9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

9 Ways To Tame The Ego And Transcend Into Our Hidden Spiritual Being

“Two people have been living in you all of your life. One is the ego, garrulous, demanding, hysterical, and calculating; the other is the hidden spiritual being, whose still voice of wisdom you have only rarely heard or attended to.”

-Sogyal Rinpoche in The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying

Published by Elephant Journal

I was under pressure at work, and I was impatient for results. I berated and belittled the efforts of an employee at the company I manage. I kept my tirade going for a few minutes until I realized that tears were flowing down her cheeks. I was overcome with sorrow and regret and even though I was right to be frustrated, my response was over the top.

For the first time, I realized how I had portrayed an image of ‘the tough boss”. It was a mask that didn’t reflect my true inner being and the compassion that I have for my employees. I was used to being the “tough boss”, a role; I just didn’t know how to let go.

Ego is necessary and important because it defines our sense of self, clarifies our boundaries and develops our personality while protecting our fragile inner self from disappointment, rejection, and other harm caused by society and circumstances around us.

However, the ego is more often the false self-image that we represent, and we get trapped into living our lives in a negative way. It is built early on in our lives by the many conditioned beliefs we carry with us. All those paradigms when not worked on crystallize into limiting and self-defeating beliefs and so create the mask that we wear throughout our lives.

The ego always needs validation and identification with a form to remain nourished and to grow. Its growth directly opposes any feeling of inner peace and harmony we can feel as it’s trying to conceal our truths. It’s manipulative and often creates a false and fickle self-worth.

The ego is the total of all our fears, worries and negative thoughts and provides the incessant inner voice that doubts us and holds us back from whatever opportunity of bewilderment, intuition and awe we might have come our way.

For us to acknowledge our uniqueness, power, and authenticity, then we must overcome and transcend the ego and go to a place where our truths reside. We can do so by letting go and becoming aware of the false masks we often wear that lead to our egoic behavior.

These are 9 ways to tame the ego:

1. Let go of the need to win, to be right and superior

Winning, being perfect and becoming superior are unattainable and as such when we crave them, we are validating our ego, and its behaviour. We need to focus on doing what gives us contentment, embrace compassion and what brings peace to any situation.

The world is not divided into winners and losers and in the eyes of God, we are all equal and to think otherwise will lead us to feel miserable as we often judge ourselves the hardest. What starts as a superiority outlook quickly turns into feeling despairingly inferior?

In my example mentioned above, my need to be right was of little consequence when it meant hurting another human being.

“When the choice is to be right or to be kind, always make the choice that brings peace.” ― Wayne W. Dyer

2. Stop Identification with ‘The Perfect Body Image.’

Society, the media and consumerism want us to believe that people with six packs and great bodies are better than the rest of us. The reality is that the more we obsess with having the perfect body image, the less complete of a person we become.

I run and work out regularly, but I do so to remain healthy, and because I enjoy it. I listen to my body’s needs, rather than push it hard so that I can have a model’s six-pack. My body image doesn’t define who I am.

3. Stop Identification with Achievements.

We are not our achievements but rather who we become and how we feel when we achieve things. We quickly get bored with the millions, the titles, the mountains we scale, the races we ran, if they don’t give us a feeling of contentment.

There is a big game being played out in the universe, and we are just a minute part of it. There is a mysterious power that guides us to many of our achievements, and we are only observers meant to experience those journeys, but the ego in us prevents us from accepting this reasoning.

I broke my hand in a freak accident, and it led to me start running instead of going to the gym. Running a half-marathon race remains one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had.

4. Stop Identification with luxury labels

Many equate their self-worth with the car they drive, the first class flights they travel on and the Chanel bag they own. As we become aware of our Egoic behaviour, we start to notice how futile it is to believe that a designer labelled item can increase our self-worth. We rather find that this route will lead us to a never-ending abyss that can never be satisfied–The mantra of ego is more.

I promised myself to buy a Rolex watch when I made a certain amount of money. I enjoyed the watch for a few weeks and then suddenly stopped wearing it. I finally sold it, as looking at it made me feel very shallow and materialistic.

5. We are not our reputation

Our reputation or what people think of us doesn’t create our success or serve us whatsoever, as it’s something outside our control. All the great people who made a difference in our world were headstrong and ignored all the criticism and acclaim of society.

Steve Jobs stayed on course towards Apple’s vision, in producing beautiful products and did not allow the business world to influence his ideas. He met many setbacks, not least being ousted from the company he founded but returned triumphant making Apple the number one company in the world.

6. We are not our thoughts or emotions

“Rule your mind or it will rule you”- Buddha

The livelihood of the ego is in fear. The more we worry or get anxious, the more we fall prey to the ego’s hold. We must recognise that most of our fears are unwarranted, and that worrying itself is an exercise in futility.

On the day that I travel, I’m usually anxious and worry so much because I don’t like change and yet the moment the plane doors shut and it takes off, I lose my anxiety and laugh at myself for being worried the whole day.

7. Don’t take things personally.

When someone doesn’t greet us, or they don’t share our opinion, then our ego tries to convince us that they are attacking us personally. The reality is that life is not only about me, myself and I.

Most of the times we are not victimised, and it’s rather our imagination controlled by our ego that leads us astray leaving us to blame others instead of giving our best.

8. Respond and don’t react

We face many situations where our ego urges us to react rather than take a few breaths to calm down and see the big picture, which then enables us to respond in a more thoughtful way.

Why react to an angry driver who insults us for no apparent reason? If they act out of ego, then when we don’t react, we often bring out the rationality in them, and they see themselves as petty and often apologise.

9. Stop putting people down

Putting people down continually and seeing the worst in their actions reflects poorly on us as we only do so to make ourselves feel better. Criticism is sometimes important to motivate and correct, but it becomes devastating in its effect when it’s done solely to condemn.

Research suggests that a 5:1 ratio of positive comments to negative ones is the best way to motivate employees in the workplace, and that is something that can be extended to our relationships and our self-talk.

Once we find the courage to tame our ego and transcend towards our true authentic self, we start to connect with everything and everyone on an intimate level. We recognise that our ego is not keeping us safe but rather separate from our reality.

We come face to face with our true authentic self and awaken to the aliveness within us and return to that “Hidden Spiritual Being.” 

The 5 People Who Rocked My World in 2015

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I’m admittedly a learning junkie and only come alive when my curiosity and interest in the world are piqued. I’m fascinated by new learnings and discoveries every day, and they have been central to any impending change in my life.

Every year I stumble upon new teachers and fresh material and 2015 has been no exception.And whether it’s through reading their blogs, listening to their podcasts or watching their interviews or talks I’ve become a better man.

These are the 5 people who rocked my world in 2015:

1.Tim Ferris-The 4-hour Workweek 

“I’ll repeat something you might consider tattooing on your forehead: What we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do.” ― Timothy Ferriss

He is the author of the New York times best seller 4-hour workweek, blogger, self-experimenter, podcaster and health and body expert. He also successfully funds start-ups in silicon valley. He is also a lover of Stoicism and in particular, Seneca.

He deconstructs complicated concepts into clear, understandable ideas which show that most things are achievable and do-able. His how-to-do steps are geared to help the common man see that nothing is impossible and that anything is possible.If there was anyone who epitomises the new type of self-help guru, then it’s him.

He reached the Tango National Finals in Argentina while practicing for less than a year and took up Tai-chi grappling and won the national championship in Taiwan. He speaks Japanese and Mandarin fluently and in fact, there isn’t much he can’t do when he sets his mind to it.

I love his podcasts, which are long and funny. The variety of guests from movie stars like Jamie Foxx, to chess prodigy–Joshua Waitzkin, and Body and fitness stars, to Venture capitalists based in Silicon Valley is simply amazing. It has opened a new world for me, and it’s like even though I’m not in that world but listening to the interviews I become part of them and learn different things from all those successful people.

My Biggest Take-away

Taking control of  my time and my life. I’ve also started experimenting with new interests and habits and find it is the best way to learn about ourselves.

2.Leo Babauta-Zen Habits blog

“Simplicity boils down to two steps: Identify the essential. Eliminate the rest.” ― Leo Babauta

Simplicity, minimalism and contentment are what you get when you visit his site. I love the whiteness of his blog, the simple concepts he writes about and the succinct words he uses that will immediately send your being into peace and calmness.

Here’s a guy who set up his blog in Guam back in 2007 and in 2011 was listed on Time’s 50 best websites.He writes about meditation, presence and contentment in life in such a pragmatic way that you don’t feel obliged to move to Tibet and live a monk’s life.

My Biggest Take-away

The power of less; We work harder, become stressed, to earn more, but the extra money that goes on a supposed better way of living (extra cars, bigger homes, premier travel) makes us less happy as we start to complicate our lives. The easiest formula is to work less, spend less and be more at peace now, not when we retire.

3.James Clear-James Clear Blog

“Becoming the type of person you want to become — someone who lives by a stronger standard, someone who believes in themselves, someone who can be counted on by the people that matter to them — is about the daily process you follow and not the ultimate product you achieve.” ―James Clear

He shares ideas for using behavior science to improve your performance and master your habits. His articles have been published in Forbes, Huffington post and many other sites. The scientific approach and depth of his content always leave you with a clear understanding of a concept, and you simply, can’t forget his teachings.

My Biggest Take-away

Learning how to instill habits in my life so that I can focus on my actual practice rather than the actual goal e.g. I set a target to write an hour a day, rather than setting an overwhelming goal of writing a book for the year. And when I maintain my practice, I will achieve the target and the ultimate goal.

4.Maria Popova-Brain Pickings 

“This is the power of art: The power to transcend our own self-interest, our solipsistic zoom-lens on life, and relate to the world and each other with more integrity, more curiosity, more wholeheartedness.” ― Maria Popova

Maria Popova is the creator of Brainpickings.org. She describes it; Brain Pickings is “your LEGO treasure chest, full of pieces across art, design, science, technology, philosophy, history, politics, psychology, sociology, ecology, anthropology, you-name-itology.”

Her blog is one for the intellectuals and people who like to understand the original concepts and it’s unrivaled in the richness of material. She weaves pieces and themes from old and new books, past and present authors illuminating insights, directly or indirectly, into that grand question of how to live, and how to live well.

I can’t wait for Sunday evenings when I read her new publications–they have liberated my thinking and took me to worlds I’ve either forgotten or never knew existed.

My Biggest Take-away

The Gold is in the old books and the even older authors. Why read a modern book which portrays a minute concept from Albert Camus, when she goes straight to his book and offers us his direct words and her explanations all in a great blog piece.

5.Derek Sivers-Sivers Blog

“If you think your life’s purpose needs to hit you like a lightning bolt, you’ll overlook the little day-to-day things that fascinate you.” ― Derek Sivers

He’s best known for selling his former company CD Baby an online CD store for independent musicians, with over $100M in sales for over 150,000 musician clients.He gave away most of his money and now chooses to live spartanly and spontaneously, moving to a new country every few years, doing whatever he feels like doing.

He truly does live the present moment and is living proof, of how to become non-attached to things,while living in our world and not on an isolated mountain.

Derek Sivers Interview-The Santa Monica bike ride story

“I do a 15-mile bike ride in Santa Monica, a few days a week at full-speed, 100%,head-down, red-faced, sprinting speed.I’d finish exhausted and looked at the time.43 minutes.Every time. After a few months, I was getting less enthusiastic about this bike ride. I think had mentally linked it with being completely exhausted.

So one day I decided I would do the same ride, but just chill. Take it easy, nice and slow. OK not super-slow, but dialing it back to about 50% of my usual effort. What a fun ride. I was relaxed, and smiling, and looking around. Not red-faced. I was barely giving it any effort.I saw two dolphins in the water. A pelican flew right over me in Marina del Ray. I had to laugh at the novelty of it.I’m usually so damn driven, always doing everything as intensely as I can. It was so nice to take it easy for once. I felt I could do this forever, without any exhaustion.

When I finished, I looked at the time. 45 minutes.What?!? How could that be? Yep. I double-checked. 45 minutes, as compared to my usual 43. So apparently all of that exhausting, red-faced, full-on push-push-push I had been doing only gave me a 4% boost.I could just take it easy, and get 96% of the results.And what a difference in experience! To go the same distance, in about the same time, but one way leaves me exhausted, and the other way rejeuvenated.This was really profound for me, and I think of it often.”

My Biggest Take-away

I’m always running for more, for better, for higher, and after listening to above interview, I’ve now calmed down and 2016 has been less stressful and more fun.

4 Ways to Discover Authenticity

Discovering-Myself
Photo Credit: Morgan Sessions

“This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”
― William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Published by Elephant Journal

I was bored, ambivalent and felt no passion for life. My business was going through tough times, and my kids were growing up so fast that they had little time for me.

I was getting regular bouts of flu and was just not feeling good about myself.I looked closely at the mirror. I didn’t like what I saw. How had the last twenty years flown by? Why couldn’t I recall any great moments?

The brutal truth was that I had become a robot, a man tied down to responsibilities and tasks. I wore a straitjacket and labeled it as my life. I found myself in an existential crisis.

Has everything I’ve done in my 40-year existence not been what I wanted?

Who am I?

What am I living for?

I didn’t have any answers, but at least, I now had the will to search and ask. My search inevitably led to one word—Authenticity.

Authenticity doesn’t just mean being honest about ourselves. It doesn’t just mean living a positive and giving life. It doesn’t mean being a new-agey person who doesn’t eat meat and meditates all the time.

Authenticity is rather becoming the master of our lives. The word authenticity has Latin roots which today means “Author.” This mastery of life we choose is based on our Values, Principles and Aspirations.

The world-renowned Psychologist Abraham Maslow says: ”What a man can be, he must be.” He later went on to call this concept the need for Self-Actualization.

For me, it means recognizing that:

  • We are spirit, a part of a supreme being coming into human form to have this Physical experience on earth.
  • We are here to shed layer after layer of our density, to become lighter and find our inner core, or in other words learn and grow.
  • We have a unique gift or talent and we must find it and work on it, as it will give us the greatest platform to be who we must be and so serve humanity.

These are some ways to start our self-discovery journey into becoming authentic:

1)Looking at the Mirror

We start by questioning, reflecting and analysing the way we are living our lives. We must realise that our only goal in life is to live authentically.

We need to recognise that suffering comes from us not being authentic, not awakening and not connecting to our real selves. We can’t allow the ego and its many faces such as anger, greed and fear to sidetrack us from our true path.

We are lulled into a false sense of belief and remain in a comfort zone that paralyses us into seeking an easy path but not the right way.We do things because we have to. We take jobs to survive. We follow the herd and get caught up in living a life that is not meant for us.

My journey started almost seven years ago when I decided I needed to change and seek a more meaningful life.It all started with an intention and the right books,teachers and lessons quickly came my way.

2)Ego is tamed

Often, the only way to awaken to our authenticity is when it’s enforced onto us, and where the ego is finally shattered into submission and the chattering mind subsides allowing our hearts to take a more active role in guiding us to our authentic path.

When we fall hopelessly in love, the mind’s hold on us eases, and our heart starts feeling and creating a new path for us. People in love are often in an inspired mood, get a spring in their step, or see the intensity of colours they never saw before.

We start recognising our values, formulating our principles, and it’s often the time when we allow ourselves to dream those big dreams. Our hearts are purring, and we get a glimpse of our true selves.

Other times, it could take a traumatic event that subdues the ego.I went through a few horrible years where my business was failing, and my nephew had a near-fatal accident.These events led me to drop my egoic armour and see that what used to work for me, doesn’t anymore.It was the pain that I suffered that finally forced me to start questioning my life.

3)Get inspired by heroes

There are many heroes, famous or not; that inspire us to live an authentic life.Buddha’s enlightenment and his clear, logical dogma, making us directly responsible for our lives or Hemingway’s larger than life existence where he coupled great writing with wonderful real-life experiences are the ones that inspire me most.

However, our biggest heroes are those who live amongst us, in our families and communities, where we see them first hand doing what they love effortlessly. We see them in their element, enjoying what they do and we feel it viscerally and our hearts scream with joy.

I was inspired by my grandfather’s final years. At the age of 83, he would get up very early, pray and then set off in collecting monies and food from those people who could afford it, to give to those who didn’t—the poor and the homeless. He was relentless, and I saw his eyes light up when he set off, and his energy never wavered, often coming back very late at night.

4) Know Thyself

Authenticity requires self-knowledge and self-awareness. We must accept our strengths and weaknesses and know that they connect with our values and desires. And most importantly we need to act deliberately in ways that are consistent with those qualities.

A journey of self-discovery is also one of self-enquiry, so the more information we gather on ourselves, the better.

Over the past seven years, I did all kinds of personality, strengths and behaviour tests that helped me in understanding myself. I asked my family and friends to identify my strengths, weaknesses and what I represented to them.I went back to my childhood to investigate what I was like.I experimented on what piqued my interest to see if it was worthwhile pursuing.

I’ve found that I need a lot of solitary time; I’ve found writing to be the best way to share parts of me in this world and recognising that what my soul needs more than anything is inner peace and presence.

To be authentic is to be in a place that feels right, where everything you think, say and do are the same.It’s like we’re a river flowing effortlessly downstream, manoeuvring easily around any obstacles that get in our way.

Authenticity means being willing to sacrifice any relationship, situation or circumstance that violates your truth.It doesn’t mean you don’t have bad days, but at least, you are fully alive to handle them.

Authenticity is not something that when acquired means you need not do anymore but rather a continuous process.

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old

5 Ways We Can Live Better If We Could Live Till We Are 500 Years Old
Photo Credit: Vinoth Chandar

“Knowledge comes from learning.Wisdom comes from living.”-A.D.Williams

I had a dream where I was walking comfortably up Mount Everest in the Himalayas. I was wearing leather sandals, a dhoti cotton cloth wrapped around me, carrying a small wooden stick and looked like Gandhi in his late years.

It was a pleasant day; the sun was out, and no sign of snow, blizzards or dead mountaineers. The scenery, the surroundings, and the feeling were as if I was living in Shambala, the lost heavenly city of Tibetan Buddhism. However and more importantly, it was my birthday–My 500-year-old birthday, and all the cameras were there to witness the first ever recorded 500-year-old.

This dream was inspired by what I watched the night before, where a top Google executive, Bill Maris, said on Bloomberg that humans would live to be 500-years-old, and the company was investing millions of dollars in life sciences to ensure this vision became a reality. It had hired scientists as partners in order to identify start-ups that could cure cancer and make chemotherapy “seem primitive” within 20 years. Maris added that, “If you ask me today, is it possible to live to be 500? The answer is yes.”

My dream and the thought of living to be five hundred got me thinking. I mean why not? There have been stranger happenings in our history; the abominable snowman or Yeti, UFO sightings and many unexplained phenomena. As advancements in technology keep changing our lives and diseases are being cured, the life expectancy keeps rising. It has now doubled from forty to eighty in the last hundred years.

There have been many mythical murmurs and mysterious stories that people have lived very long-LP Suwang, a Buddhist, died in 1995 was rumoured to be 444 years old.

How would we live if we knew we were going to reach 500? How would that impact our thinking and attitude, in living if we knew we had so much time? If we remove our greatest fear, that of death, how would we live?

As we grow older, we mature and become wiser and have richer experiences to recall that guide us in making the right decisions, and as such we understand ourselves and how to live better. And knowing that we have all that time, would mean many changes in the way we lived our lives.

  1. Live in the moment

Imagine living our lives, not at the frenetic speed we do now but in slow motion where every moment is slowed down and lived fully. When we know we have so much time, the pressure on us is reduced and living in the moment will take on a completely new meaning.

After 150 years or so of living, we would understand that the past is gone and can only provide memories while the future holds no fears as we’ve got another 350 years to go.

We would want to stay in the present and want our lives to be richer and all-knowing. From every kind of bird that lives, their migratory details and how their navigation system works, to every tree’s name and history– The tall oak trees in Boston, Harry Potter’s weeping willow trees of Northern China and the Bodhi Tree of Bodh Gaya, in India.

We would want to enrich our experiences and so watch every sunset from every ocean view and watch every new moon with its supporting cast of stars from every sky view.

2) Be compassionate

By now, we’ve seen many people die and know the suffering that people go through. We’ve seen many on their deathbeds full of regrets, in pain and not having lived a fulfilled life.

The need to serve and help becomes not just something we aim for but part of our being, and we would want to offer a word, a touch and a hug every time we can. We can’t but be compassionate, as most people are much younger than us.

We would feel around others, the way we feel around 4-year-olds now. We would laugh at their transgressions; our heart would beam when they are smiling, and we would cry when they are in pain because we know of their helplessness. We recognise that what humans long for most, is love and compassion.

3) Goals transcend to Dharma

Goals that take months or even years (less than 10) become trivial and as such we look at long-term objectives that define our ways of beings. The goal now takes on more importance and becomes our dharma-the reason we came into being and life.

Excellence is achieved in 20-30 years spans and not anything shorter and as such we now have the time to become great in any field that piques our interest. Losing 20 pounds in weight is a good goal, but if we have hundreds of years to live then, it’s better we change our whole approach to eating, exercising and sleeping. After all, we are going to need our bodies for hundreds of years.

All our goals now transcend to meaning and purpose–how can we grow and how can we serve mankind become our only questions. Nothing else matters as material wants and achievements slowly lose their shine.

4) Environmentally Friendly

Similarly, as we cared for our bodies, we would want to care for the environment, and every time a rain forest gets destroyed because of greed, we lose a part of us forever. The loss of many species of the animal, plant and other kingdoms, is akin to us losing one of our family members.

We would want to take over where other environmentalists stopped and try to convince everyone of the need for us to take more care and understand that the environment is just a bigger part of what we are all connected to. What happens in the skyline of Guangzhou will affect all of us whether we live in, the clay mud huts of the African sub-Sahara or an exclusive penthouse apartment in New York.

5) Detachment and letting go

With so many years under our belt, we’ve lost so many loved ones, friends, and people that we’ve known and so detachment becomes essential rather than a spiritual practice. We’ve learnt the hard way that attachment is suffering, and detachment means freedom. This doesn’t make us less compassionate but rather we see the bigger picture of life, death, and the afterlife.

We now realise that attachment is linked to the ego, and we understand why our earlier years were marked by anxiety and despair as we craved visible results, instead of focusing on the actual actions or the practice that leads to our inner joy.

The action of writing, rather than getting the book on the bestseller list becomes our objective, and we now appreciate that results don’t matter so much as it’s all about the candle that is lit in our hearts every time we practice what we love.

Our fear of death is one of the biggest reasons why we fail to live with freedom.

If we live, knowing that we can live till 500, then we can banish those deep-seated fears we carry with us from one generation to another, and maybe finally we can live the “Good life” our spiritual masters keep preaching to us.

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

The 5 People I Want To Spend The Most Time With

Published by Elephant Journal

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”― Jim Rohn

I was very irritable, had little tolerance and was getting frustrated very easily.My meditation was not as smooth as usual, and I was struggling to recall any of my dreams. This had been going on for a few days, and I didn’t know why.

Then it hit me; I had been spending a lot of time with an old-time friend, who was staying with me for a while. He was negative, cynical and sapped all my good energy. His attitude had slowly permeated my being and had triggered remnants of my old cynical self, and that didn’t bode well with my new being and hence the frustration and irritability.

As social creatures, we tend to adopt the characteristics of the groups we are part of and start to behave in the same way. We influence and get influenced by the people we spend the most time with, and we pick up both good and bad behaviours from each other

“If you are a human, then the biggest influence on your personality is your peer group. Choose your peers. If you want to be better at math, surround yourself with mathematicians. If you want to be more productive, hang out with productive people…”-Mudos Ponens

Quantum physics says we are made up of energy, and when we collide with another body of energy that is in sync then the result is constructive but when an we collide with another that is not in sync then the opposite happens, and results are usually destructive.

I have found that the below five kinds of people are the ones I would like to surround myself with:

1)The Relentless Over-Achiever

It’s good to be around this kind of people as they are always upping the ante and pushing themselves out of their comfort zones. They are constantly asking questions and are never satisfied.

They are not motivated by doing good and helping us but only by pushing themselves and as such their hunger and relentlessness is contagious and they will end up pushing us hard.

I used to be an average tennis player when I was 12, till I met Brad, who was relentless and would keep pushing his limits. I was his practice partner in summer camp and his enthusiasm rubbed off on me. I came back after the summer a much better player and managed to reach the final of our school’s tournament.

2)The Natural Born Optimist

These are the ones who are always smiling, happy and often drive us nuts by the simplicity of the way they look at things and to them, everything has a silver lining. They celebrate small wins like winning the lottery and quietly dismiss the negative things out of their lives.

They are often a breath of fresh air and being around them just lifts all the gloom and doom that our minds are busy creating. They brush off disasters quickly and readjust their lives without much fuss with an attitude that is pure gold.

3)The Unconditional Giver of Love

These would typically include family and close friends.They offer us unconditional love similar to that of a mother’s, allowing us to be ourselves all the time. They tap into and constantly fill our tanks of self-esteem.

They don’t necessarily push us or get us out of our comfort zone but they are always there and offer pure, unadulterated love. And life has shown me that we can’t be or do anything when we are lacking love.

My family and the close friends provide this kind of support and love that I constantly go back to time and time again.Their mere presence makes me feel good, rejuvenates me so that I’m ready for my battles ahead.

4) Virtual Teachers

These are people who become our teachers and heroes through books, blogs, movies, podcasts and stories. They offer us great wisdom and knowledge that help us grow and widen our horizons as we see, and feel their different experiences.

For me, they are as real as the real people who are in our lives.I have spent hours and days reading Hemingway and he’s had more of an effect on me than some people I see everyday.

The teachings of the Buddha, the Bhagavad Gita, Herman Hesse’s Siddartha and Leo Tolstoy’s Ivan Illich have also left a profound effect on me and were the reason I managed to crawl slowly out of my box.

5) Our Higher Self

There is no greater feeling than that of connecting with our higher self. It’s that feeling of total inner peace and tranquility that can’t be matched in the outside world.

Solitude and spending time alone give us a chance to get to know our higher self much better. It’s often difficult in our world of fast and furious to be alone and to be able to connect but if we want to up the average, then our higher self must be part of the five people.

Using meditation, writing and mindful moments like watching a sunset, I connect well with my higher self, even if fleetingly.However, the insights that I gain and the peace that I reach stays with me long enough to guide my lower self to its rightful path.

I don’t think we are exactly the average of the five people we spend time with, but we need to be aware and understand how different kinds of people can affect us.We must remain proactive in surrounding ourselves with the right people.

And That also includes people who we must avoid, like friends or family who have become toxic by constantly bringing us down through nagging,putting us down and through taking so much out of us.

The 4 Freedoms That Have Set Me Free

 

“Better to die fighting for freedom then be a prisoner all the days of your life.” ― Bob Marley

I entered the Tattoo shop without knowing exactly why, and I left with a huge tattoo on my right shoulder. It took the tattooist only a few minutes to extricate out of me, the hidden message that lay in my unconscious mind.

And after three hours of heavy metal music bombarding my being, and the tattooist working his magic, I came out with an image of a winged angel holding a banner that said: “Born to be free.”

My soul was screaming for attention and recognition. It had managed to escape the prison that was my ego, long enough to conceive the idea of the tattoo.These four words marked on my body for life would inadvertently kick-start the spiritual journey my soul had so yearned for.

I wanted to be born again. I wanted to free myself from all the old beliefs that were holding me back. I wanted a better life, one where I was totally free.

As I pursued more freedom in my life, I found that the four freedoms below were the most important ones to start with:

A) Freedom of negative thoughts and limiting beliefs

“A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses.” ― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

The life of a thought starts when a single thought keeps buzzing away in our minds like an annoying fly trying to get noticed. This thought grows into more thoughts, consuming our minds and devouring all our time and energy.Then this collection of thoughts that we are now living and breathing grow into a belief, that then becomes set in stone and so difficult to reverse.

We have almost 60,000 thoughts a day, and most of them should be dumped in a trashcan. We are not our thoughts or our thinking. We need to view thoughts as coming at us on a conveyor belt, where we pick and choose the thought that serves us best.

The people who are content and living full lives have put their focus on the positive thoughts that empower them, freeing themselves from the adverse effects of focusing on the many different negative thoughts that arise.

B) Freedom of to be ourselves rather than to keep up with Society

“To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.”-E.E. Cummings

We need to ask ourselves what matters most to us in any given decision. In Steven Covey’s words, let’s always “begin with the end in mind” in any situation using fulfillment, and meaning as the goal rather than achievement.

Do we need to go to that social function? Do we need to buy the Armani suit? Why do we agree to fulfill certain traditions, even though we don’t care much for them?

If the situation adds value to our lives, then it’s right to go for it but if our decision is based on a fear of missing out, then we are making a wrong decision.

Many of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives. We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

Unfortunately when we succumb to this innate fear we have, we start living other people’s lives, and we follow the principles that don’t matter to us.

C) Freedom of attachment to results

“Let not the fruit of action be your motive to action. Your Business is with action alone, not with the fruit of action.”- The Bhagavad Gita

When we free ourselves from attachment to results, then we magically enjoy the process much more and paradoxically our results improve. When we free ourselves from the comparison that attachment to results inadvertently brings us then, we become more content and satisfied with our lives.

And when we set an intention that we are committed to a certain action rather than its results, we free ourselves from the doubts, fears, and anxiety that results instill in us.

Also, when set an intention not to attach to outcomes, we become open-minded and so much more ready to embrace new ideas.

D) Financial Freedom

To be financially free doesn’t necessarily mean to make millions, own many properties, become famous, or own a huge business employing thousands of people. It could be so, and there are many, who embody that image, but not all of them are as free as we think.

Are they free of the power that money has over them? Are they living free of the desires that money brings with it?

For me, to be financially free means, to be able to spend less than you earn and save something for a rainy day. It means that we don’t have that inner need to make more so that we can spend more.

It means reducing the desire and greed that consumerism has instilled in our DNA. It means not buying a new car when you have many; it means not owning a property that you are not using. It means not having a wardrobe that is full of clothes that you don’t wear.

Why do we continually put ourselves under pressure for fleeting moments of happiness that the Chanel bags or the Porsche car provides us with? Won’t we be happier and more content without the bag or car and the inevitable bill that is waiting to be paid?

I’m not promoting communism or socialism, and I’m all for buying beautiful things but only if we use them, and they become a constant source of contentment in our lives.

For example, I Built a pool in my house at a huge cost, but looking back after three years of use, I would say it’s been the best money I’ve spent for a while. It’s been the source of an immeasurable amount of contentment and joy to me.
Freeing our souls, allows us to follow our hearts in a world that is so dominated by our minds. It allows us to accept our life and appreciate the good things we already have in our life.

There is nothing more important in our lives to pursue than the freedoms we need to live a wholehearted life that is full of joy, meaning, and inner peace.

Spiritual Manifesto

In our purest form, in the depths of our souls :
We know that we must tend toward what is right, blessed, sweet and noble in life.
We hunger and thirst for what makes our hearts purr.
We do not wish to fill our souls with bitterness.
We look on love as a goal and not as a means in itself to achieve something else.
We regard submission as elevation and reverence as a form of reward.
We see longing as a gift and a bounty in itself.
We don’t pray so that God spares us torment. We know it’s part of our lives, as we can’t do without that which infuses the soul with a sacred kiss. And we can’t do without that which brings us closer to our greater selves and reveals to us the power, mystery and wonder we have within us.
We see life and happiness in its purest manifestations. In the eyes of a baby smiling, we find all the hope and aspiration of humanity. And in a simple flower we see the glory and beauty of spring.
We don’t use what is near to reach what lies far ahead, and we don’t demand from God: “give us what we want or gives us nothing.”
We realize that what is right, blessed and permanent in life does not follow our wishes, but moves according to its own will. It does not stop in one place; it marches on with all its beauty like a procession encapsulating and bewildering everyone in its path.
We are ready to be part of life and to be used as one of its many translucent elements. What motive has a Robin when singing but to sing? What motive has the river got but to flow? What motive has a Royal Oak tree but to stand tall and majestic?
We know we are part of a myriad of souls who each have their own purpose and also a collective one in serving each other. We know that a lonely soul has no purpose at all.
We know that God has instilled a part of him in us, and all we need to do is to remove all the obstacles that stand in the way of us reaching that sacrosanct part.

6 ways that Meditation has transformed my life

6 ways that Meditation has transformed my life
Photo Credit: Moyan Brenn

I’m not a Buddhist Monk or a meditation expert, but I can tell you that Meditation has helped me in my life and is slowly but surely guiding me in my self-discovery journey.

Meditation has given me an inner peace that acts as a hidden support, which until now, I didn’t appreciate. That’s probably because meditation’s effectiveness is hard to measure as its results are not immediate and not very apparent like something you see with diets or exercise.

But then again, the mind is far more complex than the body.

Meditation has been the focus of many books, articles, and research studies. There have been many successful scientific experiments proving how gray matter in the area of self-awareness grew ten-fold and how it reduces stress by some percentage. These are all clear proof that it works.

However there are many skeptics out there and rightly so, as meditation is often highjacked by new age gurus glorifying it as something sacred and difficult to achieve unless you achieve some Godly purity. And usually this purity can only be reached through them and for a hefty fee.

My definition of meditation and how it works in my life is very simple and is more relatable to most people than that of many Gurus out there.

Meditation is all about quieting your inner voice (the one that doesn’t shut up) or the monkey mind for approximately 20-30 minutes a day. And it’s exercising the mind so that you reduce your stress levels and get into a more relaxed state, as opposed to the fight-or-flight response mode of our minds.

How to Meditate?

# Sit Comfortably
Sit comfortably either in a normal seating position with your bare feet on the ground or sit on a cushion with your legs crossed and hips higher than your knees. Then, center yourself with your back always straight and upright. And then take a minute just to relax and get comfortable.

# Breathe in and out
Start to focus and follow your breath through your nostrils/mouth as you breath in for a few seconds and then out for a few seconds more.

#Leave thoughts behind
Many thoughts will arise but gently bring your attention back to the breathing leaving any thoughts behind.

# Don’t judge yourself
Don’t judge yourself for having thoughts but continue going back to your breath. Some meditations would be better than others depending on your state of mind.
E.g., Most times, I can go for 30 seconds without a thought and on one occasion I spent a full five minutes without a single thought entering my mind.

This gap in thoughts without the mind wandering off is what is deemed to be that mysterious concept known as meditation.

Myths of Meditation

  • You don’t have to wear an orange robe and be this peaceful spiritual person before meditation is effective. Just remove the mystery surrounding it and make meditation a habit, one that can be cultivated so that you can reap its benefits.
  • Having thoughts during meditation doesn’t mean you have to start all over again. Suppressing thoughts is also not the way but rather going back to your breathing naturally when thoughts arise and then leaving the thoughts behind.
  •  If you don’t have time to meditate and can’t manage 5-20 minutes of your time to sit alone and meditate, then maybe it’s not meditation you seek but rather a Life.
  • Meditation will not change your life and make you this enlightened Guru, who never has pain, sadness or tough times. It’s only a practice that helps alleviate stress and put you in a more relaxed state of mind.
  •  You don’t need a special place to Meditate. It would be nice to meditate on a quiet beach watching the sunrise, but it’s not necessary. It can be anywhere and in any place, as long as your back is straight and you are relaxed.
  • Mediation doesn’t mean you become passive and get trodden upon in the big bad world out there. It means you rather become a person who has control over his emotions, and one who can respond rather than react to an adverse situation.

How Meditation has helped me?

1) Calmness

Meditation helps to expand your perception, allowing you to see the value in every experience and every relationship. I have seen myself reach new capacities of calmness I never thought I was capable of.
E.g., I handled a 4-hour traffic jam very well, when in the past I would have flipped and left the car in the middle of the road. (Okay, I’m starting from a very steep point of impatience)

2) Inner Peace

Before I started to meditate, the only happiness I experienced was directly connected to external factors like relationships, money and achievements. Now I’m still happy even though some of those external factors are failing. I have this inner peace within me that has given me the strength to handle challenging situations.

I have a less of a need to control people, places or situations. I have tapped into the infinite source of inner happiness-present moment awareness. I now feel the party is wherever I am at, and I have lost that feeling of missing out.

3) Sleep/Dream better

The quality of my sleep is better as I feel rested and can accomplish much more with fewer hours slept. Also as a bonus I remember my dreams much more vividly than I used to do before I committed to my meditation practice.

4) Focus better

I have noticed now that I can focus better as I am much more aware of the chattering mind in me and use my breathing to get rid of the noise and refocus very quickly.

I now, last longer in my writing sessions without any breaks. I used start getting fidgety after 20-30 minutes, but now I can focus for 45-60 minutes quite easily per sitting.

5) Catch myself quicker when I’m thinking the wrong way

As I deepen my meditation practice, I’m becoming more aware that I am a witness to my thoughts, and that I need not identify with them as readily as I used to. As soon as I’m reacting badly to a situation I catch myself and then remind myself that I’m not that thought.

I’m a long way from perfect, and I often identify with a bad thought and ruminate for a few minutes.However, I cool down quickly and then find myself laughing for being such a fool and believing my deceiving mind.
6) Faith and Trust in life

Regular meditation slowly negates the deprecating self-talk you get involved in continually. You start to act more from your heart as the fears spurred by your mind slowly fade away, and you clearly hear the pure messages coming from your heart.

You start making better decisions and gain confidence in your being. And you start trusting the universe much more making it more enjoyable to live life, and you start awakening to your purpose.

My commitment to meditation in the last two years has been the main reason I have recently awoken to my spiritual path.
And even though it’s only for 20 minutes a day, its effect on me has been transformational as my highs have become more meaningful lasting longer and my lows though not gone have become manageable.

10 Ways to Awaken your Aliveness

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”― Howard Thurman

Published by Rebelle Society

As I grow older and approach the afternoon of my life, I see things much more clearly. I’m finally getting it that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. I truly understand the meaning of spirituality and the need for it in our lives.

Spirituality to me is different from being religious as I see it as my direct relationship with a supreme being–the source of all life. I understand the inherent worth of all religions and accept many of their wonderful teachings, but I’m not tied down to any of their dogma.

Alive
Photo Credit: Itay Kabalo
I can connect to this source through my soul as long as I learn how to listen to my heart. In my mind, I have simplified the whole meaning of spirituality into one phrase-Awakening my aliveness.

This awakening or spirituality means I believe in something bigger than mankind. I believe in a supreme power with some worldly order. A power that has created us in such perfection, as proved by the fact that we consist of trillions of cells all going about their work in perfect unison.

It means that life is more than mere chance and coincidences. Everyone and everything is connected in this universe like the cells in our body. It means that we believe in living and more importantly, that there is a meaning to life and that our life matters in the grand scheme of things.

I see my life here on earth as a journey of self-discovery, so that I can remember my connection to the source while living as a physical being. The more I learn and experience in that manner where I am aware of my connection every time I am being human then the more I evolve as a being.

However, most of the time, I can’t remember my source all the time. Or I can’t awaken my aliveness all the time, regardless of what the best gurus and teachers say. Nobody can be 100% enlightened all the time.

I remember my source in some moments, like when I’m meditating or when I’m engaging in some activity that I love so much. Then I lose it again as some dis-empowering event appears suddenly without notice like someone cutting me up in traffic or a final warning letter to pay some bill.

Life is so fast now that many things distract us from our aliveness. We forget the big picture of what matters most and the connection we had with the source or the feeling of aliveness easily disappears.

I have developed several habits and practices that Ido consistently, which have proved invaluable for me to stay connected and close to my aliveness.

1. Waking up early

I love getting up early to allow the sound of silence and the view of the sun rising (when I’m privileged to witness it) to permeate my soul.

2. Meditation

Sitting in stillness or meditating for 20 minutes first thing in the morning cultivates peace and calmness in my life to help me in my path to authenticity.

3. Journaling

Again, I do this in the morning just after my meditation, and I write and write without stopping about my feelings, reflections, and current thoughts. I also mention three things that I’m grateful for that day.

4. Reading

As simple as it sounds, taking up reading again after I stopped for so long, during my hibernation, has led to my awakening. This has helped to take me out of my closed-box mentality and show me that there are many other worlds out there. It also led me to many of the things that I love today, such as writing, learning and keeping my mind open.

5. Exercise

I was always involved in sports when I was at school, but somehow forgot all about movement and exercise when I settled down in the “normal way of life.” Don’t ask me why. I have no real answer.
Running has become a passion and going to the gym and playing soccer raises the level of my endorphins and enhances my general mood, which trickles into the rest of my life in all kinds of ways.

6. Being Mindful

I have chosen specific things I do during the day when I immerse myself in doing that activity without allowing my thoughts to wander or be interrupted.

E.g. when I’m drinking my only coffee in the morning. This has become a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip. I continue drinking it for about few minutes without thinking of anything but the coffee.

7. Solitude

I can’t say enough about how this has helped me in my life. I have learned to enjoy myself alone, reflect and analyze what is right for me. I have learned to distinguish between the noises that torment me from the music that enliven me.

I have started appreciating nature and being out in the open more often than not. I now love to stare in awe at the beauty of life that is around me, whether it’s a 100-year old tree or a flock of seagulls flying just above me.

8. Don’t Follow Society and Its Rules

I look at what matters the most to me when deciding how to spend my day or what to do with my energy. I’ve started using Steven Covey’s principle of “begin with the end in mind” in many situations, using my authenticity and fulfillment as the goal I’m moving towards.

I’m finally realizing that most of us live like sheep, not because we are happy, but to avoid disrupting the status quo of our lives. We fight day and night to stay in our comfort zones. We crave the sense of belonging that society gives us.

9. Creativity

We are all unique individuals, and it’s through our creativity that we are able to express our true selves and allow our real voices to be heard. I grew up assuming that creativity meant being born a Hemingway and producing a book like The Old Man and the Sea or becoming Picasso and painting Les Demoiselles d’Avignon.

Since I started getting more creative, whether it’s expressing my passion through writing or doing small things–creating picture quotes on Instagram. I have found inner satisfaction that has flowed into all areas of my life. Again, the more I practice this muscle of creativity, the better I get and the more inner joy I feel within me.

10. Finding Your Tribe

Our Family and friends are our balance, the bedrock of our lives but sometimes we don’t think in the same wavelength. As such, I have found my own tribe online and they stimulate my thinking and expand my horizons.

I have also found a few people in my journey who have proved to be muses and coaches showing up for me time and time again to guide me to my rightful path.

Aliveness is something that is unique and different to each one of us, and it need not be a revolution that would change your life completely. It very often is a slight tweak where you add certain things that make you come alive.

However I do believe that we need self-growth and contribution to our fellow mankind before our lives can become meaningful as only then can we be awakened to our aliveness.

So have I awakened to my full aliveness?
Am I who I must be?
No, I’m not even halfway there.

I am sure in the coming years I will uncover many new aspects of my self. I will expand on the practices that I’m doing now.

However, I know I’m on the right path and am enjoying the journey to my authenticity.

Every day, I look forward even more to what makes me come alive, so that I can participate fully in this wonderful game called life.

How Showing and Not Telling Can Transform Your Life

Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.- Anton Chekhov

Published in Rebelle Society

“Show me that you fucking love me, show me that you fucking care but please stop telling it to me like a goddamn robot,” she screamed at me. I watched, mystified, as my girlfriend slammed the door and walked out on me. I replayed her comments over and over again–that I lacked connection in relationships, and real engagement in most of the situations in my life.

I knew that I wanted to understand her, to grow from the experience. But it remained a mystery. A few months later, I enrolled in a writing course and learnt the concept of “show, don’t tell.” I took it on board and started applying it to my writing.

Hot became dripping with sweat. Tired meant that he was rooted to the chair — his legs couldn’t move from yesterday’s shift on site. My characters woke up and were suddenly alive, and they were no longer merely happy or sad, but rather “jumping up and down,” or “crying for no good reason.” Writing this way allowed me to connect with my readers in a whole new way.

However, when not writing I remained aloof, oblivious to the fact that this concept could and also should be applied in my real life. I took the lesson as technical advice, only applicable to writing. As if it only described nouns, verbs and adjectives, and nothing else. But slowly, it started to dawn on me that maybe I could show more and tell less–in real time.

I realised that people respond better when we infuse our words with a more passionate showing. The more feelings we add to what we are saying, then the better the connection. The more engagement we add to our interactions, then the better we live.

Simply put: showing involves your heart and telling is all about the mind.

In losing her, I learned that this age-old writing adage could transform my life in 3 big ways:

1) Being Mindful

The “Show, don’t tell,” rule is at it’s core about writing in details, details and details. To be able to write with specific details, you must notice the trees, the birds, the people and the surroundings around you. Now compare the central lesson in mindfulness, which is to slow down as if in slow motion so that you can enjoy all those moments you live in.

On an existential level, we are here to experience, and there is no better way to do that then to get involved and get engaged in the details of your life. We were given five senses to experience life, and enjoy everything in our lives, and yet we barely have time to enjoy any of those precious moments.

How many of us eat standing up or watching a computer screen? We supposedly have no time to eat–everyone says that, I know. But recently I started eating slowly, mindfully. Food began to take a more important role in my life, and the more time I gave to my food, the better I knew how to eat, what to eat, and most importantly, what not to eat.

Even drinking my espresso coffee in the morning became a sacred ritual, as I would make it, let it sit for a while, and then inhale the strong, rich aroma before taking the first sip.

It’s not just food, though. Now, when I see seagulls flying above me, I instantly stop whatever I’m doing and just watch, them transfixed in absolute awe. I can’t explain what happens at that moment, for me, but time stops still as I gaze long and hard. I feel I’m connecting to something bigger than me. I feel overcome by inner peace and a joy that permeates in my body and finally breaks into a soft smile. Is this what stillness is all about?

All my noticing and engagement in details has miraculously quieted my mind, and I find the negative thoughts are slowly disappearing. I feel more at peace with myself than ever before.

2) Being Alive

Being more mindful magically leads you to engaging much more with your life. You are now in action and something inside of you starts ticking– you become alive. You feel you want to do more and you can’t stop and go back to your old ways of skating through life. You feel you have a sacred duty to be alive. You break through your inhibiting shackles and become more vulnerable. You understand that there is no perfect moment; there is only the now. You suddenly don’t want to miss a waking moment anymore.

You don’t want to just inform the world about your exploits, but you would rather show the world what you have done. You want to share yourself with your fellow mankind. This feeling of being alive transforms you, and whether you know it or not, you have started transforming the world. As Howard Thurman said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

3) Being Connected

You are now in action and much more alive and you learn that certain emotions in life, like love, fear, excitement and despair can’t simply be described. They must be demonstrated. They will only become real when we show them to others. This is the basis of connection, how human beings are able to live and inter-connect and be inter-dependent with one another. However the connection must be real, authentic. We are not showing for the sake of showing. We are not demonstrating emotions to others for our own personal gain or play-acting as if our Broadway career depended on it. I’m introverted by nature, and not at ease in showing my emotions. However I understand, through writing, that showing helped me connect to my readers, and it is now easier for me to connect to people around me.

I feel I am awakened. I have become more alive. I am connecting to everyone and everything.

To the new love that I will someday meet, I won’t say, “I love you.” I’ll say:

“I just can’t stop loving you when I see you laugh. I love you when I catch you watching me for no good reason. I love the way you allow me to become a better man for you.”

Learning to show and not tell, in my writing and in my life, has opened up doors I never knew existed–and I love life so much more for it.