been used extensively in the corporate world for almost fifty years now and gives us a fair idea of who we truly are.

There are many variations and sites, but I’ve found the 16personalites.com to be a good one.

It wasn’t until much later in my life that I did the Myers-Brigg personality test and found out I was an INTJ–an introverted thinker who needs a lot of time alone to be able to recharge my batteries.

That was in complete contrast to how I was living, and it banished the thought that I was weird and different to others, and I finally understood why I craved solitude, even though I could be quite extroverted in small doses.

2) What are our strengths?

Positive Psychology has dominated our lives for the last few decades, and it’s simply the study of what makes us happy and the activities that we can do more off to infuse that spark in our lives.

Martin Seligman is the founding father of Positive Psychology and his insistence on finding our strengths and maximizing them has supported the self-help field that is so prevalent today.We need to discover our strengths and try to find ways to activate them in our lives and contrastingly not to focus on our weaknesses but just manage them.We need not glorify our weaknesses.

His now famous VIA signature strengths test has been completed by millions.

My top strength turned out to be my love of learning, and it explains why I’m happy to be continually learning even in my mid-forties. My second strength was the curiosity I have for the world which validates my longing to travel and to understand everything the world has to offer. My third strength is wisdom, which comes as no surprise since my first existential questions started when I was ten.

3) What are our core values?

Values are core beliefs that we have developed over the years. They are the ethics that we feel so strongly about and the points of view that we find ourselves arguing for in conversations. They are what drive us from the minute we open our eyes, till the moment we sleep.

Our beliefs are often complicated by our upbringing, society, and the effect that the media has on us, and as such we need to dig deep and find what truly are our values. We should avoid the ones that would make us fit in with our peer group and rather choose what is authentic to us.

I’ve found the short E-book, Aligning with your core values by Tim Brownson to be very useful in identifying my values.

I’m very clear on mine after years of defining them by learning and looking out for what I feel strongly about. My values include self- control, growth, freedom, wisdom, inner peace, creativity and authenticity.

4) Who do you look up to? Who are your mentors? Who inspires you?

I appreciate social entrepreneurship and what it offers to the world because it covers most of my values. And as such I’m always inspired by people who create ingenious ideas to give back to our society.

Muhammad Yunus, founder of Grameen Bank also won the 2006 Nobel Prize for his efforts in providing microcredit loans to those in need to help them develop financial self-sufficiency in poor developing countries like his home country Bangladesh.

I also admire my late grandfather who would act like a modern day Robin Hood by asking for money from the wealthy and then buying essential foods, and personally delivering to all the poor and homeless in Tyre, Lebanon. He wore the same clothes, drove a very old car and continued doing what he did well into his eighties.

5).   What makes you happiest in your life? What excites you? What do you do that makes you feel invincible?

When I’m sitting alone, and I’m writing a poem or prose, it comes naturally and deep from my heart, and I know my words will touch many hearts, that is when I’m at my happiest.

I believe in the power of words and the effect they can have on inspiring people and when I see people inspired to change and to claim their authenticity then that makes me feel invincible.

6) What careers do you find yourself dreaming of?

I dream of impacting the world with my writing the way Rumi, Kahlil Gibran, and Ernest Hemingway have. Their words touch people’s hearts and are immortal, affecting generation after generation. Their writings and words are a pathway to reach our souls, and that’s the path I want to be in all my life.

7) If you were able to be a member of the audience at your own funeral (in 100 years or so) what would you want to hear people say?

I want people to say that I’ve inspired many to find their rightful paths—their long road back to their hidden inner beings. I want to be remembered for leading the authenticity revolution amidst the clamor and noise for living other people’s lives and values.

I want to be known for waking people up to the simple fact that it’s not always about the money, the success and accumulations of possessions and achievements. Rather in the words of Abraham Maslow, I want everyone to “become who they must be.”

My Rules of Engagement

My Rules of Engagement
Photo Credit: Aaron Burden
My Liberty means:
  • Not infringing on my right to choose, from which country to live in, to which ice-cream flavor I like.
  • Not pushing me to second-guess my decisions, even though I wasn’t certain the first time round.
  • Not forcing me to justify my actions, over and over again.
My Freedom means:
  • Allowing me to make decisions that are right for my soul, even though they could be wrong for your EGO.
  • Recognizing not to compromise my values, interests, and principles.
  • Respecting my carefully drawn out boundaries.
  • Not impugning on my time, no matter how futile you think I spend it and no matter how little I give it.
My Intentions are:
  • I will be present and mindful rather than succumb to my thoughts.
  • I will enjoy what I’m doing and not focus only on achieving.
  • I will rather get challenged than be comfortable.
  • I will rather get engaged than oblivious.
  • I will use my imagination to create rather than become creatively impotent.
  • I will praise ten times to every one time I criticise.
  • I will not judge anyone but be willing to accept.
  • I will work towards Compassion rather than indifference.
  • I will follow my true path and not the path of others.
  • I will learn like a scavenger looking for learnings everywhere I can.
  • I will commit to growth as if it’s my sole intention for living.
  • I will serve mankind as if every single one is part of my family.
  • I will care for the environment as if it was the home I built with my own two hands.

5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals

5 Reasons We Fail To Achieve Our Goals
Photo Credit: Greg Raines

As Published by Elephant Journal

It’s the first day of the year. It’s a day I like to spend alone and reflect on myself, my actions towards the goals of last year and to see if I have changed or, at least, created some momentum to change.

After all, we are goal-setting machines, and our growth is served not only by achieving goals but in who we become when we proceed faithfully towards them.And so it’s imperative that we reflect on what worked and what didn’t in the past year.

Almost six out of ten resolutions fail in the first week alone, and approximately 48% of corporate goals are abandoned after only three months. So the point is not if we fail, but when we fail.

Why is it that many of us don’t stay true to our goals and fail to make any lasting change? Why do we not lose the 20 pounds we promised ourselves we would? Why don’t we put that extra money in a savings account as we intended to?

It’s true that self-discipline is key and without it, most goals are unachievable, but there are also several other reasons why our goals don’t last, but only for a few weeks.

1) The word “Goal” is loaded and overwhelming

I’ve found that the word “Goal” in itself is heavy and is ladened with so many expectations that it represents a universal concept that is tired which adds so much stress to us when mentioned. It implies that in not achieving it then you are a failure.

Recently, I’ve started to use the word “Intention” as it allows me to think that even if I create some momentum towards it without achieving it, then I’m still successful.

I set an intention to write an e-book for last year, and I couldn’t do it. However, I’ve made meaningful progress towards writing it and learned a few things on the way to be able to get it done this year and so I don’t feel like a failure just because I didn’t finish the book.

2) Our reflections are not deep enough

When reflecting on the past year, then it’s important that we scrutinise both successes and failures. We must understand the reasons why we failed in achieving our intentions and appreciate that it could well be something that we were not yet ready for.

We must be weary of our ego pushing us to do something, and that in the greater scheme of things it wasn’t the right time or the right match for us. I had set a Goal to run the New York marathon, but my body hadn’t recovered from the previous year’s injuries I suffered in running too much too quickly.As such, every time I completed a long run, then I would completely break down causing me much pain and disappointment.

If i had been honest with my reflection, and knowing the conditions of my knees, then I wouldn’t have set sucah an intention.It doesnt mean I have given up on my dream to run a marathon, but I must first rehabilitate my knees.

3) Are our Goals/Intentions relevant to us?

Our culture has become one which is inundated with achievement, success and the spoils of it all. We often set intentions for the sake of it, and bucket lists have become a way to compare how we rate our happiness and contentment in life as compared to the next person as if that was true.

We can reduce the stress we put on ourselves, by choosing what is relevant to us rather than what is in vogue.What’s the point of climbing Kilimanjaro if it means nothing to us? Why take up Yoga, only because all of California is doing so?

When we ask ourselves why we are pursuing our goal or intention, and it still makes us all giddy and excited to do so, then it means we are on the right track.And when we view our life as an eighty-year project rather than a short-sighted view of twelve months, we start to choose fewer and more meaningful things to do or achieve per year.

I set several intentions in 2015 to learn Tai Chi, Pilates and run a marathon in 2015 and I ended up doing none. Instead, I should have asked myself why I truly wanted all of them and if I still wanted them, then set only one of them per year and leave the others for the following years.

4) We don’t set enough Spiritual Goals/Intentions

Spiritual goals or intentions are things like, I want to control my anger outbursts, or I will wake up every day and put a smile on at least one person. Gabrielle Reece, the famous former Model/Volleyball professional stated in an interview that she had set an intention long ago to “Go First,” meaning she would greet, smile and approach anyone she came across before they did.

These intentions are more difficult and often hard to gauge, but they nourish the soul and as such lead to a lasting change.They improve our attitudes, mindsets and the way we interact with the world. They make us better people and so we find achieving all our other intentions much easier to do.

Last year I decided that I wanted to have more peace and solitude in my life. I started rising earlier by an hour every day to have some time on my own, and I can honestly say it’s one of the best things I’ve ever done and that alone helped me achieve many of the other intentions I set.

5)We don’t define and plan the actions needed towards an intention

The whole point of setting goals or intentions is to get into action and without a clearly defined action plan and a schedule set for actually doing them than we are doomed to fail.The intentions are the 1% inspiration we need while the actions are 99% perspiration we have to do.

It’s important to block out specific time in the calendar for doing the actions required towards our set intentions. I’ve marked my calendar with three sessions of writing per week each lasting three hours, and I know if I remain true to those actions, then I will not only achieve my desired outcomes but will also increase the amount contentment in my life.

Whether we call them Goals, Intentions, or New year’s Resolutions, it’s important to have some clarity on how we will spend the next minute, the next day and the next year.
We can simplify this process, or complicate it but the bottom line is that we have an inner need to effect lasting change within ourselves and grow every minute, every day and every year.

5 Reasons To Think Hard Before Setting Goals

Mo.Issa

“A goal is not always meant to be reached, it often serves simply as something to aim at”.-Bruce Lee

I’m getting tired of the effect of goals and precisely how my fixation on their outcomes is affecting my life. I’ve found myself getting overwhelmed by my elaborate goal-setting plans that often lead me to abandon the goal altogether.

I’ve lived most of my life on the principle that we as humans are goal-setting machines, and I went about my life by setting goals, achieving them and then setting new ones.

I’ve grown so much from the structure and the drive that goal setting has instilled in me to achieve more and be more. And I find myself afraid of living without goals as that would make me complacent, and so I won’t do enough and when I’m not doing then I’m not growing.

“Not all who wander are lost.”- J.R.R Tolkien

However, I’ve started being more agreeable to the growing view that setting goals and achieving them doesn’t necessarily lead to a life of contentment.

Rather, I’ve found that committing to a strict regimen of doing rather than measuring my progress against goals has made it easier for me to continue and enjoy the process.

Alex Ferguson, the former Manchester United Football manager, when asked what his strategy was and the goals he set for winning 49 trophies and becoming the most successful Football manager ever, just said:

“My only goal was to win every game and every action I did was towards that.”

These are five reasons to be careful when setting goals:

1) We forget our love of the activity

We get so caught up with the actual goal and enamored by the hype surrounding it that we forget why we got into doing the activity in the first place. We forget how much we love the process itself and instead start to focus on the results.

I was training for the Florence Marathon a year ago. I read, analyzed and created a scientific plan so that I could run faster and harder. I started adding new training techniques and was regularly recording my times and pace. Suddenly, I stopped enjoying my running and became fixated on seeing myself cross the line at 4h 10mins. Six weeks into the training plan, I got injured and could never recover to run the marathon.

2) Goals, sub-goals, and tasks add stress

First we set our goals, and then our sub-goals and the actions that align with them. Then we review our tasks daily, weekly and track our progress towards the goals. All this extra activity and decisions adds stress to our lives. Now instead of focusing our energy on the actual process that we love, we waste it on creating lists and then checking them off.

Last week I joined NaNoWriMo, which is an annual online creative writing project that takes place only in November and it challenges participants to write 50,000 words for a novel. It gets people writing and motivated throughout the month. It’s a great event and has helped many write best sellers.

However, it completely stressed me out, as I felt I was under so much pressure. I now had a big goal of writing a novel with a sub-goal of writing so many words per day. I devised a plan of how many words to write per day, what time to write, and what to write.

I met my target for the first few days but I wasn’t enjoying my writing anymore, and what was meant to be fun and a way to free myself from the stress of life became the stress itself. I quickly deleted my account on the third day and made a simple commitment to write for two days a week at three-hour stretches.

3) Goal-setting is often simply running away

We sometimes, jump from goal to goal and after achieving them, then just abandon the interest. We just wanted to add excitement and activity to our lives, and not necessarily meaning.

We inadvertently use goals so that we don’t have to stop and reflect on our lives. We start following new fads and new things to do just for the sake of doing them. We keep running, as we don’t want to sit alone with our thoughts and our truths.

We never ask why we are setting the goal and what it means to achieve it. Why do we want to write a book? Is it to gain prestige and recognition or do we feel that people need to hear our message?

4) Kaizen is a better way than goal setting

Kaizen is Japanese term that has become famous in the west. It means continuous improvement through small incremental changes that accumulate over time. It’s used in the corporate world for developing systems and practices. It’s one of the core principles that Toyota used to become the No.1 Car producer in the world.

We always associate change with some large, visible result like a before and after picture of someone who has lost weight in a few months. However, in reality the greatest changes occur when we make daily small incremental changes. This way we don’t put too much pressure on ourselves and overload our capacity.

It’s no coincidence that 99% of New Year resolutions are abandoned in the first week. We overwhelm ourselves with too many goals and often the goals are just too unrealistic.

5) Goals can be limiting

When we fix goals, we close ourselves to many opportunities that could open up for us. We focus only on a particular action towards the goal we set. We become oblivious to reality and find it harder to change and adapt to our fast-changing environment.

For Example, Google doesn’t set annual corporate goals (except for SEC requirements) as it feels goals reduce its agility and how they could respond to the market.

I still feel I need a general direction to push me into doing the things I love in a more consistent way. I want to remain focused and committed to the processes that I enjoy.

I’m not going to abandon goal-setting altogether, but I will look at them with more scrutiny always asking if the particular goal gives me contentment, lessens stress and helps me grow before I commit to it.

But, I definitely don’t want an elaborate goal-setting plan that would make me feel like I’m not enough when I don’t achieve some of it’s goals.

 

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life

3 Big Ways That Rising Early Transformed My Life (2)Published By Elephant Journal

“How we spend our days is how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour and that one is what we are doing. There is no shortage of good days. It is good lives that are hard to come by.”–Annie Dillard

If I had to choose one practice that was the catalyst for my transformation then it’s rising early at 5:30 a.m every day for the past five years. This single commitment has changed me from a grumpy, frustrated person who was always in a rush to get things done without much enjoyment to a much calmer person who has found more meaning and purpose in his life.

It was rising early that propelled me to add many other productive habits to my morning. It was rising early that kept me constant and consistent with the rituals that I needed to re-wire my brain.And it was rising early that gave me the thrust I needed to go further towards the path of my authenticity.

There is something special, almost magical when we wake up a few minutes before the sun comes out.It’s like we watch its birth and look at it in grateful awe.We feel it’s might, and it somehow reminds us of life’s beauty and the infinite possibilities we have to connect to its power.

There are three big areas in my life that rising early has helped me tremendously:

1. Inner peace

I learnt that to have peace throughout the day; I needed to start with solitude and connection to my soul. I needed to ignore the noise that constantly surrounds me and listen to the songs and lullabies that my soul whispers in my ears.

There is no better time to do so just before the sun would come out. The birds start chirping away, and the trees outside stand tall and ready for their day. And there is always a hint of freshness in the atmosphere.It’s like life is ready to dazzle me, and that gives me a feeling of inner peace and freedom that I find hard to put into words.

2. Creativity

As I become more consistent with my morning rituals, and without many distractions I found myself in that state of “Flow.”I connect with my soul and find that my creative juices are flowing, and my muse is always close by to help me create.

During this time, there are no questions to be answered ,no emails to respond to and no decisions to be made. I can easily focus on one thing and it’s usually my writing.

There are many examples of great people who rise early and allow this energy in the morning to help them create, such as Steve Jobs, Mark Twain, Albert Einstein, Ernest Hemingway and Richard Branson.

3.Feeling energized

What we do in the morning will set us up for the rest of our day.And when we remain consistent with getting up early and follow our daily rituals ,then we find ourselves with so much energy within us that we can achieve much more during the day.

I very often find that by afternoon ,I’ve done most of the big tasks I was meant to do and as such the rest of the day becomes a breeze. And that’s in stark contrast to the other days where I achieve much less when my mornings don’t go to plan.

How to wake up early?

  • You need to sleep earlier as any attempt in cutting down the amount of hours you need to sleep(7-8 hours) will result in you waking up more stressed and any benefit gained by waking up early will be duly lost.
  • Reduce the time you want to wake up gradually so that you don’t end up giving up the practice completely. For example, set your alarm earlier by 15 minutes every three days and so you will be up earlier by 30 minutes within a week and 2 hours within a month.
  •  Increase your exercise activity during this period when trying to wake up earlier so that you can sleep easier at night.
  • As soon as the alarm goes off, jump out of bed and don’t allow your lazy mind to lull you into staying in bed.
  • Prepare one thing that excites you to do in the morning, such as a Yoga move that stretches your back or reading from a book you enjoy.

My Morning Rituals(In the order I practice them)

  1.  Drinking water: I Drink a full glass of water so that I’m immediately energized and my body starts to function.
  2. Meditation: I meditate for 20 minutes, and even though I struggle for the first 15 minutes, I find that the last five minutes makes up for the initial struggle. Meditation not only instills this inner peace in me but clears my mind so that I’m ready for the day ahead. It also acts as a reminder of the discipline of mastering my mind throughout my life.
  3. Journaling: I journal for about 15 minutes where I bring out all my fears and insecurities in detail. The mere fact that I’m aware acts like a catharsis and I feel better immediately.
  4. Reading: I read for 30 minutes and find that it soothes my being and in the morning I’m more receptive to the different ideas and worlds that reading conjures up.
  5. Gratitude: I write out 3 things I’m grateful for and that just reminds me to focus on the things that are working in my life. Usually this could be for something small like the cheesecake I had yesterday, or achieving a goal I’ve been aiming towards for a while.
  6. Big To-Do’s: I write out in bold ink the 3 things that I want to achieve today.
  7. Exercise: I exercise whether it’s a run or a cross fit session in the outdoors depending on where I’m at with injuries, running races or I’m out of the country. The main thing is to move for about 45 minutes in the morning.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.”-Brené Brown

I’m not saying that the only way to be peaceful and productive is to rise early but it worked very well for me, and this is coming from someone who used to claim he was not a morning person.

There are many days that I can’t get up early as an enforced late night or a bad night’s sleep will hinder my discipline.However, I find that if I stick to this regimen of early rise and practicing my rituals for about 80 percent of the time then I’m fine.

I have found that for me to be able to cultivate the authenticity within me, then it’s my morning rituals that have become the vehicle that drive me towards the nirvana of my true self.

11 Ways to Improve Willpower

Featured on Elephant Journal

“Strength doesn’t come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will.” Mahatma Gandhi

Willpower is probably the most critical capacity we have within our powers. It is more important than intelligence, physical beauty, and even personality. People who control their emotions, their actions, and their focus are more likely to be happier, healthier and achieve more in their life.

will power
Photo Credit: Jamie King

As our Brain evolved, the new part—the prefrontal cortex, developed on top of the old limbic impulsive one. Within this prefrontal cortex lies our capacity of willpower, and there are three components here:

• “I will”-this is when you need to do something. E.g., I will get to run three times a week as part of my training program.
• “I won’t”-this is when it’s important to say NO. E.g., I won’t go out on Saturday before my Sunday long Run.
• “I want”-this is the self-awareness to remember your end goal or what you want. E.g., I have the big picture in mind that I am training for a marathon to be able to decide when I say I will and when I say won’t.

Here are several ways that we can improve our willpower:

1.Focus on one task at a time

“Concentrate all your thoughts on the task at hand. The sun’s rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”-Alexander Graham Bell

Unfortunately, Willpower is not something that we have infinitely and as such we must use it effectively, or it loses its inherent power.
The constant distractions-the Internet, email, social media and the general speed of things that happen to us have hampered our ability to focus. Multitasking sounds great, but the most successful people and the best results are obtained by those who focus on one thing at a time.

2.Self-belief

“Three things are necessary, first, backbone; second, backbone; third, backbone.”- Charles Sumner

We need to believe in ourselves as powerful creators and remove all self-doubts within us that tell us we are not capable. This belief that we are enough and able to do what we aspire to do is crucial for us to maintain our willpower.

3.Persistence

“Success requires persistence, the ability to not give up in the face of failure. I believe that optimistic explanatory style is the key to persistence.”-Martin Seligman

Persistence is the most important trait to have when staying on the path to a goal. Rarely do things pan out as planned, and there will be many temporary failures on the way, but it’s the people who have grit and real belief in their end goals who usually achieve them.

4.Meditation
There is growing evidence in Neuroscience that people, who regularly meditate have stronger willpower than those who don’t. They are better at focusing their attention, impulse control, and self-awareness. Meditating builds our mental muscles, just like when we go to the gym and build our chest and bicep muscles.

5.Response-Mode
When a challenge or a critical moment arises, then take a few seconds to respond. Take a few long deep breaths and completely relax yourself. Look at the complete picture of things and react accordingly.
Here our prefrontal cortex will communicate the need for self-control to our lower brain regions that regulate our heart rate, blood pressure, breathing, and other automatic functions.
In this mode, you have a better chance of making the right decision without being impulsive or getting emotional.
It’s the complete opposite of the “fight-or-flight” response which is helpful in certain situations when something or someone threatens our life.

6.Exercise

Exercise is the closest thing to a super drug that is readily available for everyone, and it’s free. Working out also relieves ordinary, everyday stress, acting like an antidepressant. It makes your brain bigger, faster, and more powerful. It will also make you healthier and so pave the way for you to focus better and longer on a given task.

7.Build willpower with Small exercises
We can commit to small consistent acts of self-control—not looking at our smart-phones for 60 minutes, walking with good posture and limiting our coffee intake to one cup a day.
These may seem inconsequential, but they improve overall willpower, and we get into the habit of being more mindful of our choices. We learn to pause and then choose the most difficult way rather than the easy one.

8.Stress-relief strategies
Choose the most effective stress-relief strategies that work for you. E.g., Running, Reading, Writing, Yoga, Painting, Prayer, Journalling

These strategies boost our moods enhancing brain chemicals like serotonin and oxytocin and so induce the healing relaxation response while shutting down the brain’s stress response.

These differ from the quick fix strategies like Internet, watching TV or alcohol, which release dopamine and usually gratify us instantly but leave us with a feeling of let down afterward.

9.Self-Compassion
Love thyself is the key to greater willpower. We are much better served by being kind and supportive to ourselves rather than indulging in self-pity and self-loathing acts especially in the face of stress and failure.
Forgiveness rather than guilt will help get us back on track and closer to our goals. Encouragement will strengthen our willpower and resolve the negative inner voices that drain our motivation.

10.Pre-Committing
Pre-commitment is when you leave yourself with little option to do something or not to do something. You make the conditions as convenient as possible so as not to fail in what you want to achieve. E.g., Brush your teeth right after dinner to avoid snacking late at night.
Or to make any negative behavior as inconvenient as possible E.g., many writers disable the Wi-Fi capability of a laptop when writing to avowing surfing the Internet.

In her famous book The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal gives us a brilliant example of how pre-commitment works. She explains how in 1519, Hernan Cortes conquered Mexico by ordering his men to “burn their ships.” He knew that when they faced their first battle, the crew would be tempted to retreat if they knew they had the option to sail away. So according to legend, this act of pre-commitment left his men with no choice but to go forward. After burning their ships, they had no safety net, no escape plan and the only way out was to win their battles.

11.Clear Boundaries
If we are clear about our expectations, then it becomes much easier to exercise our willpower. Set clear boundaries on how you want to use your self-control and on the outcomes that you want. Then focus your energies solely to stay within them.
E.g., I will save a thousand dollars every month towards my children’s education fund.
This example gives a clear boundary for us to use our willpower as against saying I will save some money towards my children’s education fund.

9 Ways to Make your Goals Work

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” ― Henry David Thoreau

It’s early in the year, and I’m sure that like me, you are frustrated by the amount of articles, posts, and voices that are pushing you to set our goals for the year.

The reality is that all living things have within them a goal-striving mechanism to help in achieving their goals. It is something intrinsic and a great gift given to us to do and be more.

Animals have one goal: to survive and live, and that often involves finding food, shelter, procreating, and overcoming hazards. The squirrel goes about its goal to store nuts during the fall for the upcoming winter without much procrastination. Birds navigate thousands of miles of flying without a GPS system to arrive at their destination.

On the other hand, with humans, the goal to live means more than just mere survival as we have emotional and spiritual needs that drive us to achieve greater goals–ultimately in living fuller lives.

We are co-creators and have within us creative imagination with an instinct for success in attaining the goals.This could mean writing poetry, creating the latest app, climbing Mount Everest, inventing a machine, or attaining inner peace.

Goals are not only necessary for us to survive and live, but also to blossom and live great lives. We tend to default to comfort and rarely want to leave that space and as such live average lives instead of extraordinary ones we were supposed to live.

In early January 2013, I broke my hand in kickboxing, and I couldn’t go to the gym for a while. I put on a few pounds and was getting hysterical, so I decided to start running. I had no training, and the last time I ran, I was in college. I immediately set a goal of running a half-marathon within 6 months. I did all my research, read all the books, and created a plan.

I followed the plan religiously, often getting up at 4am and I couldn’t sleep from the pain in my knees for many nights. I persevered and succeeded in completing the run in a decent time for my 45-year-old body.

However, what I gained from the whole experience was not only the thrill of completing my goal, but also the feeling it gave me as a changed man. It made me more confident, stronger willed and left me with a new healthier way of life with running at its core.

However, as with everything we do, we humans tend to overcomplicate matters, and goal-setting becomes a concept that takes too much time from the actual process of doing and engaging in life.

Here is a list of Do’s and Don’ts in setting goals:

# Do make your Goals Specific

This is to distinguish them from a mere wish.

E.g. I want to be rich is not a goal but a mere wish but I want to make two million dollars in three years at the stock market is a goal.

#Do make them measurable

This is to track your progress and see what adjustments you need to make.

E.g. I want to run 30km this week, and I have only done 20km and it’s the 5th day of the week. I have choices on what to do for the last two days.

#Do let them push you

Goals push us out of our comfort zones, helping us with new experiences and challenges that make us bigger people. However, you have to make them also attainable, so they don’t dishearten you.

E.g. If you make $100 k a year, then an attainable goal which would also push you, would be to make $300k a year, and not three million a year.

#Do make them relevant to you

We often get caught up with what society tells us, or what our friends & family are doing. We end up setting goals that are not for us just so that we belong to our group.

E.g. A few years back, I set myself a goal of trying Para-gliding as a lot of my friends were doing it. I did do it and spend so much time, and money in getting there and I hated it from the first second I got airborne until I landed dazed and confused.

#Do set a deadline

There is a kind of magic that happens when we see a looming date coming up. It starts a chain of thoughts and events that energize you towards the goal.

E.g. I will run The New York marathon on Sunday 1st November 2015, and not I want to run a marathon next year.

# Don’t Overcomplicate & Overwhelm

We often set too many goals, and as such, we get stressed and overwhelmed and give up not only on the goal, but also on the actual process.

E.g. Failing a strict diet would make you give up not only on the diet but on healthy eating.

#Don’t feel Guilty

We often feel very guilty and let down when we don’t achieve a goal and it somehow permeates into other areas of our lives and puts us in a bad state of mind.

E.g. I missed a long Sunday run a few months ago, and I spent the whole day crying about it until my young daughter screamed at me to get a grip of myself.

#Don’t forget that it’s the process that we really love

We lose sight of the why of our goal; we totally forget why we started the goal in the first place and what motivated us to do it. Goals become chores and lose their essence as we forget that we loved that process before setting the goal.

“It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.” ― Ernest Hemingway

#Don’t forget to celebrate

This is often overlooked but it’s important to celebrate your wins and recognize your achievements. It all fills your self-esteem container and reinforces your win into your psyche.

 At the end of the day, Goals are simply a way to ask yourself if what you are doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow.